A/N: We've got an hour and a half to write this on the way to a guard competition. Let's see how awful it turns out. I'm just in the mood for some wholesome shit so I don't even care how OOC it is, I NEED this rn or I might have a heart attack-

(Honestly this is just two separate scenes and one of them is exclusively narration)

"Selwyn Kane? Seriously? Out of all the cute boys at this college, you choose the one who wanted you dead?" Alice sighs in a show of dramatic disappointment. "Sure he's pretty, but personality? 0 out of 10."

"First of all, it's not like I'm proposing," I defend with a tiny laugh, checking our dorm for snacks I know I won't find. "Secondly, that was almost a year ago, Alice, and thirdly if you'd spend any time with him you'd realize he's not nearly as awful as you think. He's just..."

"Cold? Suspicious? Aggressive?"

"...I was going to say 'not very trusting.'"

"And Matty, you can't just say you're in love with him and then say it's not a big deal!"

I'm sure I'm blushing. "Correction, I said that if I must be bonded to someone it will be Sel and that he's the only Merlin I trust."

"I can't tell if someone messed with your memory or if you're just lying to yourself," she laughs. "Cause yeah, you said that, and then you said you would both die for each other with no hesitation and added something along the lines of 'I don't just want a good Kingmage, I want one that knows me the way he does," and refused to elaborate. Sorry if I'm drawin' a few conclusions!"

I purse my lips and look away, hiding a smile. "...And anyway, if hypothetically I was in love with him, what's wrong with that?" Alice opens her mouth to reply, but I roll my eyes. "Other than you think he's mean."

"Do you need me to make a list? Mixing Shadowborn blood into a bloodline that's already terrifyingly strong-"

"And aside from Order-heir-descendant stuff, there's always some way to figure that out."

"...Then nothing, but may I remind you of my issues with him?"

"You may, and I'm not ignoring you, I just..." I sigh. "...I really do like him, Alice."

"Look, if you want him to break your heart, then that's on you. I'm just looking out for my best friend." She smiles softly-a reminder that while she is decently serious, she's not genuinely trying to talk me out of my feelings for Sel. Which is a welcome change, because I am. Constantly. Debating, justifying, begging, anything that might convince me all he is to me is a close friend. Someone I can trust, of course, but...not someone I'm starting to love. Surely not.

"...Oh, I forgot to tell you," she adds. "Greer asked me if they could jump on tonight's hunt with... shoot, what's their name? Nick's new Squire-I said I'd pass on the request and let them know once I knew."

"Xen. That should work, they're adapting really fast to their abilities and can call their swords scarily fast-make sure both of them know not to make it a big deal, though, otherwise the rest of the new Pages'll wonder why I don't let them go yet."

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It's how funny how fast you can adjust to things that seemed so foreign at first.

The heat of a gaze that once made you flinch with every glance fades to a familiar warmth.

The shock of a touch that once made you cry out in pain fades to a comforting buzz of electricity.

The sharp scent that once seemed so harsh and overwhelming fades to a gentle reminder of home.

I still don't know when I stopped flinching every time I felt his eyes, when I stopped noticing that prickle along my skin. I don't know the first time I was ready for the way I feel when he touches me, let alone the first time I was excited for it. I don't know when his aether signature went from a sign of danger to a sign of comfort, or when I realized I'm so much more on edge when I can't detect it.

Nothing about Sel scares me anymore, and nothing about him is unfamiliar now. I am his, and he is mine.

But I still can't get used to the way he whispers his love when I'm half-asleep. The idea that he's shy and gentle and unsure instead of the confident, unbothered, uncaring Sel I first met. The knowledge that he would risk everything for me purely because of who I am, not because of blood, ancestors, or spells. The fact that he comes home to me after the battles and the hunts... That's all taking some time to get used to. And I don't know if I want any of it to stop being as life-changing as it feels right now.

My life won't ever be the same as it was, now that my ancestry is known. But when I'm with Sel, I'm not a Scion, a king, or a hero. I'm just Bree. And it's those moments I realize why so many songs and stories are romance-none of the courage and power in the world can compare to the way it feels to let myself just be a teenage girl in love.

I don't know if I'll ever be brave enough to decide I don't care if the Regents try to force us apart, that I'm not satisfied with stolen kisses and whispered promises, that we're done hiding. But for today, those are enough.

Words cannot express how much I feel for this boy. Love, regret, connection, shame, passion, devotion-I can list as much as I'd like, there's no possible way to come close. He's someone I never want to leave and know never will, but I'm terrified he'll be ripped away from me every time he faces a demon. The excuses I invent to keep him by my side is the only way I can protect him... and even then, I know it's not protection he needs. What Shadowborn can even lay a claw on him? He's fast, smart, powerful... that's just not enough for me to believe he'll always be okay.

But whatever goes wrong, whatever happens... it won't be today. For one more day, at least, Sel's safe. My heart, my soul, my cariad. I don't know how long this can last. Whether it's being discovered, one of our deaths, or something else, we won't be forever. But right now, I'm happier than I've ever been.

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A/N: plot twist, they're soulmates and immortal and therefore it CAN BE FOREVER. Anyway this is absolute garbage but again, trying to publish any fic I finish. And if it matters to anyone the performance went decent.

Writing Alice and Bree being friends is surprisingly fun, actually, so maybe some more of that-romance gossip is always more fun when one of them's gay- (definitely not projecting my friend who literally said "I mean I don't understand why you want a guy in GENERAL, but like, he's the most toxic guy you could want??)