I Only Miss Her When I'm Breathing

"Morgan, wake up." Fiona nudges me.

She then walks over to Ian's bed. "Time for work. Don't forget to take your meds."

Fiona bangs on the bathroom door as I get up.

"Oh, use the downstairs toilet if you're so fucking desperate!" Debbie yells.

"We've got to be at the clinic before 8:00, or we're gonna be waiting all day. We're doing this today, Debs. We've got to know for sure, one way or another. Debbie?"

"I heard you!" She snaps.

When I walk downstairs and into the kitchen, Sean is stood by the sink.

"Don't you have to open today?" I question.

"You and Ian can do it." He replies.

I look over at Frank as he sits on the sofa. "What is he doing?"

"Weeping, I think." Sean answers.

"Are you weeping again, Frank?" I call out to him.

"It's called mourning a loved one taken too soon." Frank's voice breaks as he speaks.

"Do you guys need a lift to work?" Sean asks us as Ian walks downstairs.

"No." He shakes his head.

"Did you take your meds?" I ask Ian as I open the fridge.

"Yes, Mom." He sighs.

"Not you're mother, just concerned." I reply.

When I close the fridge door, Frank is stood there.

"Fuck, Frank!" I gasp.

"I love you, Morgan. I just want you to know that I really love you." He cries.

"Thanks, Frank." I sarcastically smile.

"Did I ever tell you about the time I caught an octopus up on the reef outside of our hut and Bianca cooked it on an open fire right on the beach?"

"Yes." All of us answer, including Debbie and Fiona as they rush downstairs.

"And the funny little sneeze she would do when she was asleep?"

We all mimic the sneeze.

"Debs, I love you." Frank continues to cry. "I just want you to know that."

"Jesus." Debbie rolls her eyes.

"Go away, Frank." Ian says.

"You almost ready to go, Debs?" Fiona asks.

"I'm eating." She answers.

"Well, eat faster." Fiona replies.

I take a seat beside Ian at the kitchen table.

"Can I borrow five bucks?" Frank asks.

"No." Fiona, Ian, and Debbie all immediately refuse.

"Morgan?" He turns to me.

"What for?" I ask.

"I want to light a candle for Bianca at the foot of the Blessed-"

"Here." I give him the money.

"I love you so much." He cries.

"Please stop." I sigh.

"Hey, you two. Work. Now." Fiona snatches the cups of coffee from Ian and I.

---

As as I'm about to enter Pasty's, I notice a man, unconscious, in his car with the windows half down. His wallet could also be visibly seen, making him an easy target.

"Sir?" I knock on the car window, waking him up.

He groans as he sits up in his seat and opens the car door.

As he does, I notice all the scratches and dents on his car. "Holy shit, are you okay?"

"Is it bad?" He questions.

"It's definitely not good." I answer.

"Is there any blood or bits of clothing stuck in the grill?" He asks.

I quickly look over and check, "Nope."

"Good rule of thumb, kid. When you start sideswiping cars, it's time to pull over and park." He stumbles to his feet. "Wait, what day is it?"

"Monday." I answer.

"Shit. How do I look?" He asks.

"Honestly? Like shit." I truthfully reply. "Hey, let me get you some coffee."

As he walks past me and into the diner, the strong smell of alcohol lingers after him.

"Just sit here." I appoint him to a seat.

I quickly make him a coffee and bring it back over to him.

"There you are, Professor Youens." I read the tag off his jacket as I sit down opposites him.

"Oh, thank you.."

"Morgan." I smile.

"So, where do you study, Morgan?" He asks.

"Oh, I'm a high school dropout." I answer.

"You seem like a smart girl. Why did you quit?" He questions.

"I wouldn't call it quitting." I respond.

"That's exactly what it is." He replies.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." I laugh.

He then checks his watch. "Oh, great. I'm going to be late for class."

"Well, you're not driving. Come on, let's go." I pick up car keys and begin to walk out.

"Morgan, where are you going?" Sean asks.

"I feel really sick. Don't worry, Fiona can cover my shift." I tell him.

---

I'm sat in front of many students as I wait for Youens to come back.

I told him I'd stay for five minutes so he could go and get the stuff he needs from his office, but it's been fifteen minutes and everyone is starting to get impatient.

A girl in the second row keeps staring at me with a smirk on her face.

I try my best to ignore her but it gets harder and harder as the minutes ago.

My patience becomes thinner and thinner. "Okay, uh, listen up! Professor Youens has been unavoidably detained."

I look at the notes on his desk. "Uh, so, let's review Chapter 26 in preparation for next Friday's test, okay?"

Youens then stumbles into the class. "It's possible to make contrived functions, F for X, which no such polynomial exists, but these rarely occur in practice."

I wish I could I understood what he was talking about, but not one word of it made sense.

"Thank you for waiting, Morgan." He then says.

"Yeah, well, I really should get going." I pick up my jacket and bag before quickly leaving the class.

I had all intentions on going back to work and finishing my shift, but I felt the need to make sure Youens was okay.

So I stayed.

As soon as the class was over and all the students had left, I walk back in.

"I thought you had to leave?" Youens questions.

"Well, when you come in late and drunk for your class, I like to make sure you're okay." I answer.

"You really shouldn't worry. I've been drunk pretty much my whole life, I still make it to work." He responds.

"Have you tried rehab?" I ask.

"Many times. It's just not for me. Everything properly went downhill when my wife left me." He tells me.

He then opens the drawer of his desk and pulls out a flask. "Want some?"

I nod and take a drink of the alcohol.

"I saw you handle the class today. You have potential, you could have way better future rather than working in that diner for the rest of your life." He says.

"I don't really care about my future." I reply.

He lets out a laugh. "Let me guess, some boy broke your heart and now you don't care about anything anymore. Trust me, I've heard it all before."

"It was a girl actually." I correct.

"So what happened?" He asks.

"Haven't you already heard it many times before?" I question.

"Maybe yours is slightly different." He responds.

"She moved to Indiana with her abusive boyfriend. I mean I've left her dozens and dozens of texts and voicemails but no answer." I tell him.

He sighs and leans forward in his chair. "There's only one piece of advice I can give you. Get over it and move on."

"Great advice, thanks." I laugh.

"Anytime." He laughs along.

---

I'm making Liam some lunch when I hear the front door open and someone, who I presume is Fiona, walk in.

"Look, Fiona, I'm sorry for just leaving in the middle of my shift and making you cover it. There's was this man and-"

"Nah, it's me." A familiar voice shouts.

I looks back and see Carl stood in the living room.

"Carl! Oh, my God!" I quickly rush over to him and tightly wrap my arms around him.

"When did you get out?" I ask.

"This morning." He answers.

"Why didn't you call?" I then separate from the hug and look at him. "Oh, Jesus, your hair."

"Nice, huh?" He smirks.

"I mean, it's definitely something." I reply, trying not to offend him, even though the braids in his hair looks awful.

"Yo. What's up, Liam?" Carl gives him a fist bump.

"Your voice, it dropped like two octaves." I say to him.

"Yeah, my testicles dropped too." He replies.

"How did you get home?" I ask.

"G-Dog picked me up from Kewanee this morning, drove me back up." He answers. "Can I have a friend sleep over?"

"That's Fiona's decision, not mines." I tell him.

"Please?" He begs.

"Okay, fine. I'll try and talk to Fiona." I respond.

"Thanks." He smiles,

"It's really good to have you back home. I've missed you so much." I tell him.

"Yeah, I've missed you too." He replies.

---

Frank, Carl, Liam, and I are all on squashed together on the sofa, waiting for the rest to come in with the cake for Carl's "Welcome Home" party.

"Fourteen and already a convicted drug trafficker. I got to tell you, son. I couldn't be prouder. I had hopes for Lip but with him in college now and Ian punching a clock, I was afraid none of my sons were gonna follow me into the family business." Frank laughs.

"Shut up, Frank." I respond.

"I love you." Frank says to Carl.

"Ignore him." I tell Carl.

"No, it's important you know that I really love you." Frank continues.

"Sure, Frank." Carl nods.

"Can you guys start calling me Dad?" He asks.

We both look over at him as if he's gone insane.

Everyone then walks into the living room, singing, while Fiona carries in a cake.

"For he's a jolly good fellow. For he's a jolly good fellow. For he's a jolly good fellow. For he's.."

"Which nobody can deny." Frank finishes.

Carl gives Fiona a confused look when he sees that it's a quinceanera cake.

"It's all they had left." Fiona says.

Carl then quickly blows out his candles. "These my eggs?"

Liam covers his mouth his hand and whispers into my ear, "He didn't even make a wish."

"So, Carl." Kevin speaks. "Lot of the kids in there having to take it up the ass to survive?"

"Kevin!" Veronica slaps his arms.

"What? That's what everybody's thinking, right?" Kevin defends himself.

There's then a loud banging on the door.

"That's my sleepover." Carl gets up and answers the door.

When he walks back in, a guy twice the size of all of us is stood beside him.

"This is Nick." Carl introduces.

"Holy shit." Frank sits forward.

---

When I walk up into my room later that night, ready to go to bed, Carl has got sheets laid out on the floor.

"I'm making a bed for Nick." He tells me.

"Wouldn't he be more comfortable on the couch?" I question.

"He likes the floor. He was in solitary for, like, a year. He can't sleep in a bed." Carl answers.

Nick then walks out and into the bathroom.

"I'll be right there, Nick." Carl says.

I look at him with a confused expression on my face.

"He's like me to have his back in the shower. Makes him feel safe." He explains. "He doesn't know any better. He's been in juvie since he was nine."

"What was he in for?" I ask.

"He set his dad on fire." Carl answers.

"Accidentally?" I question.

"I don't think so, otherwise they wouldn't have been able to charge him with murder."He responds.

"How old is he?" I ask.

"Eighteen, they had to let him out because of his birthday." He replies. "He's my brother from another mother, you feel. We're tight."

From the hallway I can hear Fiona remind Ian to take his med.

As Carl walks out of the room, Ian walks in.

"We are sharing a room with a fucking psychopath." I tell Ian.

---

The next morning, I'm woke up by Carl yelling Fiona's name.

When I turn around, Frank is sat on the edge of my bed, staring at me.

"Fuck!" I gasp as I jump. "What are you doing, Frank?"

"I'm just watching you sleep." He answers.

"Jesus Christ, you're really starting to creep me out." I sit up.

"Are you looking after yourself? Doing breast self exams?" He asks. "You know, cancer can sneak up on you."

"Fiona!" Carl yells again.

I look back at Frank. "Why are you wet?

"Little misunderstanding with a landscaper. I'm going to take a shower in a minute, get warm." He says.

"Fiona!" Carl keeps shouting.

When I get up out of bed, I notice that Carl's new friend is doing push-ups.

Frank and I stare at him for a moment until Fiona's voice is heard.

"What the fuck do you want! Stop yelling.!" She shouts back.

I follow her downstairs, curious to see what was going on.

"Can I help you?" Fiona sighs at the two strangers stood in the living room.

"Are you Fiona?" The woman asks.

"Yep." She nods.

"We're Derek's parents. Debbie's friend Derek?We'd like to talk to you about the baby." The man says.

"What baby?" Fiona questions.

"Derek and Debbie's baby." The woman answers.

My mouth drops and Ian almost chokes on his coffee.

"Holy shit, what else did I miss?" Carl laughs.