Waking up, a heat could be felt along my back, warm breath on my neck, a heavy arm across my abdomen in a tight but comforting hold that helped chase away some of the lingering memories of last night's nightmare. I don't know what I'd do if he forgot me. I suppose it gives me some tiny inkling of what he's been going through maybe? I don't know that I could truly imagine it or understand how he's felt through all of this. His seemingly never ending patience and love has been what's helped keep me as together as I have been. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Looking at the clock and then the calendar, I realized my first therapy day is finally here. I couldn't quite decipher how I was feeling about it. Anxiety? Excitement? Fear? I don't know. I just know I can't go on living like this. Tom has been extremely supportive but this is no way for either of us to live. He can't keep putting off his work, and we can't keep pretending on the good days that there's not a problem, as much as I would like to.

"I can hear you thinking. It's too early for that."

Rather than respond, I turn over and tuck my head into his chest, pretending the rest of the world doesn't exist, at least for the moment.

"What's wrong, love?"

Electing to not respond, I burrowed further into his chest, if that was even possible, and wrapped my arms around him. I would have run my hands under his shirt, but he only had his boxer briefs on. So I tried to squish myself as close to him as I could, taking in as much of his touch and smell as possible.

"Talk to me, love. I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong."

I knew he was right. "I don't know why, but I'm anxious about the appointment today."

Placing his arms around me, he rested his chin on my head. "I'm pretty sure that's normal. This is something new, and it'll be talking and tackling some really tough things. It won't be easy, but I think it'll help a lot, and I'll be here with you every step of the way."

"Promise?"

"Promise," his voice sounding reassuring.

I looked up enough to gently kiss him. It seemed he always knew what to say, how to help me feel better.

After a while, we finally pried ourselves out of bed for some tea and breakfast. While Tom made the tea, I made pancakes. "I love your pancakes. Hell, I love anything you make."

"You're the better cook here, and we both know that."

As he wrapped his arms around me from behind, he responded, "lies, and you know that."

"My dear husband, calling me a liar? My, oh my. I think you forgot the incident of the brownies?"

"To be fair, it was a new recipe, and the pages got stuck together. "

"Don't forget about the garlic bread?"

"That could have happened to anyone."

"Three times??"

"Ok, so you can't make garlic bread. Big deal."

"There's also the creme brulee."

"You are still not allowed near a torch. Ok, I get your point, but you try, and that's what I love. You make so many things so well." And with that, he kissed me on the temple, effectively saying the conversation was over.

Half way through breakfast, a buzzing noise startled both of us out of our breakfast bliss. He checked his phone. "Not me." Puzzled, I looked at my phone. "Who could possibly be texting me?" After a moment, I found my phone back in the kitchen next to the stove and brought it back to the table.

Emma: Good morning!

Sophie: Hey Ladies!

Emma: Lunch tomorrow?

"It's your sister! She's wanting to get together for lunch tomorrow. Looks like she's invited Sophie as well."

"That sounds like fun! Lunch with the girls."

Sophie: I'll have to check in with hubs to see if he can watch the kids but maybe. I could use some kid free girl time.

"I don't know tho...." I felt hesitant. While it felt nice to be invited out, I didn't know about going somewhere involving people who knew me but that I couldn't remember.

"If you're not comfortable with it, that's ok. I'm sure they'd understand. Emma has some idea of what's going on. You could text or call her separately, and she'd happily cover for you, or I could talk to Ben who could talk to Sophie. I'm sure Sophie would understand. Plus we have that appointment with Dr. Bertram this afternoon. This could be a good thing to bring up to her and ask her how to handle it. For now though, if you don't want to, let Emma know, or I can. Or we can make plans and use that to let them know you're not available."

I couldn't help but grin as he prattled on, listing idea after idea to help me feel more comfortable. All of his suggestions and ideas helped me feel at least somewhat better. I know I have to figure out how to handle this at some point, but having his support is incredible.

"Didn't we....uhhhh.....didn't we talk about maybe going to the art museum?" I suggested.

"You know what, I believe we did. That and a bookstore or two I think you had heard about? In fact, I think we have talked a bit about a few things, and tomorrow is a fantastic day to accomplish them." He gave his million dollar smile before giving a loving kiss and clearing the table as we had finished breakfast. I couldn't have asked for a better husband.

Me: So sorry. Have plans with Tom. Raincheck?

I responded to Emma and Sophie and set myself a reminder to maybe talk to Emma later about my reservations about getting together with both her and Sophie. Maybe I can ask Dr. Bertram about this, if not this afternoon then the following appointment? I know I can't hide forever.

It didn't take 2 minutes before my phone started ringing. Seeing Emma's name on the screen, I knew why she was calling.

"It's Emma, isn't it? I swear she's a mind reader, the next Psychic Sally."

"I'm so sorry. It's too soon, isn't it?"

I could hear her starting her washer in the background. Must be her laundry day which reminded me of the laundry I needed to do. I headed upstairs to gather the dirty laundry as I started responding to her. "I'm not even going to ask how you knew."

"I remembered our conversation from dinner at mum's and put 2 and 2 together. I'm sorry to have put you in an awkward position." Her voice sounded both hesitant and remorseful.

"It's ok Em. You were just trying to do something nice, and I appreciate that. It's just....." I wasn't entirely sure how to continue that sentence, the laundry basket now hanging half full on my hip.

"No, I get it. I'd feel weird too having lunch with someone who knew me but couldn't remember them. If you change your mind though, invitation is open. If you ever want to get together, just you and me, I'm always up for lunch, dinner, shopping, etc." She sounded much more hopeful now.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and continued filling the basket.

"Thanks, Em. It's not that I don't want to get together with the 3 of us at some point, and I know I can't hide forever. Just so much to process still. Tom and I have our first appointment with the therapist this afternoon, and I'm so nervous with that alone."

"It's completely ok. I'm always here if you want to talk, any time. Maybe we could go for breakfast tomorrow before you and Tom go out on your newly planned adventure?"

I couldn't help but laugh as I headed to the laundry room with an overly full basket of dirty laundry.

"I think Tom and I can plan around you and I having breakfast."

'Let's say 8? I'll pick you up? '

"Sounds fantastic. See you tomorrow!"

"And don't worry about Sophia. It doesn't look like she'll be able to make it, but if she does, I'll take care of it. "

"Thanks again Em."

With that, I hung up the phone and started throwing laundry in the machine. Tom even brought the sheets while the washer ran the first load and placed new ones on the bed.

5 hours and 4 loads of laundry later, it's time to start getting ready.

It was like he could sense the anxiety seeping back in and wrapped his arms around me, giving a tight hug. "I just finished putting the laundry away so we can relax after our appointment which will go well. If it doesn't, we don't have to go back."

I looked up at him as I responded, "promise?"

His chest rumbled as he let out a low chortle. "I promise. We can always find someone else should we decide to continue."

Looking up at him, I was still feeling a bit unsure, and he responded in kind. "I will also treat you to ice cream afterwards, regardless of how the appointment goes."

"I'm holding you to that mister."

We both wanted to make a good impression. So Tom wore his signature blue sweater with his jeans and grey suede shoes while I wore one of my cable knit sweaters with skinny jeans and brown knee high boots as it was getting colder outside. Plus, I could fidget with the sleeves throughout the drive there and during the appointment.

It felt like we were already at her door in the blink of an eye. Her assistant, Julie, was extremely nice, offering us a beverage (water, tea, or coffee) while we waited, which thankfully wasn't more than a few minutes. Dr. Bertram opened the door to her office and had a warm smile on her face. "Good afternoon! You must be Mr. and Mrs. Hiddleston. It's a pleasure to meet you."

I already felt comfortable with her, just by her presence alone. She wasn't super tall, about my height. What I loved was both her hair and her outfit. She had this beautiful teal dyed hair that hit just past her shoulders and her outfit was incredible: a white shirt with black angled lines, muted, wide leg yellow pants, and black sandal type shoes. I don't know why I thought she would be older with some type of stuffy outfit and thick rimmed glasses. I just hope she isn't the kind who just responds with "and how do you feel about that?"

We introduced ourselves before she guided us over to an incredibly comfortable couch.

"So to start off, I know formalities say to call me Dr. Bertram. There are those who prefer that because either they feel more comfortable calling me that or because that's part of what they're paying for. If you'd like, you can call me Natalie or Nat if that feels more comfortable. I really don't have a preference. "

Tom jumped right in. "Thank you so much Dr. Bertram. That's very generous of you. I'm as we get to know you, we'll figure out what we feel more comfortable with." And with that, he gave a light smile, signaling that he was almost as nervous as me.

"Before we get started, let's run through what the basics are along with the options. As I'm sure you read, and my assistant should have also given you the information, we can meet here as well as your home or other locations depending on preference and need. Depending on the situation and such, we would meet one or more times a week, some may be with both or some with just you," she said as she gestured to me, "based on the information sent over; however, that all depends on if you choose to proceed with me and vice versa. I know there's anxiety over trying to find the right therapist. If you feel I may not be the right one for you, I promise there are no hard feelings and would be more than happy to help you look for another one. The same is true if I feel I realize I am not the right one for you as well. The goal is you and your well-being, not to try and make me happy or force it to work with a therapist who is not truly helping you. Sometimes you'll know right away, but it can also take a few sessions."

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding as I laid my head against Tom's shoulder, him returning the sentiment. In doing so, the muscles in his arms and neck start to slowly relax.

Before Tom could speak, I cut him off. "Thank you so much. We'll definitely keep that in mind. How long are the sessions? How will we know where they will occur as well?"

"Excellent questions! Sessions are typically 50 minutes; however, if agreed ahead of time and dependent on availability and circumstances, they can be longer as needed. At the end of each session, we'll agree on the time and place of the following session unless you would like to have a set time and place for upcoming sessions which can be adjusted as needed.

"I also wanted to let you know one other thing before we begin. I am not one of those therapists who goes 'and how do you feel about that' about everything in our sessions. I may ask it occasionally, but it's not my style. I know some prefer it. If that's what you are looking for, I can refer you to a couple of therapists..."

"NO!" We practically shouted at her before she could finish, looking at each other to see who wanted to continue explaining, but I let Tom take the wheel on this one. "That's very much NOT what we're looking for. It's one of the main reasons we would have eliminated you as a therapist, to be honest. It annoys both of us to no end just thinking about it as it is not our style."

We all gave a low chuckle. "So we've covered the basics. If you have any questions at any time, feel free to ask. If you're okay with it, I'd like to dive into why you both came in today. I've read the paperwork, but I'd like to hear it from both of you if that's alright."

This is it. I took a deep breath before I began.

"Okay, where to begin....."

She smiled and responded, "I find the beginning is usually best."

"That might be the tricky part. I guess the question then would be, which part is the beginning?"