TW: Body image and fights

Im sitting in mine and Matts shared room on my phone watching TikTok's while waiting for Matt, Nick, and Chris to get back from the gas station, usually id go with them but recently I've been upset and just wanting to stay in bed, Matts tried to help but I've just pushed him away and its caused arguments, like the one we had before he left.

*Flashback*

"Well its not my fault you wont fucking talk to me!" Matt yelled at me in the kitchen while Nick and Chris sit at the table trying to moderate the argument "Because I'm not trying to stress you out matt! You have enough on your plate and I'm trying not to burden you!" I yell back "Y/N... Your so fucking much sometimes, i cant do this right now, I'm going to the gas station." he said grabbing his keys "so what, are you giving up?" I say crying "just leave it." he said going to get his shoes on and i follow him Nick and Chris aren't far behind, "it really not a big deal, you guys jut need sometime" nick said "SHUT UP NICK" Matt and I yelled "No Matt tell me, am i wasting my time?!" I yell sobbing fidgeting with my promise ring with my thumb "Just Stop!!" he yelled walking out slamming the door behind him. i break down once i hear the front door shut i walk about of the bedroom and see Nick and Chris went with him. I go into our bathroom and look at myself I'm disgusting  I'm huge, my thighs have cellulite, my cheeks are chubby, my lower stomach and legs have stretch marks, my eyes are shaped weirdly, and my hair never looks right. I start to cry more and think,

"why does he keep trying"

"why does he love me"

"he can do so much better"

I cry for a good 10 minuets and i needed it, i cried and screamed until i couldn't anymore feeling numb.

*end of flashback*

Matts POV

I walk out of the house mad, i don't understand why she cant just talk to me its obvious something is bothering her. Chris and Nick cautiously enter the car and i pull out pissed off, i hate arguing with Y/N but recently its all we do, she's been closed off and not talking to anyone about anything. I don't want to push her to say anything but i also want to make sure she's okay. I think about what happened the whole car ride, which was painfully silent, once we pull up to the gas station Chris goes to get Pepsi Nick goes to get Dr. pepper and i run to get a Root beer and grab Y/F/D (your favorite drink) and some snacks which took way to long. We check out and get into the car heading home

Y/N POV

I scroll on TikTok and see people comments about me, I've been looking at comments all week, its why I'm so upset. 

Mattstan04: She whack asf matt could do better

sturniolozzz3: she's ruining the content tbh

chrizz13: ugly.

I sit in bed under the covers just numb, all that's running through my mind is Matt. I hate fighting with him, he's my person. He's just so stressed out with work, and merch, and the podcast, and meetings, the last thing he need to worry about is me being insecure. I shut my phone off and sigh i attempt to wipe off my stained cheeks of its mascara but to no avail, i hear the front door open and stay put laying under the covers staring at the closet the door to our room opens and matt places my favorite drink and snack on my side of the bed, i just stare at the food and think of everything everyone has said about me. Matt doesn't say anything instead he changes into pajama pants and a white tank top crawling into his side of the bed. "im sorry" he said and i could feel his eyes on me waiting for me to turn and face him. I don't want Matt to think i hate him, or im mad at him he did nothing wrong i just need to get better at controlling my emotions.

 I turn and face him and I see his eyes soften at my tear stained face "its not your fault" I croak out bring my hand up to his face rubbing his cheek "but i shouldn't push you to tell me things your uncomfortable with" he says placing a hand on my waist, my spine shivers feeling his touch. "Im not uncomfortable, your just stressed and I don't want to be the reason your more stressed" I clarify "Y/N, i will never be too stresses, or busy, or tired for you, ill always be here for you. You can tell me now if you want, or we can drop it but I can tell something is bothering you, i can see the hurt in your eyes" he says to me moving my hair from my face 

I slowly sit up and grab my phone handing him it with a TikTok open and the comments visible his eyes shot back and forth and his eyes water a little "Im-I'm sorry" he says handing me back my phone "That's why I've been so upset, I'm trying to figure out how to not let it get to me but I can't help but think what if they are right? what if you finally realize it? I'm gross I'm nothing compared to the girls in LA , everyone is so much prettier, I'm just waiting for you to realize it" I say crying a little bit again but Matt quickly wipes my tears 

"please don't believe them, i know it's a lot easier said then done, but please, i'm never going to replace you, your my peace my safety, my person. your gorgeous and i would change a thing about you, i just dont want you too feel alone, you'll never be alone" he says and placed a kiss on the tip of my nose then my cheeks and a light one on my lips. i kiss back lightly and he pulls me down to lay down on him

"I'm sorry, I love you, and don't mean to push you away" i muffle into his chest

"i love you too Y/N, always and forever"

(A/N im so sorry this sucks its 2 in the morning and im trying to get something out, leave any request or comments! Also dont forget to vote, bye love you be safe)

Word count: 1097