Trigger Warning: Suicide
Please if you are suicidal or have those kind of thoughts, there's help out there! I get help. You're not alone. You can even PM me.

"Life is heavy and I have lost my strength." -D.W. Kutcher

Neil's POV
As soon as the front door opened, Violet scrambled out of Neil's arms and ran off. Neil didn't blame her. The car ride home had been thick with the rage oozing from his father. He wished he could run away too.

His mother walked into his father's study while pulling a cigarette from her purse. Neil's eyes flickered between the study and the front door. Perhaps he should make a run for it. Before he could even take a step towards the front door, his father pinned him down with his cold eyes and jerked his head to the side, signaling for Neil to go in before him. Fear and shame curled inside his stomach as he walked inside. His mother stood by the window with an ashtray and a glass of bourbon. She turned and watched him sit down. Neil gazed at her with pleading eyes. For once couldn't she stand up for him?

She quickly downed the glass and took another puff of her cigarette before turning back towards the window.

Neil hung his head as his father leaned against his desk.

"We're trying very hard to understand why it is that you insist on defying us. Whatever the reason, we're not gonna let you ruin your life. Tomorrow I'm withdrawing you from Welton and enrolling you in Braden Military School. You're going to Harvard and you're gonna be a doctor."

Neil snapped his head up and yelled out, "You can't! That's ten more years of school. Father, that's a lifetime."

A lifetime without Todd, without friends, without theatre.

"Oh, stop it," his father berated him. "Don't be so dramatic. You make it sound like a prison term. You don't understand it, Neil. You have opportunities that I never even dreamt
of and I am not going to let you waste them."

Neil rose to his feet, curling his hands into fist. He ignored the stinging pain of skin breaking as he glared hatefully at his father. How was it his fault his father didn't take those opportunities? Why was he being the one punished? Why couldn't this heartless bas--Neil took a deep breath. He needed to be calm. Getting angry did nothing to move his father. Neil would literally be yelling at a brick wall.

Tell him how you feel, Mr. Keeting's voice echoed throughout his mind. Tell him him how acting makes you feel.

Gathering his courage, Neil meet his father's eyes and said, "I've got to tell you how I feel."

His mother crushed her cigarette in the ashtray before rushing towards Neil.

"We've been so worried about--"

Neil's father quickly took back control of the situation. "What? Tell me me how you feel. What is it?"

Neil felt his resolve crumbling. He glanced at his mother to see her staring at the floor. Neil couldn't help but chuckle lifelessly. For a second, he had actually believed his mother would speak up. But his father had taught her well, groomed her to be the obedient housewife that would never speak against her husband even for the sake of her children. His father had tried the same thing with him, yet Neil would never fit into the mold his father had built for him. And that was his father's greatest shame.

"Is it more of this acting business?" His father asked, continuing without noticing Neil's struggles. "Because you can forget that. What is it?"
"Nothing."

Neil sat back down dejectedly.

"Nothing? Well, then, let's go to bed."

His father walked out without saying another word. Neil expected his mother to follow, however, instead she kneeled by his chair. Neil gazed blankly back, hating the traitorous spark of hope welling up in his chest.

"Don't worry, Neil," she should say. "I'll talk to your father."

Yet, she said nothing.

"I was good," Neil whispered, begging her to understand. "I was really good."

His mother nodded and patted his hand lightly. "Go on, get to bed."

Neil walked up to his room on autopilot. He thought and felt nothing as he gathered some bathing supplies. It wasn't until he had began to remove his clothes that he burst into tears. Neil was caught between a hard place and a rock. His lungs heaved as he desperately tried to suck in air, but to no avail. He couldn't breath. Tears ran down his face as he smothered his strangled sobs against his pillow. He didn't know how long he could keep up this act. All he wanted was Todd.

But Todd wasn't here. He was alone. Alone and tried. God, he was so tired of everything. He wasn't strong enough. He couldn't keep doing it. Everything just needed to stop.

I don't want to wake up in the morning.

The thought caused Neil to start laughing. It felt good to say. It gave him a sense of freedom. Neil didn't want to wake up in the morning. And he had an idea on how to make it happen.

The snowfall caught his eye. The snow was so white and pure. Neil felt the need to feel the biting cold one more time. As he walked towards the window, Neil noticed something out of the corner of his eye. His bag was tipped over and his crown had been thrown out. Neil reached down and gripped the crown tightly between his fingers. Neil placed in onto his head as he felt the urge to put it on.

Neil opened his window and smiled faintly as he shivered from the cold. He enjoyed feeling the cold breeze biting into his skin. It nice to feel something other than empty for once. Well, that wasn't exactly true. Todd made him feel things. He felt warm and happy with Todd. He felt guilty too when he was with Todd. Because it didn't matter how loved he felt in Todd presence, there was always something dark lurking in the back of his mind. Love....

Tears sprung to Neil's eyes. He loved Todd. Neil knew this would hurt him. He hated himself even more for having to put Todd through this.

"Todd," he whispered brokenly. "Todd...I'm sorry, Todd. Be strong. I wasn't, I never have been. But you can be."

Be strong enough for the both of us.

"I love you."

They were nice last words. Neil had always been a romantic at heart. Perhaps his father was right, Neil was very dramatic when he wanted to be. Silently, Neil walked out of his room towards the stairs. As he started to pass his sister's room, Neil made the split decision to slip inside. He wanted to see her one last time. Neil stroked her dark hair and laid a loving kiss onto her forehead.

It was a strange feeling knowing you were walking to your death. Neil couldn't help but think of all the things and people he'd miss. However, the images of these happy moments did nothing to deter him from his decision. Neil knew very well the pain he also felt in life. Pain that he didn't wish to live with anymore. So, he'd make this decision for himself.

As Neil unwrapped his father's gun, he pictured Todd's face again.

"I love you, Todd." He said with a smile.

Then, Neil set himself free.