Two days. I'd been here two days, only leaving the bed long enough to use the loo. Soph brought me more comfy clothes from home to wear which sat on a chair in the corner since she got them.
I was surprised but also disappointed Tom hadn't barged over when Sophie let me know yesterday what Ben told him.
"He swore he wouldn't come over, but he needed to know. He's bereft."
And she hadn't mentioned him since.
She wasn't here at the moment, having run to the store for some supplies and left Ben to presumably keep a watch out on me.
"You know, you're really starting to smell."
Looking up, he was in the doorway. I simply glared at him, trying to make him go away. Yeah, I knew it was true, but I had zero ambition to take a shower, opting to isolate myself.
"Only my wife can scare me with that look. That was a half decent try though." He moved into the room, sitting on the furthest corner of the bed. "He's really worried about you and keeps barraging me with calls and texts to see how you're doing. He feels like shit."
I started to cry. "Then why hasn't he reached out to me since I got here?"
He moved over to hug me. "I made him promise, on pain of death, to leave you alone and that you would reach out when you're ready, but Sophie or myself could pass on a message if you wanted."
I continued to cry into his shoulder. "You two will figure this out. Give it time, but you'll have to talk to him at some point."
"I know."
He released me and got up to leave. At the door he turned back to me. "You should at least open a window. It's starting to smell like the dead in here."
I couldn't help but laugh a little. He smiled and let me be. I didn't know what to do next but knew I should at least bathe. After a while, I peered into the guest bath, finally taking notice of more than just the toilet and the sink. There were towels folded neatly to the side of the sink with shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in the shower. Debating for a moment between a shower or a bath, It seemed that a shower might be the better choice. I turned it on to let the water heat up before jumping in.
After a nice, long, hot shower, I returned back to the room I was (temporarily) occupying and put on my favorite pajamas that Soph had brought. I thought more about Ben's offer to pass along a message. Part of me wanted to talk to Tom, but I didn't know what to say. I definitely wasn't ready to see him, and my phone was still turned off. In the meantime, I opted to read a book, though I couldn't say what it was. My mind was a sieve, and refused to hold any information whatsoever. I kept thinking back to what Tom said.
I feel like I can't win.
I don't know what to do anymore.
It just kept circling in my head, unable to get it to stop. Hearing a knock on my door, I lifted my head to see Sophie peering in. "Look at you! I'm glad you decided to leave this room for a few minutes."
"According to Ben, I smelled like the dead," I told her.
"He just cares about you and wants the best. So do I." She moved towards me and sat on the same corner Ben had earlier. "You feel up to coming downstairs for some food? We were just looking at maybe some takeaway."
"I dunno, Soph."
"How about this then? I can order some food and bring it up? Maybe we could eat together?" I could hear the hope in her voice.
"What about Ben?"
She laughed. "Ben can sod off. I'd rather have some girl time."
Thinking for a moment, I agreed to her terms. As she got up to leave, the doorbell rang. We could hear Ben answer the door, but everything then went eerily quiet. Rather than wait, Soph went downstairs to see what was going on, shouting, "OI! Did you order without me?"
A few minutes later, I heard the door close. It was a bit longer before she came back upstairs with boxes of food. Passing them over to me, I opened them to find they were from my favorite foods from that Chinese restaurant I love so much along with a bag of puddings from a very familiar bake shop.
"This smells amazing. How did Ben know what I wanted?"
She looked at me a bit unsure.
"Soph? What's going on?"
She released a breath. "That uh......wasn't a food delivery service at the door."
"Ok?" I was confused until I realized as Sophie continued.
"It was Tom. Said he wanted to give you the space you asked for but wanted to bring you something so you'd know he was thinking of you and that you were eating something."
"You've got to be kidding me! He promised he wouldn't tell Tom anything!" I was quickly becoming furious until she put a hand on my arm.
"Ben didn't say anything to him. He was hoping, though, that he might get to see you, even for a moment. I reminded him you would let him know when you're ready."
I took a deep breath before speaking again. "I miss him, but I don't know what to say."
She pulled something out of her back pocket and handed it to me. "He did ask me to at least give this to you. It's up to you if or when you want to read it."
Looking at the envelope in her hand, I was stunned. I couldn't get myself to take it from her, and, seeing my hesitation, she placed it in the drawer of the bedside table. "Read it when you want to. It'll be close to you but still out of sight."
I nodded to her while she then proceeded to open a bunch of containers, handing me some utensils. We ate mostly in silence. When she realized I probably wasn't going to say anything more, she started telling me about her trip to the store, but I tuned out, unable to focus on anything. I couldn't eat more than a few bites.
She said something, but I didn't catch it.
"Huh?" That was all I could get out.
"I was just asking if you were finished?"
I nodded. She wrapped the food back up and invited me to join her downstairs, but I declined. After she left, I curled back up in bed.
Before I knew it, it was sometime after midnight. It was completely dark in my room (save the lamp next to me), and Sophie had (at some point) curled up behind me almost like a big spoon. I looked over to see she was asleep. How could I have missed her coming in? Rather than risk waking her up, I turned back over.
I started thinking about his letter, if I wanted to read it, but I knew myself better. I missed having him near, his calming scent, his warm presence. Slowly leaning over, I leaned over and pulled it out of the drawer, trying not to make any noise.
My dearest love,
I am an utter arse and should have listened more closely, been more understanding, and asked you how you felt, what you were thinking, and what I could do to best support you. What happened to you was unfathomable, and I harshly overreacted. I also should have been forthcoming with my feelings as well so we could work through this together.
I am nothing without you by my side. If it was discovered that this reality was false, I would travel the multiverse to a reality I could be with you. You are my heart and soul, my northern light, utterly lost without you. There is not, and could never be a world where I am not utterly besotted by your mere presence and will spend every day for the rest of my life showing you how much I love and need you.
I am here whenever you wish to talk and will wait as long as you need.
Yours forever and always,
Tom
I didn't realize I was crying until I felt Sophie hug me from behind, holding me until I fell asleep exhausted from crying.
Tom's POV
Sophie looked like she would murder me when I stopped by with food. I guess I was hoping to at least hear her voice, even for a moment, but Ben and Sophie shooed me off, promising she'd give my letter to her.
That was 24 hours ago, and I was coming apart at the seams, hoping for some kind of sign that she'd read it. I looked over the messages I had sent her, looking back to the last message she sent.
About to check out. I'll be home soon.
The irony. She sent that when she went to get groceries almost a week ago. I prayed to whomever was listening for some sort of sign that even if she wasn't ready to see me that she had at least read my letter. Trying to distract myself, I turned on the telly to an old movie, Casablanca.
"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."
I couldn't stop myself from breaking down again because that's exactly how we met. What were the odds we'd be in the same coffee shop at the same time? My life hasn't been the same since, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I would go through these past few months all over again if it meant we could still be together.
A deep voice came from across the room. "I came by to check on you."
"Please, Ben. Please tell me how she is. I miss her so much."
He went to the kitchen and grabbed 2 bottles of water, bringing them back to the couch. "She's about the same as you, mate."
"Do you know if...."
"Sorry, I don't know if she read your letter. If she has, neither she nor Sophie have told me. Soph seems to have become more tight-lipped about what she tells me."
"I wish I knew. What I can tell you is that she ate at least some of the food you brought over the other night."
That gave me at least a bit of solace, knowing she was eating. She tended to starve herself without realizing when she became upset.
"I beg of you. If you hear of anything, ANYTHING I can do to help her, please tell me. If she wants to be home without me, I'll find somewhere to stay. If she wants Bobby with her, please take him. In fact, please do. If she doesn't want him there, I'll happily come get him."
He looked at me like I was a madman. "If you really think that would help....."
Launching off the sofa, I gathered a few things, practically throwing it at Ben before putting Bobby's leash on, arms now overflowing with toys, food, and other items.
He looked at everything I gave me and raised an eyebrow. "I'll take that as a yes."
"He's been sleeping on her side of the bed and where she usually sits in here. I'm pretty sure he misses her as much as I do."
He sighed, resigned. "Ok, I'll bring him home with me, but I can't make any promises about him staying."
"That's completely fine. And tell her I love her?"
He bowed his head as he went to the front door. "I'll make sure the message gets to her."
It was so quiet again once he left, even more so with Bobby gone. I relegated myself back to the couch, no longer paying attention to the movie playing before me; however, I found I couldn't pay attention to it. My mind kept wandering back to her, hoping she's ok and that I'd made the right call by sending Bobby to her.
When I heard the front door open, I scrambled towards the foyer as quickly as I could.
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