Backstory for I don't know you.

Kim Seokjin had known that choosing to live as an idol would be hard but he chose it anyways. He had been scouted for his looks, with barely any experience in music and dance he had to crawl from the very bottom to become something more "presentable" and be qualified as a member of the new group Bangtan Sonyeondan. He thought of himself as lucky when he met all the other members he will work with. Namjoon and Yoongi who had great passion for music, Hoseok who was a master at dance, Jimin with his amazing vocals, Taehyung with his looks and deep voice, and Jungkook who could make anything his.

Seokjin was assigned as the visual of the group. He himself knew that he had impressive looks so he didn't feel anything when the agency told him that. What hurt him was when they told him that he would have to change his personality in front of the cameras. He was told to keep his personality quiet, sit prettily, laugh with a hand over his mouth, basically to just be there. The pain grew when the people from the company called him "fat", and he was told to restrain from eating. Even though his members grew to worry about his diet that consisted of two chicken breasts every day and nothing else, he kept strictly to it.

He told himself that he was nothing else than just a face to the people. He vowed to prove them other wise. He worked hard everyday, trained his vocal, danced extra hours until he couldn't feel his legs anymore, worked out until he didn't know if the sweat on his face were tears. He felt trapped, but he knew that he wasn't the only one who was going through hard times he reminded himself that all his members were going through the same stage.

When he first saw Jungkook cry to him, telling him he missed home. He knew then, that he would do anything to keep the members safe. He cooked for them, did the laundry, took care of them, made something they could refer as "home". A safe space where they could relax for once without worrying about all the million thoughts that haunted them.

Seokjin noticed that his fingers were growing thinner, making the crooked bones underneath more visible. He missed how chubby they looked as he glanced at Jimin's. He wished the members wouldn't have to go through what he had gone through. He cooked for them wishing they would eat and grow more stronger and not weak like him.

It was a normal day when the agency called him. They told him that he didn't have to act quiet anymore, that the group had become popular enough that he didn't have to restrain himself anymore. So he let himself loose, the little kid that had been trapped inside, the child-like personality that was never used at the right time was let out. He hyped the hyung line and enjoyed laughing with the maknae line. People began to call him the oldest who acted like the youngest. He didn't think much about it, he was just having fun and loving every moment when he was able to make his members laugh.

A year past with this new him. The members started calling him "childish" that he should "act his own age". He started doubting if he was doing things right as the oldest when he read the comments on an article about him. Maybe he was indeed too childish, maybe he should act more mature. He stopped playing around with the maknaes, hanging out by himself more. But he couldn't resist the pulls of his members asking him to play with them. He was in a conflict by himself, if he acted mature Jimin would call him over and massage him and tell him to "loosen up." If he squealed over a Mario plushie Yoongi will mutter, "why are you so childish hyung."

What should I do then? What do you want me to do? Please tell me how I should act. I would do anything to make you happy.

He didn't know when it started. The small shivers he would have when he goes to bed, checking the temperature to only find it a normal degree. The spasm of his legs when he was doing practically nothing. The twitch of his fingers when he was eating making his chopsticks clink together. He knew something was wrong with him, but he hid behind his loud laugh. Nobody noticed that he was slowly changing.

Seokjin was sitting in the bathtub with his hands linked together as he stared up at the ceiling light. He wondered if he was doing things right. Was he making his parents proud? Did his agency tell other company about him with a smile? Does his members think of him as a good hyung? He didn't know.

He started paying more attention to the littlest facial expression of every person. Analyzing and experimenting how they would react if he did something. He was getting awfully good at it, able to read his members like a book and noticing something wrong even if they never uttered a word. He had slowly grown confident that he was doing a good job as a hyung. He gravitated his attention to how he could make his fans happy. He dyed his hair blonde which earned overwhelming positive reactions. His agency called him over and praised him, telling him again and again that they were glad to have such a visual in the group. He read with a smile and a phone in hand, the comments that flooded with his name.

Seokjin found that it was easy for him to hide his own thoughts. He could manipulate others by just the way he acted. It was easy, too easy. He didn't trust himself he laughed at this, not like anyone trusted him anyways. People called him funny, some called him scary, some serious, some childish. He watched his members grow, but for some reason he himself felt no change. His immature personality never grew, he wondered if something was wrong with him. So he decided to act mature for once. His serious face attracted more fans who squealed at how wolfish he looked and how much more dominant he sounded when talking. But many said that they missed the "old Jin". He reverted himself to his old self then. His personality was rocking side-to-side, him switching between the two. He slowly made more of his personality that he could chose which to wear on specific times. He could switch between them like switching jackets, all the personalities had no flaws in them. Covering his true form with beautiful colors.

I could feel myself drown. I'm almost at the bottom. I need someone to untie the rope attached on my leg. I don't know what would happen if I reach the floor. I don't want to know. Please, someone save me.

He was talking to his parents on the phone. Laughing and smiling at the happy tone of them and feeling satisfied with the conversation.

"You've changed a lot." His dad said.

"Darling, he's grown up! I'm so glad my baby seems happy." The cheery voice of his mom said.

Did he change? Yes.

Had he grown up? Yes.

Was he happy?

%

"Who are you hyung?"

Seokjin heard Yoongi say, a sniffle followed after. He almost felt his mask waver but it wouldn't fall that easily. He knew how much his double personality were affecting his members. But he was searching for something that he had lost when he sank to the bottom.

Who am I?

No answer.

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Hope you liked the story! This is an extra chapter that I didn't have any intentions on writing but after all the comments I decided that it'll be a good idea to write a backstory. I hope it was good...

I'll be updating more frequently now that I escaped from writers block :D

I'll try to make a schedule for updating... maybe like every Saturday? can't promise anything but I'll try to do so ;)