Roses Are Red

Loud, nearly deafening cheers occupied the ballroom. Usually, that type of noise torments my ears. In this case, my quickening heartbeat is doing its job—I could feel it pounding in my ears, worrying that a small interaction with that man would do (negative) wonders to my growing anxiety. This whole event is not only overwhelming but  it’s nearing overstimulating territory.

My brain is having the hardest time trying to process what is going on. I am going to be so genuine when I say I did not even focus on April’s part of the debut. First of all, let me defend myself. I did try to give her my attention. As everyone can observe, I failed.

Her part is basically a mix of pink and screams: love the color pink, hate the eardrum destroying shrieks. And I’m well aware she has enough attention already, so me not giving a sliver of care would not conceal the wave—no, the tsunami of praises she has been garnering from the crowd.

Crowd’s darling? Yes. Our table’s darling? Never, since it seems that I wasn’t the only one not paying mind to her existence. Though my reasoning is not connected to her umm… poor excuse of a personality, my friends sure do hate her.

Rather than praising, their eyes show a grudge. Can I even blame them? I mean, I don’t necessarily hate her as that is a very strong word but her recent actions during the last week of school are… and I quote from Cali, “That is embarrassing for her, deadass.”

At first, yes, I felt jealous of her closeness to Zy. However, I am self aware that I have no chance in that category even with my Cliches 101 plan—that’s why I created this plan in normal circumstances, I can never get close to him while she can with no effort.

That was all to it until finals week, it wasn’t just a week of rejection for Krissia. I’m sure one of the reasons for her adrenaline-rush-powered confession was because of that disaster. That being April going to our classroom to insult one of the girls, who was Candy, our sweet classmate who baked cookies for everyone.

I’m pointing out the cookies as it is relevant to this story. Carrying on, April learned that Candy also gave Zy cookies—note that she gave everyone she knew cookies after accidentally baking a big batch. Litong-lito si Candy n’un, she even tried to explain the truth to April.

All she got was, “You fucking boy-stealing slut,” Understandably, Candy was stunned. Doon kami nag-interfere, she went too far. Gusto lang naman ni Candy magbigay ng binake niyang cookies dahil baka masayang lang.

Our president was about to tell her off when Krissia went in between them, her sleepy eyes turning lively with irritation.

“Sino ka ba para sabihin ‘yun sa kanya?” Krissia brushed her hair, a habit she had when she wanted to calm down, “May label kayo? Wala diba, tangina anong slut?”

“No one even calls you that despite your boy-crazy actions kasi alam naming hindi lang si Zy nilalandi mo,” Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi ni Krissia. I was going to say that was a low blow but with April’s statement earlier, I stayed silent.

“That doesn’t make me a slut!”

“Alam ko, then that also shouldn’t make Candy a slut,” Krissia almost spat out those words. “Hipokrita ka!”

April scoffed, I swear I can see her eyes twitch. “I’m not going to listen sa mga salitang galing sa isang lesbian freak! Disgusting bitch! You probably like me. News flash, walang babaeng magkakagusto sa’yo, tomboy!”

She then stormed out of our classroom, hahabulin sana siya ni Krissia pero she got held back by AJ. All of us are well-informed with Krissia’s temperament, if someone doesn’t stop her, she’s going to cause a ruckus.

“Tangina, may standards ako!” She screamed, struggling to escape from AJ’s firm hold on her. “Ikaw yung nakakadiri, duwag ka!”

The reason I have never mentioned this is because I am trying to forget the amount of secondhand embarrassment and pure anger I endured whilst that occurred.

“...Now it’s time for the most anticipated part of every lady’s debut!” I keep missing the host’s announcement.

“Instead of the typical 18 roses, since our twins deserve their own spotlight, it’ll be 36 roses,” The host smiled looking at the seated guests, “Who’s excited?”

We all applauded, the previously loud cheers were now louder at nag-whistle na naman si Seth. I am curious as to why he always whistles, I guess he’s really good at it. If I were good at whistling, I too would whistle at any given moment.

“Time na pala natin,” Si Seth.

“Punta na tayo sa likod,” Then the boys sneaked off to go backstage. Wala naman talagang backstage, it’s a whole ballroom but there was another room right behind the staircase.

“Now, please give a round of applause to our beautiful red rose, May Illena Chua!” Another chorus of claps were heard. Sumasakit na nga ang aking mga palad kakapalakpak pero para kay Mayi, I can tolerate such pain.

All of a sudden, the sound of Waltz of the Flowers started to calm the crowd as a soft and elegant melody accompanied Mayi’s graceful strides. A man in his 50’s then walked beside Mayi and gave her a red rose, which was definitely her father. It’s rare for the father to be the first dance since usually, they’re either the last or second to the last.

“Marciano Chua,” The speaker announced with a hushed tone, complimenting the song picked for Mayi’s 18 roses. Both of them danced with so much grace I would’ve thought they were professional ballroom dancers. It looked wonderful yet one can see in Mayi's eyes that she looked sorrowful.

More boys came to Mayi with a red rose. None of the names called were familiar until I heard, ”Axle John Alcomendas.”

AJ smiled, showing his gums and getting a genuine giggle from Mayi who had been looking down a minute ago. He was the fifth to the last man to dance alongside Mayi, of course AJ can’t just simply give the red rose to her. He kissed the back of her hand and gave the rose, causing an uproar at our table.

“Lagot yan sa jowa ni Mayi!” Emi clapped out of shock.

“Rest in peace, Kuya,” Lou is really funny even when she doesn’t try. Lahat kami pinipilit na hindi tumawa habang sumasayaw sila.

“Leonidas Victoriano,” Now it was Leo’s time to waltz. Binigay niya ang pulang rosas, asking for her hand. Gosh, he really is a gentleman.

“Markus Seth Reglos.”

Seth slowly lodged the rose behind her ear. Before they started dancing, he whispered something to Mayi making her laugh. Tawa lang siya nang tawa at kahit patapos na ang kanilang pagsasayaw, she was still laughing. Ano kaya ‘yung sinabi ni Seth?

“Isley Ambrocio IV,” Oh, so Quatro’s the second to the last dancer! That makes sense as magkaibigan na sila noong bata pa sila, they actually live in the same village. Wait, that makes Quatro rich-rich. Bakit palagi kong nakakalimutan na mayayaman yung iba kong mga kaibigan?

He suddenly opened his mouth which Mayi subconsciously copied, then he put the rose in her mouth and gestured for her to bite it. Kinagat ni Mayi  ang tangkay ng rosas, forcing herself not to cackle while they perfectly dance to the song—the rose still in her mouth.

Kudos to Quatro for making the rose-giving segment entertaining, and of course, to Seth who used it as an accessory. Our table was trying so hard not to be loud after their stunts, but we haven’t been successful.

“Last and not the least, our dearest red rose’s favorite man…”

“Noja Jeremicah Guevarra!”

Then Noja, more known as Micah, stepped in holding a bouquet of roses. Kinikilig kami dahil akala naming lahat isang rosas lamang ang ibibigay niya. Also, we don’t see him that often, though whenever we do, he looks and acts like a dream boat.

Like a repeated pattern, they danced charmingly. The scene in front of me came straight out of a fairytale. A princess and her prince charming waltzing around the ballroom without a care for those who are watching like they’re the only ones in the room.

Finally, it was done. The only appropriate reactions to that would be a standing ovation, a few whistles, and a loving cheer. The whistles were surely from Seth, and that loving (really loud) scream was from Emi and Aizhy who were jumping around screaming, “OTP!”

Mayi, along with her boyfriend, exited the stage with wide smiles plastered on their faces. After that, the host came back once again to announce April’s 18 roses. Binanggit lang ang/yung pangalan niya’t lumabo na ang aking paningin. I can’t deny it, she is a huge trigger to my dissociation.

She’s truly fascinating, even so, ‘di ako sigurado kung that’s with a positive or negative connotation. My scrambled brain is screaming negative; my blurry vision is saying positive. Alin kaya ang paniniwalaan ko? Both are not in a good condition.

I could hear the faint hum of the classical song, Sleeping Beauty Waltz, the vibrations on the floor indicating its loudness. Even my ears are not working well. Nakaka-frustrate, I actually do want to watch her. It's just her existence is bugging my system.

Honestly, I need Mayi back. She's like a relief to my whole being, different from her twin’s energy. This is tiring, I’m so confused how she became a trigger, especially since the event started, I was fine with her. Sure, I don’t like-like her, but I still could endure April—ugh, even thinking of her name is shaking me up.

This seems over dramatic, naiintindihan ko naman kasi hindi ko talaga alam kung paano nagsimula ‘to. It only happened right after Zy winked at me, that was it! How is that related to her!?

You know what, I will pay no mind to the cause of this situation. I’ll try to focus on the 18 roses, enjoy it, and the end. That is my happily ever after for the night: watching April’s waltz without failing.

“The last dance,” Last dance? I did not just panic for almost the whole of 18 roses. Ang tanga ko; ang OA ko. Paano ‘yun nangya–then all the lights closed, a spotlight shone on April, emphasizing her holding her seventeen pink colored roses.

What the… this did not happen during Mayi’s 18 roses. They’re not even trying to hide the favoritism, ang halata! I could see a figure walking towards her, another spotlight appeared, revealing the mysterious frame.

“Apollo Zyle Sanvictores, our princess’ knight in shining armor,” Wasak, he was her last dance. The most important role in a debutante's party. I slowly lost interest in trying to watch them. Still, I could not keep my eyes off him.

Zy gave her a single pink rose, there was a sense of consolation when it wasn’t a bouquet of roses, but all that disappeared when the song changed to a familiar tune. Was it overkill to say I wanted to cry? Baka nga…pero kasi yung kanta…

It was The Alchemy, the same song we always sing in karaoke, the same song I loop while studying, the same song I dedicated to Zy in silence.

“Mel, okay ka lang?” Quatro whispered, his hand travelling to rest on my back. I slowly nodded habang nakatingin pa din sa kanila. I’m fine, the-whole-room-is-burning kind of fine. I have no right to envy April and I despise the feeling of jealousy intoxicating my thoughts.

How can I not be jealous when the host announced that he was her knight in shining armor? I watched them dance, smile, and laugh at each other. Weird bang sabihin na mukha silang main characters of a fantasy romance novel… she doesn’t look like a princess, she looks like an enchanting fairy, and he’s the one being enchanted.

“Mel…” Gathering all my energy, I turned to look at Quatro, his worried expression was evident. I gave him a faint smile, he slowly caressed my back to give comfort. Does he know what I’m feeling? I mean, if a person casted a single glance at me, they would notice my sadness.

“After this, it’s buffet time,” I tried to distract myself as The Alchemy played, mocking my thoughts. Dedicating a song to a one-sided crush is a huge mistake. Stupid Mel, you’re the one who did this to yourself.

I can’t point fingers at anyone, including April, albeit her concerning personality. It isn’t her fault that Zy does not reciprocate my feelings. I can hear something crashing down. Ah, that’s the sound of Cliches 101 falling apart and me falling down in the trenches of one-sided love.

Their dance took years to finish, alam kong ilang minuto lang–I don’t care it was torture to watch. I want out of this so badly. My happy ending for the night wasn’t so happy. I watched her dance but at what cost? My emotions? Or the fact that it blatantly shows that April can do absolutely nothing but still be everything while I need to make an effort with no promised outcome.

I need to stop drowning myself in self pity. Kailangan ko ng distraction, my legs instantly took me to the buffet. Sinuri ko ang mga pagpipilian: pastas, meats, sides, and I think we literally have every food in the world in this buffet. Kaya pala ang mahal.

I lingered there for a long time trying to pick foods I wanted to eat. There were too many options, my brain couldn't handle a lot of this. Hence, why I chose my go-to foods in this kind of event: cheesy pesto pasta, bratwurst, mashed potato, mixed vegetables, and a glass of blue lemonade.

“Parang gusto ko rin tuloy ng mashed potato,” Krissia mumbled while eyeing my plate.

“Get some, it looks yummy,” Napatingin ako sa kanyang plato. “Yours looks appetizing!”

Her plate consists of rib eye steak, kare-kare, chicken pops, chop suey, rice, and sprite as her drink of choice. Now I want Kare-kare. It looked so delicious, though it might not be a good combination with pesto pasta.

“Mamaya na lang. Ubusin ko muna ‘to,” Knowing Krissia, she will finish that plate quickly. She’s one of the biggest eaters in our section.

We went back, our steps were careful as we did not want to spill our food. Nang nakarating na kami ni Krissia sa mesa, I placed down my plate slowly, consequently letting go of my breath which I didn’t realize I was holding.

“Hoy, Mel may rose sa harapan mo,” Krissia pointed with her lips. Huh, a rose? Did they redecorate the table while we were gone? Surely not, I was the only one who had a rose in front of their nameplate.

Kinuha ko ang rosas na kulay lila, it didn’t fit the color theme they used for this event. Also, if I remember correctly, the only roses I saw weren’t this color. So why is there a purple rose?

“May papel o!” Aizhy pointed out.

She was right, there was a paper attached to the stem. I checked what was written on the note.

“Clue :)”

How is this a clue? Who on earth would give me a rose? How is this purple? Aren’t roses supposed to be red or even pink? Yun lang ang mga rosas kanina sa sayawan ng magkambal.

“Wow, purple rose pa talaga?” Quatro sat down and played with his food using one of the fancy utensils.

“Huh? Does it mean anything?” What he said piqued my interest, one of the results of his bored mood was memorizing flower languages after all.

“Madami siyang meaning, depende sa context. Curious ka ba?” He raised an eyebrow, essentially trying to challenge me.

“Of course I am, it’s addressed to me after all,” I stood my ground. His response was an annoying smile—I wish I could wipe it off his stupid face.

Quatro took a bite of his cordon bleu, “In general, the meaning of purple rose is luxury and royalty pero pag sa friendship naman, it’s deep respect and admiration.”

He knows what meaning I wanted yet he was stalling, trying to rile me up. He nearly achieved his goal, however, I kept my composure. Hindi ako maiinis ni Quatro, that would be a major win for him. Quatro flexing is my worst enemy besides you-know-who.

“How about in the romantic context?”

“Love at first sight.”

“To be charmed by their beauty, kung sino man nagbigay niyan sa’yo, they must think you’re really beautiful,” He stared at me as though he was savoring all the details of my face.

“I can’t disagree with that.”

That’s such a romantic line. Wow, he’s really good at this pretend-crush fiasco. I’m relatively impressed by his talent.

“They think I’m beautiful?” Doubt that.

“They probably mixed mine and Aizhy’s seats, we’re beside each other.”

“Imposible, nilagay niya sa harapan ng nameplate mo, ano bang nakalagay sa papel?” He was about to take a peek at the note. I hastily pulled it away from him, sticking my tongue out as a little revenge for his stalling-bit earlier.

“Come on, Mel,” Quatro sounded similar to a character flirting in a movie. Mag-audition kaya siya, he would be a great male lead.

“Clue with a smiley face.”

“Saan nakalagay yan kanina?” He asked, raising his eyebrow once again.

“Around the stem,” I responded.

“Ah… okay,” He went back to playing with his food seemingly lost in thought. He should really stop doing that, it might ruin his eating experience.

“It’s confusing how this is a clue, I get that there’s a chance someone likes me, though I can’t imagine that.”

“Mel, you can’t imagine it kasi meron talagang nagkakagusto sa’yo. Hindi lang ‘yung nagbigay ng rosas,” What did he mean by that? Oh yeah, bored mood fake crush thing. Got it!

“What if it’s a joke?” Baka nga mayroon talagang nagkakagusto sa akin, I just don’t get how amongst all the people they can like, they chose to have a crush on me. There’s so many fish in the sea and they got hooked on a piece of seaweed.

“Mel, nothing’s a joke.”

I have a feeling that this isn’t about the person who gave me the rose; I am going to disregard that feeling. Overthinking is my weakness, I should stop thinking all together and eat this food mindlessly.

Kakain na sana ako nang narinig ko ang hiyawan ng kabilang table, “Last dance sa 18 roses pero ni-reject ang ka-last dance?”

JC was the one joking around. Hold on, Zy rejected April? Kailan lang? I have so many questions, it was all overpowered by the thought that Zy rejected her. Her knight in shining armor no more! Parang gusto kong tumalon sa saya. Call me the worst, I’m too high in positivity I would not care.

“Sakit n’un par,” Kai wiped off his imaginary tears, “Ouchie.”

“I like someone else,” My great mood was destroyed with four words. Okay, to be a little optimistic, at least he doesn’t like April. A win is a win! To whoever he likes, which I have a feeling is Aizhy, you are so lucky.

“Guys, respect Zy’s feelings, his crush is at the other table,” Was he talking about our table? I mean Aizhy is sitting here so I would assume it is our table.

“Marinig ka, Matt!”

“Nag-confess ka naman eh, fail lang nga,” Confirmed, it was our table. I’m having flashbacks to his public confession a few weeks back accompanied by Aizhy’s outing her “relationship”. That scene was a whole fiesta of second-hand embarrassment.

“KGGN,” Kai uttered.

“Tangina, anong kggnn?” JC’s forehead wrinkled. Nalilito na din ata siya kung ano ang kggnn, iniisip ko na the gn means good night.

“Kung gets, gets niyo na,” So hindi goodnight?

“Putcha ka, Kaizer, bumalik ka nga sa sinapupunan ng Mama mo para maging maayos utak mong kupal ka,” That was the first time I’ve heard JC be angry. I now get why AJ is so scared of him.

“Grabe ka naman, maawa ka naman kay Mama. C-section ako ‘no!”

“Kaya pala… napunta ang laki ng utak mo sa katawan mong bwiset ka.”

My jaw dropped at that comment. Napansin ko din na sobrang tuwid ang upo ni AJ, did he get deja vu?

“Guys, don’t be distracted. We have a topic at hand,” Matt avoided Zy’s playful slap. Their table laughed again. Zy looked beyond frustrated subalit nakangiti pa din siya. Here it is, his showstopping golden smile.

“Ang gwapo talaga