"I just remembered something."

"Hmm?" Thomas stroked my back.

"Didn't Alexander say he wasn't doing another semester this year... after what happened?"

"Eliza convinced him to stay. For her."

"Oh." I hadn't realized that. "That's sweet I guess."

Thomas shifted positions.

"I'm sorry, James," he whispered.

"Hmm?" I felt myself dripping in and out of sleep.

"About everything these past few weeks."

"I forgive you."

"That doesn't make it right." He wrapped his warm arm around me.

I wasn't sure what to say. What did he expect me to say?

Luckily, I didn't have to respond, as keys could be heard in the door.

I felt Thomas tense up behind me.

In came Samuel, and quick.

"James!" He whisper-yelled, not bothering to turn on the lights. "You've gotta come with me."

I sat up. Samuel hadn't noticed Thomas. It was probably too dark.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's that bastard, Hamilton. He's up to no fucking good." Samuel stood in front of the bed. "Is there someone else here?"

I rolled my eyes, ignoring his question. "Why do you care what Alexander is doing at one in the morning? I thought you hated the guy."

Thomas remained silent.

"Just get up! Come on!"

"Why?"

"He says he needs bloody help! He called saying: "Come quick!" "

"What'd you mean?" Thomas voiced, sitting up.

"Jefferson?" Samuel squinted. "You better just come and see."

And so we did. Samuel dragged us out of the building and across campus to the library. The whole time I was thinking, what the hell is happening?

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Alexander's voice echoed from inside the computers room.

"Isn't the library supposed to be closed?" I asked as I shut the door.

"Yeah. But no one will find out. I do this all the time." Samuel kept walking.

I didn't like this. I felt the ball of dread in my stomach.

For fuck's sake, what was happening?

Alexander turned as we walked in.

"You brought that fucker?" He pointed to me. "Seriously?!"

"Yeah. He's my plus one. And you said I could bring someone else that I trusted," Samuel proclaimed, "now what is going on?"

Alexander must of not cared that Thomas was there, as he didn't acknowledge him. Figures.

"I..." Alexander dropped his voice to a whisper. "I'm pregnant."

"What!?" I said as Samuel said, "The fuck?" and as Thomas asked in surprise, "who's the father?"

"Well, I'm not. But, Betsey is." He groaned. "And it's mine."

"Oh shit," Thomas said, reflecting exactly how I was feeling.

"She wants to keep it. She's going to drop out. I think she should keep it, but... ughh, I have no fucking idea! I'm not prepared to be a father!"

"Okay, um, just one question," I said, "why'd you call Samuel about it? Not Mulligan or—"

"Herc and Laf are busy and Thomas was... is pissed with me, so..." he gestured vaguely at Samuel.

Well, that was a mistake.

Telling Samuel.

Everyone on campus was going to know within the next 24 hours.

Thomas had made his way to Alexander and put his hand on his shoulder. A pang of jealousy struck me. I wouldn't have thought anything of it if I hadn't known what happened.

"What can we do to help?" Thomas asked, softly.

"Don't tell anyone..."

I looked over at Samuel.

"Done," he said, seriously, "my lips are sealed. I swear on my life."

That was a first.

"...and I don't know." He sighed and turned into Thomas, burying his face in Thomas' chest.

Okay, not to be that bitch, but... the fuck?

I know he was going through a lot, but Thomas was mine.

I resisted crying out as I watched Thomas rub Alexander's back as he sobbed.

"How's Eliza handling it?" Thomas whispered.

Alexander pulled away from Thomas.

Thank god.

"She's ecstatic. God, she's so fucking excited." He put pressure on his temples.

"Hey." Thomas put his hand on Alexander's shoulder. "It'll be okay."

I should leave.

I didn't belong there.

I sensed Samuel was feeling the same way as he was nervously wringing his hands—a tick I had discovered over our months together.

"So, why did you call Samuel...?"

"I... uh... I was freaking out. I had to tell someone. And like, I said, you're fucking pissed with me for no reason and Herc and Laf are... doing something." He started to pace.

"Don't be thick," Samuel blurted in, "Thomas has a good reason to be mad at you."

What?

"What?" I said turning to Samuel.

"I saw Alexander forcing himself on Thoma-"

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Alexander shouted, defensively putting his hands up. "It was consensual!"

Ouch.

Either Thomas lied. Or Alexander.

I was torn on who to believe.

Samuel addressed me, "I'm sorry you had to find out from me. But, to be fair this was after you were dumped. And... from tonight you guys seem to be..."

"Our relationship is none of your damn business!" Thomas shouted.

Alexander glared at Thomas.

I stupidly kept my mouth shut.

"And what were you doing spying on us?!" Alexander directed at Samuel.

"You were in the bathroom of that Mexican restaurant! I had to piss!"

The taco joint? Thomas and I's place?

I lost more faith in humanity.

"Yeah! You don't go around telling everyone!" Alexander threw his hands in the air.

"I should actually be telling your bloody girlfriend you got knocked up!"

"No..." his voice dropped. "You can't... you wouldn't tell her." Alexander shook his head. "I already broke her heart once."

"Well you should've thought about that before you had fucking bathroom sex!"

"Shut your fucking mouth, Samuel!" Thomas yelled.

"Yeah, because you're too wimp to ignore the temptations literally days after you've broken up with James!"

I couldn't process anything. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I was shutting down. 

"You're so fucking dead, Seabury!" Alexander ran at Samuel with his arms out.

They crashed to the ground.

I wasn't planning to get involved until Thomas threw himself into the scramble.

I supposed I should separate them.

I first tried to get Alexander to stop throwing fists at Samuel's bruising face.

That backfired almost immediately. He pushed me back on to the ground.

I stumbled to get up to eye the fight again.

I thought Thomas was trying to pull at Alexander for him to stop but I couldn't be sure.

"Guys!" I said. "This is ridiculous!"

They kept brawling.

"Stop!" I belted the loudest I had ever said anything.

They all stopped and peered at me.

Thomas stood, leaving Alexander on top of Samuel on the ground.

Thomas attempted to put a hand on my arm.

"Don't touch me," I said much quieter.

He froze, surprise on his face.

"I'm leaving. I won't tell anyone, Hamilton, but don't expect me to be your friend. Same with you Samuel." I marched to the door.

Before I walked out completely, I glanced back at Thomas, who stood there, hurt.

Maybe I should've said something to him.

Maybe I should've crumpled in his arms from the stress.

Maybe I should forgive him.

Maybe.

Maybe.

It was too late now.

Too fucking late.

And I didn't know if I'd ever get the chance to fix my beautiful, pure, first love.

My Thomas was not mine.

He—

Would he ever be mine again?

Was he ever mine?