you shivered at the slightest bit of cold that latched onto your bare skin. tears wouldn't stop streaming down as trails of foul words were being thrown at you. your bags were then brought down and you did nothing but stare at what you knew was your whole life falling apart.

your brother took too long to send enough money to pay the rent that was overdue for so long. he was recently fired from his job in italy and is now looking for a new one. his money wasn't enough to support you for the past months and you had to talk your way through to excuse yourself from paying. the owner of the building was finally ready to get rid of you just as soon as he got tired of your excuses. begging him did not work anymore, let alone apologizing. and now here you were, stuck in the cold weather in front of the building you once lived in, wearing a simple shirt with shorts, bare face covered in tears that were now dried up due to the cold wind.

you hugged your body, your legs unable to help you up straight as you helplessly cried in your arms, not knowing where you were going to end up in the future.

as you watched your life tearing apart, you realized that it had never been fair to you. you had to deal with so much pain ever since you were still a child. a child that was supposed to be naive and carefree, but you were a child that was the total opposite. a series of negative events came after one another when you were supposed to be in that stage of life to unconsciously feel blissful, like as if the problems you face should not matter to you because you were too young to deal with any of them.

but life simply wanted you to be miserable. dealing with the death of your parents was the hardest thing you had to endure. which only led your brother to work his whole life abroad just for the two of you to earn a living. luckily for you, you had a sibling to lean on, but he couldn't be there for you all the time. he had to work and you had to deal with your trauma by yourself.

ever since then, your genuine smile never appeared on your face. not when your parents took it off and brought it with them. not when you were bullied for being less fortunate. not when your ex-boyfriend left you for someone you knew was so much more worthy to be loved. not when the only place you called home was taken away from you, simply because life never wanted to be fair to you.

your heart felt heavy, too heavy to feel mad at everything that was poured on to you ever since. you feel absolutely worthless and you drew yourself to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe ending your life here would be the only way out.

depression had been a friend of yours for so long and had it not been for your brother, you would've probably ended your life way back. voices continued to creep and crawl on your skin telling you that your life was never made for you  and that you deserve to die for your brother to feel free from the burden that is you. you knew you weren't thinking right but since when were you at the right state of mind? as a child something in you grew along the way, it felt heavier as time passed by especially after so much unfortunate episodes.

ever since then, you viewed the world differently. while others viewed everything with love and compassion, appreciating the wonders of nature, from how the sun rises and flowers bloom, they seem to find peace when they need it the most. but somehow for you, everything you see is viewed negatively. because of your experiences, the negativity that lingered on your thoughts made you believe that they were the truth. that every flower and leaf that grows beautifully will soon wilt and die. that the sun will one day be the cause of so many deaths due to its deadly rays. that every beautiful thing people admire will all eventually die in the near future. that peace will never be a part of your dictionary.

the wonders people tell you about dreams and aspirations seemed very alien to you. the only dreams you had were the nightmares that you went through every night. and dreams were nothing but unrealistic goals you will never see yourself achieving.

and that was your whole life. never at all had you experienced pure bliss from the stories people tell you. because everything the grew warm in your heart had turned cold, because no one was there to teach you how to grow, no one was there to warm your cold heart towards every little thing that met your irises. everything seemed negative to you and you don't even realize it.

it became so normal to you that you never knew the stories people tell were based on their own experiences because again, you were wronged from the start and life seems to be viewed in that perspective ever since.

but amidst the pain you've gone through, you knew you were still so weak and fragile. you never had the confidence to bad-mouth anyone in your life. you were still kind and gentle to your peers even after everything you've gone through. although you feel worthless and lost, something inside you is still burning. still burning and crying for help.

a hint of hope is still burning at the deepest part of your heart, the tiny flame you ignited has yet to die, and you were holding onto it so tightly even if your whole life is already tearing apart. you held on to it and grew to slightly believe that maybe someday, you can really be happy for once in your entire life. and that maybe someday, someone will change your views and perspectives. that somewhere out there is a chance waiting for you to take, and you just needed to wait a little longer.

and as if the heavens were listening to your cries, you hear a small voice reaching out to you.

"hey, you okay out here?"

it was the first-ever moment you felt like for once, maybe life could be worth living if you were to just hold onto it longer. that a miracle of someone trying to help you seemed impossible, but somehow here you were, tilting your head up to the direction of that particular voice.

you could've sworn you've never met such familiar eyes. eyes that were soft but somehow reflected their own little fears, you could see how his eyes dilated when they met yours, how easy they were to read at the slightest glimpse. you stared into them and realized how similar they were to yours. how they managed to hide a number of stories but somehow you could see through them.

his eyes were accompanied by a soft smile that slowly began to plaster on his face and it was in a time when you realized the bruise that stained right beside his lip. he looked like he was beaten up just a while ago and it caught you off guard. how could someone look like this and still had the heart to reach out to try and help you?

he reached his hand out towards you, as he waited for you to take it. you contemplated at first but as soon as you saw him back down for a split second, you unwillingly took it. you felt your heart warm up as soon as you see his face light up to your obligation.

your hands automatically met your arms as soon as you exposed your entire body to the weather. you looked down as you gasped at the sudden feeling of warm cloth touching your skin as if you were allergic to touch. but as soon as you realized he had covered you in what seemed like his thick jacket, your body sank into the cloth as you tried to warm yourself up.

you looked at him as his focus drifted to your bags and luggage that lay on the cold floor by the two of you.

"you were kicked out weren't you?" you hear him ask you absentmindedly like as if that question was only meant for himself to hear.

you couldn't bring yourself to answer him so you stared at him blankly, still trying to process everything that was happening.

it all seemed super new to you that someone actually went their way to give you a hand, and not just entertain you with flowery words they think would change your life in a second. someone actually had a heart for once, to help you up on your feet and you were too taken aback to even figure out if whatever was happening was real or not.

the longer you stared at his face, the more you took in his features and how attractive this person actually looked. his hair was a dark blonde and it looked like it was in the phase of a worn-out perm. his lips and cheeks were naturally stained red from the cold air and his eyes were shaped like teardrops that would almost disappear when he'd laugh. his face is soft yet intimidating, but you could easily read through it like a book at any given day.

you watched him as he slowly picked up your bags and gave you an assuring smile. "actually, i saw what happened."

"you did..?" you finally spoke.

"i don't know why you were kicked out or something and i didn't want to deal with any of it, honestly."

your head immediately lowered down from the embarrassment you felt. he saw how they kicked you out, he saw the whole scene of your life starting to fall apart and he saw how pathetic you looked.

"but i couldn't bear to see you freeze yourself to death out here."

your head raised back up to his words, and a hint of hope and curiosity could be evident on your face. you knew he noticed it but you didn't care, you were never in such a situation before and you were too caught up with your thoughts on how you ended up here on this very spot in front of someone trying to help you that you couldn't bring yourself to care about how desperate you looked.

"if you don't mind, i can drive you to my apartment, it... it isn't that far from here," he spoke up once more and scratched the back of his head, trying to release the syllables that were stuck at the back of his throat. "...i just thought maybe you needed a place to stay for a while,"

"a-are you sure?" you stuttered, you admit, you weren't really great at first conversations but this was a talk you had never experienced before.

"yeah," he replied and you blinked twice at him, probably making him misunderstand your facial expression when he raised both his hands up in the air, in denial of what he thought you concluded in your head.

"no! i'm not a rapist or anything.. or a guy that's just taking advantage of you! i-i'm just--"

he stopped talking when realized he was releasing too many words, he cleared his throat and you took the slightest bit of effort to give him a smile. You almost giggled at how cute he was, he seemed like a little baby and it made you feel warm somehow.

"thank you.. thank you so much." you managed to utter and you see him returning a reassuring smile as well. you've never felt such a strong attraction between you and another person before—the fact that your body seemed to calm down lightly at the mere sound of his caring voice. it's as if you both knew each other long enough to read his face well, and you've never felt something like it before, not even from your ex-boyfriend. it feels weird, but in a way where it felt comforting, you didn't know what it was and why it was doing it to you but somehow, it led you to slowly leave trails of footsteps on the thick snow right after his.