MacGory's Interdimensional Goods and Sundry

by krazydiamond

The Scab scratched the back of his hand, off center eyes darting in opposite directions that could either be nerves or a seizure. Nev's brows drew together. The unsavory little fusspot hadn't been round the shop in weeks. Odd enough, considering the man was an addict. Consequently, he was one of Nev's best customers. The Scab was the unsavory piece of refuse one scraped from the bottom of the barrel, but he paid in credits up front and the loss of his business was enough to make Nev wonder what happened to him. He squinted at the Scab who continued to shuffle and scratch.Then he spotted the mole.

"Son of a--" Nev's hand shot out before the snotrag could react, ripping the offending skin tag from the Scab's face. "Toadies, Scabby, really?"

The Scab collapsed in on himself with a wail, holding up his rail thin arms in a defensive manner. "Nooo, naw what ya think Nev, I swears it on me mum's grave."

Nev scowled. "Your mum still lives down in the Dredge, Scabby, I sent her a crate of cigars last week."

The Scab straightened, wiping his nose across the back of his arm with sniff and a trail of snot. "Nasty habits me mum has. I swears I dinna screw ya over Nev, I swears it."

Nev snorted, bending to retrieve his crate of merchandise. It was time for a timely exit now that it was clear this deal was quickly sliding south. "Don't tell me you're drinking their brand of Kool-aid, Scabby. If that's the case, a holy man such as yourself won't be needing these." Not that he would have much trouble moving the product. Vintage smut rags were always in demand somewhere, satisfying a particular brand of nostalgia across every world he could think of. Everybody loves tits.

"Now doon be like that, Nev, I gots the money fer ya and--" he went shifty again, eyeing what Nev knew was a false wall to their left. With a sneer, Nev pushed the comm in his belt buckle, waiting for Stella to pick up the signal.

"Tell me, what did those toad lickers offer you, Scabby?" Whatever cue the Toadies were waiting for, Scabby had clearly failed to elicit it from him. The man hung his head.

"Holo grid space bunnies," Scabby mumbled. Nev raised a brow, feeling a scrap of sympathy for the idiot but there was a tingle in his gut. Stella was seconds from pulling him through.

"Oh Scabby, poor Scabby," he said, his physical form beginning to destabilize. The simpering man glanced up at him, wiping another slime trail along his arm. Nev managed to keep the disgust from his expression. "All you had to do was ask. Could have done a two for one." He was present long enough to see the expression of awe and hope at Nev's words melt to horror as the Scab realized his quarry was phasing out.

"Wait, noooo," the Scab's arms lashed out and passed straight through Nev as the world shimmered out into a gray haze, slowly clearing to reveal the far more pleasant smelling interior of his shop.

"'Bout time," Nev muttered, nudging the book of skin mags aside with his foot as he shook his customary tweed peacoat from his shoulders. The fabric still reeked from the rather odious meeting place the Scab picked and would need a good airing out before he donned it again. The Scab...Nev wanted to throttle the idiot, since only idiots listened to the Toadies. He knew why that lot had stooped low enough to bother bribing someone like the Scab. Nev was an outside operator, a man who could get anything for the right price, and the Church of the Almighty Toad King didn't like anyone cutting into their profits. Now that he was on their radar, he would have to vet his clients more thoroughly than ever. Luckily, he had Stella.

As if summoned by the thought, the curtain beneath the main counter was flung aside and the dainty diminutive being sauntered out. He smiled at her seconds beneath an empty coffee can slammed him between the eyes.

"I'm out of beans," Stella snapped, stomping her tiny foot as she crossed her arms. She appeared to be pouting though it was hard for Nev to tell through his throbbing eye-sockets. He blinked down at her.

"Well, that's alright. I'll pop out and grab you some more, love," said Nev, slightly slurring his speech. Had the little cretin given him brain damage?

"Only thing damaged will be your internal organs if I don't get my beans," said Stella, rolling her eyes. Damn apparently he said that last bit out loud.

"Alright, alright, no need to testy," said Nev, shaking the lead out as he made his way to the safe. More beans, it seemed like he just bought the bloody things. And it wasn't like there was a huge uptick in business to warrant Stella gorging herself. Nev kept his mental grousing, hopefully, to himself as he pocketed the necessary wad of old school cash. The entrepreneur in him balked at the expenditure but Stella was worth it.

He'd acquired the Lunari Imp the same way he acquired her food source, on the not so reputable black market, and her natural abilities had more than made up for both expenses ten fold. Lunari Imps were a rare breed, capable of opening minute tears in reality that allowed for instantaneous travel between worlds and a handful of dimensions, depending on the strength of the imp. Stella was fairly strong, giving Nev access to rare and exotic goods that gave him an upper hand as the proprietor of MacGory's Interdimensional Goods and Sundry. He'd made enough for a more than comfortable living since acquiring Stella, which is why he hastened to the Black Market in the Crevasse, searching for his supplier of Stella's very illegal food source, coffee beans.

Nev could begin fathom what monumental kerfuffle took place to make caffeine illegal. He often dreamt of enjoying a cup of morning coffee, which hinted at the possibility of a temporal continuity breech. Probably the same reason Stella's particular breed of imp was highly illegal. Somewhere, in the infinite realm of time and space, someone royally screwed the pooch. He blamed the Toadies. Speaking of those toad-lickers, the Crevasse appeared greatly subdued to its normal colorful yammering clustermuck. Something was amiss. He could feel it in the air, not a misnomer. Several of the black market merchants were Rankin empaths, and emitted a cloying scent that left an oily film on the skin when their were stressed. Nev's steps slowed as he neared his usual bean merchant, the hairs on the back of his neck prickling as Meister Alice glared at him over her brawny folded arms.

"Neville fucking MacGory, you sure know how to pick a day to come by," she growled, clenching a soggy cigar between her shark like yellow teeth. He always wondered what that cigar was made of that it didn't shred like tissue paper. Meister Alice was not Rankin empath. He actually didn't know what species the surly merchant was but he knew he never wanted to cross her or stand too close.

"What's happening, Al," said Nev, nodding to the subdued crowd. Alice sneered, a sight that made his rectum clench, but he'd spent enough time in the merchant's company to keep his expression neutral.

"Raid on the market last night. The authority claimed speedos were spotted, but it's likely the Toadies flexing their muscle." Nev knew the speedos sighting was bogus, a terrorist would have to be out of flipping mind to rob a place like the Crevasse. They'd never make it out alive. Alice continued.

"Confiscated everything they could find and told us we were lucky they didn't haul the lot of us to the brig." Alice's smile held nothing nice and made the nearest merchants take an instinctive step back. "The little shits didn't have the balls to check behind my counter."

"Does this mean we can still do business," Nev said carefully, but Alice's left eye twitched giving her away. His shoulders drooped. "You had them on the front table didn't you?"

Meister Alice shrugged. "Sorry, lad, they are usually my hottest selling item. Give me a few days to replenish."

Days? He didn't have that kind of time. Stella was cranky unless she got a fix every few hours, but days....he shuddered, wondering how many heavy objects he could take to the head. There was also the downside that the longer she went without feeding the weaker she grew. He might coax her to port him to a realm to harvest beans for her himself, though he knew fuck all what coffee beans looked like before they came neatly roasted. Even if she did manage to port him to the right destination, she might not be able to pull all of him back. An arm or a leg, there were ways to reattach and regrow limbs, but if he left behind any internal organs, that would be most unfortunate.

"I can't do days," said Nev, eyeing the large lady merchant. "If you can recommend another temporary supplier I will double your pay next shipment."

Alice sucked in air through her teeth, producing a short high pitched whistling noise. "That is a mighty fine offer, Nev, but you know none of these shags would interfere with my turf."

He raised a brow. "Not a single competing merchant?"

"Not if they want to keep all their limbs," said Alice with a shark smile. The smile dropped as her attention shifted over his shoulder. "You need to get going, Nev. Those robed shags have been eyeing you all intent like for the past few minutes. Tastes like bad news."

Trying to be nonchalant, Nev glanced over his shoulder and swore. Definitely Toadies, very likely the same crew he'd missed meeting this morning. If they were this persistent, they wanted something from him. There was a distinct possibility the Toadies had been tailing him for a while, leading him to a very unfortunate thought. it wasn't like he paid the church taxes since most of his transactions were off the books, but if they had an inkling he possessed a Lunari Imp, then Nev was in the deepest of shits.

"Good day Al," said Nev.

"Go past my stall and turn left Nev," said Meister Alice, shifting ever so slightly to the left. "I'll give some thought to your bean conundrum. If you make it out of this shit storm, drop by for another visit today."

Nev answered with a barely perceptible nod, clenching his butt cheeks together as he edged around the behemoth of a woman. She was doing him a solid, so he did his best not to dissolve into a gibbering mess the simian part of his brain devolved to.

Footsteps shuffled behind him as the Toadies gave chase. "Shit," Nev snarled, digging his toes into the dirt as he took off. Nev was a respectable merchant, mostly, and not the most athletic specimen, but he'd spent enough time evading unsavory types in deals gone south that he soon heard the Toadies puffing wind behind him. Still, he knew it wasn't enough. They were slowly gaining on him, and though the temptation to tap his belt buckle and call on Stella was high, he didn't dare with those zealots nipping at his heels. He wasn't sure what they wanted with him, either to rough him up for money, or demand his services, but the Toadies would straight out murder Stella if they got their hands on her. There was a reason the Lunari imps were so rare.

He put on a burst of speed, his lungs pinching as he whipped his body around corners and through the narrow alleys of the Crevasse. Some of the passageways were so narrow they scraped his shoulders, worth the pain when he heard his pursuers spitting curses behind him.

Nev grinned as he heard them falling farther and farther behind. He thought he just might lose them when he plowed through two intersecting alleys and went sprawling at a pair of horrifying feet.

As he contemplated the unsightly bunions on those poor feet, the Scab leered down at him. "Nice try runnin' guvnah but nooobody escapes the Toddies," the man crowed down in thick street speech.

Nev rolled to his side, his fingertips tapping the side of his belt buckle as he gave the Scab the stinkeye. He weighed his options, still hesitant to call on Stella for aid. Not when he had a built in bargaining chip for the Scab.

"Three for one," said Nev.

"W-w-wha?" The Scab stuttered, nearly tripping over his own feet as he back peddled. "What did ya say?"

Nev squinted up at him. "Three...for...one," he said holding up his fingers for emphasis. The sound of rushing footsteps drew closer. "Limited time offer Scabby. How much is that Kool-aid worth it to you?"

The Scab glanced down the alley, his beady eyes calculating. "Four for one," he said.

Nev could almost admire his nerve if his eyes weren't watering from the man's stench. He clambered to his feet, trying not to breath through his nose. "Done."

The Scab bowed to him. "Right dis way guvnah."

Nev followed as the Scab lead him through one of the many dark ways of the Crevasse, chuckling to himself as the Toadies passed by. He might be taking a monumental pay cut on this deal but this deep in the alleys, there was a chance the Toadies might never find their way out. The Crevasse had a way of absorbing outsiders and locals they were not.

The Scab left him at the edge of the market, giving him a limp handshake to seal the deal. Nev had the grace to wait until the man faded back into the alleys before he wiped his hand on his pants as he made his way back to Meister Alice.

The merchant greeted him with that shark smile. "Good to see you made it out, lad. I believe I have come up with a solution to your problem but I find myself in a right moral quandary for it."

Nev rubbed his sore forehead. "I've had a long day Al, I'm afraid I don't quite follow."

In answer, she placed a long rectangular carton on her table, Ecrivain's Specials in bold script scrawled along the top.

Nev frowned at the box, glancing between it and the merchant. "But...you can buy these from the local packie."

"Fair trade pharmaceuticals thanks to the Marsbergen Rebellion," said Alice with a sigh. "Ten credits a carton."

Nev's mind blank at the mathematical implications. "Will...these will work?"

Alice scowled. "I'm not an idiot, lad, but I suspect you might be if you let that imp lead you on."

Nev paled. "What?"

Meister Alice snorted. "Lunari imps, manipulative little shits. Do you honestly believe they can exist only on coffee beans? Those beans don't even exist in their realm."

The gears clicked in place in his mind. Nev was going to throttle an imp when he got home. "So instead of spending egregious amounts of cash on a highly illegal substance, I could have been supplying her with cigs for ten credits a week?"

The merchant shrugged her massive shoulders. "Why point it out when you brought me such good business? Though honestly the beans business is starting to get too hot. Been thinking about stocking some new items."

"Like what?" Nev was still in a daze, so much so that he almost missed her next words. His attention clamped down on that one detail that yanked back the haze of anger he felt at being played by a bloody imp for so long. "Wait, did you say holo grid space bunnies?"

"Yeah, obnoxiously difficult to come by though."

Nev grinned, tucking the box of Ecrivain's Specials under his arm. "I happen to be in the process of acquiring some. Perhaps we can cut a deal."

Everybody loves tits.

****

Nev loaded the latest shipment on the pallet, pleased with his latest haul. Alice would give him a nice cut and he even had a special one set aside for the Scab, who he occasionally tipped to lead groups of Toadies into the alleys of the Crevasse. Life was good. Nev tapped his belt buckle, listening to Stella grumble in his mind as she pulled him and the cargo through a tear back to the shop. The shop was smoky as usual, though he'd grown use to the smell. He hummed to himself as he sorted the cargo, wincing as an empty carton beaned him in the back of the head.

"I'm out of smokes," said Stella.