Eminencentrose requested: SolGam (sorry it took sooo long, I got really busy these past couple months.)

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DAVE: due to karkat crying and being a whiny little shit ill do most of the talking.
DAVE: (hes jealous that he wasnt solluxs only weird red/pitch possible love interest.)

KARKAT: I AM NOT YOU FESTERING FUCK.

DAVE: he is.
DAVE: anyway lets get this show on the road.

DAVE: so, i know literally nothing about either of them.
DAVE: i mean, karkat has told me some shit during the nights darkest hour, huddled up against me as his nubby lil horns stab my neck or try to find themselves up my nostril.
DAVE: so bear with me if most of my shit ain't right.
DAVE: so lemme lay down the shit i know about sollux. he apparently had a lisp, he destroyed karkats house,
DAVE: (though it was technically his fault)
DAVE: he loved computers and video games and hacking and shit like that, he also loves to rub his success in karkats face but he had horrible self confidence.
DAVE: he liked bees and the number two. he had some freaky ass 3D eye laser shit going on.
DAVE: also he and karkat were fucking tight. if i had emojis id show y'all how tight they were.

KARKAT: WHAT'S AN EMOJI?

DAVE: nothing.
DAVE: gamzee apparently was a clown who was high off his ass all the time. he pale flirted with karkat like there was no tomorrow and he believed in some sort of clown god. he loved bike horns and soda and the fucker had some super little mac strength going on.
DAVE: he snapped and killed some of his friends and is currently a boner pants wearing clown in the fridge nestled in the deepest darkest part of the meteor.
DAVE: am i right?

KARKAT: YES DAVE. THOUGH THE INFORMATION WAS *VERY* SIMPLIFIED, YOU GOT THE GIST OF IT.

DAVE: sweet.
DAVE: lets begin this bullfuckery.
DAVE: judging from all this-

KARKAT: FUCK THIS.
KARKAT: THEY WOULD ****NOT**** BE A GOOD MATCH. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY??? BECAUSE THEY HARDLY TALKED!!!!
KARKAT: SOLLUX SPENT MORE TIME WITH FEFERI AND ARADIA AND ERIDAN THEN GAMZEE.
KARKAT: I'D UNDERSTAND IF HE HAD A FLUSHED OR PITCH CRUSH ON ONE OF THEM, BUT GAMZEE!!!
KARKAT: SOLLUX NEVER EVEN TOLD ME HE EVER EVEN HAD FEELINGS ABOUT HIM "THAT WAY". 
KARKAT: HELL, THE LISPING COMPUTER FUCKER EVEN TOLD **ME** WHEN HE CONSIDERED ME FOR A QUADRANT.
KARKAT: (or three...)
KARKAT: BUT HE **NEVER** TOLD ME ABOUT GAM!!!!!

DAVE: hahaha holy fuck.
DAVE: dude youre jealous. like full on twelve year old crazy stalker jealous.

KARKAT: I AM NOT!!!!!!!

DAVE: dude youre jealous. youre really fucking jealous and its hilarious. look at me, im laughing so much that im holding my sides.

KARKAT: FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR SIDES.

DAVE: lmao.
DAVE: go sit down before you pop a vein in your little fit of anger that your two best friends could've been hate of not hate making out and you wouldve never known.

KARKAT: FINE.

DAVE: great. now that thats settled y'all can have a proper reaction to this shit.
DAVE: honestly, i can see it.
DAVE: i mean yeah itd be weird at first but yknow, people would get used to it and boom. sollux and clown guy are dating.
DAVE: then again im probably only seein it cause i see that nerdy dude as the kind of guy thats good with literally everyone.
DAVE: and with this weird four romance system the trolls got, it makes shit even easier.
DAVE: so yeah
DAVE: solgam is cool in the book of strider.