yall istg if i keep leaving yall and going on these long breaks im gonna kms- anyway hi im very sorry for taking long ass coryxkenshin breaks i just feel really burnt out and i run out of ideas so quick it makes me feel like giving up on this book and starting a new one. i love this book so much cuz it actually got attention and ppl actually enjoyed reading it as much as i used to love updating it but now its so hard since i have to keep my grades up so i can go to a good high school and not be a drop out lololololololol. but then i realized sum...its cuz of my bad habits and its making me not want to go back to my old hobbies. i acquired a  bad habit of sitting on my ass crying and being stuck in this genjitsu of being a sad sack of shit and it affected 2 of the things i used to love doing. write and draw. like i feel ashamed of letting those amazing things go and i didnt even try to fix any of my problems when i could have at least kept doing what i loved to keep myself sane and not turn into the person i am today. now im just mean to everybody bottling up everything cuz i never want everybody to have this weak image of me and i just feel like shit every time sb hurts me cuz it cuts like a knife in my heart and then i start to cry and i hate crying cuz then it considers me weak and i dont want that for myself i want to be seen as independent and strong. as independent as i already am i feel a bad need to make new friends and just have company. i hate being alone sometimes cuz i just feel so lonely and it hurts. im always the one making everybody laugh and i bring entertainment then when it comes to my mental health and personal needs nobodys there but my bestie, and i get to talk to her sometimes cuz shes always hanging out with her other friends which is fine but i hate seeing it on her story and her having fun while im alone and crying cuz sb lied to me and hurt me. i fucking hate that feeling so much. im always the one taking care of my "friends" and conforting them then when it comes to me its always "nyera theres nothing wrong with going solo u dont need anybody" or just straight up telling me im too sensitive. i hate venting now and i just post sad tiktoks. it cures me more than getting comfort. ngl i fucking hate ppl sometimes and it pisses me off so bad, my temper is so short now and i go off on everybody for the littlest things. im so fucking fed up. everything is affecting how i function and making things so difficult for me and ppl barely even reach out. i never get checked up on and it sucks, i couldve killed myself and ppl wouldnt even find out till a week later till i dont show up to school for a while. im falling apart and i hate it so much i dont even know what to do anymore. reaching out is gonna be so hard cuz itll be the same thing i say all the time. i could never go into my thinking process critically cuz ill break down halfway and stop talking.  im so sick of everything and its stopping everything in my life. all i do is play genshin cuz its the only thing that comforts me despite the backlash of the game. it really makes me happy getting the characters that make me smile and its such a good feeling. i only have one friend to play with and he doesnt even want to play it anymore cuz hes busy playing apex and trying to get kills(he still plays with me daily and we have fun but i dont wanna force him to like it as much as i do). i wanna talk to the ppl i have on my friends list but im too scared to reach out and ask to be friends and actually play and have fun with them and it sucks.
sorry for the vent if u even read all of that i just had to get that out ill go back to regular updating around thanksgiving if i dont forget and lose track, im sorry if i do and accepting friend applications before this book dies again lmaoo pls im so lonely 

sorry if i misspelled anything or sum like that im too lazy to proof read and writing this made me cry lol have a nice day or night ill be backckckck im also starting the separate book for updates like this so it wont be a big mess in this book mkay see yall laterrrrrrr