When Hawks got back to his apartment he sat down to make a plan.

Soon was all he could think. He had to die soon. He didn't think he could live through another week. Or even another day.

He had to do it as soon as possible.

He grinned to himself masochisticically. He was so happy it was all going to be over. He was so happy he wouldn't have to live through his whole life anymore. He had an extension chord under his bed next to the laundry basket with the bloody clothes hidden in it.

Yes.

A noose, a chair from the kitchen table, in his bedroom. He'd leave a warning note taped to his front door and his bedroom door so any unsuspecting neighbors didn't become too traumatized when they discovered his suicide.

He set it all up best he could, his dislocated shoulder making everything much harder than it would usually be.

But he managed.

He sat down at his kitchen table and began scribbling out his suicide note the best he could. It was made out to Mirko and Dabi, the only two people who knew he wasn't the happy hero he showed the world.

He didn't get to finish before the doorbell rang. Hawks pushed out of his chair tiredly, pulling his bedroom door with the noose hung inside closed, just in case.

He assumed the door to be a package. Maybe a new makeup kit from the commission to hide his bruises or something he ordered when he was drunk without realizing.

But when he opened the door Mirko was standing there.

"Hey... Work again. Can I stay?" She asked, her voice not as cheery as usual, her phone held tightly in her hand.

"I'm sorry is there anyone else you can stay with? Today isn't a good day." He said weakly, managing a smile to provide her some last comfort. He hated rejecting her and telling her to go away when she needed him to be there for her.

But he had to do this tonight. Tonight.

He didn't care what happened to his shit after he died. He didn't care where his money went or what happened to his company, it was all written and controlled for him by the commission. All he had to do was remove himself from the equation and everything would take care of itself.

Her eyebrows furrowed, "are you okay?"

At that he just got irritated. He had even smiled at her! So why was she asking about his well being? He didn't want to answer, he just wanted to be alone. He wanted to die. He wanted all this to be over.

"I'm fine! I'm just- I just need a night alone today." He tried, attempting to get her to leave.

"Have you been drinking again?" She asked.

Hawks huffed. He wished he was drunk for this interaction. So drunk he wouldn't remember it.

But it was fine because Mirko would leave and it wouldn't matter after tonight.

"I'm not drinking and I'm not drunk, I just need some quiet." He told her, recollecting his last bits of patience.

"Well good thing I'm not loud!" She said, pushing her way in.

"You can't just- Rumi!!" He yelled, following her inside, trying to get in front of her and herd her out. His last bit of patience had run out.

He had to do this tonight. He had to. He didn't want to sit down and think about it he didn't want to think anymore at all. He'd wanted this for too long and it was finally happening, he was finally getting what he wanted for once, in control of his own life. The end of his own life.

And now Rumi was in the way of everything. He tried to get her to leave, he shouted, he yelled, he hated the person he was being to her.

But no matter what, she wouldn't budge.

Mirko had received a text from an anonymous number. She had her suspicions on who it could be, what kind of person it could be, but the situation the text explained was too serious not to follow up on.

And the way he was acting only made the situation even more real.

The anonymous text had warned Mirko that Hawks was planning to kill himself. That the person didn't know when, but knew it was soon and serious.

She had no idea how this random person got her number, nor how they knew what Hawks' intentions were, but she was incredibly concerned by the evidence of his plans when she burst into his apartment.

He was acting wierd.

He never acted upset with her, but now he was seething. At her. She'd never seen him so furious with anyone.

"Get out! Mirko I can't have you here tonight!!" He yelled angrily, trying to subtly grab the half written note off the counter so she couldn't see. It had been sitting in the same place all his beer cans sat the last time Mirko had shown up without warning.

"Whatcha writing?" She asked curiously. Nothing slipped past her.

"Just replying to the commission, nothing big." He lied, his eyebrows bent angrily as he glared at her, but his deep web of lies was catching up to him.

"No you weren't.. you always type those and print them if they aren't digital." She countered. She'd watched him do it before. He'd explained it to her.

Something was wrong

"what's going on?" She asked. She had cought on that something out of the ordinary was happening, there was no doubt about it.

But was the text right?

"Nothing. Nothing is fucking wrong!" He yelled at her, his voice raspy. He sounded sick.

Something was very much wrong. She'd seen the new blood on the floor, the way Hawks' shoes weren't by the front door, the way one of the kitchen table's chairs was nowhere to be seen.

She decided to try something. Some way to check if his room was safe, some way to make sure he didn't have any weapons or mass amounts of medicine hidden in the bathroom before she left.

"Fine, can I at least use the bathroom before I leave?" She asked, walking towards his room. There was absolutely no reason he should say no if he wasn't hiding something.

"No!" He yelled as she twisted the door handle, "don't go in there!"

Mirko was scared. She was scared for what she would find, but it was worth it to keep her best friend safe, even if it meant losing him as a friend.

She twisted the knob and went in to find an extension chord noose hung to the ceiling fan, the missing chair from the kitchen table underneath it, Hawk's shoes resting symbolically at the base of it.

"Hawks'..?" She asked, her voice suddenly so much smaller than before, turning around after taking in the scene.

But when she turned around, the front door was wide open and he was gone.

"Shit. Shit! SHIT." She screeched, purely panicking, her emotions finally getting to her. Hawks wasn't just a civilian who needed saving he was a friend. He was a guy who didn't deserve to feel like this at all.

She wondered if he even recognized her as a friend. If he even realized how much she cared for him. How much she loved him as a person. She wondered if he could even see the good in himself. She wondered if all this time she'd been subconsciously pushing all the signs of this under the rug for her own comfort. She wondered if there was something more she could have done to help him before he got to this point.

What was fostering such horrible emotions in the hero? The angel with the picture perfect life? It had to be more than just feeling slightly unfit for his job. He was successful! He had stats to back up his ability.

She ran out after him, but he was nowhere in sight.

She texted the anonymous number to keep a lookout for him before carefully grabbing his apartment keys, and locking his front door behind her as she left to look for him.

----------

When Dabi recieved the text saying Hawks had run off, he dropped everything and left the base, not saying a word to anyone. Simply running out.

But the hero wasn't hard to find.

Hawks was laying bloody in the same allyway he'd crashed into earlier.

"Oh Jesus, Hawks." Dabi said immediately at his side, his hands hovering as he tried to figure out what to do, "fuck! What did you do?"

Hawks let out a groan. His hoodie and shirt were next to him and he'd stabbed his box cutter straight into his bare stomach, then dragged it as far as he could, the blade fully submerged in his body before he decided it was long enough and deep enough for him to bleed out. The cut spanned from the bottom of his ribcage to the rim of his pants and it was deep, the full length of the box cutter blade.

Now the makeshift weapon was completely bloody in his hand. He had bled so much it hurt to look at. There was thick, deep red blood oozing from his abdomen. The cut pulled open everytime his chest expanded to take a breath.

Dabi was good with gore, but not on people who he didn't want to die? It's completely different. He nearly gagged as Hawks took a deep breath and a thick clot of blood came spilling over the side of his toned stomach.

"Hawks what the fuck have you done?" Dabi asked, grabbing his discarded undershirt and stuffing it into the wound. It immediately soaked up a concerning amount of blood.

Hawks let out a whimper of pain.

"Just leave." He said, his breath wheezing, "I don't want to be alive anymore. Leave." He begged, finally letting out a sob. It hurt to cry. It hurt to live. Hawks just wanted to die.

Dabi, still holding right the Tshirt firmly in the wound, called Mirko. He didn't have a choice.

She had to be here faster than a text would get her.

"Hawks just don't.. don't pass out. Just stay awake." Dabi said, nervously eyeing the sheer amount of self harm peeking out from under the bandages. His arms were red and his cheeks were rosy despite how scarily pale he was.

"These are.. these are really infected." He said, waiting for Mirko to pick up. Then the phone clicked.

"Hello?"

"Mirko, he's in an alleyway on first street. You've gotta get him to the hospital, it's close but I can't take him." He said seriously. Hawks felt his hands shaking.

Was he really shaking right now?
What a nightmare.

"I'm coming. Who is this?" She asked, audibly running as fast as she could.

Then she appeared in the alleyway and saw Dabi holding the Tshirt to Hawk's stomach. Her phone dropped from her ear.

Dabi ran.

Hawks let out a cry and tried to shake his head, "leave me alone." He sobbed, wheezing, it hurt to breathe. There was so much blood. It was all over him and the ground.

"No no. No, okay just stay awake." She sobbed, carefully picking him up.

He screamed in pain as his body moved out of his control, black clouding his vision as he lost control of his eyesight. His golden blonde hair was spilling over Mirko's now bloody brown skin, his neck was positioned in the crook of her arm.

"Shit. Hawks? Stay awake. Stay awake you're gonna be okay." She said, her own eyes teary as she began running as fast as hospital to a nearby hospital.

Hawks weakly tried to push himself out of her arms, but he'd lost so much blood he could barely move. It was spilling all over her, covering her in crimson.

"I didn't know you were suicidal." She said quietly as she ran, a tear slipping down her face. The hospital was in sight.

"Surprise." He said sarcastically, experiencing a raggedy cough afterwards.

His blood was all over her. Blood was all over him.

She kicked into the emergency room, Hawks limp, barely awake in her arms. His body felt numb and cold.

"Help!" Mirko yelled. Immediately tons of nurse's were around them, taking Hawks, inserting a tube connected to a ventilator as his eyes fluttered shut. Suddenly he had so so many wires all over him, nurse's yelling commands to get certain people to work on him.

One of which was Recovery Girl.

Hawks was completely unresponsive. He'd lost so much blood, his heartbeat was too slow and much too weak for comfort. But Mirko stood by him every step of the way.

She waited the hours and hours he was in emergency surgery. While he got a blood transfusion. While they called in so many different doctors and used so many different healing quirks.

And the second he was out, she was right back at his side. He looked better already. Color wise, he looked like he had blood in his veins again. His fever was gone.

But he was still in the ICU. He was still on life support. There was still a machine doing his breathing for him.

He still wasn't awake.

She took his hand in hers, holding it, IV and all. She saw his scars, now healed. There were so so many.

She he had no idea it was ever even happening. She had no clue he was struggling so much at all.

And at the idea that she had just been so unaware the whole time he was struggling, at the idea that she could've been helping him and she wasn't..

She broke down into sobs, hand in hand with his unconscious body.