Cliches 101

If there was a subject about the topic of cliches; I would be a student with the highest honours. Picture this—I am inside my room in font of the whiteboard that is hanging on my door holding not the old boring black whiteboard marker but a pink one

Not sure where I got the pink marker from. Oh well, it doesn’t really matter especially when I am planning the best step-by-step itinerary of scenarios filled with the most common cliches I can realistically attain.

“That’s not right,” The pigment stained the wipes I used to erase the writings on the board. When I said the best, that was definitely an exaggeration. This was not even close to being good. The board is literally blank.

I mess my hair in frustration. Against all odds, I’m losing by a landslide. Usually the quote ends with a “I found a solution,” or “I did not give up.” Sorry to break the main character mindset but I may as well give up.

That solidified my side character syndrome greatly. Mockingly even. Almost like this whiteboard is forming a face just to tease me. I knew this was a bad idea, regardless, I need to throw the idea of abandoning this plan out of our window.

This plan that is yet to be named must be set in motion even if it’s a rocky road. Now I want Dad’s rocky road ice cream that I have to mention, he did not even finish. What a waste! Kakainin ko ‘yan mamaya.

Kailangan ko talaga ‘tong simulan. Maybe I should give this a title? That could be a starting point. I have some in mind for instance the dumbest plan to ever exist or my friends are going to kill me plan.

Both are great contenders.

Granted that I think I should be more creative, both options would topple down below the bronze level. Sadly, despite being a HUMSS student my weakness are creative titles. You would not want me as a research partner for sure unless you want to be stuck with “The effects of what not to who what,” then fine be my guest.

Shaking the marker, a desperate move by yours truly I wrote while biting my lips the words: Cliches 101.

Is that creative? No.

Will that make do? Yes.

I stare down the board inspecting the blankness of it all. I press the marker hard on it jotting down the steps that come to mind.

Step one, scan the situation. If he’s nearby, find a way to start a conversation straight away. A simple hello is okay but it needs to have grandeur. Something that will be stuck on his mind. Tripping? Classic. However, it is too embarrassing.

That’s where step two comes in—find an appropriate cliche. A trope so good it never fails. Spilling your stuff everywhere, typical, not too great. Bumping into him is the way to go ‘cause first off I get to have a chance to be in physical contact with him even for a split second. That can also prompt a conversation. Short but worthwhile.

Lastly, repeat until we have some sort of relationship. These three steps are easy other than the fact I do not have the guts to take action. I need support from my friends which contradicts the other part of this plan; avoid telling them of said plan.

“Melvyn!” Sigaw ni Mom.

“Yes Mom?” I shouted back habang inaayos ang aking eyeglasses.

“Do you know where my pink marker is?”

I bit the inside of my cheeks as I looked down at the marker I was holding. So that’s where I got this pink marker from.

“I have it po!”

Uncertain if Mom heard me I opened the door only to see her in a knocking position, “Did you use it?”

I nodded, “Sorry I didn’t ask for your permission po.”

“It’s fine I was just wondering where it went,” She patted my shoulder for comfort then gently took the marker out of my hold.

“You should sleep sweetie, it’s already 9 pm and you have 7 am classes tomorrow,” She spun me around, the door closing behind us as she ushered me towards the bed.

I sat down sinking in the soft mattress when it dawned upon me that Mom can see the whiteboard.

“Cliches 101?” Kumunot ang kanyang noo.

“Uh… it's for creative writing po,” If I was in a court right now I would be deemed guilty as charged.

“Sure whatever you say. Just sleep already,” She went towards the door. Before she left, she turned to stare at me, her head tipping. I almost thought she was going to fall. Good thing she started talking.

“You can tell me anything Melvyn,” Mom pointed towards the board. “Even this.”

After that I heard the door click. I laid down on the bed with a sigh, bouncing ever so slightly from the softness. Tinitigan ko lamang ang kisame—ayaw kong matulog. No, hindi ako makatulog.

“Maybe he’ll like me if I speak more Tagalog?” I rolled in my blanket. I felt warm inside the cocoon of softness confining me, “He often speaks English though.”

All night I tossed and turned around unsatisfied with any of my thoughts, “Or maybe we can be friends and I can be his best man during his wedding!”

“Yeah… I think that’s the best ending in terms of realism,” I murmur. It could be our wedding—Okay time to close the lights. Mel, tulog! I am drifting off to delulu land instead of dreamland.

Whispers encompassed the HUMSS building. I tried to tune it out only to unwillingly turn the volume up.

“Sis, narinig mo ba ganapings sa STEM?” May dalawang lalakeng nakatayo sa tabi ng Section 2’s door, their conversation surprisingly clear in a hallway of roaring voices.

“No baks, whyket?”

“Grabe sistur knows mo si Sexy Six diba?” I blinked a few times at the mention of the words Sexy Six, that’s an awful conjunction of words.

“Si anetch?” He checked his nails, clicking his tongue. “Si katawang borta na grabe ang fezla ba?”

“Omsinida sister!”

It took me a while to notice that they were talking about STEM’s jersey number 6—Kaizer Escario from Section 2. Lately, their basketball team has been the talk of the crowd. Really though when are they not?

All of them have such cringe nicknames: STEM Hottie, Triple O, and now Sexy Six. Where did all those names even originate from? I need to know their thought process ‘cause that would be a fascinating research topic.

“Award ang happenings!” Papasok na sana ako ng classroom namin ngunit napatambay ako biglaan sa may pintuan. Curiosity got the best of me.

“Legitness?”

“Isa lang ang aking ma-se-say,” He leaned towards his friend to whisper. Not really since I can clearly hear him say, “Effem.”

“Naloka ka na ba?” His friend was doubting him hard as he dramatically flipped his head around to express his judgement—a full on stink eye.

“Shonga, dehins.”

“Sexy Six, accla? Ikaw ata yung shonga!”

“Rita gomez ka hindi mo nga na-sight eksena kanina eh,” He rolled his eyes so far back his head it looked like his whole eyes went white. That was straight out of a horror movie, a genre I would love to avoid.

“Dingalou nga siya kasi earlier….teka lang knows mo naman si Leo?”

“Dzuh!?” He looked so offended that the other guy thought he didn’t know the existence of Leo.

“Earlier sa court, may sports kenemerut tas nandun mga bball team ang aga nga nun eh mga six but wapakels gora lang me doon dahil sa mga chopopong athletes. Eneways sis, si Leo nasa tabi-tabi lang dzuh vb player at out of nowhere ka-kissing scene niya na ang bola!”

“Facial ng volley?”

“Di eksena kung volleyball but sistur basketball nakatama. Si Sexy Six pa ang nakatama sa kanya eh ang accurate ng passings ng bebe ko!” The other covered his mouth in utter shock while my curiosity deepened. How did he conclude that Kaizer was gay with just that?

“Truelala pero ‘yun lang?”

“Di pa me tapos,” He then held his friend’s shoulder and shook it aggressively. “Sis, sabi ba naman niya ‘sorry kung natamaan kita, natamaan kasi ako sa’yo’ like kalurky!”

As if on cue Leo went outside our classroom making eye contact with me. We both held that a second too long before I broke it, awkwardly looking off the distance.

“Mel, why aren’t you coming in?”

“I’m waiting for Krissia and Aizhy,” It’s an amazing blessing that both of them are well-known attendance clutchers.

“You should put your things inside,” Leo offered to help carry my bag. He is the embodiment of being a gentleman even strangers are no exception to his kind efforts. Kung hindi ko lang gusto si Zy siya ang magugustuhan ko.

I declined him, briskly entering the classroom. He followed suit. At the same time, the conversation I overheard was tormenting every part of my body. Huminga ako nang malalim bago tumingin sa kanya.

I wanted to address him but I did not want to insert myself in a situation I was not a part of thus I sat down not uttering a single word even if it pains me to do so. What he experienced was out of the ordinary, I just wanted to learn the details since it fits my cliches 101 plan.

“Earth to Mel~” Ai’s melodic voice was a pleasant welcome to my ringing head. It is indeed odd how her voice is harmonious on the other hand her singing voice begs to differ.

“Yes?”

“Ano iniisip mo diyan at ‘di mo napapansin si Sia sa harapan mo?” I moved my gaze in front of me, a booming chuckle escaped my mouth after I saw Krissia making a funny face. I did not think it was possible to distort your face to such an extent: Her whole expression was twisted!

“Ang tagal ko yun hinold beh!” Reklamo niya.

“No one told you to hold that face,” I sassed acquiring a non-serious scowl from Krissia.

“Answer mo naman ako, Mel,” Aizhy put her hands on her hips akin to a Mom nagging her son.

“Imagining,” I simply replied.

Aizhy kept her stance, she did not buy what I said but she let me off with a knowing smile resulting in Krissia changing the topic multiple times. It felt like a gamble on what topic she would discuss next.

“Parang ‘di papasok si Ma’am ha,” Krissia beamed, vice president pero ayaw mag-school. Ironic isn’t it?

“Wala pang 15 minutes tanga,” Here we go with their daily dispute na para bang free space sa bingo card.

“Never nagiging late si Ma’am pre.”

“Malay mo na-traffic, taga lower yun si Ma’am!” Aizhy’s hands were now crossed against her chest, her eyes thinning in irritation.

“Taga lower din tayo, walang traffic kanina.”

Their argument was put into a halt when Mayi lodged herself in between, a neutral look accompanying her. We stared as she leaned on my shoulder, her once mundane expression was now replaced by drowsiness.

“Ayaw ko na mag debut,” She grumbled. Mayi’s long straight hair slid down my shoulders as she buried herself even further.

“Stress ‘no?” I could feel Mayi nod at Aizhy’s question.

“Tangina may kambal pa kasi ako, imbes na 18 roses naging 36 roses!”

“Ahy oo nga pala meyron pa si April,” Krissia scratched her head. Naramdaman ko ang kirot ng puso ko, I keep remembering what happened yesterday. Scratch that Mel, mag-kaibigan lang sila ni Zy.

“May and April pangalan niyo pero December kayo pinanganak ano ‘yun?” We burst out laughing from Krissia’s statement including Mayi who eventually sat up.

“I also don’t know bakit ganun,” She stretched her arms, yawning.

“Invited kayo.”

“Matic,” Krissia smugly smiled followed by Aizhy’s critical glare.

“Meyron namang ibibigay na invitation letter sa parents pero overnight yun sa mga close lang namin ni Eevee kaya tell them in advance,” Eevee was April’s nickname that derived from her second name, similar to why we call May—Mayi. Only people who they consider friends were allowed to call them by their nicknames.

“Give the deets,” Aizhy sat at the chair Krissia pulled for her. I glanced at Krissia who shrugged playing off the gesture. Halata talaga.

“Okay semi overview ng debut,” She blew her hime-cut bangs away further inclining her seat. “Since December 23 debut ginawa naming overnight para maging Christmas eve party na din. You know, separate ang friends’ and family’s Noche Buena.”

“Naka-book na din yung resort kung saan magaganap ang overnight though iba yung venue ng mismong ball, color code is white and black for guests kami lang dapat ni kambal may color,” Humikab ulit siya.

“Saang resort?” Si Aizhy.

“Christina.”

Krissia clapped in excitement, she loves that place reason being her mother’s name is Christina and she likes making bad jokes about it. Yes she’s aware they’re not great but it still makes us laugh with no fail.

“Kay Mader pala tayo eh!” Biro niya na patok na patok sa aming tatlo.

“Tigil ka nga diyan Kris,” Mayi said halfway through her strained laughter. “I was just frustrated dahil imbes na mag share kami ng 18 roses like mala-pasa-pasahan vibes, Eevee wants it to be separate kasi ayaw niya makasayaw mga friends ko.”

“Okay naman request niya dahil I understand hindi niya close sila AJ yung sinabi niya after that yung nakakagalit,” She ran her fingers through her hair halos hilahin ang buhok niya sa inis.

“I suggested na kahit separate people sabay pa din para ‘di time consuming, right?” Tumango kami, agreeing with her logic.

“Tas sabi niya she deserves the spotlight and I’m trying to overshadow her with my ugly dugyotin friends.”

“The fuck?” Krissia scoffed in disbelief. She was not having any of this crap, all of us were now feeling the same thing—annoyance. 

“The sheer audacity of that girl is insane!” Aizhy hit the table in frustration. Napatalon ako sa lakas nito, grabe talaga pumalo si Aizhy.

“Ahh… gets ko na,” Krissia slouched, her familiar smirk taking shape.

“Kaya pala April pangalan niya kasi isa siyang fool.”

Hindi ko na kinaya tumawa ako nang malakas, pati din sila tumawa. Our laughs attracted the attention of the people near us.

“Tawang tawa kayo ha,” AJ went over to us alongside Seth and Quatro. Quatro took the seat beside me, pulling it closer.

He enclosed me in his hands resting his head atop mine's, “Ganda mo tumawa.”

Ngumiti ako, Quatro will never beat the major flirt allegations. Actually, he probably bask himself in pride when people call him an impulsive fucker—he does not give a single fly to what people perceive him as.

“Dugyot daw kayo sabi ni Donya April,” Krissia barked a laugh once she saw the boys’ pulling a what-the-fuck face.

“Siya nga pick me girl eh,” Quatro nuzzled his face in my hair creating fuss with my friends who whistled and shouted in glee. Kinikilig sila sa wala.

“Landi,” Seth hit the back of Quatro’s head. He did not waver but I felt him smile against my hair.

“ ‘Yang kambal mo Mayi is not a girl’s girl lahat ng lumalapit kay Sanvictores binabash niya,” AJ added, sitting on one of the tables then he asked Aizhy, “Tama ba wordings ko?”

“Oo, tangina kala ko pa naman mabait yun! Ang ganda ganda tas ganun ugali.”

“A positive and a negative will always result in a negative,” I made a negative sign using my hands wherein Quatro took the opportunity to take it and intertwined his fingers with mine. He really does take an extra mile when he’s bored.

“Math wizard ang atake!” Aizhy said in delight.

“Nag STEM ka na lang sana Mel baka makasama mo pa si STEM hottie,” Seth whistled at Krissia’s joke, taking a glimpse at Quatro who was now playing with my fingers, head still nestling on mine’s.

“Grabeng coincidence tignan niyo kung sino nasa pintuan,” Mayi subtly pointed at the door. My jaw dropped when I saw Matteo and Zy talking to Kirby. Oh right Matteo is courting him! Paano ko nakalimutan ‘yun?

We all watched them talk, well except for Quatro, he was still playing with my hands practically ignoring everybody else.

Matteo held out a pink box with Kirby stickers to him, everyone squealed at the scene. Kirby accepted it with a shy smile and was red all over. Matteo even fixed his star clip that was barely hanging on his bleached hair.

“Sana all!”

“Ayieeeee, bagay kayo!”

“Tao sila, bestie.”

“Mag br-break din kayo.”

“Gago wala pa silang label!”

“They’re so cute,” I mused. Quatro abruptly stopped playing with my hands moving his head from resting on my scalp to lying on the crook of my neck.

“Gusto mo din yan?” He whispered, his voice cool on my neck.

“With him,” Am I out of my mind? Who possessed me to say such things!

He chuckled with no humor. To make him feel better I patted his head whilst my attention was on Zy. This time he was sporting a red open jacket along with a fixed necktie contrasting his messed up curly hair, surprisingly he was wearing our school’s vest.

Plus he has a purple flower keychain hooked onto his belt hoop. That was not a new item, he occasionally wears that keychain. Last week he had it on his sports bag. I can’t tell what type of flower it was from a distance but it was adorable.

Suddenly, I can sense Quatro shift. Now he’s toying with the sleeves of my knitted sweater. My friends kept teasing Quatro about how clingy he is—their voices were loud enough to make Zy face our direction.

Nabigla ako nang nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Literally, what should I do? Should I take action? Should I think? Am I even thinking properly? What was the first step again? Ugh! This is a disaster.

“Hmm…yeah,” Whoever that was, he sounded disgruntled.

“You okay, Zy?” It was Zy? I have never heard him talk like that, he always had a dazzling way of holding a conversation. His smile is always there, upward or downward. In my opinion, falling for him is comparable to breathing—easy and essential.

Currently, he wasn’t grinning from ear to ear; his tongue is poking the inside of his cheeks. His standard bright aura dimmed, angered. His stare on me was intense. I haven’t even started my plan and I’m already unsuccessful.

“Crush mo talaga siya ‘no?” Quatro, I recognize that this isn’t only a crush. That’s what I wanted to reply; that’s also what I wanted to deny. I’ve liked him since seventh grade. Saying this was a crush is an understatement.

“Yeah.”

I saw Zy catch a couple of glances before they left the room. Kirby then sat opening the box previously given to him. Matteo’s attention to detail was spectacular: Kirby stickers, pink wrapper, and a handwritten note.

Curious classmates went over to him to gush over what happened at tanungin kung anong nakasulat sa letter. Only for it to die down when AJ announced that our professor wouldn’t be attending class. On top of that we had an activity in lieu of a lesson.

“Mrs. Abulencia ‘di na naawa, finals na!” Emi whined, still we all complied with our professors' request even if it was against our will.

The bell rang throughout the hallway, our pens were immediately put down. The sound of cheering washed away the ringing. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag, bakit kasi quiz pa ang pinagawa sa amin ni Ma’am?

“Recess na!” Someone screamed with a lyrical tune. Alam niyo kung ano ang kahawig nito? A skit from a musical, it’s as if they were going to break into a song about break time.

Bahala na basta nagliligpit ako ng aking gamit when Kirby waved his hands, calling me over.

“What is it?”

“May nagpapabigay,” He winked, unintentionally showing his pink glitter eyeshadow look.

“Huh?” He extended a cone shaped object—it was ice cream. Not just any ice cream, the brand Cornetto lined the wrapping, vanilla-flavored.

I hesitated taking it from him to think who would give me Cornetto? I had someone in mind but that may be in imagination territory.

“Thanks.”

“Wag ka sa akin mag thanks, kay number 1 ka mag thank you grabe dumaan ulit para lang bigyan ka ice cream!” Kirby held his two fists up in the air as though he was cheering me on.

Bewildered, I examined the lid. Naramdaman kong