She Who Unknowningly Reveres

Just for how long must I watch people suffer? How many more deaths must I need to remember for me to become another? How long will all of these turmoils last? Countless deaths, seemingly endless wars, bodies piled up one after another, life by life getting destroyed every passing moment.

And all of those because of what? The right to rule this world? The right to be free? This isn't about the Regular Order nor the Irregular Order anymore. It's about which amongst all should rule, which power should all respect. How much are they willing to ruin before they're satisfied?

The skies were once beautiful blue, vast and free. There was once a magnificent ball of yellow sprung across the horizon for all to see. The rays it gave would enlighten everything at a single touch, it was like a whole scene being spread and it was enthralling. The night was once quiet, with stars gradually blinking in bright jewels beside a pure white moon that guided those which cannot see in the darkness.

Now the sun can no longer be seen. Covered by a monotonous cloud of smoke that painted the skies in both black and gray. There were no more rays, those once beautiful sunlights replaced by the raging fires that waged wherever there is discord. The night was nevermore quiet. There would be screams of both despair and anger that fuelled the existing chaos even more. The moon was never seen ever since then, as well as the stars that once dominated the night.

A gunshot. Then another. Followed by a continuous wave of bullets that penetrated many bodies. There were also clashes of steels echoing across that blaring madness called war. All of those technologies, spells, magic--they all resulted to the entire world becoming in such a pitiful state. Too pitiful and ugly enough that I wished I hadn't been born to see all of these events unfolding like a page from a book turning onto the next. The only difference is that, I can't shut that book close nor I can see what happens from here on.

But I'll live. I'll live even if it kills me.

I'll keep counting the lives that faded, I'll keep remembering the names that probed deep into my existence, and I'll keep moving forward until I survive. No matter how many times my heart had skipped a beat, no matter how many times something inside me yelled that I should just give up--I won't. I can't.

"Soldiers at 12." I warned, immediately turning over the right alley as I pressed my back against the wall.

The others eventually followed, their eyes alerting each other of the possible dangers ahead. I glanced up, the pouring white-coloured ashes beginning to rain down from above. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, gripping the small knife on my right--a small droplet of white ash hitting the bare skin of my wrist and a small area of it turned white, the burning sensation lasting for a few while before completely disappearing.

I looked beside me where four figures stood, each carried their own scrap weapons. "Cover yourselves up." I said, lifting my hand in preparation while they wore their their hoods.

"Erhiel," one whispered, clutching the edge of my cloak. "May mga Legion Soldiers din mula sa likod natin." Despite how he tried to make his voice sound tough, we all could hear it shake.

"Malaking tulong talaga ang detection ability mo, Denma." Charl replied, making himself laugh before this dangerous atmosphere. Then his face turned calm. "Kize, kaya mo pa ba?"

We all gazed to the same girl sitting on the ground, tightly holding her bleeding abdomen. I clenched my fist even more at the sight. Sa una pa lang alam kong delikado  na itong pinasukan namin, pero wala na kaming iba pang pagpipilian, kailangan namin 'tong gawin kung gusto naming mabuhay.

Alam din naming lahat na walang tutulong sa amin. Dahil sa mundong ito, mamamatay at mamamatay talaga ang mga mahihinang katulad namin. Oras lang ang makakapagsabi kung kailan. Kaya hanggang dumating ang oras na 'yon, kailangan naming magpatuloy kahit sobrang masakit na.

Charl was about to lift his hands in order to cast a healing spell when Psyra held one down. "Baliw ka ba?" She angrily asked. "They have a device that can detect magic, huwag kang magpakatanga--"

"Palapit na sila." Denma hurried. "Erhiel, alam mong kailangan nating maibalik ang mga ito." He was referring to the resources placed inside the backpacks each of us have on our backs.

"How many are in front?" I asked, ignoring that one obvious easy option.

"Tatlo. Anim naman sa likod. Base sa direksyon nila ay dito silang lahat dadaan. Hindi na nakakagulat, malapit lang ang base nila."

I inhaled a breath before exhaling, turning my back from them. "Denma, you carry Kize's load."

Ginawa niya ang sinabi ko ng walang angal, hindi din nila tinanong kung bakit. Sa ilang taon din naming pagsasama, alam kong may tiwala sila sa akin. Lumapit ako sa unahan ni Kize, alam niya kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng nga titig ko ngayon, pero nakangiti lang ito na para bang naiintindihan niya na ang sasabihin ko. Inabot ko sa kaniya ang kamay ko na siya namang tinanggap niya para makatayo. Nakita ko kaagad ang sakit sa mukha niya nung gumalaw siya.

Wala kaming sinabi ukol sa sugat niya simula nung umalis kami sa base na ninakawan namin ng resources. Natamaan siguro siya ng isang sundalo kanina nung pumasok kami. Kahit alam naming malala ang sugat nito ay hindi kamo tumigil sa pagtakbo paalis, hindi namin binagalan ang bilis namin kahit na nahihirapan na siyang sumunod. Dahil alam ng lahat na may posibilidad na maabutan kami kung sakali ngang ginawa namin 'yun, ganoon din kung sakali ngang ginamit ni Charl kanina pa ang healing magic nito.

Mas hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa kamay niya. "You understand what this means, right Kize?"

"My ability can stop my targets for a period of time. Leave it to me." It was like telling herself that with a bitter smile, summoning her weapon--a short halberd. "On three."

"One." I started.

"Huwag mong kalimutang kumain ng maayos."

"Two." I continued.

"Ikaw na ang bahala sa mga bata sa orphanage. Take care of my brother."

"Three." I gritted my teeth, immediately running away together with the other three.

"Don't forget me!" Narinig ko kaagad niyang sigaw. "You can't!"

But I didn't turn my back, I continued moving forward, preventing the urge to scream. Nadatnan nga namin ang tatlong sundalo na palapit na sana kung nasaan kami kanina nagtatago. Mabilis nila kaming napansin at hindi sila nagsayang ng segundong magpaputok ng mga hawak nilang baril. May sinabi akong spell na natutunan ko nakaraang linggo mula sa isang misyon, hindi ko inaasahan na ito ang magiging unang beses na magagamit ko ang spell na ito.

Hindi pumalpak ang spell at nagawa ko itong e-cast sa unahan namin habang tumatakbo parin patungo sa tatlong sundalo. Tsaka din namin binaba ang makapal na salamin para matakpan ang mga mata namin. Nang malapit na kami ay doon na tinapon ni Psyra ang smoke bomb niya na siyang nagpakawala ng makapal na usok. Halos dalawang minuto lang ang tinagal ng barrier dahil hindi ito kinaya ng enerhiya ko.

Dahil sa goggles na suot namin ay hindi ganoon kahirap makita ang mga sundalo at ginamit namin ang pagkakataon na iyon para mawala na sa area. Lumiko kami sa isa pang alleyway kung saan kami dumaan kanina. Palubog na ang araw pero kahit ganoon ay medyo madilim na ang lugar dahil sa usok na nakahandusay sa kalangitan. Binuksan ko ang isang metal trapdoor na nasa pinakadulo tsaka bumaba sa hagdan.

Pababa ng hagdan ay isang madilim na tunnel. Hindi namin ininda ang dilim dahil siguradong kilala na namin ang daan pabalik na matapos ang ilang minutong lakad ay nakarating narin kami sa kabilang banda. Puno ng matataas na punongkahoy ang nadatnan namin, ilang beses din kaming lumiko.

Halos isang oras pang lakad ay narating narin namin sa wakas ang orphanage. Malaki nga ito pero sira-sira naman. Hindi din nakakatulong ang nangyayaring laban sa halos kung saan saan sa sitwasyon namin. Nagulat na lamang ang lahat isang araw nung biglang nay nagsisiliparang Dragonbornes sa kalangitan ng Elydia na isa isang sinakop ang mga bayan at syudad ng bansa.

Lumaban sa una ang bansa, but we knew we weren't really a strong country to begin with na marami ang nasawi kaya nagtago na lamang ang nga tao. Hindi din ang lahat makatakas papunta sa ibang bansa dahil ganoon din ang sitwasyon ng iba, maliban na lamang sa Siegber Nations at Alberich Empire, pati narin ang Zyrendel Kingdom. Itong tatlo na lamang ngayon ang hindi pa tuluyang nasira.

Ilang buwan ang nakalipas ay dumating naman ang Legion Army para gawing isa sa mga base of operations ng Regular Order ang bansa. Wala silang pakealam sa mga inosenteng taong nadadamay para lang sa walang kwentang New World Order nila na hanggang ngayon ay nakikipaglaban parin ang Legion Army sa mga Dragonbornes at kung sino man ang manalo ay may pag-aari na sa bansa.

What a load of bull. Hindi sa kanila ang bansang ito, wala silang karapatang angkinin ang hindi sa kanila. Sa una ay pinahiwatig ng Regular Order Legion Army o R.O.L.A na tutulungan nila kami. But as time went by, then just started enslaving people into farming and other sort of works to help them in storing more resources that could help in this war. Ibig sabihin ay dinadamay lang nila kami.

It was two months later that the army met resistances. But they just went ahead and shot every single one of those who complained. Sa maliit na panahon na iyon ay maraming naulila, marami ang namatay, at marami pa kung magpapatuloy pa ang walang kwentang away nila. Isa isa nang nawawala ang mga maliliit na bansang katulad ng Elydia.

Unti unti naring natutuyo ang mga dagat. The lands are also becoming all dried up that even a single moss would have a hard time growing somewhere. It only means that nature's slowly dying as well. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit nila ito ginagawa.

World domination? Because of that crappy way of thinking another important person out there risked her life and probably already dead. Naiinis ako. Nagagalit ako. Pero alam ko din na wala akong magagawa dahil buong mundo ngayon ang humaharap sa parehong problema. Hindi ako pinanganak sa bansang ito, my family migrated here when I was a kid.

The world became this way because of the wars raging everywhere. My parents thought we would be safe here in such a weak and small country, thinking no one would actually bother messing the lives of people here. But they were wrong. That mistake caused them death. The war has been going on for five whole years now, and the country was destroyed around two years ago.

We were somehow able to find this abandoned orphanage far from any town reason why nobody was able to find us here for so long now. We barely see survivors out there, even if we did see one, siguradong nanakawin lang nila ang mga resources namin kung dadalhin namin sila dito or could be a soldier pretending to be a civilian to find more people to be their workers. Heh. They all should just die and go to the deepest of hell.

"Erhiel," I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Psyra call my name. "Tama na 'yan."

I cursed silently, burying the knife deep into the tree after carving Kize's name on it. I cod see it in her eyes back then. Ayaw niyang mamatay. Kaya ginawa niya ang lahat niyang makakayang sumunod parin kahit nahihirapan na siyang gumalaw. But I told her to die by making her stay right there to buy us some time from those six incoming soldiers to be able to escape.

I could have done it. Anyone could have done it. It didn't have to be her. But it was a must that it should he her. She was heavily injured. We didn't have the luxury to waste our medical resources to fix her up nor our escape would have been easier if she had come back with us considering she would just be a burden. I know that. Everyone knows that pero masakit paring isipin na ako ang rason kung bakit siya namatay, kung bakit marami ang namatay.

"Nakausap mo na ba ang kapatid niya?" Tanong ko habang nakatalikod parin sa kaniya.

"...Gillian is still sleeping. Hindi siya nakatulog ng maayos kagabi nung umalis tayo."

"Ako na ang bahalang magsabi sa kaniya."

"Magpahinga ka muna."

Hindi ko na siya pinansin at pumasok sa loob. May mga kandila sa iba't ibang paanan sa sala pagpasok ko, sa gilid naman ay ang kusina pati ang malaking hapag-kainan. Sa ikalawang palapag ng lumang building na ito ay ang mga kwarto. Sa ika-tatlo naman ay isang malaking palapag lang na walang mga gamit. Sa basement ay kung saan namin nilalagay ang nga nakuhang pagkain pati narin ang mga armas na ninakaw. Sa panahon ngayon, mabuti naring may paraan ang mga batang maprotektahan ang mga sarili nila.

There are roughly twenty kids in here and only seven teens to take care of them--six actually, since because of me we had lost another one again. There are only two adults. One being the mother figure of the children and the only one remaining caretaker of these orphans dahil tumakas na at tumakbo ang iba at iniwan na lamang ang mga bata dito nung umatake ang Legion Army sa bansa. The other is...well, pretty much can't do anything else.

"Welcome back." There was that strange melancholy and distance from that voice that had always managed to make anyone shiver whenever she speaks. "You would usually be away for two or three at most."

I said nothing, closing the door behind me as I took off my cloak. I don't have time for her nonsense, especially today. I headed to the bathroom connected to this room from another door. Taking off all my clothings, I immediately noticed even more scratches on my body now as the shower washed down the dried blood on my skin. They sting a little, but compared to Kize's pain, this is nothing.

I need to suffer more. I need to feel more guilty. I need to. I have to.

After repeating those same words over and over again, I immediately changed into a new set of clothes. The room was dim when I got out of the bathroom, and there was a single standing candle on the bedside table on the middle. I could still see the strange woman's beautiful face though, her eyes closed as they have always been, laying down on her own bed like what she had always done so.

I sat on mine opposite from her, my hands clutching my head. Bumabalik na naman ang sakit ng ulo ko. I should have carved Kize's name even deeper on that tree. If I do that now, I should be back before they call for dinner. Pero kahit ilang ulit kong sabihan ang sarili ko kung ano dapat ang gawin, ayaw gumalaw ng mga paa ko.

Pagod na pagod ang katawan ko kaya siguro ganoon. That must be it. After all, there's no way I'm tired of writing the names of those I sent to their deaths, right? There's no way I wouldn't want to engrave their names deep on the every tree because I feel so guilty, right? There's no way I just don't feel like doing it...right?

"You do realize," I suddenly tensed up, the strange woman speaking like she knows it all again. "You do realize that no matter how guilty you feel or how much you tell yourself to suffer, that you're just going to keep doing the same thing again and again, do you not?"

"Tsk." I clicked my tongue, standing up. "Shut up."

She chuckled. "You send them to their deaths acting so noble and righteous when in fact--"

"I said shut the bull up!" I shouted, heading for the door.

"When in fact," she still continued. "You just don't want to die at all." I stopped myself from turning the doorknob, as if her words struck a cord in me.

"...you don't even know me." I muttered angrily, turning my head to her.

She smiled, sitting up. "You just want to live a little longer than the others that you're willing to sacrifice those who will burden you."

And that was it, I roughly pulled the collar of her plain long, white dress. "You're so annoying! Tumahimik ka! Tumahimik ka! Wala kang alam sa buhay ko kaya wala kang karapatang pagsabihan ako ng ganiyan--"

"I think a year is enough for me to properly know your nature." She gently tapped my hand that was holding her. "I've been wandering for two years, meeting different people--"

"Wala akong pakealam--"

"And you're the only one whom I'm willing to spend so much time with."

I quieted down for a while, letting her go as I slid on the floor beside her bed, sitting. I buried my head between my knees, hoping tears would come out remembering the memories I have of my friend but no matter how much I reminisce, no matter how happy those memories were--I can't cry. Simula 'yung araw na namatay ang pamilya ko, ni isa ay hindi ko na nakita ang sarili kong umiyak. Not because my parents died, but because my life got ruined. All due to a war all living were forced to take part on.

"How do you always seem like you know everything despite being unable to see?" I seriously asked.

"... perhaps because I am unable to see anything that I understand everything." She answered cryptically again. She always just does that whenever I ask a question. She's making it as if my questions are rhetorical.

"Then I wish I'm like you too." Siguro sa ganoong paraan ay maiintindihan ko narin sa wakas kung bakit nangyayari ang lahat ng ito.

"Oh?" She was amused. "You want somebody to stab your eyes until they bleed everything out as well?"

My eyes grew wide for a moment. "That happened? Bakit naman nila gagawin sa'yo 'yun? May ginawa ka ba? Masama ka bang tao?"

She laughed lightly, still...strange how I keep hearing that sad symphony ringing around every single of her action and word. She's a strange woman. Some children call her crazy, but she's still pretty much popular in this orphanage. She makes little kids cry though. She has a habit of telling them tragic tales about life saying it would make them realize how to make their own tales that would suit them.

When her intentions are clear like that, I do think she's kind. But when she's being so confusing and mysterious, I see her as someone really bad. That's why she's strange. She's different in a way one won't often see in this time of great oppression. I've never even see her open her eyes, nor I can imagine what she looks with them. She's blind, she can't see anything yet she can understand everything.

She has a short black hair that reached her lower neck, even though it used to just be below her ears some time ago. She's really beautiful sometimes I think it's impossible. She says unusual things that would often trigger me getting angry with her. But she's always calm and her face is always so neutral that I can't read her.

She would either fall or stumble over nothing when I don't help her or would even accidentally hurt herself. She's so weak and fragile that I have to protect her most of the time. I don't really mind though. She's been stuck with me ever since I saved her a year ago from almost getting shot by two soldiers when I was escaping. I didn't really realize we've been together since then.

"Erhiel." She called, it made me return to my senses. "Someone's knocking at the door."

"..right." I stood up.

"Ate Erhi, dala ko po 'yung pagkain ni--" before the kid could continue, binuksan ko na ang pintuan. I smiled, taking the tray with a bowl of hot porridge on it and a glass of water beside.

"Thanks, Sally." Sabi ko sa kaniya. "At...gising na ba si Gillian?"

"Hindi pa po."

"Mauna ka kayo kumain, mamaya na lang ako." Bilin ko sa kaniya. Masaya itong tumango at umalis na bago ko isinara ang pintuan. "It's