this story only has 10 chapters to go.

i'm glad that you've been sticking with me through it and that you've liked (at least some of) it.

thank you so much for 13k!

xo

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((this chapter contains sexual, adult behavior, so read at your own risk. there's not much of it, but if you're under the age of 14 and feel a little disgusted/scared of it, you have been warned ;) ))

Porter was leaving in a week.

I was trying not to let my emotions get the best of me. He reassured me he would Skype me every day, that I would see him in October when he was traveling from DC to Florida, and we would spend the day together. Then I would come on the remaining part of tour, since I would finally be done with school. The more things he let on about where we were going, the more excited I became, especially when he told me we were traveling to Europe. I completely flipped out. It would only be for a week or so, but just the thought of going and exploring new places with Porter seemed exciting. We hadn't gone anywhere together outside of New York so this would be something different for both of us. 

School had already started which meant textbooks and lectures and me surviving on coffee and 5 hour energy. Ahh, the familiar feeling of getting four hours of sleep and 5 hours of studying. So good. I also had work on most nights, which meant me basically switching from filling up a glass to going back to my textbook. 

Martin was a whole other story.

Ever since he played at Cielo on Friday, he had gotten opportunities from people. Much bigger opportunities than working as a bartender. He had offers to play at incredibly popular clubs, like The Park and Terminal 5, where the biggest DJ's in the world played. The managers of the clubs had called him and asked if he would be willing to be there once a week for double the amount that he played at Cielo for. It wasn't like anything I had ever seen before; I was so proud of him for getting up there in front of everyone and doing what I knew he loved.

He also made a Soundcloud where he was beginning to post original songs made by himself, which received lots of emails and comments praising him and complimenting him on how great the songs were. I'd listened to a few of them myself and could say the same. They had a catchy tune and a good beat, unique enough to be nothing like I'd ever heard by any other producer.

So, yesterday he had resigned from Cielo, leaving me alone with a girl in her late-20's who liked to smack her gum while she poured glasses of vodka. I was regretting my entire life. 

"hope everything works out well :) xx"  I shot off a text to Martin, watching as the new girl, Caitlin, flirted endlessly with a guy who had to be at least 35 sitting alone at the bar. It was sickening.

I went back to mixing a cocktail, stirring it around while humming a little bit to myself. 

"Uh, can I get just a plain Coke?" A deep voice interrupted me from my mixing.

I flew around, almost knocking over the drink and a couple of other glasses beside it. Porter was sitting at the bar, looking at me with admiration and amusement. A couple strands of hair flopped down in front of his face and I felt the urge to brush it aside, restraining myself from running over and practically throwing my arms around him.

Although I was feeling about twenty different emotions at this point, I calmly walked over to Porter and stood in front of him, basking in his exhausted nature and still adorable smile. I could tell he wanted nothing more than to lay down and sleep for a few days. 

"I get off my shift in ten," I said, smiling. "Then we can go and do whatever you want."

In exactly ten minutes, as promised, I met him out front where he proceeded to pull me towards him and kiss me fiercely, all previous self-control now gone. Good thing there was no one out here, or they would have had a sight to see. My lips had ached for almost a week and a half just to feel his again, and after this they would have to wait another few months. 

I pulled away, this thought interrupting my brain and leaving me slightly dazed. 

Porter bit his lip. "Is something wrong?" He grabbed my hand in his. His fingers felt warm and gentle, and he squeezed my hand as he waited for me to speak up.

"I just..." I thought about how obvious my emotions were. Porter had to be thinking about the same things as well. The least I could do was to be 100% honest with him. "I don't want to see you go."

He sighed, his grip tighter in mine now. "I know. I feel the same way. I'm trying as hard as I can. We just have to be patient, and then -"

"That's not exactly what I mean." I said, turning away. "I mean like, what if there's other girls on this tour? Cliche, I know. But I can't stop myself from thinking about it. Or what if its awkward when we see each other again? What if things aren't the same? Two months is a long time, Porter." I almost shuddered just thinking about it. 

 "Do you really think that I'm just gonna leave you for some girls?" He laughed weakly, shaking his head. "I spent the entire year so far with you and I couldn't even look at another girl without so much as thinking of you. I'm pretty sure I won't think any less of you when I see you again."

My heart weakened at this.

"Sure, two months is a while, and in that while I'll spend every moment I can talking to you. That and eating and sleeping. I'll do all three." He laughed again. "Doesn't matter, I'll make time for it. I'll make time for you."

I wrapped my arms around him, and he chuckled softly into my hair. We stood like this for a few minutes, and the only thing to be heard was the cars driving past and the sounds of the city around us. I wish I could freeze-frame this moment, to be able to go back to it at any time. But I guess thats not how the world works, and after a few minutes we had to pull away and walk home, leaving buzzing thoughts and unspoken words in that tiny place in time. 

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We decided to just go over to Porter's apartment and chill there for a bit. When we got there, the first thing I heard as soon as the door opened was Anton's voice, loud and echoing in the spacious apartment. I had no idea what he was arguing about, but he seemed to be in a pretty serious debate with someone over the phone.

Porter motioned towards the staircase leading up to the roof and I nodded, following his wake. We made sure not to speak as we passed the living room, where Anton was pacing back and forth, his his frame steep and hunched over, not like himself.

The night was warm and unusually starry. As I looked up towards the dark, limitless sky, I could barely discern the tiny, bright specks of light that dotted it all over. Usually, you wouldn't be able to make out any stars at all, so this was a change of scenery. 

Porter grabbed my hand and pulled me to the ledge, gripping onto me tightly. I giggled at the sight of him trying to make sure I stayed away from the edge of the rooftop. "Are you worried I'll fall off?" I asked. "I promise I'm coordinated."

My eyes made out the action of him slightly raising his eyebrows in the dark. "No, I'm not. I just wanted you closer to me." His fingers slipped underneath my shirt, sending heat all the way across my stomach. "I won't be able to do this for awhile."

I leaned against him, feeling his fingertips move lower and lower until they pressed against the slip of skin between the waistband of my shorts. As warm as it was outside right now, Porter had just made it a thousand times warmer. How he made me feel like this with just his fingertips was something I'd never know.

Not standing it any longer, I turned to face him and pressed my lips to his. He responded by grabbing my hips and placing me in his lap, my legs wrapping around his waist. I'd never felt so physically attracted to someone in my life. Not the only few previous guys I'd actually dated. Not the numerous guys that I'd had sex with. Just Porter. Porter made me feel.. so inexplicably, magically whole. 

His lips felt like the softest of winds on a summer day, and his mouth tasted like sugary, sweet lollipops I used to get as a kid. Every single thing kept me wanting more, every single touch, kiss, word. I couldn't get enough. I couldn't imagine a future without it. 

As if he read my thoughts Porter paused, his breath imitating mine. He turned and looked me in the eyes, and something in my chest just gave. I wanted him to know that I felt differently than I'd ever felt in my entire life. I didn't feel alone when he kissed me. I didn't feel secluded when we were both laughing at something. My heart didn't feel quite so lonely anymore - it was filled with something else altogether. 

"I'm in love with you." Porter spoke softly. 

Something inside of me just burst. "I, I -"

He laughed, and I'd realized I'd completely interrupted the mood. "I love you too!" I said, putting my face in my hands. "I just didn't expect you to say that. I've never really.. never really have had to experience this for myself. So its something new for me."

Suddenly our mouths were attacking each other, with something that seemed like force but was something else altogether. His hand clutched mine in the darkness and I realized that what he said earlier was right - no matter where we were or how long we hadn't seen each other in person, it wouldn't matter because our relationship could outlast anything if we both put our hearts into it. If he was willing, I was willing. 

The kissing turned into frenzied hands over unexplored places of skin.. my hand running down his back, his fingers against my collarbone. Our breathing was staggered and unsteady, leaving us both winded but not ready to stop. I tugged off Porter's t-shirt, noticing the defined muscles of his arms, the toned lines in his back. Inhaling sharply, I kissed his neck, trailing down across his chest unashamedly. He let out an audible gasp as I went lower and lower to the place that I had only thought about, my impulse taking control over my body.

Porter suddenly traced his fingers under my shirt and up to my bra, fiddling with the strap on the back. In the midst of all of this, I giggled, reaching behind to guide his fingers myself. Once we got it, he pulled off my shirt and bra and to my surprise, I didn't feel the least bit exposed. I just felt giddy with happiness and greed and lust, an overwhelmingly good combination.

He was slow and gentle when the time came. We both realized how far into it we were when we had both stripped down to nothing, and then Porter realized that he would have to go grab something, leaving me giggling self-conciously while he hurriedly fumbled with his jeans, pulling them over his long legs. "Stay here," He had kissed me softly on the forehead, his swollen lips echoing mine. 

"Where else would I go?" I smiled, covering my naked chest with my shirt. 

He only grinned, hopping down and leaving me in darkness for an achingly long two minutes. 

When he got back, we started something I'd never felt before. I don't mean just the sex part itself. Sure, I'd done it loads of times more than I should have, all with the wrong people, but I meant the feelings that came with sex with a person you loved. It was passion, devotion, desire, complete with the two of you in harmony. Porter brought me new emotions and actions that I'd never picture myself ever doing, and I was completely in love with it. With him.

After it was over, we had laughed while putting our clothes back on, realizing that we were naked on the middle of a New York skyrise. I laid curled up beside him, his arms wrapped around me protectively. I'd never felt so un-alone in my entire life. Just like earlier today, I wanted to freeze this moment and treasure it always. Porter had made me staggeringly blissful. 

He raked his fingers through my hair. "Anton was gone when I went downstairs earlier. I don't know where he went." My mind ran back to the image of him arguing earlier on the phone, and before I could even open my mouth, Porter answered my question for me. "I don't know who he was talking to either. He hasn't really been honest with me lately,"

"Neither has Tess," I said quietly. "I wish they'd just speak to each other. Stop ignoring their evident feelings." 

It was quiet for a second. It must have been around 3am at this point, and I figured we would just stay up here for the night. Porter had mentioned bringing up blankets, because I was complaining about my back against the cement from earlier (sex on a rooftop isn't exactly all that luxurious) and we were both also a little hungry and thirsty. 

"I've been meaning to ask you something," Porter said, propping his arm up on his head. "This is completely off topic, but I'm gonna ask it anyway. You keep tweeting about the album.. do you like the songs?" He stuttered, trying to change the subject. "I mean, like, I don't want to blow my own trumpet or anything. I just saw you liked some of the songs and wanted to know your thoughts."

I chuckled in the dark, playing with his fingers intertwined in mine. "I really like them. Especially Divinity, its one of my favorites, I think." He stopped my lively hands and brought them to his lips, kissing the tips softly. "I can tell you spent a lot of time on them and its exactly what you had in mind. When I first heard it, I was like 'Oh, so this is what he's been working on? No wonder he spends so much time holed up in his studio. This is incredible.' I think I've said this before, but it's like looking on the inside of your brain.""

He thought about this, still and contemplative, before he spoke again. "A lot of them were written after I met you. They weren't necessarily about you, but a few were inspired by you." He cleared his throat. "I just had a lot of thoughts, I guess. I've realized a lot of things about myself this year that I hadn't understood before."

I absorbed this, aware that I had the same feeling. This year I had done more than I'd ever done before - gotten a job, met someone who changed my life, gone to a music festival, had ups and downs with my best friend. But I'd definitely become a little more understanding of myself, through all of it. It made me who I am right now, at this moment.

I didn't realize I had said all that until Porter was squeezing my hand, nodding along beside me. "I'm glad to have been a part of your life this year and to have experienced that."

My smile wasn't visible in the darkness, but I knew Porter could feel the happiness surging through my system. "I-"

A grumble interrupted the silence between us, and he lifted his head up, staring at me with curiosity. 

"I'm a little hungry," I said, my cheeks reddening. "Sorry. Can we get something to eat?"

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way to spoil the mood, Alexa. food is not the solution to everything.

well okay, maybe it is. just a little bit.