MATTHEW
I slam my car door with so much force as I get inside sitting down trying to get my breathing intact. This is not how the afternoon was suppose to pen out. We were suppose to agree that whatever transpired between us these last two days should never happen again but of course nothing favored me today. I'll admit I didn't handle the situation appropriately especially because I want Thando as much as she wants me.
Fuck fuck fuck.
As much as I try I can't unsee the hurt I saw on her face when I yelled at her. I hold my phone attempting to text her to apologize for my behavior but fail to type the words. I toss my phone next to me frustrated by everything.
"Don't what Daddy?"
I'm hit by a memory of her calling me Daddy in her sweet voice and my dick hardens. I didn't expect Thando to call me that but then again none of the words she said I expected from her. If it wasn't for Kayla calling I just know I'd have her sitting on my cock right now as I sink my cock in her cunt.
"Unlike you I'm brave enough to say what I want and that's you but rest assured big brother after today I'm completely over you."
Good God those words really did a number on my heart.
"What do you expect? You're the one who said she should call you big brother." My subconscious reminds me.
Okay yes but in my defense it's because I was trying to remind us of our roles in each other's lives. Hearing her say that she wants me as much as I want her almost had me giving in but she slammed the door in my face before I got the chance to respond. My phone rings and I see Treys nanny calling.
"Marisa hey, is everything alright?" I answer immediately.
"Everything is fine. Trey actually wants to talk to you so I'll put him on speaker."
I hear Miranda telling Trey that she is going to the restroom meaning he's not to move where's he's sitting.
"Hi Daddy." My sons voice fills my ears.
I try not imagining Thando calling me that as I clear my throat before I say. "Hi buddy."
"How far are you before you get home?" He asks and I can hear how anxious he is and I worry immediately.
"I'll be there as soon as possible Trey. Is everything okay?"
"Everything is fine dad stop worrying. I just want us to talk about something that's all."
"Alright sweetheart, I'll be there just now."
"Alright see you now now." He says before he hanging up.
I drive off immediately my mind already coming up with different scenarios of what could be bothering my son.

Did something happen at school that I'm unaware of? Is he being bullied by a bunch of kids I know nothing about.
When it comes to my son I try being up to date with everything that happens in his life as much as possible and I'm very adamant that we communicate no matter how difficult the situation is. Trey is very smart for his age and very observant and that means I have a lot of questions to answer. You never know what is it he will ask and how much of it are you willing to share.

Ten minutes later I arrive at my house the time now seven-thirty. I park my car in the garage before I open the door which leads me to the kitchen. I scan the kitchen hoping Trey is here but hear voices coming from the living room. I walk in finding him and Marisa focusing on a spider-man movie.
Poor Marisa for always having to see the same movie almost every day.
"I just know by now you know that movie line by line Trey." I announce my presence.
He laugh turning to look at me. "Not true."
"Good evening Marisa."
"Hi Matthew."
Marisa says her goodbyes to Trey and me before leaving us.
"Have you had dinner yet?"
"Not yet, I was waiting on you." He replies.
"Alright, come on then let me cook us something while we talk." I say as I carry him all the way to the kitchen.
"You need to stop carrying me around. I'm a big boy now daddy." He tells me as I put him in his favorite chair.
"No such thing. You can be thirty and I'll still see you as my little boy." I tell him honestly. No matter his age he will always remain my little son.
"What do you want to eat?" I ask him already opening the fridge looking around.
"How about some grilled cheese sandwich? Please daddy?" He pleads with his puppy eyes that gets me to agree to almost anything.
I smile at his cuteness. "Okay but only because it's late. Tomorrow you'll have a healthy dinner."
"Deal." He smiles agreeing.
I start preparing our meal while he plays with his hands as a sign of him being nervous. I keep quiet waiting patiently for him to start talking when he's ready and sure enough minutes later he does.
"I wish I had a mommy." He whispers so low if I wasn't paying attention I wouldn't have heard him.
I feel like someone punched me in the stomach with the way oxygen leaves my lungs as I take in his words which I was not prepared to hear. Trey is looking at me nervously gauging my reaction which I do a good job at masking so that he can be comfortable to talk to me. These are times when I wish my mom was here to help me talk to my son about this one topic because I'm clueless as to how to navigate this topic with him.

"I wish you had a mommy too Trey." I say as he begins crying breaking my heart. I walk to him sitting next to him so we're face to face. "What brought this on?"
"I just...I see all my friends have mommies but I have no one." He hiccups as he sobs. I carry him as I place him on my lap letting him cry. I want nothing than to strangle Miranda for the pain he's causing my son even when she's not in our lives.
"Hey, that's not true. You have me. You always have me." I tell him hoping to ease some of his pain.
"I just mean I don't have a mommy like other kids. Why doesn't my mom want me daddy?" He's breaking down now burying his head in my chest.
"Look at me." I command and he does through his tears. "Your mother wasn't ready to be a parent Trey that's why she left us and yes that's unfair but sometimes people leave no matter how hard we want them to stay." I tell him.
I never thought I'd have this conversation with my six year old son, I always thought that maybe we still have few more years for me to prepare but again this is my emotional intelligent son. It breaks my heart that he's going through all of this but I know I have to tell him the truth no matter how painful it is.
"Will she ever get back?"
I want to tell him I'd prefer if she didn't but gives him another truth instead.
"I don't know Trey. That's for her to decide."
"Did she at least love me?"
"Yes, I've no doubt she did. Proof of her love is you being here alive with me." I lie for his sake.
He nods satisfied with my words. "Can I ask you for a favor daddy?"
"Anything."
"Can you give me a new mommy." He blurts out unaware of the weight of his words.
"No one can replace your mom." I tell him. "But I can promise you that one day when I meet someone and marry them, someone who loves you as much as I do she can play the role of being your mother." I tell him even though I doubt they'll ever be a day where I meet a woman enough to meet my son.
"Promise?" He asks.
"Promise." I vow. "But I want you to know that if that never happens I'll always be here trying my best to be the best parent for you."
"You're already the best daddy in the whole world." He says plastering kisses all over my face. I haven't had a reason to shed tears in years but in this moment I allow the one tear that falls off my face.
I clear my throat wiping my eyes getting my act together. "How long have you been keeping all of this to yourself?"
"For months, I was scared to talk to you but Auntie Thando said I should talk to you and here I am." He shrugs.
I'll admit I'm a bit hurt that he shared this information with Thando first but I also feel grateful that she talked my son in confiding to me.
"Is there anything you want us to talk about?" I ask him wanting to make sure he's said everything he wants to say.
"Yeah." He says seriously then smiles before he says. "When are we eating?"
I chuckle glad that he can move on from our heavy conversation as easy as that. I dish us our meal making sure to pour him a glass of milk.
"Thank you."
"You welcome."
I watch Trey as he eats wondering how much more of this is bothering him. I text my therapist booking an appointment for Trey. I would give my son anything but what he just asked me seems so impossible. I don't know whether I'll ever be able to give him what he ask. Ever! In the meantime I just pray that as he grows up he will forgive me for not fulfilling his promise.
"Aren't you eating?"
"No, I'm not hungry."
"Alright I'm done." He announce standing up to put his dish in the sink.
"Let's go brush your teeth and tuck you to bed." I tell him already carrying him. "It's already past your bed time mister."
After brushing his teeth I tuck him to bed and read him his favorite story book. I kiss his forehead before I walk out of his room making sure he's sleeping. Or so I thought.
"Daddy?" I turn walking back to his bed.
"I thought you're sleeping."
"I was but forgot something."
"What is it?" I ask him when he surprises me with wrapping his arms around me giving me a tight hug.
"I love you dad."
My love grows every day for this child.
"I love you too my love. More than you'll ever know." I hug him back. Trey pulls out of our hug getting back to his duvet sleeping. I stand by his door just looking at him for a good minute before I walk to my bedroom shedding my clothes then go to shower. I spent a good amount of minutes in the shower before I go to bed where I contemplate whether to text Thando or not.
•Hey, Trey told me what you both talked about in regards of his mother and I just want to say thank you for advising him to talk to me.
I hit send holding my breath as I wait for her reply. Time moves slow as I see the bubbles before her text comes through.
•You're welcome. -Thando
Two words and they sting as fuck. I suppose it's my fault. I could of at least apologized but chose the coward way. I just know I really messed up and there's no going back after today. I just hope we will be able to maintain a civil conversation when we see each other or around our families.