once I had awoken, my body ached, as my breathing was normal. my body was stiff as I felt weights on my chest, neck, hands and leg.

I thought about it for a while, staring at the ceiling, wherever I was.

last night, was the worst night of my life. sincerely.

-i killed a kid.

- i fought a war with my mother.

-I betrayed my family and friends.

-my nan died.

- I couldnt breathe

-i couldnt move

-i couldnt help

-i couldnt be good.

that kid had a life to live,had more friends to meet, had a good life, and now,
his nightmare has just begun. but 'no matter how much you want them to, you cant stop people from dying, you cant stop them from going away. you cant stop yourself from going away either. I know myself well enough to know that no one else can keep you awake or keep you from sleeping' - Theodore finch (all the bright places)

I hadn't seen anyone since last night. or whenever it was. I remembered it at the top of my head but I cant remember all of it. but it hurt like a bitch.

"Anglica" a soft voice spoke to me.

"am I still alive?" I asked the figure who approached me.

"yes. your immortal Angel" the female spoke.

"who are you?" I asked, still so tired of what happened.

"its Rosalie, I was sent to check on you"
The woman spoke. rosalie.

"Dwayne?" i winced.

"he's in the main room, with everyone else, we thought you where dead you didnt wake up" She spoke quickly as I just managed to understand her words.

"oh" was all I could manage. 'Everyone' was there. great, meaning this dumb person right here has to go out to suffer the embarrassment of my killing last night. absolutely terrific.

"Adam is still sleeping" she continued.

"mhm"  I couldnt face that kid. avoiding him would be best, but he is probably avoiding me too, considering I just killed him.

"are you okay?" she asked, concern fulfilled her voice.

"yep" I replied, over pronouncing the 'p'

I noticed I was talking rather sarcastically as Carslile walked In.

"she didnt just wake up, she woke up with a temper" she whispered to him as she walked out the room.

wouldnt dwayne come and see me?

"be honest, are you okay angel?" Carslile spoke as he walked close to me, kneeling down as he held my head, checking my temperature as his other hand went round my neck.

"I just killed a kid Carslile, does that give you the answer" I told him.

"Alice predicted your going to be like this for a while" Carslile judged.

"lovely" I sarcastically spoke, as I heard a deep chuckle escape his throat.

"Adam's okay, Marko had a good conversation with him, and well Jasper helped much too" he smiled, trying to help the mood.

"tell them I said thanks" I mumbled, without an emotion as he left me with my thoughts.

I was left for what felt like ages, it's not good to leave someone who over thinks, especially when they have stupid excuses for it.

but I felt the door hinges as the door squeaked open, I layed still, not looking at who it was.

my body was turned to the left and the left side of the bed, facing away from the world and whatever had entered the room.

"angel" the deep voice spoke. it was him. the voice I urged and had the hunger for. I needed him. I needed all of him.

"Dwayne?" I mumbled back in response. 'the sound of his name unleashed the thing that was clawing inside of me- a pain that knocked me breathless, astonished me with its force'- (stephanie meyer- new moon 2/4 of the twilight sagas.)

he didnt know what to say. I didnt know what to say. I was in peices, and the mental suffering had just begun.

"I'm sorry" I mumbled again without emotion.

I was free.

I couldnt feel anything.

it was almost like I was invisible.

I didnt feel pain.

I didnt feel regret

I didnt feel anything at all, I was just there.

he sat down on the bed, as I slowly moved my body as I mumbled a few cursive words in pain from my hands and leg.

"I'm sorry" I begged. I was sorry for what I did, killing that kid, bringing him to the fight, bringing him into the dumb excuse of my life.

"there is no reason to be sorry, gorgeous, theres nothing that can change what happened"

"are you okay?" I asked with my eyebrows raised.

"I'm always okay"

nobody is ever always okay.

"yeah, right" I didnt want to argue.

"your dads safe he is at Max's he has been sleeping for a while now, he was worried sick."

"I know" I mumbled without feeling anything.

I was cold.

its like something that night that made me feel nothing anymore. i was motionless.

"you nearly died" he mumbled, with a sad expression.

I turned to him, his eyes looking at me, brown like the beachy sand that send butterflies right up me. he was beautiful. his tanned skin, the way his hair just lay perfectly down his back. the small details in his face that stood out his perfect nose and rose cute lips.

"I'm immortal" I argued.

"not completely, everyone can die with an exception" he nodded.

"I think dying would have been the best answer" I mumbled, speaking my thoughts aloud as i didnt want him to hear.

"no, you cant say that" he spoke seriously.

"but if there was anyone out there to save me, it would be you" I spoke, smiling for the first time in a long time as he stroked my cheek.

we leaned in as his soft lips got attached to mine. sending shivers up my body as i finally felt everything again, happiness, sadness, pain, regret, anger, annoyance, fear, love.

"if music be the food of love, play on" he spoke with a wide smile.

"but of course true love never did run smooth" I added to our Shakespeare quote book.

he held my hand as I gasped, the touch of his hand on mine sent me utter pain, considering my hand was practically just as dead as my nan was.

"your in pain Angel" he mumbled, letting go as he looked in my eyes.

"but your my medicine" I added.

i need that medicine, and without it I'm afraid the immortal monster would die.

i am in pain.

and it wont last forever, like I wont last forever without my love,

but it has just begun.

and the medicine is stored and stuck to me forever, in a neverending cycle.