somehow the tiny droplets sliding down the clear windows made you feel uneasy. the indigo sky did nothing but release sounds of thunder that tucked you in bed, with his arm snaked around your waist. insomnia had once again hit you, in one of the most comfortable nights between his comforting arms. you witnessed the droplets of water competing against each other to the bottom of the window, as flashes of light followed by sounds of nature pleased your eardrums. the night was bitter, yet serene. the comfort of rain and darkness engulfing you whole in tranquility, but the ache growing in the pit of your stomach caused the positive words to waver in your not so positive mind.

the ache was building up yet again.

were you always this uneasy? or is it just your long lost anxiety randomly knocking on your door?

you sat up, feeling his arm loosely falling from your side. your hand travelled up to your chest, feeling the palpitation of your heart as you tried to control your quickened breathing. you quickly got up on your feet as you made your way out of the warm room.

and before you knew it, you were having another panic attack.

it had been so long since the last.

i'm fine, right? it can't possibly happen again, right now? why is this happening?

a gush of familiarity once again greeting you with tears spilling out of your eyes, you quickly closed the bathroom door behind you, your fingers gripping hard on the sink that stayed empty. your irises switching angles and you could feel your fingers moving on their own. you turned the tap on forcefully, listening to the sound of water rushing out and draining itself along with the tears that dropped onto the little flood in your faucet. your chest was growing with speed as you clutched onto the thin fabri of your shirt.

the action caused you to choke on your own saliva travelling down your throat as you let out an extra gag.

"y/n?" you hear his voice.

the sound of him somehow made it worse, your tears pooling in your eyes, clouding your vision. you tried to control your chest but it only made it even worse each time—it felt like you were drowing at the very surface of an ocean, the pressure of the water engulfing your body whole but it was - at the same time - leaving you dehydrated, and the feeling of water was to no avail. your wobbly legs failed to support your weight as you fell the ground, palms covering your face when you felt cold hands around your figure.

you felt like you were about to explode, nothing else filling your eardrums but the sound of your pathetic breath gasping for air. the oxygen you desperately sucked in felt like poison, increasing the pace of your heartbeat like carbon ruining your insides.

"it's going to be okay.. it's going to be okay," you finally hear his assuring whispers, feeling the coldness of his fingers as if he was bitten by frost.

negative memories after negative memories corrupting your mind with your sanity slowly leaving you. but somehow the touch of his fingertips slowly warmed themselves against your skin, the fast pace of your chest slowing down but not so much.

you felt utterly futile on the cold bathroom floor. your back was against his, feeling the tightness of his limbs around your crawled up figure, rocking you back and forth. the present time was slowly coming to your senses, realising now that he was holding you. whereas 20 minutes ago, your body felt so numb you barely even noticed the opening of the door.

the quickened beating of your heart was finally coming back to its regular tempo, your heavy exhales were now replaced with calm breaths, feeling his lips lingering on the side of your head. his warm skin now calming you whole, feeling his heart beat against the skin of your back, between the thin cloth that acted as your barrier.

you both stayed that way for a while, your body melting with his on its own. he was always what you needed—like coffee he was your mug, the one who holds you close in his arms- careful enough to not break and leave you vulnerably spilling all over what seemed like everyone else who couldn't mend your already broken soul.

he was the only rope you held tightly on to. the only reason why you still existed to this very day.

aside from being the only rope, he was also the thinnest—most worn out—one that would instantly snap into two, by the merest addition of burden.

because he too, was as broken as you were.

and as soon as the time comes where all hope is lost, you would break apart and fall along with him. and soon, two souls would be sucked into the awaited and permanent black abyss.

"i'll bring you a glass of water, alright? just stay in bed and wait for me." he whispered in your ear as you gave him the slightest movement of your head, carrying you up. your body still felt so weak even after the attack, considering the leftover shivers that lingered on your fingertips.

he laid you down but you sat straight up, your eyes following his figure rushing towards the kitchen. he came back with a glass of water a few minutes later, bending down and guiding your chin with his palm to retrieve any droplets of water that manages to spill out of your mouth.

he then returned back into the kitchen, but this time slowly. you stared down at your fingers as you hear multiple clinks of glasses slightly hitting each other, probably the sound of hin rearranging the plates stacked side by side. you bit down on your lip, as you pushed yourself forward.

you slowly walked your way to where he was, your legs still a little wobbly. the noises stopped, and you were greeted with the back of his body facing your way. you leaned against the wall, staring at his figure with his arms stretched out towards the front of the counter, with his weight leaning forward. he gave out a sigh, his fingers moving up to pull his eyelids together—you knew he was tearing up and you couldn't help but to feel so heart broken. seeing the man you love so hurt because of you, you feel so futile, and it was all your fault.

you were staring down at the floor for so long, not even realising that his feet were now pointed towards your direction. you looked up to his face, with an expression so unreadable plastered on it.

"i just.. i don't think i would be able to get back to sleep." your voice faint, as he walked closer to you. "i know," his hand resting on the back of your head as he pulled you in, snaking your arms around him. you burried your face to his chest, the warmest feeling in the world once again comforting you. "it just happened?" he whispered as you nodded, "i couldn't sleep, and i just.. i don't know why i panicked," you explained, yearning a simple nod from his head in response.

he kissed your temple comfortingly, his fingers remained on the side of your head traveling up and down as he calmed you further. soon the leftover quivering of your fingers were long gone, and you were now fully back to how you were.

"you wanna watch a movie?" your face lit up to his words, your eyes set on his as he smiled down at you.

just as everything was getting back to normal, you heard an unusual knock on the door. you both snapped your head to the back, a gasp leaving your lips. the both of you loosened your grip on each other, hearing another knock on the door. "who is that?" you can't help but the question, baekhyun looking down at you with the same confused look on his face.

before he could take a step towards the door, his cellphone rang.

"chanyeol is that you? what's goi-- what?! what the fuck!" you hear your boyfriend whisper loudly onto the phone, panic coming back to strike you once again.

you see him pacing back and forth, forcefully pushing his phone back into the pocket of his sweatpants. his hands covering the sides of his head, as if he was thinking hard of the current situation. fear was evident on his face as he quickly walked up to you.

"baek, what's going on-"

"y/n, i want you to stay in the room and hide under the bed, whatever you do.. do not make a sound. don't come out until i tell you to do so, okay?" he quickly ushered you back into the room, his heavy breaths fanning over your shoulder as he pushed you in.

"can you please tell me what's going on!" you couldn't help but to shout slightly, everything was going by so quickly and you didn't know what in god's name was happening. he placed a finger in between your lips, signaling you to stop talking as he cupped your cheeks.

"trust me, okay? i'll explain later." he quickly said, pushing the door to close. before you could even move again you hear a familiar loud voice, seemingly from outside the house.

you quickly hid under the bed as soon as you heard the turning of the door knob. "so this is where you were.. all these weeks?" a sheepish voice was muffled but clear enough for you to understand his words.

"what do you want?" you hear baekhyun's reply, folding your right arm down to rest your left cheek on it. you stared at the thin gap below the door, as you feel the pace of your breathing quickening itself once again.

soon after the muffled voices were no longer audible. the voices dissipated into thick air, and all you could hear were mumbled gibberish. that made your heart beat faster, knowing now that you could no longer understand what was going on at the moment. silent soon engulfed, but much to your dismay, it unfortunately did not last long.

you covered your mouth as tears ran down your cheeks, sounds of glass shattering was heard as fits of laughters followed after. your stomach twisted at the unfamiliar scoffs, knowing well that baekhyun was very much hurt.

the thought of him hurt was unbearable, let alone hearing his series of groans. your heart broke into a million pieces, hearing your worst nightmare happening right before youit drove you crazy, and yet you here lying hopelessly on the ground waiting for him to come get you. you knew you had to do something.

you couldn't handle it. the waiting was slowly killing you as you slid your way out of the bed. you scanned the room to see if you could find anything to knock anyone off if ever.

you quickly picked up an umbrella by the bed, holding it tightly behind your back as you tiptoed your way slowly to the door, eyeing the metal knob that made you raise your hand, wrapping your fingers around it as quietly as possible, as if the whole entire house would explode from mere productions of sound. your attempt was a success, slowly pulling the door back to reveal the hallway that awaited your figure. your fingers flexed against the hard material of the purple umbrella, slowly making your way down the stairs timidly.

the silence wasn't at all helping the rate of your heart, and neither was the heavy exhales that seemingly came from your boyfriend. your jaw clenched as you took in the scene before you. you stopped on your tracks, your mouth slowly widening to the sight of baekhyun on his knees, his focus directing towards the open door. the umbrella you held fell from your shaky fingers as you quickly ran your way towards him. "baekhyun!" you quickly turned him to you, hugging him tight as your tears began damping the cloth of his shirt.

you scanned the living room to check if anyone else was still present, but you found no one and you sighed a heavy relief. you then cupped his face, he had again new bruises and another cut on his bottom lip. it made your heart skip a beat knowing that he had just been beaten up.

"baby, i'm sorry.. i'm sorry you look so hu-" he interrupted you, pulling your hands down to your sides. you noticed he hadn't spoken a word to you, let alone look you in the eye. your eyebrows crossed as he stood up, turning away from your figure as you followed him.

"baek, i-"

"i think you need to leave." you hear him say, his eyes not even bothering to search for yours. you stopped on your tracks, your fingers still latching on his arm. his expression held something deep, so deep that you could barely even recognise. his eyes were a darker shade of brown, ones that you would see when you know something was up. but the way his expressions faltered were no longer readable to you, and you swore you heard your heart break from what he had just said.

"wh-what..?"

"i'll help you pack your things." he simply said before walking away, leaving you dumbfounded. you could feel the coldness of the night breeze, sucking your skin painfully as your chest continued to ache.

what's happening?

he continued to climb, as you stood there staring at his figure. and then everything came back to you. this feeling, this familiar feeling. those different set of words that held the same hurtful meanings. haunting you, eating you with your sanity leaving your hopeless body.

"..baekhyun?" you whisper under your breath with your feet carrying your weight up the stairs. with each step you took you could hear the cracking of your fragile heart, your breath hitching in between walks. time seemed the slow down and the lights that illuminated the hallway seemed to dim themselves. your fingers met each other, fidgeting with one another as you pushed the door open. you see him stuffing your clothes back into your travel bag quickly as you stood by the door.

and then everything dawned upon you.

"baek- stop, what are you doing?" you cried out, pulling his arm as he pulled it away from your grasp. you quickly got ahold of it again. "what are you saying!" this time you screamed. pain was evident in your eyes, but from the way you saw it, he refused to even give you a single look. "i can't be with you anymore," he says.

if a heartbreak felt like your heart was being impaled by a thousand knives, this felt even worse than you imagined. it felt like your heart was being totally crushed, its enriched guts pouring out of its crumbled form with shards of glass pinning it up together. you couldn't process what was happening, everything went by in a swift but time seemed to stop at the same time.

the look on his face was enough to break you apart and crush you whole, let alone the words released out of his mouth.

"are you saying.."

"y/n. this isn't working anymore, okay? you need to leave. and if you won't then i will," he quickly says before standing up again to leave you, but this time you were quick enough to catch up.

"baekhyun what's gotten into you?!"

he stopped.

your eyes were swelling in pink as tears wouldn't stop falling. your hands were shaking, trying to get ahold of the situation before you could even consider taking any action. "i'm tired, y/n. i'm tired of you.. i don't love you anymore."

you scoffed, wiping the tears away as you sniffed. "that's bullshit." you let out a forced chuckle, "we were okay, right? before this happened.. he must've told you something.. baekhyun, you're joking, right? you don't mean that, please."

his back was still facing towards you. your legs turned wobbly as your fingers streched out to grab him, slowly your fingers start to fold back down—as if touching him now was impossible and out of your reach. "look at me. look at me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me... and i will leave."

time seemed to stop. it was as if the world had stopped turning, and the stars that blinked halted. the ticking of the clock was inaudible, and the only thing you could ever feel was the searing pain that continued to ache through your beating heart. tears blurred your vision once more, your breath getting heavier and heavier each time. silence swallowed the thick air, swallowing so much air, enough to choke you and leave you out of breath. you felt your fingers shaking again, blinking away the tears that fogged your vision before witnessing a sight you never wished to see.

he was now facing you, his eyes were pink—much like he had been crying just like how you were. you gulped loudly, watching his irises slowly travel up much to your biggest dismay.

and then, numbness.

that was all you felt, numbness was everything you felt as you watched your very nightmare right before your eyes.

you couldn't feel anything anymore, as if all the pain and suffering your mind and soul went through were all replaced by the feeling of not even feeling. your body too sick and tired of the usual emotion that struggled to carry you on with your life. your body had finally given up this time.

his eyes were now staring right through yours, irises as black as the color or your broken heart, apart from the night sky that fell ill through the most painful moment of your life. those eyes were the same eyes that always made you feel like you were worthy to breathe. the same eyes that told you every word no one else ever released. the same eyes that loved every single bit of you, including the ones you'd wanna hide away forever.

the same eyes filled with love and compassion—the same eyes that resembled the sun shining through the curtains during the times of your love making, were the same eyes that stared right through you, finally releasing the words that could finally kill your already broken heart.

"i don't love you anymore."

and that was it.

the simplest 5 worded phrase that sucked all the happiness and bliss inside of you, leaving you nothing but the dark empty void that lingered in your chest. your head shook as you try your best to give him a single nod, turning back to pick up your travel bag he packed for you. you finally stood back up as you gave him a finally look. his eyes were no longer on yours, and the expression on his face once again faltered. you couldn't even tell whatever feeling his face was giving.

you wanted to know what was going through his head, if he ever meant for this to happen or not. if he ever meant all the words he said to you from the very first day the two of you met. whether or not all the hugs, kisses and reassurances ever held meanings to him. through all the nights you've spent around his arms, your figure safe and secured by his. if he ever thought any of that was special and true. from the taste of his lips against yours, the feeling of his skin warm under your touch, the rapid pace of his heartbeat whenever you'd do the slightest bit to make him smile. if any of that ever meant something.

but whatever it was that went through his mind, one thing was for sure and you were certain.

he doesn't love you anymore.

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this isn't proofread.

again, im sorry for the longest ever delay. this chapter was initially done a few days back and my phone decided to fuck up and delete the whole chapter away. i had nothing else to compensate for it but redo it all over again so that took a little bit more time.

i'm sorry for the late updates lately, as i said, i haven't been doing too well mentally and i still struggle to find interest in anything that i do. nothing is really helping me right now. i hope you understand and thank you for waiting.

please tell me how the story if going by so far, i appreciate comments very much.

thank you. 💌