"I still can't believe I agreed to this."

"It's because I'm very convincing."

We sat in Maria's dorm, the only light coming from the "Pretty In Pink" Bath and Bodyworks candles she had lit. (Theo had a collection.) She assured us that Theodosia Bartow, her roommate, had gone out for the night and wasn't coming back.

"Okay so... since we're a cult... we're going to have to worship something..." Maria contemplated as she threw Fruit Loops up and caught them in her mouth.

Alexander was scrolling through Twitter looking for ideas.

I was sitting on Maria's top bunk, stroking her Eevee plush.

"How about... no..." Alexander sighed.

"What if..." I started. I had no ideas. "Never mind."

"Hmm... oh! Alexander?" Maria turned to him.

"What?"

"You're gay, right?"

"Uh... I'm bi—"

"I've had a marvelous idea!" She clapped her hands. "We can be a gay cult."

"Maria..." I said.

"What? C'mon, it'll be fun! Thomas and Veronica can join and, hell, Seabury too! It's going to be great."

I glanced at Alexander, who also seemed unsure.

"Yeah... but what about our reputations?" Alexander clicked off his beat-up phone.

"What about them?" She munched on her cereal.

"If we start a... group like that, what will people say?"

"Why does it matter? I'm not ashamed of it."

"Well, I don't think we should be that public about it--"

"Why don't we let James put his two-cents in, huh?"

They both looked up at me.

"Uh..." Way to put me on the spot. "Maybe the cult can be about something else...?"

Alexander slapped on a smug grin. "See?"

"Bitch." She scooped a pillow off the floor and chucked it at him.

"Hey!" He had a playful expression as he threw it right back at her.

She laughed. "No, no, it's fine. I wouldn't do it without y'all agreeing."

I felt I was third-wheeling.

"Maybe this was a stupid idea..."

"No, it's not stupid," Alexander said softly.

"What about musicals?"

"Okay, now that's stupid."

She giggled.

"Hey," I said, "I'm worn-out... think I'm gonna bail." I slid off of the bunk.

"Right..." Maria glanced from me to Alexander. "I'll walk you out."

"You don't have to..."

She was already standing. "Please. I'll walk you out." She was almost stern.

"Okay, you can walk me out."

When the door was closed she stopped.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"You can't leave me with him."

I was confused.

"I- I just don't like him that much. Huge asshole and all that..." She spoke fast.

"Alright, I can stay. Just say that you convinced me to stay for whatever reason. I'll go along with it."

"You are literally the best."

She opened the door, throwing on a smile.

"Told y'all I was good at convincing people; James is staying to watch The Princess Bride!"

Why was she so obsessed with that movie?

"Yep."

"Oh. Okay." Alexander looked up from his phone. "I'm actually planning on leaving. Betsey has an appointment in the morning, I'd thought I'd go."

"Well, good luck," I said.

"Right. Thanks."

Then he was gone.

"Appointment? For his girlfriend? Why would he go to that?" She softly laughing.

"Reasons, I suppose."

It wasn't my secret to share.

"Well, you can either watch the movie with me or wait like five minutes, then leave."

"I think I'll leave..."

"Okay." She smiled. "Thanks again."

"It's no problem."

After a few minutes, I headed back to my dorm.

***

Samuel was playing some war game on the Xbox, without the sound, thank god.

"Hullo, James."

"Hi." I hung my keys on the hook.

"What're you doing out so late?"

"Uh... seeing a friend."

"Thomas?" He asked almost disappointedly.

"No. Maria."

He slowly nodded, pausing the game.

"So how are you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"How are you feeling?"

Why was he asking me that?

"Since when do you care about my feelings?"

"Nevermind." He clicked his game back on.

I went into the bathroom to change into more comfortable clothes.

When I came out Samuel was standing a few feet in front of the door.

"Uh..."

"I have to do this." He wipes his hands on his pants as he came closer to me.

"Do what?"

He cupped my face in his hands, pulling our faces closer together. He started with just a hard peck, then he opened his mouth slightly more. Holy shit, there was something there.

I don't know what, though. I obviously cared for him just not that way. We had actually become friends throughout the year; something I had never thought would happen.

It wasn't as thrilling as it was with Thomas, but it's not like it was passionless.

In short, I wasn't attracted to him. He was okay looking, sure, but... he wasn't Thomas.

I pulled back.

Samuel had a blush across his cheeks. He looked down, away from my eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I— Uh..."

"I'll go now. I'm gonna just go stay with my sister..." he awkwardly laughed, turning away and grabbing his coat.

As he opened the door I finally had the sense to to say, "Sam... wait..."

He held my gaze for a few seconds before leaving.

What the fuck had just happened?

I decided I'd sleep on it, because, why not?

***

I woke up to three missed text messages. All three from Thomas. It was eleven in the morning. Damn.

I opened my messages app.

Thomas🍜💘: Hey, wanted to talk sometime today... only if you want to. (8:33 am)

I can't be on campus, but maybe we could meet at a coffee shop or something? (9:08 am)

James? (10:44 am)

I immediately responded.

James: Sorry, I was asleep. How about lunch? (11:12 am)

Thomas🍜💘: Sounds wonderful. :) Sandwich place on 42nd? 12:30? xx (11:13 am)

James: That'll work. See you soon. (11:13 am)

I clicked my phone off.

All I could think of as I got ready for the day was how I had now kissed three (3) boys. Like holy fuck...? Last year I had kissed zero. (One girl)

I supposed I had to tell Thomas...

He had told me about... about Alexander...

But... I didn't think it mattered with my situation. Nothing else was going to happen and I hadn't initiated it.

It could remain a secret.

At least for that day.

Was that bad?

I didn't know.