Your connection with people was easy for you, you always make friends, relationships and friendships so easily that you didn't even have a problem.
You couldn't say that you didn't got hurt once or two, even if it's was because of you messing everything up or them leaving for no reason and never coming back again, just like that.
Your reaction with your boyfriends wasn't like that, they never were the problem, it's always was your fault, if it's was you who getting drunk and going out and hooking up with boys, or just doing crazy stuff and never denying it or saying anything about it.
So it's always was bad for other people to live with you and your mistakes. Even when you tried so bad to change the situation with yourself. It's seems like it's always will be the same thing and you'll never change.
Your relationship with Matt was good, good enough to be true. You always waited to the moment where everything will fall apart because of you and never will be the same.
But it's didnt happen. Matt always was there to help you learn from your mistakes and be better person for yourself and helped you to make the right decisions in life. He knew how to fix what was broken.
For you it's was weird, you waited for him to leave or you to make it fall apart again like every other relationship. And it's happened, like you always thought it's will.
You made your point to Matt, and made him realise that you're the problem and there's no way he can fix you again, so you left, even when you loved him with every heart beat you have left.
And there you were again, In the bar with your friends and some date you had, it's was already the second time you were with the same guy in the same club. But you didn't stopped yourself.
It's was only two weeks after you and Matt broke up and you didn't get over him, you just drank to forget about him, like you used too.
You drank and drank over and over again, you felt like your mind spinning but you didn't really care about this, you just let it happen. You let it be whatever it is.
"Come on y/n, you can't drink that Much, you'll get sick." Your friend, Kayla said. "I'm okay! Just let me!" You said and took her cup from her hand and drank it.
"Wow that's was strong one, I'll be back." You shouts and get out of the dance floor, leaving your friend with your date on the dance floor.
You walked towards the bar and took out your phone of your bag. You scrolled through the phone and saw Matt's name on your phone. You didn't even thought you just called him and waited him to pick the phone.
It's was 1 am in the night, Matt was already at his bed but he heard the phone ring, he get up and saw your name on it, he answered you immediately from the confusion of your phone.
"Hey!" You said to him when you heard his voice from the other side, calling your name. "Hey?" He asked you. "Why are you calling me?" He asked you and sigh.
"What do you mean! We are friends." You laughed and he knew exactly what's going on. You were drunk. "How much did you drink?" He asked without asking if you were drinking.
"Not too much, not like I was with you." You said and laughed at the thought of what you said. "You're on in the mood to talk, where are you?" He asked and you sigh. "Aw, are taking care of me, mr sturniolo?" You asked.
"Y/n, it's not funny, where are you?" He asked, already checking where you were through his phone. "Well.. I'm on..." you said trying to remember where you were.
"Wait, hold up! I'll go out to check." You get up from your chair and walked outside, you saw blurry and didn't really knew where you were and where are you going.
"In the same club you were last time, fuck it." He said and bring the phone back to his ear. "It's not new for me." He mumbled to himself. "Wait right there." He sigh.
"Okay mr sturniolo." You said and laughed. "Please don't call me like that." He said and put his shoes on. "Okay, matty." You said and he closed his sigh and rubbed his forehead.
"Just wait there and don't move I'll find you." He said and took the keys from his desk, he walked out of the apartment and got into the car. "It's not the first time I'm doing it." He told you before he hang up.
-
"Y/n!" He called you, you turned around, you couldn't even go or walked towards him. "Hey! Matty!" You said and warped your arms around him. "You came to see me?" You said.
"I came to take you home, because you're not in a mood to walk." He said and put his arm around your neck and one arm around your waist to help you walk to the car.
"How much did you drank, jesus." He said and helped you get into the car. "Five cups, and two cup of tequila." You said. "I told you stay away from all of this shit." He told you.
"You're not my dad, Matthew." You said and just throw your head back on the chair. "Take it, drink the whole bottle." Matt took out a bottle of water and put it in your hand.
"But I don't want to." You said, all sleepy and exhausted. "I'm not playing with you, drink this goddamn water." He said and you did what he asked. "Why are you yelling?" You asked.
"I'm so sick of taking care of you y/n, why can't you do it by yourself, please." He asked when he start the car and drove away from the club. "I'm not your boyfriend I can't do it, all the fucking time, you have to be sober."
You was already asleep a took a look at you and looked back at the road. He didn't knew where you were living, so he took you back to his apartment, or your old house.
You lived with him and when you broke up with him you moved out. He lifted you up to his room and put you on his bed. He took off your shoes and put the blanket on you.
"Oh god." He sigh and closed his eyes. He kissed your forehead before getting out of the room and shutting off the light.
-
It's was a picture of you and Matt from last Christmas, you knew you were at Matt apartment and sigh. You made a mistake.
When you saw Matt getting out of the shower, he looked at you. "Morning, sleepy." He said and you looked at him.
"Am I dreaming?" You asked him. "Nope, you're not." He said and put some shirt on him and brush his hair. "What am I doing here?" You put your hands on your head.
"Well, you called me last night, all drank and sleepy, so I came to pick you up and took you to here, I didn't knew where you were living." He said and looked back at the mirror, still looking at you.
"Why you just didn't took me to my mom?" You asked him. "She would kill me, and you." He said and you know he was right. "Yeah, good point." You sigh and sat up.
"Uh, did you slept with me?" You asked as Matt choked from your words. "What?" He shouts. "I meant, did you were sleeping in your room?" You said and he looked back at you. "Oh, no. I slept on the living room."
"I guess I'll go home now." You said and get up from his bed. "No, don't go." He said and came towards you, he held your hand and stopped you from putting shoes on.
You looked up at him and stopped. "Why?" You asked. "I don't know how you feeling, and I made breakfast for you. Don't leave until I know you're fine." He said.
"I'm fine."
"Really? Or is it a plan to get the hell out of here?"
You sigh at Matt words.
"You got me, captain." You said and put your hands on the air. "Let me give you some sweatpants and hoodie." He opened the closet and took out some pants and hoodie.
"Wear them, please. It's will help you stay warm." He gave you the clothes and you took them, you didn't have a choice. You thanked him and went into his bathroom.
Matt went to the kitchen to make some food for breakfast before you got out of the bathroom. He waited for you and when he saw you he smiled at you.
You felt weird, but comfortable with Matt. You didn't knew what he is thinking about you, and why he take care of you when you broke his heart because of two weeks or before more then a months.
"Thank you for the breakfast, and the clothes." You said and he nodded. "Of course." He said and sat next to you. "You made my favorite coffee how do you remember it!" You saw your coffee.
"I'm drinking it a lot, it's actually pretty good." He said and you smiled at him. "I didn't knew you drinking it, you never drank it when we were.." you cut yourself off.
"Together."
"Yeah, after you left I started."
You went quite and him either, he knew that both of you will never talked about what's going on and what will happen right now.
He ate his food without thinking about you or talking to you, and you either, but the situation was so embarrassing for both of you.
"Can I ask you something?" You asked Matt. "Sure." He said and sat more comfortably in his chair. "Why are you still looking after me?" You asked him.
"Because .." Matt said and cleared his throat. "You were the most important person to me, you still are, I know I wasn't-"
"No, you were."
Matt looked at you with the deep eyes and a little smile, he looked down and get closer to you. "And. I know you enough time to know how you dealing with things and how you're doing when you're alone." He smiled .
"Matt, I kinda of cheated on you, and you still taking care of me, why aren't you stay away from me?" You asked him, straight to the point. "I can't ." He sigh at you.
"No, don't do it to me Matt, you can." You shook your head as no and get up from your chair, you walked back and forth in his kitchen. "Do what?" He asked, looking at you.
"I'm messing up everything. All the time, and I mess up this relationship, you should stay away from me and don't talk with me ever again." You shouts at him.
"I don't want to." He said and get up from his chair. "I loved you, I love you, I can't get over the person you are, and you made so many mistakes and that's okay, me either." He looked at you and you were so hopeless.
The look on his face. The eyes, it's made you regret and wonder why you've done it.
"I hooked up with random boys when i was fighting with you, why you can't just be mad at me." You asked him. "Because I don't wanna lose you, and I know you." He smiled.
"Hey," he came closer to you and held your hands, you tried not to look at him. "I know it, because I know you loved me too." He said and you finally looked inside his eyes.
"I do love you, I mean-"
"I love you too, it's okay."
Matt sigh, he looked inside your eyes, he kissed your lips and put his hands around your waist, he didn't let go of you, and you either.
You let Matt kissed him, you needed it, you needed feel his touch one more time, one last time, no matter what will happen next.
You loved him, you love him, but sometimes it's feel so wrong for you, to love someone without getting hurt, you knew Matt will never hurt you, even when you put him through hell. You loved him so deeply.
"I love you." He whispered right after he pulled back and put his forehead on top of your head. "I don't want you to leave again."
Those words was like cuts on your heart.
"I.." you start saying but the tears were on your eyes. "What?" He asked, putting your hair behind your ears.
"I love you too Matt."
"But?"
"But I don't know if I can stay this time."
You said, still not letting go of him, and he didn't let go of you either. "Because I'm scared mess it up again." You said.
"We can least try, try to stay." He said and you nodded at him. "I'll stay." You said, promising him. "Because I believe on you." You said.
Matt kissed your lips once again and smiled at you when you smiled back at him, you felt like you finally on the best place of your life. Like maybe you can stay, and don't mess it up.
"We can make it better, i promise you, we will fix it, us."
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