That Soothing Tune Inside A Dream

Suffocation. It was that feeling where everything else seemed to have stopped working, where no matter how much I struggle--I can never escape that heavy force that would always try to pull me down. A place where none can reach, a place where I can truly feel free, a place where I can have my peace, somewhere that I wouldn't have to ever think of those responsibilities and burdens. Death. 

The surrounding water was freezing. It felt like time had stopped and I was merely caught up in it, like I was watching an eternity of nothingness in an endless space devoid of anything but that deafening sound of my body falling down this river, that sound of my own heartbeat pacing slower, and that sound of bubbles protruding upward as they were in a rush to reach above. 

The waves felt so soothing while my body finally rested on the soil after a gentle push. I laid my arms on each side, looking up where the sight of the midnight sky seemed to have become even clearer from down here. Stars shone, replacing the bright magic circles which enthroned the azures before, glowing alongside the moon. 

The sight beyond was echoing, it looked as though I was seeing a whole canvas, and I didn't seem to mind dying then. I feel so tired, exhausted, that I just want everything to come to end. I wish I could just simply stop caring, I wish I could just go on my day without having to worry whether this world gets destroyed or not...I wish I don't  care at all about this world so that I could ignore it. 

But hatred is a complicated yet an easy emotion, it's something that can't be described just by words--especially if what I feel is even beyond it. But I do not dislike having this emotion, though it doesn't mean I dislike it either. Feeling hatred is a responsibility one put onto themselves because they don't like how the way things unfold. 

And I direct my hatred to this world, for being like this, for making me like this. Like I said, hatred is a responsibility, which makes this world a burden I carry and would continue to unless I end everything. Some may ask why I choose to save this world, why I choose to help it...I'm also aware that this world doesn't have any consciousness so the way I blame it may be foolish.

But it's all about whether I can shape this entire world with traces of my existence or just end up dying without leaving some kind of revenge. I'm fine with having none--what I can never afford is to die silently just like this world has always wanted me to. How did I know? Because there's that kind of force that would always haunt me--when I sleep, when I find myself in this kind of silence, when I think, and sometimes it comes whenever I close my eyes. 

What kind of force--I can't exactly find the words to define, to describe, to explain. All I know is it was that sort of feeling that makes me feel like I could die any moment now but despite that, for some reason, I don't feel like hurrying. Perhaps somewhere inside me isn't actually ready to because no matter how much I crave for death, that part of me will always be scared to face it. The thought makes me laugh mentally, it's ironical after all.

I closed my eyes, slowly shutting off my senses. I wasn't breathing for a few minutes now but I didn't mind. I knew I wasn't going to die--I couldn't, but I wonder if this is what it feels to. That loneliness, that stillness, that relief etched with something else...that little trace of fear. I thought so to myself then; so this is what silence sounds like. 

Strange as it may sound, I began to hear loud explosions, the strong forces of energies almost slamming through the water, and that unfamiliar scent of blood mixed with metals and iron rounding up in the air, and I suddenly felt nauseous. I opened my visions, my heart eventually pounding so hard against my chest that it was almost all that I could hear.

I was no longer in the water then. I was...standing--floating above the water as large ship vessels came into view meters away from where I stood. Guns were fired simultaneously, accompanied by the shrieks of  monsters rising from underneath, gaining dominance over the sighted ships. The skies were dark, leaving only the breathes of fire illuminating the entire place.

Pamilyar sa akin ang nakikita kong simbolo na nakaukit sa bawat bandila sa ibabaw ng mga barko, pati narin ang simbolo na nakalagay sa gilid ng bawat airships habang unti-unti silang nahuhulog pabagsak sa tubig. Hindi normal ang enerhiyang nararamdaman kong nanggagaling mismo sa akin, wala din akong alam sa mga nangyayari. 

Pero hindi ito ang unang beses na may nakikita akong ganito, paminsan-minsan silang dumadating sa panaginip ko o sa mga oras kung saan mahina ang pakiramdam ko, na para bang may nagpapakita sa akin ng mga pangyayaring ito, at wala akong alam kung bakit. Ang alam ko lang, ay sa akin ang katawang ito pero hindi naman ako ang may kontrol dito.

Napatingin ako sa taas at may nakitang paparating na ilang parte ng sira-sirang airships mula sa taas. Sa halip na pigilan ang mga ito, walang ginawa ang katawan ko kundi hinayaan lang ang mga itong bumagsak sa ilalim, at kahit ni isa ay walang tumama. Tumaas ang aking kamay at ni ako mismo ay hindi masyadong nakita kung ano ang nangyari.

Dahil sa isang iglap, biglang nahati sa gitna ang bawat barko at nasunog ang mga ito. Hindi manlang umabot sa direksyon ko ang mga armas na tinatapon ng mga kalaban dahil sa malayo pa lamang ay bumalik na agad ang atake sa kanila. Isa-isa ding sumabog ang mga airships sa itaas kasabay nang mga pagsigaw na tila mas malakas pa sa tunog ng mga nagliliparang dragon.

"Ke'ala." Gusto kong lumingon kung sino ang tumawag sa akin mula sa likuran, pero hindi ganoon ang ginawa ng may-ari nitong katawan. 

Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang tumalon ang puso ko marinig ang boses na iyon, at sa katunayan ay parang gusto kong umiyak. Minsan hindi ko na maitindihan ang mga nangyayari sa akin, pero gusto kong makita kung sino ang taong ito, at naiinis ako na hindi ko manlang magawa iyon dahil--

"Erevera." Nagulat ako marinig ang sarili kong sinabi ang pangalang iyon, at sa buong buhay ko, iisa lang ang taong may pangalang ganoon ang may kakahayang iparamdam sa akin ang ganitong klaseng emosyon.

"I'll handle it here."

"You were always so bad at hiding emotions." I chuckled, but it wasn't my control. 

"Because you were always so good at unveiling them."  A hand held mine, and I actually like the sudden contact...as though I've been longing for it. 

"How can I go if you keep holding me so tightly?"

A barrier was suddenly cast around us, deflecting all the incoming attacks, but it wasn't coming from this body. "I was hoping you'd hold mine back. I was hoping...that you wouldn't have to go. And I was hoping I didn't have the courage to let you." 

It was then that I glanced beside me. He had long eyelashes, hazel brown eyes, distorted hair due to the wind, but among all those things, what took my attention was his sad smile. Unconsciously, I found my hand reaching the side of his face...and I found myself returning such a bitter smile. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't for...these memories doesn't belong to the present me...it belonged to Caelesti. 

"Me too," I pushed myself closer, my forehead ceasing the distance on his as we gaze right to each other's stares. "...Damiel."

Despite the cold, warmth spread around my face, down my body, feeling streaks of lights heating up this freezing water. Before I could open my eyes, a blast of cool breeze hit me after I feel a pair of hands pull me out, and before I even knew it; I was already on the ground while sitting up grasping for air. My visions were heavy, but I sensed a figure surrounding me carved with worry which seemed so unfamiliar. 

Hanggang ngayon ay hindi narin nawala sa isipan ko ang mga nakita ko. Exodus, Black Clan...alam kong may iba pa akong nakikita pero hindi na sila pamilyar pa sa akin. Sobrang lungkot din nang nararamdaman kong nanggagaling mismo sa katawang iyon, at hindi ko man alam kung ano ang mangyayari sa hinaharap...handa akong harapin ito.

"How long were you planning on sitting on there?" A deep, familiar voice resounded.

I looked up to see a pair of silver eyes examining me like I was some strange phenomenon. He wore a a brown hood which covered his long silver hair. He had this black-scaled armour now that extends down his feet, a sword clutched on the side and he looked like he's been doing fine in almost three years now that I hadn't seen him.

I stood up, noticing the darkened woods all around the two of us. I was beginning to sense emotions a bit far from where we stood, and there were a lot of them. I walked towards the deeper parts of the trees to make it harder for them to track me down, they were tall and big enough to hide movements and it's easier to escape from here.

"Soldiers are everywhere looking for your trace. They knew you haven't escaped yet." 

"Silverrium." I called out as he matched his steps beside me.

"What?"

"Where is Laire?" He knew I was referring to that Guardian.

I saw him smirk as he crossed his arms in front of him. "You'd be surprised to see her. But for now, let her do her job."

"I see." I glanced up at him and smiled a little. "Seems like you've rounded enough energy to  regain your true form. Where did even you get the energy when I wasn't around?"

"Don't underestimate my connection with the Sigillum inside you. No matter where you are, as long as you're alive, all the monsters and demons stored inside the relic will still have your energy. You have such an abundant mana reserves that you don't even feel your energy slipping away at times."

"In other words, you don't want me to die at all." It was meant as a provocation, but it took me by surprise how he ended up silencing himself. 

He stopped, looking around. "You have changed."

"Everybody does."

"You were always restless, that no matter how exhausted you always appear to be..." he trailed off as he unsheathed his sword, the sound of metal sliding off the scabbard on his belt. "You would always look so determined. I don't know you enough to understand you, Ke'ala, but I have been through enough to properly see you differently from how others do."

"You just admire me." 

"And that's something I can't hide." He stepped right in front, raising his sword beside him. "But from the way I see you now, you're just going to give up at every chance you get."

"You were always so perceptive." 

"You won't even deny it." He mumbled, but it was enough to reach my ears. 

All of the sudden, soldiers sprang up from the trees and they were bunch of illusions, no wonder I couldn't feel them get near. They don't have emotions. Silverrium aimed his sword at their incoming numbers, and as quickly as the passing breeze pasty by, he was already at the other end. The soldiers slowly faded away, the traces of energy disappearing through the air.

"The Emperor can see what his illusions can, and considering the fact that they are still out there, I say we move quickly out of here. I got the Guardian already--"

"You're just running away." He sheathed his sword, now looking straight into my eyes as though he was searching for something that was already long lost.

"So what if I am?" I avoided his penetrating gaze and continued on my way, not until he yanked my arm, making me face his questioning look, and I knew I wasn't ready to answer anything at the moment. 

"You were never afraid to face anything. You were always looking forward to a battle. When we fought before, your eyes held so much curiosity and determination that made you so strong"

I sighed, taking my arm. "What are you trying to say now?"

"I'm saying you've changed too much that you lost the will to fight."

"I am not invincible, Silv, and you know that. But you're right, I am afraid. But not from facing them." I glared at him, turning around. "I'm afraid that I might just choose to throw everything away and end up not doing what I have to do. That I might just forget my responsibilities and choose to indulge myself from the pleasures of battles. Death's always calling out to me, and I don't think I might have the courage to turn down its offer eventually. Nobody understands that, and neither do you."

"Then throw everything away. Then indulge yourself. Stop caring about everything else."

"Why are you even telling me that?"

He hit my shoulder lightly when he passed by, leading the way. "Perhaps because I pity you."

"I don't need it." I clenched my fists. "I won't need it."

"You might just someday." He pushed the bushes to the side that were blocking the path. "And I'll always be there if you do."

I was taken aback, though for some reason that felt like another burden that I was happy to carry. "Is this supposed to be the Great Demon Silverrium who can wipe out an entire land?" I smirked. 

"Don't start now, human." 

Medyo natawa ako sa kaniya at nagpatuloy kami sa paglalakad, at kahit papaano ay nawala din sa isipan ko ang mga nakita ko kanina. Hindu nakikita ng iba ang nakikita ko kay Silverrium, na sa likod ng maskara niya, ay isa siyang maalalahing demonyo. Alam niya sa sarili niya kung ano at kung sino ang dapat niyang unahin.

Sa hindi kalayuan ay may nakikita akong kweba na napapaligiran ng mist at mga nagtataasang punongkahoy. Hindid in maasyadong madilim kahit sa liblib na kami na parte ng kakahuyan dahil sa maliwanag na sinag ng buwan sa itaas. May nagmumulang liwanag sa loob ng kweba, kaya ibig sabihin ay may tao dito.

Pero nagpatuloy lang si Silverrium papunta dito kaya sumunod na lamang din ako. May nararamdaman akong emosyon na nanggagaling sa loob, at may naririnig din akong galaw. Bumungad sa amin papasok ang isang babae na may mahabang buhok sa likuran, katulad ito ng kulay ng buhok ni Silverrium, at kagaya din ng sa kaniya ay may suot din itong armour. 

"Aeryn." 

 "Ke'ala." Humarap ito sa akin at tumango.

Napabuntong-hininga ako at umupo sa lupa tsaka ko sinandal ang likuran ko sa mabatong pader. "I'm grateful you managed to find Silverrium."

"Psh. I didn't need her to find me." Wika naman ni Silv. 

May binigay siya sa aking isang scroll, umilaw ito at bumuo ng isang malaking mapa na nagpapakita ng nangyayari sa buong mundo. Hindi ko alam kung saan niya nakuha ito pero, hindi lang mga lugar ang pinapakita nito, pati narin ang kaonting impormasyon na isinulat ng dalawa. Aagad ko itong isinara matapos ang ilang minuto at tinapon sa may apoy na pinapalibutan ng mga bato.

"What about the others?"  

"Andrei de la Valliere and Zen Arkion of Zyrendel, are nowhere to be found in Magnus no matter how much Silv and I kept searching." Bago pa man kasi kami magkahiwalay ni Aeryn noon sa Alberich, ay may inutos ako sa kaniya habang pinapahanap ko si Silverrium sa Magnus, pati narin si Andrei at Kion.

"They left no trace behind, is what you're saying." I closed my eyes, clearing my thoughts. For some reason...I feel so tired right now. "The other thing I asked you to investigate?"

"About that..." she frowned, hesitating. 

"We found where the World's Organization is located after killing plenty of their Overseers and candidates, their exact Headquarters." Silverrium continued. 

"And?"

"It's in Magnus." 

I let out a laugh, startling both of them. "So we're back at where everything began." I slid both of my palms over my head, opening my eyes again to look at them. "What else did you find?"

"They have many branches all over the world. Siegber Nations, Alberich Empire...they all have people in every countries and Kingdoms. I won't even be surprise if they have one here in Leomer Empire too." Aeryn said. "The Organization's chain of information is endless, and the fact that you've been wanted in different countries is a proof that they can certainly kill you any moment now."

"But they won't. Not yet." I replied looking at the burning woods brought by fire. "For now, the best thing they can do is capture and contain me."

"And why is that?"

"Let's just say..." I channeled a fire to keep to the woods to keep lighting the area. "Let's just say I know my fate better than they do."

"I've always been wondering, Ke'ala." Silverrium said, gaining my attention. "What are you really fated for? Why do you seem like you've been holding onto something no one knows?"

There was that silence for uncounted seconds, our gazes directly scanning each other. I never imagined Silverrium to care this much of my existence...but it's me we're talking about. He only cares because he wants me, who has the Sigillum, to survive to gain my abundant energy. It's not only him, they all only care simply because I am needed, because I have something they can all gain advantage of, and because they know I benefit from them as well.

"Sometimes, there are things better left unsaid."

"Why must you be so distant?"

"Silverrium, Aeryn." I called. "Do you trust me?"

"I do." Aeryn answered abruptly. "You gave me a purpose and until that purpose is served, I will trust you."

Then I looked at Silv who looked away the moment our eyes met, the corner of his face heating up in embarrassment. "Tsk. Why  do you even need to ask that? If I don't, I wouldn't have been helping you for so long now." He sighed, then finally looked at me. "I told you before, Ke'ala. I will not leave your side."

"I see." I nodded. "I appreciate that, but..." my gaze went serious, cold air dancing around us all of the sudden as silence once again fell. "I don't want those emotions to go deeper than trust, if they do--then I will have to severe our connections."

Aeryn's eyes widened, while Silv was left frowning before he said, "...you don't want our concern."

"I don't."

"Why?"

"Because you will regret it."

"How? Why are you doing all of this but can't ask for anything in return? Aeryn, your spirits, they will lay their lives for you if you'd ask them to, and you're saying you don't need them to."

"Don't get agitated, Silv, and stop showing me such a sad expression. For a feared demon, that isn't like you." I stood up, feeling the turmoil all around the cave. "They are already here."

"An army of soldiers are surrounding us." Aeryn said, sensing humans. Demons have always been good at doing so. 

"We'll just have to annihilate them." Silverrium then drew out his sword.

"We're escaping." I