*WARNING: THERE ARE TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER. CHECK DESCRIPTION FOR DETAILS.*

Most days, waking up is like bad surprise. If you're anything like me, you wake up with a start; the slightest flicker of what is, perhaps, pure optimism. And then, your eyes adjust, and you're staring into the mouth of reality. And reality has some serious garlic breath. 

Too soon?

Anyway, I have a few things that help me to wake up. Video games and late-night TV, mostly. The distractions are pleasant, but never enough to fully distract me from the constant suffocation of living in a foster home for fifteen years. 

Over those years, I've grown invisible to the others. I scarcely leave the room- on my own free will, of course. I only go down for the necessities... food, water, "Taco Tuesdays". The important things. I never fit in here... not once. They all used to bully me once upon a time. And now? I choose to believe that they probably fear me. 

I stretched my limbs to the side to drag my laptop off the make-shift nightstand. Janson secretly bought me that laptop for my twelfth birthday, because she "worried" and knew I was interested in gaming. Well, it did help a bit, I suppose. 

I logged onto my favorite game, Blood and Conquest, just to view the news. I wasn't in any mood to play. It wasn't a very popular game, but it was the first one I downloaded when Janson gave me the computer. Now, I was in the top national rankings. Number two, to be exact, under some "greywolf" that was apparently planning to destroy me, according to the news feed. I closed my laptop, put it back on the nightstand, and laid back in my bed. I was tired. 

I looked up at the dusty wooden planks of my unfinished attic. Yes, that's right. Attic.

When I was younger, I had some sort of social disorder, I guess. I was obsessed with these imaginary friends I made up... but just because I didn't have any others. I was bullied merciously for that, and somehow the thought of moving out popped into little Julianna's head. Now, the attic was all mine. I was alone there. And I liked it that way, really. That's why my life seemed to be on the verge of crashing and burning when Janson knocked on my door that afternoon...

She knocked, and I never welcomed her in, but she eased in quietly. 

"Hey, Jules. Hungry?" She held out a slice of New York-style pizza on a greasy paper plate. 

"No, not really," I replied, folding my arms behind my head. 

"Okay, okay. I'm gonna leave it here, though. Just in case," she said as she gently placed in on my nightstand with the laptop. She sat on the edge of my bed and I pulled my laptop to me, hoping to give her the impression that I was occupied. 

However, she stayed there. I knew she had something to tell me. Why couldn't she just spit it out? I was starting to get fidgety, I couldn't take the suspense. Had I done something?  My heart began to pound. 

"So, Jules. I have something to tell you!"

Shocking. 

"It's good news... very good news!" She smiled with glee. "I got a call, from a man-"

"Congratulations, Janson. You really deserve a happy relationship-"

"No, that's not what I meant," she winced slightly. "He's a very nice man. Young, thirty-five. He's a widower but he's got pets. A dog and two cats-"

"He sounds like an adventure."

Janson's expression became strict and I quieted down immediately. She would give me the same face every time I went too far. She sighed and ran a hand over her brunette bun-gone-tumbleweed with time and daily chaos. "Julianna, his man wants to meet you. He may even wish to adopt you!"

I stared at her for a while, desperately awaiting the punchline that never came. 

"I'm serious, Jules. Isn't it great? I know that you're not happy here. Yes, it's quite clear to me. This is your chance to finally feel at home somewhere, Jules! You'll have a family!"

I stood up on my knees on the bed in a panic and looked down at her. "Who's to say I want to go?"

"You have to meet with him, Julianna-"

"But why would I ever want to spend my life with some pedophilic-"

"He's not a pedophile, Jules! He's a very kind man!" She exclaimed. I noticed her shoulders tense up. She let out a deep breath. "I... I just want you to meet him."

"No."

She was growing furious now. "All I want is for you to be happy! Won't you just-"

"Well, I'm unhappy. Always will be. There's nothing you will do about that! And I don't want to be unhappy with some creepy man, I'd rather stay unhappy here!" I shouted with hopefully enough assertion to end the conversation there. 

"There was the most awkward of awkward silences just then. At least a minute passed until she said, "We're not done here. We will talk more later" and left the room seeming hurt. 

And that's when my vision went blurry. I don't remember much of what happened next. I remember a furious storm in my head, and my heart beating like a rabbit. I remember a loud buzzing in my ears and the faded shape of a bottle of sleeping pills from across the room. I remember dizzily walking what seemed like miles to reach for it, and I remember spilling far too many from that bottle. And the memories of that moment ended there.