I mentally rocked back and forth … back and forth, tediously watching the surviving soldiers cover up the bodies of the dead and heaving them up to the wagon.  A cold sensation brushed against my fingers when my hand came in contact with the Balisong I have been keeping in my pocket.  My fingertips ran along the grooves in handles. Surprisingly, the knife that I was always so happy about indeed kept my state of grief under control, stopping myself from breaking down for the last hour or so now.

My orbs were unresponsive, even though the heavy laced boots strolled and halted right in front of me, naturally keeping their mighty structure and reputation high as their blue stern eyes stared attentively at my numb ones. Their grip was placed firmly on my shoulder as they bent down to my eye level, trying to catch my gaze on the ground.

“Hazel.” Erwin whispered softly.

I blinked expressionlessly and my pupils slowly shifted upwards, looking at him, my face completely drained of colour. My dead eyes were still fixed blankly on the commander that was focused down in front of me, even though I clearly heard the footsteps of the corporal approaching. Little, short breaths of air slowly escaped my nostrils soundlessly. I could sense the corporal’s arrival as he stood next to me, looking down at my dull face with his arms crossed.

“What do you want?” The murmur choked out hoarsely, I couldn’t even recognise that it was my own voice.

A piece of bread was lifted to my pale face, my eyes still fixed on the commander torpidly, ignoring the bread that was blurred slowly into my vision.

“You haven’t eaten all day.” The commander said in a lenient voice as he presented the food to me. My eyes didn’t bother to move, continually staring at Erwin lifelessly, gradually beginning to gaze past him and through him, not concentrating on anything in particular.

After failing to get me responding, he handed the portion over to Levi and walked off, aiding the other soldiers with the corpse collecting in the fields.

Among those blood covered bodies, one of them was Bella’s. I felt my jaw clenched up and the tears that threatened to accumulate in my eyes as the thought of the hooded figure clawed back into my mind.

He was neither a titan … nor a human. He was a traitor. Cold-blooded, stupid and I pitied him and his cowardly acts, hiding behind that Survey Corps hoodie with his blades pointed towards us. But why he, a fellow human being, turn against us for the sake of those titans? Nothing makes sense.

Bella, she wasn’t anyone too significant to me, but she had once talked to me and fought by my side. That was enough. If only I had realized about a turncoat lurking among us a bit earlier, I could have possibly saved Bella from everything. If I had just moved a second earlier from the tree instead of standing around observing and analysing everything; she would still be living now.

I knew that everyone was waiting for her, waiting to praise her for her return, her unending optimism, her kindness. She had a home to return to, an expectant family waiting for her homecoming.

And because of my delayed actions, I have failed to ensure that.  

The breeze picked up again, whistling through the line of trees that separated the dark forestry and the grasslands. It swept my dark hair across my face, steadily encouraging my eyelids to drop, inviting the darkness along into my sight to drag me away from the battleground. I slowly leant back onto the trunk of the tall tree in my standing position, tilting my head to my side as I inhaled and exhaled quietly.

The corporal’s footsteps approached closer to my figure, my eyes still closed. The tickling feeling of his presence brushed against my arm which made my lids slowly lift again, my pupils shifting as I met his short body, which was also leaning against the same tree right next to me. His dark pupils met mine as he huffed in an annoyed tone. I closed my eyes again, ignoring his usual stuck-up attitude and reinvited the darkness.

“What are you doing, brat?” His voice growled in a low tone right next my ear. I continued breathing evenly, ignoring his irritating existence.

“Are you going to answer me? I’m asking you a question, and I expect an answer.”

My body stayed completely still as I felt his body nearing mine, until he was pretty much leaning against my side, his crossed arms sweeping alongside mine. He was unexpectedly warm, his heat radiating off, influencing on my own low temperature.

The muscles in my sore fingers twitched a little as I sensed him grasp onto my hand, eventually entwining his own fingers with mine. My face grimaced to his close company. His calloused hand lifted mine up, transferring his own warmth to my cool ones.

“You’re as cold as shit.” He stated, still holding onto mine which were unresponsive.

I could sense through the lid of my eyes that the light of the evening was already starting to drop real low, until it was almost completely dark. The penetrating orange was no longer prying through the slits of my lids, but was replaced by a dark, purple and auburn shade. It was reaching night time.

My throat was dry and coarse. My entire body felt heavy and inflexible. I just didn’t have it in me now. Rest was the only thing that comes to mind, nothing else. Motivation was nowhere in sight, my heart just seemed to have sunk down into a bottomless pit, unable to find its dark way out.

“Hazel.” Levi finally muttered beside me. My untied hair was over my face, isolating myself from the rest of the world, even the corporal who was beside me. The jaw of my mouth was sore from a whole day’s worth of tight clenching; I didn’t bother putting any vitality to move them in response.

The fingers of my hand were straightened and bent, this way and that as I realized that Levi was playing with my hand.

“You’re so fucking stubborn.” I felt his calloused hands run along the marks and scars of my fingers, observantly examining the details of my flawed hands. Levi turned my hand over and continued running the tip of his fingers on the back of my veins and bloodied knuckles. I ignored the tickling warm feeling running down my slim limbs, keeping my lids closed as I blocked out all communications outside my mind, staying conserved inside my own head and reflected on my own letdowns.

I felt him lean towards my face even closer, his hand sweeping my hair away from my shoulders, revealing my rested expression. The immediate agitated feeling spread across my whole body like poison as I felt him stroke my face with the back of his hand. Pulling my face away immediately, my lids flickered open and scowled in disgust at the corporal who leant on my shoulder next to me, dangerously close. His eyes glistened as he took notice of the dusted pink across my warming cheeks, sniggering.

Levi swiped over and grabbed me by the arm, tugging me back into my previous standing position leaning against the tree.

“I know you too well.” He snickered as he pulled my hair away from my face, brushing it to the other side of my shoulder with ease. The corporal sighed and rested his head back against the trunk, those dark eyes of his raising up, eyeing at the stars that popped out in the night sky. The stars twinkled ever so brightly, shining down on us with their self-luminous celestial bodies.

The lights of the night sky.

Each one of them were so beautiful, I kept my lids slightly open to gaze at their twinkling forms.  

“We can’t help these things. We just have to keep fighting.” His low voice murmured quietly next to me. Levi lifted my hand up, and with his other hand, he placed the stale piece of bread in my hold. The corporal was surprisingly considerate… and his so out-of-character act was truly ridiculous, a smile threatened to expose itself on my lips.

 "Now eat. Before I shove the damn thing down your throat."

--------------------

 [A/N] 

Chapter dedication to: LadyRivaille_Jaeger. That is one awesome name, thanks for reading this book and those comments omg :) And the previous chapter dedication to: Pessimistic_Writer And damn, GGMMP ... *thumbs up for insane creativity

[ACTUAL A/N]

I just realized how long this chapter was going to be if I wrote the whole thing in one go, and I don't like publishing something like 9-15 page chapters because personally, I don't like long chapters myself (idk you guys might hate me for that im sorry) So this is Chapter 11.5 which is part of the Expedition chain. I felt like I just had to put it in the a/n because I might be confusing a lot of people out there and wanted to make it clear, but you smart cookies out there dun need this sort of crap forced down your throat

I HAVE REPEATEDLY told you guys this many times and I seriously mean it, thank you so much for the readsss *cue for explosions due to over happiness~~ 

TLOU OST played a big part in this piece of writing; *links by the side

Mkay, have a good one. (whew what a long a/n)

AttackOnFeels