Ollie lay in bed in his bay on Keller looking at sleeping Zosia sat in the chair next to him where she had spent every night since he woke up. He couldn't imagine that she was getting very good sleep and he knew she was drinking way more coffee than she should be just to stay awake but yet she still chose to stay. At the start he had asked her to stay, just for the first few nights while he got used to his surroundings and the fact that he had forgotten four years of his life but he had been telling her recently that he would mind if she went home. He knew that the lack of sleep would start to take its toll on Zosia at some point and he didn't really know why she chose to stay as much as she did.
He couldn't imagine how hard it must be for her. Knowing that her husband can't remember her must have been tearing her apart and she was hiding it perfectly. Every morning she'd wake up in the chair and spend all day running round after him or just sitting and talking to him. She made him feel normal but he knew her situation was the furthest thing from normal.

"It's rude to stare Valentine." A voice came from behind
He turned his head to see Jac standing at the other side of the bed only just realising that he hadn't taken his eyes away from Zosia for what seemed like forever.
"I have all these feelings Jac. One part of my head's telling me that they're for Tara, because of course that part of me still thinks that she only just died. But it would feel wrong to grieve for her."
"Why?" Jac asked sitting on the end of the bed.
"Because I have all these other feelings. My head knows that somewhere I gained feelings so strong, so much more than with Tara." He replied
"So what does the other part of your head say?"
"I know who the feelings are for, she's my wife for gods sake. I just can't connect the two in my head. I can't connect Zosia to the feeling I have even though I know that that's who they are for."
"Why can't you connect them though?" Jac said
"Well that's exactly it...the why. I know I love her but I don't know why. I missing the whole relationship part I know nothing about the two of us so there's a missing middle to connect the two ends. You can't connect the ends without the middle Jac.
You know I don't think I'm going to be able to survive without this connection. I missed out on one of the biggest most important parts of my life, she means the world to me yet I can't remember her. I just don't think I'm strong enough to survive that."