Otabek caught sight of Yuri before he even got through the ticket barrier. It was hard not to notice him with his bitter aura exuding ten inches from his body, adding at least some magnitude to him. He waved to him, and was shot a worried looking gaze.
'Hey,' He smiled, understanding that he'd be nervous meeting somebody for the second time after only a day. Less, even.
Yuri felt severely underdressed stood in front of Otabek, who was obviously a keen follower of fashion, sporting an exquisitely tailored leather jacket, black jeans and a pair of combat boots that looked as if they might genuinely be military grade. He himself was wearing just a plain, motheaten grey knit sweater and jeans that no longer fit him. They were baggy around his legs, though- he deeply regretted- not baggy enough.
Otabek, however, didn't notice that Yuri appeared underdressed. Instead, he saw that he was underweight. Alarmingly so. His collarbones jutted out above the collar of his sweater, casting shadows in the hollow between them and his neck. The parts of his arm that had visible shape (due only to where his sleeves were draped off of them) were so tiny he was sure he could touch his forefinger and thumb around them. Not for the first time, he wondered if Yuri might really be sick. He certainly looked it. Even his face was thin; his cheeks were hollow and his eyes were slightly sunken, giving him the haunted appearance of the kind of orphan boy one might see on a poster for a charitable cause.
'So, umm, what are we doing?' Yuri hazarded this question, still not sure why exactly Otabek had been so eager to meet him when they barely knew each other.
'You tell me. I don't usually do this kind of thing with my friends, but I figured I'm up for trying something new. It's my New Year's Resolution, actually.'
'Oh,' Yuri was left unenlightened by this vague answer. 'I don't really do this either.'
'How about we just go get something to eat and we can decide on something better?'
Yuri shrugged nonchalantly, but his heart was going a million miles an hour in the face of his worst fear- namely, food. He trailed after Otabek into the shopping centre and towards a standalone coffee shop, where they joined the queue. Otabek ordered something or other that sounded like heaven to Yuri's starving mind, but when it came to his turn he skipped deftly from the queue and ordered nothing.
'You don't want anything?' Otabek arched an eyebrow, and Yuri hoped he hadn't raised any suspicion. He shook his head silently, but Otabek's eyes didn't leave him and he felt pressed to disclose a reason. Of course, he had hundreds of excuses that he'd tried and tested for every plausible situation. This was an everyday occurrence for him.
'Had a really big breakfast,' He said this with the exact pat of his stomach he had done before this had become a lie, and paired with the knowing widening of his eyes it always worked beautifully. Otabek accepted it without doubt, but then he had no reason to disbelieve him, especially given that he didn't exactly look like the sort of person who skipped meals. It hadn't been that 24 hours yet, and although there were a few consecutive 24 hours before this one, it still wasn't long enough. They sat down, surprised that there was a free table on a busy morning such as this one, and Otabek ate his food so refreshingly normally. It was actually oddly therapeutic to watch somebody with a healthy relationship with food.
'What do you usually do, then?' Otabek asked once he'd finished, sitting back and sipping at his coffee. 'With friends, I mean.'
'I don't know,' Yuri shrugged, not too keen to admit that he didn't really have any anymore. He'd been popular once, before this disease had pervaded every inch of his life and denied him the right to socialise, since usually with hanging out with friends came eating. His friends still tried to invite him places, but he always fobbed them off with weak excuses and he didn't expect they'd keep it up for much longer. 'How about you?'
'Well... All my friends are really different. They all have different things they like to do. You have hobbies, right?'
'Not really...' Again, he'd lost all motivation for anything but losing weight. That was his top priority and he couldn't allow anything to get in the way of that.
'What about trainhopping?'
'What?'
'You get on a random train, roll a dice and get off at that number of stops.'
'Isn't that... illegal? Like, you have to buy a ticket, and-'
'We get the train to London and take the tube if you're that fussed.'
'I'm not fussed. It's okay.'
'London it is!'

Yuri wasn't sure why he had agreed to go along with this- never in his life had he ever been so reckless, and he loved it. His mum hated him going further than a half hour from home, so him going to London would probably drive her crazy, although he couldn't foresee that he'd tell her if he could help it. The unpredictability of it all flooded his veins it's adrenaline and excitement, and for a moment he forgot all about counting down the hours and pounds. He was just a normal boy doing something crazy with a friend he knew nothing about.
'This one!' Otabek dragged him down one of the stairwells at the Tube station, yanking him hard to the left and making him sway. This was an instant where it was difficult not to think about the fact that he hadn't eaten in days. He blinked hard and forced himself onwards, bounding down the stairs and glad that they hadn't taken the escalator because the stairs would burn more calories. The larger the calorie deficit, the more weight he lost. A train had just pulled in and Otabek grabbed him by the arm, reeling him along. It was a mad dash and a huge leap, but they made it. For a minute they just stood there, the carriage empty except for an elderly woman and a man with a yapping little dog, and laughed breathlessly.
'Okay,' Otabek sat down after catching his breath and took out the dice. He made a cup with his hands and shook it, then flipped it flat on his palm. Five dots stared back up at them. Yuri looked up to see what stop that was, but Otabek slapped a hand over his eyes.
'You can't look,' He proclaimed. 'That takes away the fun.'
'Won't we know when we get there, anyway?'
'Yes, but that's when we get there. For now, enjoy the uncertainty.'
Yuri wasn't good with not knowing. He liked exact eventualities and an answer to everything. His entire life revolved around control, so to have it taken away put him ill at ease. He counted down the stops until it was the fifth, at which point they stood up and exited the train into the stuffy underground station of Oxford Circus. They walked up a long flight of stairs and emerged, blinking rapidly, into the grey sunlight of the busy intersection. Yuri took a deep breath, inhaling the fumes and new air of the city. The business of life passing by and everybody's lives continuing was something he loved to observe, and London was the perfect place for this. Unfortunately, he had no time for this as Otabek was already beginning to walk.
'Won't we get lost?' Yuri piped up, sticking close beside him amongst the throng of people.
'Probably,' Otabek shrugged. 'Does it matter?'
Yuri didn't reply, too distracted by the huge crowds and the vivacity of life in England's capital city. Everywhere he looked there were people, distractions, lights, signs to read and faces he'd forget the second he looked away. None of these people knew him and therefore they couldn't judge him. They were too busy talking into earpieces, to friends, to partners. They all had lives to fulfil, whereas all Yuri could think about was how lightheaded he was beginning to feel. It was a really awful moment to get a dizzy spell, but he could sense its presence rolling over him with all the speed and tenacity of a leopard. He looked up at Otabek, trying to give himself something to focus on. He was taking pictures of almost everything they passed, even the most mundane sights that wouldn't go amiss in any town or city. He grimly held onto the fraying thread of consciousness until they ended up in Cavendish Square Gardens.
'What are you doing?' He was relieved that he could manage to string these words together given that he could barely walk in a straight line any longer. Otabek was still taking pictures and this was piquing his interest.
'Taking pictures for Instagram.'
'Instagram, huh?'
'Yeah. I don't know, people seem to really like me. I posted this one photo of me in London and it went viral, for some reason. I gained, like, 600 followers in a day. From there, it grew, and I guess-' Otabek stopped talking when he realised Yuri wasn't listening. It was at that moment that he collapsed, dropping to the floor in a heap. Had it been a movie, Otabek would have caught him just before he hit the floor, but unfortunately this was real life and as such this was not to be. The only comfort Otabek could take was that he hadn't hit his head too hard thanks to his arm preceding his head in the fall. He instantly dropped down beside him, untangling his limbs and gently shaking him to consciousness. All the while, his heart was pounding in his chest. Yuri's eyes had rolled back into his head, but upon inspection he was still breathing and looked to be just unconscious. By this point, a few passersby had gathered round and somebody was offering to call an ambulance.
'Yes please,' He nodded, not really sure whether an ambulance was appropriate but not willing to take the risk over leaving this be. It definitely wasn't healthy to suddenly collapse like this. Yuri came to quickly, his eyes peeling open and staring up at the sky for a while as he got his bearings back. The woman who had been about to call the ambulance decided it wasn't necessary and that she could take her leave now that the concerned boy was conscious, as if that made a huge difference.
'I- did I faint?' Yuri's voice was scratchy and quiet, echoing his expressionless face.
'Yeah,' Otabek helped him to sit up, but refused to allow him to stand. 'Just stay there for a minute. What happened?'
'I... Did I faint?' His eyes were still wide, like they were trying to take in everything at once to gain an understanding of the situation.
'You did. Do you feel okay?'
'I'm sorry,' Yuri mumbled, dipping his head in humiliation. He couldn't believe that this had happened in front of somebody, especially somebody he deemed to be cool. He owed him the truth, at least. After all, how long could he keep the secret, anyway?
'For what? You just passed out.'
'For lying to you. I told you I'm not sick, but I am.'
'Oh god. Is it really serious?' Otabek's mind instantly thought of just one thing.
'It's not cancer. I'm not dying sick.'
'So what's wrong with you?'
'I, uhh...' It was painful to admit it. This was the kind of sickness only girls got- how pathetic was it for a boy to be this obsessed with himself? And besides, how was it believable when he didn't look the part? Just a diagnosis didn't make it true. 'I have chronic anorexia.'
Otabek was silent for a very long time and Yuri instantly regretted telling him. He dropped his chin onto his knees, wringing his hands together and chewing at the inside of his lip.
'Go on,' Otabek sat down next to him, crossing his legs in front of himself and waiting attentively, giving Yuri time to think and attempt to construct an answer.
'I count everything. Calories eaten, calories burnt, weight, my clothes size, the width of my waist... I guess you could say I'm just number orientated.'
'Want to talk about it?'
'Not especially. I just don't really like myself.'
'How come?'
'Don't know. Not much to like, is there?'
'Hang on,' Otabek stood up, pulling Yuri with him and brushing him off delicately, as if he might crumble at any second. To be honest, the way he looked it was a genuine risk. 'Can I take a picture of you?'
'Why?'
'Smile!' Otabek pulled out his phone and instantly Yuri covered his face with his hands, the sleeves of his sweater dangling from them almost comically. He allowed the photo to be taken, because he couldn't see how it would do any harm.
'Tag yourself,' Otabek handed him his phone, which was open on instagram. Reluctantly, Yuri tagged himself, trying not to pay too much attention to how unflattering the photo was. Otabek clicked post, then suggested they find a cafe and sit down. Of course he did. Yuri had found that everybody who knew about his predicament was constantly trying to feed him, usually just because it made them feel better than out of concern. He couldn't decipher whether Otabek was worried about him, but he liked to think that he was, even if it meant he'd ultimately disappoint him when he refused to eat. Usually after passing out he'd use this as a weak excuse to eat, but he felt under pressure to prove that he really was sick despite his lack of visible symptoms. He permitted himself to be dragged practically by the hair to a cheap and cheerful tea shop down a backstreet somewhere, where Otabek ordered food for him (no autonomy over queue-swerving this time) and they sat down in a corner. Yuri stared at the food on his plate with lacklustre. He had reached the point of restriction that food lost its appeal; his stomach had essentially closed itself off and his mind was so used to saying no that even had he wanted to or been physically willing to eat, his hands would have refused point blank to move. He genuinely could not bring himself to do something so simple as place food in his mouth anymore. Otabek watched him, an undisguised downcast expression etched onto his face.
'You buying me food hasn't fixed me. I didn't tell you this just to garner sympathy,' Yuri told him, trying to keep the edge from his voice.
'Oh, right. Of course,' Otabek looked yet more miserable, his face falling half a mile.
'I'm sorry, I just... I shouldn't have told you. It's not going to change anything other than upset you,' Yuri suddenly found that he couldn't hold back the tears. It was the first time he'd been open about his anorexia, and it was as if everything had just been building up and now it was cascading out in the form of hideous sniffling.
'Oh, Yuri!' Otabek stood up quickly, his chair scraping loudly against the floor and catching the attention of everybody else in the cafe. This only made Yuri cry harder, and Otabek was by his side instantly. 'Do you need some air?'
'No, I'm sorry, I need to go home.'
'Yeah, of course. I'll take you to the-' Otabek reached to help him up, but Yuri wrenched himself away and stumbled backwards, toppling his chair over. The resultant crack cast a silence over the cafe and what felt like thousands of eyes landed on him.
'I- I should go,' Yuri muttered, keeping his eyes glued to the floor as he escaped out the door. He started running without really knowing where he was going, occasionally glancing back to make sure he wasn't being followed. He had never let his guard down in front of someone like that before and he was truly humiliated. Otabek was both older him and in general just a much- and he hesitated to say it- cooler person, so to hang out with him had felt like a privelige of some sort, and now he had ruined it all. He ended up back in the park he'd fainted in, and he found himself shinning up one of the trees like he had always done before his muscles had wasted away. He grabbed a thick branch and shimmied himself onto it, leaning his back against the trunk and propping his legs against a branch. He dug deep into his pocket and pulled out his phone from where he'd been ignoring it vibrating. Three missed calls from Otabek, but then that was to be expected. He had just run away from him in a massive city, after all. He didn't know how he'd be reacting, but despite being hopelessly lost he didn't want to see him for at least a few good years. He ignored the notifications and instead went to Instagram, where he had almost a hundred follow requests. He clicked on tagged photos and tapped the most recent, the same candid that Otabek had taken of him earlier. The caption read,
'Tell my friend he's cute.'
He flicked through the comments, and the second he did so he regretted it. Interspersed with generic comments such as 'nice sweater!' and 'cutie' were the type of remarks that made him feel sick.
'Do you see those legs?' One girl asked, tagging a friend to gawp at the spectacle.
'Yikes, he's a stick!' Another observed.
'Literal thinspo, would die for those legs and collarbones.' This was the one that most affected him, combined with the rampant speculation that he was anorexic. He couldn't understand why the hell they were saying things like this, but the twisted part of his mind relished it. At this moment, he was hit with a barrage of texts from his school friends. Usually he would ignore them, but since they all came within such short intervals of each other and from such a spectrum of people that he became curious. He opened one up from a girl in his chemistry class, and was alarmed by what it said.
'How come you're friends with Otabek Altin???'
He was startled to see that he'd received many more of the same with just a slight variation on the words used. A few girls asked him to introduce them, a few others proclaimed only that he was 'bloody gorgeous' and most of them hadn't even been following him before, but they'd seen the tag in their notifications and had instantly fallen in love with the dark, leather-wearing young man. Even a few boys had texted him, wondering why he'd stirred all the girls up into a frenzy. He fired back a few explanatory texts to the most prolific gossipers saying that they weren't really close, they'd just met by chance and gone into Reading. He got another call from Otabek, which he again ignored, but then he received a text from him begging him to disclose his whereabouts because he was worried. On the next call, he picked up the phone with much trepidation.
'Oh, thank god,' Otabek sighed. 'Are you okay? Are you on your way home?'
'Umm...' Unsure what to say, he hesitated.
'Are you still in London? Are you lost?'
'No. I mean, yeah I'm still in London. In the park where we were earlier. I'm okay, though. You can go home, or whatever.'
'No, stay where you are and I'll come find you.'
'Please don't!' Yuri was embarrassed to say the least after having just run away like that. He didn't want to have to face Otabek again. 'I can find my way home, or my mum can pick me up.'
'Don't be stupid. I'm in the park already, where are you? I can't see you anywhere!'
Yuri could see him from his high vantage point, crossing the park with his neck craned to try and find him. He looked smaller from this height, less intimidating and somehow softer from this angle. For a moment he just watched him wandering around, searching high and low, still holding his phone against his ear.
'Seriously, are you sure you're in the same park?'
Yuri jumped at the sound of his voice, remembering that he was the person on the end of that phone.
'I'm sat in a tree,' He said this with disbelief tainting his voice, followed with a surprised half-laugh. He'd clean forgotten that he was sat in a tree. He watched as Otabek looked around at each tree until he spotted him and waved. Yuri hung up and clambered down from the tree, hanging his head in shame.
'Sorry,' He mumbled, kicking at the ground anxiously.
'You apologise a lot,' Otabek commented, and Yuri realised that yes, he did. He almost apologised for this, but he just managed to stop himself. Instead, he took a deep breath and tried to say what was on his mind without the word sorry being littered throughout his