Ward

There are moments that make you think about the way your life is going. This was definitely one of them. Watching as Cassie walked up to the podium in her somber black dress, tears shining in her golden eyes, broke my heart in unimaginable ways. I wanted to keep watching her, to look her in the eyes when she made it up there, but the small bundle in my arms gave a small whine and my attention was diverted. Bright blue eyes so similar to Walker's shone up at me and I couldn't help but smile when the soft whine was released again.

At twelve forty-four p.m. December thirtieth, CarrieAnn gave birth to a four pound eleven ounce baby girl, surprising everyone. Wylie Paige Malcolm, who was now a healthy five pounds and twelve ounces, and the doctor had released her to Dave three days ago.

"Carrie and I weren't speaking when I arrived at the hospital two weeks ago. We hadn't had an actual conversation since before I'd had Walker. She tried to make me see reason months ago when she drove down to visit me at work, but I was too stubborn to hear her. I only saw how I felt, my pain." Cassie paused, "A little over a week ago I received a letter from Carrie's lawyer along with papers for custody of my niece." A sob broke out of her throat but I couldn't comfort her, no matter how much I wanted to.

Cassie

Big Sister,

Do you remember when I was little and had those horrifying nightmares that Mama was gonna die? And you'd crawl into bed with me and sing me that terrible lullaby that you couldn't remember the words to? Well, I've been having those dreams again for the last few weeks. It's awful, but this time it's about me and I don't have you there to comfort me. It's occurred to me that I could've had you here with me, but I messed it all up. And, I'm so scared, Cassie, because I know what the dream means. When I think about raising the baby, the only thing I can see is you holding it, loving on it. To be honest, I don't even feel a real connection with the baby -- it just feels like a parasite, one I can't wait to get rid of. But,  I've made a choice and contacted a lawyer. But, I'll explain that in a bit.

For now, I need to apologize, because when I look back at the day I visited you at work, I realize I didn't even bother to. It was all about me as usual. So, I'm sorry Cassie. I'm so sorry for betraying, for hurting you; all you'd ever done for me was take care of me, give me the best of things. You busted your butt to take the role of a mother figure and look what I've done -- thrown it in your face. You deserve better than that, but I can't change it now. I just want you to know that from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry and I love you more than words can express.

Now, on to why I've gotten a lawyer. Dalton's gone. He left me a week after Walker's first birthday without a word. I don't know why, he didn't say much in his note, but he did leave a notarized document signing his paternal rights away. And I'm pretty grateful for that because I'm listing you as the appointed guardian to my baby. Please raise them like your own, Cassie. Only tell them about me when they're old enough, if you have to.

By the way, I'm not entirely sure it's a boy, so I've included both names that I've chosen. Don't know why, but calling the baby "he" just doesn't feel right.

I love you more than the sun, moon and stars, big sister.

Wylie Paige

Wade Paul 

It had been a long couple of weeks, but we were slowly accepting things and surviving. Daddy had made the big move to Red Mire, stating he couldn't be too far from both of his grandchildren and now his only remaining child. He was taking the loss of Carrie a lot easier than I had expected, but I think he accepted that there wasn't much the doctors could do for her. It helped knowing that she'd brought a beautiful child into the world and that a piece of her was left behind. During the day, Dad watched both Walker and Wylie while Ward and me worked and then at night he went home to Ward's former apartment. Where did Ward live? Well, let's just say that the spot beside me in bed was filled in and warm every night, and I never woke up alone or wondering where he was. At first Daddy was unsure of this set-up, but I think he knew as well as I did that Ward wasn't going anywhere. And if he wanted to, he definitely could.

Having a fourteen month old and a newborn in the same house was not a walk in the park, especially not for a new relationship, but Ward took it in stride. We took turns getting up to feed Wylie and check on Walker, who was adjusting to having another baby in the house pretty well. He even called her his baby. He seemed to not mind the late night crying but didn't understand why she couldn't play or had to be held all of the time.

Wylie was turning out to be the addition to the house that we hadn't known we needed and we loved her more than I ever thought possible. I was grateful that Carrie had loved her child enough to leave her with us, and as far as I was concerned, that proved how great of a mom Carrie would've been despite her lack of connection with Wylie.

A cough broke me out of my head and I was caught by the sight of the crowd of people gathered in the pews, completely shocked by the sheer number of people in attendance. Carrie didn't have very many friends, especially not in the beauty pageant circuit, but it looked like three solid rows of beauty queens gathered out there. My family littered the rest of the large room, filling out a good portion of the large Catholic church. We definitely weren't Catholic, but we needed the space for her service and Carrie had always loved this cathedral. Dreamed about getting married in it one day. I found it only fitting to hold it in such a beautiful place.

Truthfully, I was having a hard time accepting that she was gone. I'd never really not had her around since she'd been born and accepting the fact that she wasn't going to be around was a hard pill to swallow. An even bigger one was the fact that she had given me custody over her child, like she predicted that her death was going to occur.

But, I believed that she had.

Carrie had nightmares for weeks leading up to Mama's passing and while I hadn't know what to do to comfort her, especially at such a young age, so I just sang to her after I cuddled into her for the night. I would promise her that Mama would be okay, but the truth of the matter was, I hadn't known if she would. And as it turns out, I was entirely wrong.

Mama had died  nearly three weeks after Carrie began having the nightmares from sickness, one I now understood was cancer. Carrie had dreamed like that two more times in our short lives, one of them being when Nannie and Pappie had died together in their sleep one night, the other when a friend of hers had been killed in a car wreck in high school.

"I don't know why she wanted me to take care of Wylie, but I plan to love her like I know Carrie would have." I stopped and folded the letter up before beginning again, still at a complete loss of words. "I want to thank everyone for coming out and honoring Carrie, we're going to follow the hearse to the grave site and Brother Gentry will say a few words before we make our way to the dining hall in the baptist church on Pine street. Please, come and eat, share memories of Carrie and meet her beautiful little girl."

* * * * *

Daddy used to say that the first Christmas without someone you loved was the hardest, and it seemed to me that he was right. We had spent the better part of the last year adjusting to the fact that Carrie wasn't coming back, which hit home pretty hard around her birthday in March. it seemed we had sailed through the last year, but not without it's bumps. Walker was getting older and beginning to question things more. He had just turned two and it was clear that this was not going to be my favorite age. Likewise, Wylie would be one in less than a week and I was having a hard time accepting it. I had done as Carrie asked and taken her as my own, which was why I could scarcely believe she was nearly a year old.

This holiday season was proving to be the most difficult I'd ever experienced, especially knowing that Carrie wouldn't walk through the front door at any given minute. Little Wylie was colicy, Walker had a slight cold, Daddy was avoiding me, which led me to believe he wasn't holding himself together very well, and Ward was hiding something from me. My only source of comfort was Delish! I was lucky enough to still have Texas and Donnie, and not to mention a lovely woman named Emilie, who'd joined our ranks the previous November in order to help with the holiday rush. Emilie had two children, Wyatt, who was seven and Alex, who was three. She was married to a wonderful man named Jaxon, who had hit it off very well with the other men that reigned our little group. I was more than grateful to have another mother around, especially since I needed advice.

I was honestly worried about mine and Ward's relationship.

In the last few weeks he and Daddy had been off to themselves, and any time I would come around, the subject they were discussing would drop and I'd be left feeling terribly awkward. To top that off, any kind of attempts I made at furthering our intimate relationship had ceased, and lets be honest, I was getting just a tiny bit frustrated.

Okay, so I was going crazy since he refused to even do more than kiss me, but I was a woman with needs!  After having been together a little over a year you'd think we would have consummated the relationship, but we'd waited. Of course that hadn't stopped things from heating up a little, but now? That had come to a dead stop. I was beginning to feel like a teenage boy at prom with the hormones surging through my body. I'd resorted to cold showers. Lots of them.

Tonight was Christmas eve and everyone from our mini-gang had gathered in our apartment for the gift exchange we had arranged weeks ago. I had drawn Texas' friend Beau's name. Now, I was about 99 percent sure that Beau was head over heels for Texas, but wasn't going to say anything until he felt she was over Yates. As a gift, I'd gotten him a gift card to Cabella's but unfortunately, the closest one to us was in Fort Worth unless he shopped online. He'd was going to hate me though because I'd wrapped the little bitty gift card in nearly a dozen boxes of varying sizes accompanied by Gorilla Tape and Super Glue. He was definitely going to dislike me by the end of the night.

I was currently putting the final touches on our holiday cake and waiting on the ham to finish up. I had chosen to use my mother's sweet ham recipe, it was covered in butter and sprinkled with brown sugar with pineapple rings speared into it. Daddy said Mama's ham never failed to impress. There were more sides than could fit on my counters and I was sure everyone was going home tonight with a doggy bag or two. The timer on the ham when off just as eleven month old Wiley Paige decided it was snack time. I rushed to turn off the oven and pull out the main course so I could get my arms around the precious bundle I'd fallen in love with.

Wylie's big hazel eyes stared up at me expectantly when I arrived at her crib, and I was taken by how much like Carrie she looked. While I couldn't honestly recall what newborn Carrie looked like just from memory alone, I knew that she was identical from the baby pictures Daddy had given me. Her skin was a soft peach color, with a light red hue that just kissed the apples of her chubby cheeks. Her big eyes were framed by thick eyelashes and her bright pink lips were perfectly bow shaped. Carrie and Dalton honestly made a gorgeous baby.

"Hi, punkin," I cooed, cradling her little head in my hands, "Is someone hungry?" Her orbs widened and her mouth opened in response to my voice, it also helped that I was holding a warm bottle of her formula. While I was still breastfeeding Walker and producing enough milk to feed them both, I didn't find it sanitary give her mine. We've stuck to formula with Paige and it was a good thing because she really seemed to like it, plus it helped her stomach problems. It took a good twenty minutes but she finally got fed and burped enough to lay back down. Normally I'd check on Walker, but he was of with Ward and Daddy picking up last minute stuff from the closest Wal-Mart.

I made sure all of the gifts were set out since people would be getting here soon, and double checked the decorations. We'd gone with a hunting-slash-fishing theme as a joke, but I actually loved it. It really fit, and made me think back to our weekend at Uncle Irv's the previous year. Despite all of the stress and sadness, I was really aiming for tonight to go well.

I'd only see how it really went.

* * *

"And, finally, this is from your Secret Santa, Cass." Emilie read off, thrusting a childishly wrapped gift into my awaiting hands with a smile. I was curious to see what Jaxon got me. So far, Dad had gotten an engraved flask from Emilie, Jaxon had gotten a new stocked tackle box from Texas, Texas had received a cashmere sweater from Donnie and Jack, who had gotten a voucher for a new tattoo at Daisy's Ink Shoppe from Ward. Beau was still working on getting his gift open, but I had no doubt that he would love and Dad had gotten Ward a brand new stetson (thank you, Daddy). Jack would've gotten something, but he was Jewish and didn't partake, but enjoyed watching us open gifts nonetheless.

I held my breath as I unwrapped the small box, it was the size and shape of phone box, but what baffled me more was that I'd just gotten a new phone, but knowing Jaxon, it would be something to cause me to turn into a tomato.

"Jaxon, you didn't get me a box of, er, prophylactics, did you?" I asked, blushing red when my Dad's eyes bulged wide. I was really grateful that my little parrot had crashed out nearly an hour earlier.

"Nope, just open it." He chuckled, holding a phone in my direction. This only added to my suspicion. He was recording? This had to be something ridiculous. I tore at the paper and tape, revealing a dirty iPhone box. My brow scrunched up at the sight. The sides were taped together with black electrical tape and it took a minute to get all of it off before I could lift the lid.

I nearly started bawling when I finally got the lid off. Sitting tucked in the middle of a bed of what looked like freshly picked cotton was a silver diamond ring that I'd only ever seen in photos before. I knew the inside was engraved with the date that my parents had met.

"Wha-" My eyes darted up quickly only to get caught in a pair of bright silver eyes filled to the brim with an emotion that had me choking back sobs.

Love.

"Cassidy Breigh Malcolm, I have been in love with you since the moment you opened the door and let me in your apartment. From that day I knew there was something special about you and I knew I needed to figure out what it was, even if I had to spend every day of the rest of my life figuring it out. You are beautiful, kind, giving, intelligent and above all, you are the most loving person I have ever met. I can't promise to never make you mad, to never disappoint you, or to be perfect, but I can promise to love you like you've always deserved. My entire goal will to be love you, Walker and Wylie with everything I have and am. I've asked your father and Walker's permission, but most importantly I need to know your answer. Will you do the honor of becoming my wife, Cassie?" Ward was down on his knee in front of our friends asking me to marry him with my mother's ring. Confessing his love for me. Tears blurred my eyes.

What had I ever done to deserve a man as wonderful as Ward?

"Cassie?" The uncertainty in his tone made me realize I hadn't responded yet. Jumping into action, I threw myself into his arms, knocking us both to the ground in the process.

"YES!"