authors note//ok so not gonna lie i've been struggling a bit recently and i'm writing this just to try make myself feel better, and anyone else who's struggling with similar issues. have a great day/night and remember to be confident!! your body is perfect <3

tw: very light mentions of sh and body insecurity shit but sh doesn't go into detail so don't worry :). i am in no way romanticising anything like this it's just something i needed to write, i often update my fanfic to put myself in a better mood.

//unedited

year: 1985

kurt's age: 18

y/n's age: 18

kurt and y/n had been dating for a couple of weeks,  having known each other for almost two years already when y/n moved to olympia and kurt happened to be there at the time, the pair hitting it off instantly and bonding over their music taste. they had been taking it slow, at the request of y/n. she wanted their relationship to progress from just kissing and making out, of course she did, but there was one thing stopping her.

her body.

and damn she had a bad relationship with it. why couldn't she just be skinny? why couldn't she look perfect? kurt constantly reassured her that she was fine, she wasn't overweight at all (there isn't anything wrong with being overweight btw <3 everyone is beautiful and perfect no matter what size!!) and she was already quite skinny. but y/n always shut him down, "no, i need to lose weight'. it hurt kurt. it hurt him that she couldn't see herself the way everyone else did. but it was impossible. every time she looked in the mirror she felt sick. the stretch marks and scars on her thighs, her waist that wasn't small enough, curves that didn't look quite right. 

that morning y/n decided to wear a skirt. a short skirt. she didn't plan on going out like this, she thought people would be repulsed by her, a girl who didn't have a good figure wearing such an item of clothing. kurt smiled as she walked into the dining room, just finishing eating his breakfast. "well this is something different " he said, in the best way possible. "you mean that in a bad way or-" y/n hesitantly said. "no! i mean it in a good way. you look hot" kurt smiled lightly. y/n blushed. "really?" kurt nodded his head promptly. "i might go put some tights on under this.." she went to walk off but kurt grabbed her by the wrist to stop her. "c'mon it's really sunny outside you're gonna get too warm princess" y/n looked down at her thighs and quietly said "but..these..i can't go out like this" alluding to her thighs. "i don't know what the fuck you're talking about what's wrong with your thighs?" kurt was genuinely confused, they looked fine to him. "can't you see?" y/n frustratingly said, pulling up her skirt a lil bit to show him her stretch marks and scars. "oh y/n fuck off, it's not like i haven't seen them before." kurt shook his head in disbelief, he'd known her almost two years. "you've never commented on them before. i thought if you saw them you might've been a dick about it." y/n just anxiously looked at the floor. "stretch marks are a normal thing, ok y/n? it's normal." 

kurt put his arms around y/n and brought her closer to him so her head rested upon his warm chest. she could feel his heart beating. it was comforting as fuck. "y/n..i don't get why you feel so shit about your body. you're perfect." kurt played with her soft blonde hair and twirled it gently round his fingers. "because, kurt, i don't see whatever you see. i look in the mirror and i feel like shit ok!! all i want is to be fucking skinny. i don't wanna look like me." she sobbed quietly into his chest, worried about getting tears on his dark blue jumper. "i think..i think you might have a bit of a problem baby. but it's ok yeah? we can get through this together i promise. i'll be with you." kurt tried to calm her down. but failed. "no. i don't have a problem. im fine." she looked up into his eyes with her bloodshot and tear-filled ones. "enough of this 'im fine' bullshit, i know you're not." y/n broke out of kurt's arms and slumped down on the sofa. her cat layne meowed at her, he was the cutest thing you've ever seen. kurt promptly sat in the middle of layne and her and rested his hand on her inner thigh.

 y/n slowly turned her gaze towards kurt. he was already looking at her. looking at her in awe. he was so damn lucky. "y'know im so proud of you sweetheart." kurt mumbled as he moved her hand up her thigh. "why baby" she said, perplexed. "you've not hurt yourself in a while." he was right. most of her scars were becoming more faded by now. ever since she'd been with kurt she didn't feel the need to cut anymore. right as she was lost in thought, was when his hand slipped through her underwear and between her thighs. opening up to kurt earlier meant they could have more..intimacy if you know what i'm saying. "couldn't help myself after seeing you in that..uh very short skirt." kurt mumbled quietly, smugly smirking to himself. y/n smirked too. "do what you want." was all she said. 

let's just say his fingers got a lot of exercise :)

idk if i've shared this before but pic of kurt's hands taken by michael stipe ⬇️