I was shoving popcorn into my mouth and watching Get Smart on my TV. My mom and dad were grilling me about why I came home so late, though my mother was a tad bit angrier than my dad. My dad was only lecturing and questioning; my mother's face turned red from what seemed like righetous fury. The conversation went something like my parents asking where I was, me saying I was with friends, yadayadayada.
If only being a spy were that easy and painless. But Steve Carell did portray a spy's life amusingly. I chuckled to myself at the thought of Carell attempting to rescue Brian like I had. I shook my head and dismissed such a ludicrous thought.
The next movie was I had on hand was The Spy Next Door, featuring my favorite karate chopping pro, Jackie Chan. That movie had terrible graphics, but the bacon looked so, so good... I watched a couple of more spy movies and had to refill my popcorn twice. I'm all for having high blood pressure and cholesterol.
After I was done watching my fourth movie, I stretched, yawned, and checked the clock. It was already 1 A.M .
God damn it. It's a school night too.
I got up from the couch and put the CD back into the case. I made sure to clean up every kernel I dropped and even washed the butter covered bowl. As I was drying my hands, I heard a slight crash upstairs. It would've been unnoticeable to the average person, but as a spy, I knew the signs.
Thud. I was sure it wasn't an accident because there were a string of curses following the noise.
What the hell?
Mochi started growling viciously towards my bedroom door. I headed towards my parents room, but I figured they would be sleeping.
Girl, you already pissed off mom once. Care to do it a second time?
Guess asking them was out of the question. Then again, I was a kick ass spy; I didn't need my parents to get rid of an loud, unwanted guest. The nearest weapon around was a box cutter, so I made do with what I had. I could hear my heart pounding and I was visibly shaking. Mochi was trailing behind me silently as well but still growling menacingly. He ready to attack on sight. He naturally learned from the best (ahem). I heard another thud coming from up the stairs, so I crept up until I reached my room. Sure enough, there was another thud. I inhaled deeply and held my breath. Then 1...2...3...BAM! I kicked open the door to see a person dressed in black searching through the things on my desk. He had a ski mask on so I didn't know how he looked like.
The guy jumped and frantically searched for what looked like a camera. The person took a picture of me with the brighest possible flash ever. I was slightly dazed by the blinding flash. Mochi quickly took action and lunged at the guy, biting his arm. Now that's a good dog.
"Hey!" I screamed. I lunged forward and plunged my knife into the teethmarks on the guy's arm. He cried out in pain and tried to stop the bleeding.
"You bit-!" the person who was apparently a guy shrieked. I took this opportunity to punch and kick his face. He fell backwards towards my window and landed on my window pane. Luckily, he forgot to close the window, so I tried to force him out of my room through the window. Since he was too big, naturally, he got stuck with his butt crack facing my neighborhood. I couldn't even imagine what my neighbors would tell my parents.
"I bet it feels nice to finally feel the breeze on your ass in public," I smirked. The guy bared his teeth at me like Mochi, who was baring back just as viciously.
"I'm callin' the cops," I muttered. During a time like this, I would've called the agency because clearly the guy was targeting me, but for what reason? The agency would hold him captive and manage to wring some answers out of him. But I would never go to them for help, not even if I was going to die.
"Don't you dare!" he threatened. He was squirming to get out of the window and his eyes were filled with determination. It must've been a sight to see a butt wiggling at 1 AM. I wasn't too worried about him sneak up behind me because of Mochi. He might've been cute but he had a vicious bite.
"Watch me."
I walked over to my desk and picked up my cellphone. He looked like he was escaping the window, so I kicked him once more in the belly so make sure he was stuck. His arm was still oozing out blood and it was smeared all over my window. I groaned. How was I supposed to explain that? I punched in the number.
"You think the police are going to help you? They're just a bunch of nincompoops who stuff their faces with donuts!" He barked at me and squirmed in the window.
"911, what is your emergency?"a polite lady asked calmly.
"I'm going to find you one day and kill you, you bitch!" He threatened to dice me up and feed me to my own dog, but I knew his threats were empty. I merely looked away from his pitiful, bleeding form.
"There is some person stuck in my window. I think he was trying to steal something in my house." I couldn't tell them I suspected him of being an enemy spy that was trying to kill me for some unknown reason. Maybe it was because I was a spy, but I didn't dare tell the police my "emergency." That would send me to the asylum.
"Oh. I see." The woman must've sensed my calm tone.
"Yeah, he's bleeding all over the place." Which was true, because my floor, carpet, and window were drenched in blood. Mochi was baring his teeth at the guy, ready to pounce of he tried any funny business.
"Well, ma'am where is your address?" she questioned. I gave her my address and she was wondering why I wasn't panicking. I continued to explain a fake situation to the nice polite lady. The guy kept threatening me, so I kept kicking him while talking on my phone, only the third time, I must've kicked too hard, for he fell out of my window, rolled off my awning, and fell onto the grass quite unflatteringly. The poor guy was clutching his stabbed (and bitten might I add) arm while rubbing his butt. It was hilarious watching his awkward position.
"Nice fall, moron! I give that a 10 out of 10!" I called out, and I burst out laughing. It was a wonder how my parents were still asleep.
He fled like a coward, but not before giving me an evil glare. I petted Mochi who eagerly rolled onto his back for more belly rubs. I still had no idea who the guy was. He acted like an immature teenager, and was only a few inches taller than me. Plus, why target me? I'm not even a prestigious spy. He seemed very familiar, and his eyes were a very distinct shade of brown, kind of like...Brian's.
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