I gulped down my own portion, handing the other half of the chocolate bar over to Levi. He shook his head disapprovingly, but still took it from my hands regardless.

"You dumbass. Sugar isn't good," He mumbled as he swirled the melting sweet in his mouth. I swear the corporal wasn't frowning as much when he laid eyes on the bar I offered, even though he acted as if he was totally against it. 

Typical superior act. I’m surprised he could even keep it up after getting cooped up in that little division of his for who knows how many months, completely shut out of life. Every once in a while, I’d check on him, just in case if he was overworking himself or anything like that, but sweets were always an exception.

"It's fattening, and gives you nightmares. So you better keep off them."

Raising a finger to my lips, I gave him a slight wink, smiling childishly. 

"This is our secret. You dare tell Erwin about me fishing money out for sweets, and I'll totally dob you in for coming out with me when you're supposed to be in that little recovering ward of yours..." My edges lifting up into a little smirk, "... that reeks with dust... and grime-"

"You wouldn't dare..."

"Hell yeah I would." 

The people grimaced at me as I pushed through the crowd, trying to get a better view at the juicy steaks they had on display at the only meat stall on this avenue. Although I wasn’t too enthusiastic about strolling down the streets with our ugly uniforms on like we were on patrol or something, people didn’t dare mess with us, which I was completely fine with.

There was a crowd of bystanders who eyed in awe at the display windows, but pockets too empty and nimble to afford the hanging meat on sale, left hanging around licking their lips as they fantasized about their rich meal.

“Levi!” I pointed at the transparent glass which separated the passer-by’s touchy hands from the divine first-class red meat, “We should get beef for dinner, yeah?”

“It’s either you’ve hit your head too fucking hard or you want the entire Recon Corps to go bankrupt.” He grabbed onto the back of my collar, dragging me away from the rest of the hypnotized crowd and back onto the paved streets. The breaking of my heart resonated to a distinct level as I finally pulled my dazed eyes away from the windows, grunting in disappointment.

“You and that Erd are such a killjoys, ” I grumbled at him, watching the dazed crowd slowly shrink as we withdrew further away from the most concentrated point on the street.

“Shut up, “He mumbled back, lowering his voice as the edges of his thin lips pulled up into a smirk. “Or I’ll make you.”

He didn’t have to finish the entire sentence for an uncontainable blush to wash over my face, clearly announcing to the world that I wasn’t thinking on much of a bright side. No matter how hard I tried to come up with excuses, like maybe Levi just smirks at the worst given times, or by ‘making me shut up’ he’ll make me run laps, I always just somehow loop back to the conclusion that Levi’s last statement was remarkably… suggestive.

Since WHEN did I have a perverted side of thinking?

But, considering all the bizarre and the meant-to-be-forgotten cases where we end up in some really smothering, and just fucking awkward situations… like how I somehow fell asleep during a visit and woke up in his fucking lap?! Holy shit, that’s not normal. That’s like some screwed up Paranormal Activity shit.

Why am I even thinking about this now of all times?

I could feel my face getting a bit warmer as I silently tried to sanitize and disinfect the flooding of unholy thoughts, gaining another free snicker from Levi.

“What’s on that filthy mind of yours?”

“Dirt and grime.” I muttered under my breath, my slightly shameful eyes avoiding the range where his slanted ones would roam wild and free, “That Mr OCD had missed by a fair mile.”

“Can’t believe I’m babysitting such a spoilt brat.”

“Hey it’s not just me. You sir, HSS,” Which was my little simplified version of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, “Had been taggin’ along just as much.” He scoffed at my little joking attempt at an accent, as I hugged tightly onto my paper bag of apples.

“Miss Wings of Freedom!”

A kid-ish voice squealed in the distance, giving Death another friendly invitation as her sudden ‘greeting’ scared the living daylights out of me. Levi released hold of my collar as he screwed his face up, perusing around for possible threats.

I squinted my eyes in attempt to block the burning rays of the sunlight, trying to pick out where the noise was resonating from as my eyes scanned over the entire town square like futuristic lasers. Puddles still dominated about 60% of the streets as the rain had finally halted from their fall, allowing our skin to seep in a share of sunlight.

It was just another busy day downtown with many everyday grocers buzzing on about the fresh in-season fruits and vegetables, not that I really cared or anything. If they weren’t apples (or the meat which cost as much as our souls), they never made it on my to-give-a-shit list. Levi was just as attentive as me, his short frame planted securely right next to mine, his head rotating around in the usual scan and destroy mode.

The sudden weight launched itself at me from behind, pushing me off balance and nearly tumbling forward. My curses were lodged in my throat as I peered down at the beaming girl, her eyes bright and wide as she hugged onto my knees like I was a brand new fluffy teddy bear.

My eyes widen as I recognised her familiar little toothy grin.

The last time I saw her; those fine strands of blond locks were only reaching up to her shoulders, scattering in all different directions like hay from a haystack. The now light lemony hair was tied into two long adorable pigtails, her little arms wrapped tightly around my legs. That very day I encountered her and her little curious mind happened to be the very first day me and Levi went grocery shopping too.

I reached down and patted her head once again, before fishing out an apple out of the brown paper bag and dropping it into her small dainty hands. She looked at least 11 now compared to her once 7 year old tiny figure, her slightly matured face beaming as she accepted the red fruit once again.

She really looked like an older version of Luisa, if you don’t mind me adding.

“Hi there, sweetie.” Levi choked when I greeted the girl nicely, trying hard to cut the sarcastic laugh that was itching on his throat. My friendly attitude immediate dropped as I rolled my eyes, shooting him a dirty glare in return.

“Miss, I’ll finally be able to join the Training Corps next autumn!” She bounced up and down like her legs were newly installed springs, her tied blonde strands fluttering in the breeze after her little figure.

I furrowed my brow a little as I listened to her happy announcement, trying to pull the edges of my lips up to mirror hers convincingly. My instincts could sense Levi’s uneasiness as well, when he took note of the little girl’s slightly morbid declaration. She was so dedicated to the military services; it was honestly a bit… suicidal.

What was she? Like … 12 at the most?

12 and joining the Training Corps? That was the most absurd shit I’ve ever heard. If this was a story off Grimm Tales, I probably wouldn’t even question the authors since they can pretty much pull off anything, but 12 and training? For all I know, that Keith Shadis guy was going to scare the crap out of her, already demotivating her about becoming titan-food or some crap.

Frankly, if I was given another chance of childhood, I would have stayed on the piano stool day and night, shutting all weapons out of my life forever. I’ve seen enough blood for a life time.

The gleaming in her eyes was so full of hopes and dreams. I thought it was just another in-trend thing the kids were all hovering over stupidly, admiring their ‘superheroes’ in green cloaks; I honestly never supposed she was so persistent with this little dream of hers.

“Elsa!” The girl spun away from us as someone else screamed her name. Her little face lit up as she saw an older woman approach, panting as she ran towards us. It wouldn’t take an idiot extra brain juice to figure out that it was her mother running up the slightly slanted cobblestone path.

“Momma?” Her smile disappeared as she realized the old woman was frowning, anger tinted her light golden eyes. Now they looked somehow very familiar, like I have seen them before.

“Elsa! I told you not to leave the store-” Watching her mother smack the back of her blonde head brought a little huff of air through my airlines as I gasped, utterly horrified. The old woman paused as she noticed our glances, her fury completely replenished to an overbrimming level as she eyed us with hate. Her voice started to tremble as she observed the green cloaked we had over our shoulders, the green fabric fluttering in the breeze imprinted with the Wings of Freedom.

“Y-You…” Her voice choked on tears of bitterness. Elsa quietened down as she detected her mother’s light eyes slowly becoming glassier by the second. The little blonde Elsa started whining again as her mother dragged her by the ear. I watched the young girl scream in pain as the old woman heaved her away from us.

“Momma! Stop!” She shrieked tearfully. Her mother eyed the red apple in Elsa’s hand I gave her just a second ago, and immediately slapped it out of her tight grasp hatefully. The red fruit bounced onto the cobblestone street until it finally rolled and halted next to a brick wall.

“Are you brainwashed by those green cloakers, Elsa?! Are you really as stupid as your brother?!”

Wow. So even the simplest kind act of handing a child a fruit with no ill intentions whatsoever can suddenly accelerate to the point where people can misinterpret the deed as another 'Evil Queen and the poisonous apple' trick.

The woman may hate us all she likes for all I care, but she really didn’t have to let that apple go to waste like that. Back when I was younger, food was stolen off their counters in order to fill that groaning stomach of mine. Wasting food will never be abided under my watch.

Levi grabbed my shoulder as he sensed my uprising intolerance, letting out a slight tch he always had.

“That’s disgusting. It’s got dirt and germs feeding all over it.”

I shook him off casually as I kept my eyes tightly fixed on the two shrinking figures before us. My eyes widen in bewilderment as I listened to the young girl’s howling, protesting against her mother’s words. Elsa finally broke free from her mother’s grip, the small shadow of her tiny figure dancing on the uneven pathway as she yelled back at her mother.

“He will come back! Stefan will come back! You have to believe, momma!”

Stefan… Stefan Bach?

No way.

I could feel Levi’s stare drop onto my stunned little vessel, my orbs still witnessing the big scene of a mother against daughter quarrel. The mention of their decreased son… once my colleague, was like a bowl of many stirring mixed emotions. Dark, negative emotions that’ll come up when you look through the thesaurus under the word sad, or sorrow, or a dumb little fuck up.

So that was Stefan’s mother, meaning that little hopeful girl … was his s-sister?

My grasp around the bag of apples tightened, the air squeezed and trapped in my ready-to-explode lungs as the woman turned around and glared at us again, predominantly me through her glassy yet hateful orbs. Her ever so light and golden orbs that reflected the beams of the equally golden sun.

So that was where Stefan got his eyes from.

I missed the sight of them… on him.

“We should get back now…” Levi grumbled darkly, trying to tug me along before the woman snapped back and whisked her arm over, gripping tightly onto my collar. My dark stunned eyes stared into her contrasting light ones, slightly envious and intimidated by the natural beautiful shade.

“You! You took away my son!” She screamed angrily at me, her emotional tears washing down her face like rain once again. My paper bag of apples crashed down onto the ground, the countless red fruits bouncing off in all different directions as my guilty orbs silently begged for forgiveness I would never dream of receiving.

I shot over a stern look, and Levi furrowed his brow in confusion when I smacked his grip off the woman’s arm. It was something I had to deal with myself, it was a duty I had to face. The older woman ignored our little silent communication and pulled me closer to her.

“I’ve heard of you, Hazel Adler. My son wrote to me, and he would always mention you.”

Guiltiness and remorse overwhelmed me, overwriting my soul with darkness instead of the flattery everyone expected me to get all cocky about. I wasn’t ‘thrilled’ that some boy was writing about me in his letters to his mother, because the guilt had already eaten half my mind.

Yes, now I truly understood that Stefan’s feelings towards me were… real, real enough to be mentioned to his own mother. If only I had been nicer to the boy, smiled a bit more at him maybe, do what nice girls do. Anything but be that bitch I was that morning.

I watched the glimmering light eyes that were contaminated with so much unexpressed hate towards my name… and I didn’t blame her.

It was my fault.

I bit my lip ruefully, my hair whipped forward as I bowed down towards the ground with my arm tightly crossed over my chest. Even Levi was slightly taken back at my sudden salute towards the elder standing in front of me. I never saluted anyone so formally, not even Commander Erwin, but I felt it was necessary to do so now.

This was his mother I was facing.

“My son...” She growled under her breath furiously, “He didn’t matter to you, but he mattered to me!”

A painful crash collided with the top of my head as the older woman hit me, but I stood as still as a log and endured the pain I deserved for my unacceptable attitude and rudeness towards her decreased son that day.

“Stefan was my pride! I told him there were many other girls out there, who were nicer, more lady-like, more socially acceptable, yet… why was it you?!”

“Your mother’s sure happy that you can still whore around the streets with that face. But I have to wake up every morning, knowing my son won’t ever come home!”

I didn’t really have a mother… or a father. But I didn’t think it was a good time to point that out.

Another throbbing strike landed on my head, but I kept my formal addressing strong, facing the cobblestones beneath as I listened to her, as devoting and filial as ever, like she was my own mother. My arm still tightly crossed across my chest as the green cloak fluttered in the breeze with pride of humanity on the surface, but repentance skulked beneath as the price.

“Keep your filthy apples to yourself,” Her vulgar voice howled, drawing more attention from other pedestrians. “You’ve taken my son already, now you won’t do the same for my daughter! I don’t care, but don’t you dare speak to Elsa ever again.”

“You don’t deserve to be alive today.” The woman finally whimpered before she broke down in bitter tears, hugging her knees in front of me as she wept and mourned for her son.

It was nothing like what the books had stated. We weren’t really heroes of the story, we were merely survivors. And survivors don’t get welcomed back at the end of the day, but instead shower all the hate raining down on them as the families grieved for the ones who never made it back.

Elsa slowly walked up beside her tearful mother, her eyes wide as she pleaded for the truth from me.

The street was now silent as observant everyday people stopped by from their grocery shopping and witnessed the awful scene, some trying to comfort the tearful woman kneeling on the ground.

“Miss…?” Elsa feebly enquired in her innocent voice. “Where’s big bro?”

The woman looked up again, her wet tear-stained face desperately eyeing her young innocent daughter, wanting to stop her from questioning but her tears kept flowing and she kept crying.

“Elsa,” I smiled as I straightened up again, my sad eyes observing the answer seeking girl as I hesitantly placed my calloused hand on her lemony blond hair. “You have a caring mother, cherish that for life.”

I’m sure you’ll be a fine soldier when you grow up, one that brings pride to all of humanity, I had once told the young one positively. How stupid of me for being such a loud-mouth, for being so outspoken. I had brought her hopes up, and I now had to trample over them.

I know discouraging a child was simply a wicked thing to do; telling them their dreams sucked was an unwritten taboo. But I did it anyway, for the sake of her mother, and her.

“Give it up, your mother's right. Don’t join the army.”

Levi glanced at me, his dark eyes practically seeing through everything that lies deep within my soul of dread and grief. He never interrupted.

“And… big bro,” She stepped up closer to me, holding my hand entreatingly.

“He was likeable, was he not?”

Levi stiffened out of the corner of my eye as he watched me nod my head silently, responding to the girl's question. I genuinely meant that. Stefan was indeed a very likeable person, I just regret I didn’t have enough time with him.

“Is he coming back?”

Those stunning light pupils of hers quivered, praying for the answer she had hoped for, that everyone had hoped for the young merchant’s boy but won’t be getting.

Reality was the cruellest piece of crap ever recorded in history. I had to break the news to them, as Stefan’s colleague, as Stefan’s friend, as Stefan’s … beloved one.

My teeth seeped into my bottom lip as I rolled my eyes up at the golden sky as light as the Bach family’s proud and rare eyes, stopping the tears from falling… as I shook my head in response.

“No. I’m sorry.”

She slowly dropped my hand, her small little frame trembling, her hopeful soul denying that one syllable I uttered. Her wide, wide eyes were enlarged with shock, and denial, and everything a kid would be suffering once a horrible truth had been put out there in front of them.

This should have been illegal.

She was still young, and happy, and hopeful.

Why did I have to ruin that for her? Why did I have to be the one to ruin everything for her?

My jaw tightened as I lowered my head down to the ground again, hoping no one saw the accumulating tears in my sorrowful eyes as they looked for a route to escape. Guilt, guilt, and more guilt flooded my heart as I watched the young girl tear up and wail along with her mother in front of me.

And I stood there silently, mentally grieving along with them for the merchant boy who never made it back.

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