Cass fell back into the routine of school, the workload of N.E.W.Ts starting to increase drastically, meaning she was easily able to ignore the fact that she had kissed Noah... again. January melted into February, and Cass was slowly, slowly, accepting the fact that she was allowed to be happy, to love and to be loved. She wasn't sure what sparked her healing process, but whatever it was she was thankful for. She just wasn't ready to face Noah, not quite yet. From December to mid-January, Cass had been playing a very good game of pretend, pretending she was fine, like two months of torture had not had a detrimental effect on her mental health.

McGonagall had been there for her, like she always seemed to be, and listened whilst Cass spoke, or sobbed or screamed. Cass knew that maybe she should seek professional help, but old habits die hard and she wasn't quite ready to admit that Avery had had such a great effect on her — even though, let's be honest, he had, but it would have a great effect on anyone.

Cass was walking back from her weekly catch up with McGonagall when she saw Noah. She completely froze. Okay, maybe she hadn't properly spoken to Noah since she'd kissed him, and maybe she should have, but she was wasted the first time and practically delirious the second, and although she liked, no loved, it, she didn't want to give Noah the wrong idea.

Noah's hair was falling into his eyes as he walked towards her, his eyes on the floor. Cass realised that Noah looked different — thinner, sadder. She hoped that it wasn't to do with her but something told her that it might. After all, Noah loved her, and Cass had avoided him like the plague for the best part of a month.

"Hey." Cass said softly. Noah looked up, a brief smile flitting over his face before his eyes hardened.

"Hi." He said, very quietly.

"Um how are you?" Cass said, wondering what she could say to diffuse the obvious tension between them.

"I've been better." He said shortly.

"Have you—"

"Look Cass, what do you want? If you're going to come and kiss me again and then not talk to be for weeks I'd rather you didn't." Noah sounded so defeated that Cass winced.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly. "I shouldn't have kissed you—"

"The first time or the second time?" Noah said. He didn't sound angry exactly, more weary and sad.

"Either, it wasn't fair on you." Cass said. "I said we were done and I should have stuck by that."

Noah's shoulders slumped and he looked back down at the floor.

"Yeah." He said. "You should have."

"I'm sorry." Cass said desperately.

"You said it was over, and I accepted that, but you just kept pulling me back Cass. With your hair and your eyes and your smile." Noah sounded close to tears as he took a few shaky breaths. "I can't get over you, I wish I could but I can't. I know you want me to."

"Who said I wanted you to?" Cass said softly, reaching out to take his hand. Noah shook his head, taking a step backward.

"Don't." He said. "Don't say that if you don't mean it."

"I do mean it." Cass said. "I— I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to be with you."

"I don't want to pressure you into anything." Noah said. "I don't want my... emotions to make you feel like you have to want to be back in a relationship. I understand why you wouldn't want to be, I just wish you wouldn't kiss me if you're not ready."

"I'm ready now." Cass said, somewhat desperately. She just wanted them to be okay.

"Are you?" Noah asked. Cass frowned. Was she? Noah nodded his head, running a hand through his hair. "If you still want me when you are, you know where to find me." He turned to go, looking more resigned than ever.

"Noah, wait." Cass said. Noah turned around. "I know I'm taking a long time, thats why I tried to break up. You deserve better than me."

"You are better. The best there is." Noah said softly. "I don't mind the wait Cass, that's not it. I just don't like being led on like this. You haven't spoken to me for weeks, you kissed me. Then avoided me."

"I know." Cass said. "Shit, I know and I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Noah said dismissively. "Don't worry about it."

"Noah, I know that I've hurt you, and I'm really fucking sorry." Cass said. "But I need you in my life, I need you more than I need anyone else. Please, wait for me. I'm nearly there."

"Of course I'll wait." Noah said. "All you had to do was ask love."

Cass reached out for his hand and this time he didn't move to pull away. He gently pulled her towards him, taking her other hand. Cass' heart pounded as she breathed in the familiar scent of Noah's aftershave. Being closer to him, she could see dark circles under his eyes and he was considerably paler.

"Noah, you haven't been looking after yourself." Cass whispered, gently reaching up and caressing his cheek. Noah sighed.

"You're right." He said. "I haven't."

"Why?" Cass asked softly. Noah sighed.

"Everything's been off." He said. "You were avoiding me, Grace is being all secretive, all the guys do is study and play quidditch, Mum is hiding something from me and don't even get me started on Will. Dickhead."

Cass frowned.

"Wills probably just busy with work, Grace is probably just starting to worry about exams and studying and quidditch are good right?" She said.

"I guess." Noah said. "They're just fucking boring after a while."

"You've clearly been missing the excitement of the marauders." Cass said. Noah smiled slightly.

"That must be it." He said.

"I have to go, they'll send a search party out if I'm not careful." Cass said. Noah nodded. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay." Noah said. "L— see you." Cass pressed a shy kiss to his cheek. A light blush tinged both of their cheeks as she pulled away.

"Bye."

•••

Cass' stomach twisted uncomfortably as she sat down at the back of the DADA classroom. She hated Professor Carter, there was just something about him — and not just the fact that he actively hated her for no particular reason.

"Your essays were abysmal." Carter drawled, pacing up and down the aisles between the desks. "If you continue working at this level you will all fail your N.E.W.T."

"Yeah and whose fault will that be?" Cass muttered under her breath. A few desks over, Remus snorted loudly, quickly turning it into a hacking cough. Cass grinned.

"Turn to page two hundred and sixty." Carter said.

"Remus, did you just hear what I said?" She said, keeping the same volume as before. Remus gave a slight nod of his head.

"Cass, what are you muttering about?" Lily asked, nudging her.

"Nothing Lilypad, don't you worry your pretty little head about it." Cass patted Lily's shoulder. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Psst, Cass." Grace hissed a few rows behind her. Cass whipped around.

"Face the front, Black." Carter snapped. "Get on with your work." Cass rolled her eyes, begrudgingly turning back to the front.

"I'm not in fucking first year mate." She muttered. Lily nudged her again. Cass picked up her quill, scrubbing down the first thing she could think of about trolls. She felt a tap on her shoulder and a note landed on her lap. Cass turned round to the Ravenclaw who sat behind her, who just shrugged.

Meet me at our spot. At 12.
-N

Cass' stomach fluttered as she grinned. Their usual spot could only mean the black lake — where they met when they kept their relationship a secret.

"What're you smiling at?" Lily said.

"Why're you so nosy today?" Cass said.

"Bored innit." Lily shrugged. "This class is agonisingly dull."

"No way did you just call a class dull. You feeling okay Lil?" Cass teased. Lily swatted her.

"Oh piss off." She huffed. "It's boring being good all the time."

"Only took you six and a half years to figure that out." Cass grinned. "I mean, you are in love with the self proclaimed 'prank king', maybe he can help." Lily opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by Carter.

"Evans, Black." He barked. "Stop chatting and get on with the work!"

•••

Cass tiptoed in to the marauders dorm, wrapped up in a jumper of Remus' and James' scarf. She had collected many items of clothing from the four boys over the years, her favourite being said jumper and one of Sirius' band T-shirt's (Aerosmith, for reference). She stopped short as she stood on an empty chocolate wrapper, waiting with baited breath in case one of them would wake.

None did, James was curled up with Lily, Remus and Sirius were out for the count in Remus' bed and Peter was sprawled out on his. Cass breathed out, taking a few short steps towards James' bed and grabbing the marauders map and the invisibility cloak off of his bedside cabinet. Lily sighed and rolled over and Cass froze. She hit the floor as Lily bottled upright, rubbing her head. Cass rolled under James' bed, grimacing at the sight of the mess underneath — broken quills, chocolate wrappers, socks, all sorts.

"You alright love?" James asked sleepily.

"Yeah, yeah I thought I heard something." Lily said.

"It was probably nothing, just Pete or something. Go back to sleep." James said.

Cass heard the creak of the bed and then even breaths as James and Lily clearly fell back asleep. She waited until their breathing slowed before rolling back out into the open and scampering out of the dorm. She checked her watch, quickening her pace as she realised it was midnight already.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good." Cass murmured, tapping her wand against the parchment. The map unfurled, showing all of Hogwarts. Cass wrapped the invisibility cloak round herself and practically sprinted all the way to the black lake.

Noah was sitting staring at the water, checking his watch every few seconds. Cass felt immensely guilty as she caught his worried expression. She pulled off the cloak, muttering a quick mischief managed as she slipped both things into the pocket of her jacket.

"Hey." She said. Noah jumped.

"Hey." He said, relief rushing over him. "I was beginning to think you weren't coming."

"Sorry, I got held up." Cass said.

"I brought us some snacks." Noah said. Cass grinned.

"You know me too well." She sat down beside him, letting her fingers brush his.

"So I've been thinking—" Noah began.

"That's never good." Cass said.

"Shush." Noah said, unable to keep the smile from his face. "I've been thinking a lot about us and I'd like to start at the beginning, if you're comfortable with being with me at all that is."

"The beginning sounds good." Cass nodded. "Take it slow, keep it secret maybe? I think I'm ready to start this, us, but I don't want to deal with the pressure from... others."

"Okay, good." Noah said. "Do ground rules I suppose, no l-word, no public affection and no telling anyone. Sound okay?"

"Sounds perfect." Cass said. "So is this like, our first date?"

"If you'd like." Noah said shyly. "I brought a blanket."

"You're too cute." Cass said. She laid down beside him after he spread out the blanket, loosely intertwining their hands.

"That'd be you actually." Noah hummed. Cass smiled.

"Thank you, for understanding." She said. "Most people would just ditch me."

"Of course love." Noah said. "Thank you for letting me back in."

"How could I not?" Cass said, turning onto her side. "You're amazing." Noah blushed.

"Not as amazing as you." He said.

"Oh shush you sap." Cass laughed, swatting him.

"I'm serious." Noah said. "After all you've been through, and you're still fighting. It's fucking amazing Cass."

"I couldn't have done it without you." Cass said, leaning closer to him.

"Glad to be of assistance." Noah said. Cass closed the gap between them and gently placed a kiss on his lips, her eyes automatically closing as she felt fireworks exploding in her head.

Noah was hers. She was his. She just needed a little time before she was ready to admit that to the world again.

okay noah and cass own me i couldn't keep them apart any longer
& hopefully this showed a more vulnerable side to noah, bc he's acc my fave bby I just want to hug him
updates will probs be a lil slow still as my bday is coming up so my family are coming
love you!!