THE FOLLOWING SONG LYRICS WERE NOT WRITTEN BY THE AUTHOR AND ARE IN NO WAY AN ATTEMPT ON COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT. ETTA JAMES WAS JUST REALLY REALLY DOPE...

"Rico look!" I grabbed Rico's arm and pointed to the biggest, picture of Donna Summer I had ever seen.

Donna Summer.

Beautiful, Black Disco Queen.

On a billboard.

Shining like a bright star in the sunlit sky.

Right there in the middle of everything.

For the whole world to see...

Hair feathered to perfection. Bright red lips framed the straightest, whitest teeth. Blue eye shadow up there sparkling just like the Pacific Ocean. It made her dark brown eyes pop. Like she was looking right at us. Her ruffled, off the shoulder white top looked like it was actually blowing in the wind as we flew past.

To top it off, she had a diamond necklace on that looked exactly like the one that Ruby always wore. The longer I stared, the more I realized how much she did look like Ruby up there, shining like she belonged right up in the middle of the sky, right next to the sun burning bright.

From the first day I saw Ruby with that necklace on, I wanted one just like it.

There were a lot of things that Ruby had that I wanted.

But I never asked Rico for any of them.

I wanted my eyes to sparkle just like that billboard.

I wanted my red lips to shine just like Donna Summer's.

Maybe if they did, Rico would kiss me more and Ruby less.

Rico took my hand in his, like he knew what I was thinking, but kept his eyes on the road. The salty ocean air blew our hair back as we flew past more billboards, each one featuring the most beautiful women and the most handsome men that I had ever laid eyes on.

I looked over at Rico, with his curly hair and aviator sunglasses. He had on tight blue jeans and a leather jacket with no shirt underneath. Gold, lion chains around his neck and matching gold ring on his finger. He looked so damn fine. I couldn't keep my eyes off him, just like when we first met. Sleek leather cowboy boots.

He looked like a rock star.

Damn he was fine.

And mine...

He could have easily been on any one of those billboards.

No one would have ever questioned how or why.

He definitely looked better than every man that we drove past on the street, and they all looked like they belonged on the silver screen.

The women did, too.

They all looked like movie stars, every single one of them.

I stared wide-eyed, head turning from side to side, straining my neck to see if any of them actually were movie stars.

It was my first trip to LA, and my first trip down Sunset Blvd.

It felt like I was living a dream.

With my cheetah print halter dress and my black super-high heels, I felt very much like a movie star myself.

Of course, Ruby had dressed us both before we left, and matched all of our jewelry together. Just like with Mexico, she was so dead-on with everything that she picked out, it made me wonder if she had ever been to either place before, and with who...

I adjusted the large, gold framed square tinted glasses that Ruby had handed me just before we left for the airport. I think they were actually her glasses. I was eighty percent sure that I had seen her wear them before. Then I made sure that my sheer black scarf was firmly in place so that not one hair of my feathered Farrah Fawcett hairdo was astray when we got to where we were going.

I wanted to look just like Donna Summer when I stepped out of the '61 Impala that Rico's business associate had insisted that he use to ride his "foxy lady" around town in. The man had wanted to loan Rico his Jag, but Rico refused.

Even in sunny Los Angeles, California, Rico refused to drive anything but a Chevy.

So, not being one to argue with a Player about his ride, Rico's friend instead offered Rico the nicest Chevy that he owned. A 1961 Impala. "My baby," he called it.

It was Regal Red, with red and white vinyl interior. The red steering wheel even had white stripes to match. His "baby" had four tail lights, two exhaust pipes, and a drop top.

The Impala was fast and mean.

Just like Rico.

Only the best for Rico.

Everywhere we went, Rico only got the absolute best.

I still didn't know where we were headed, and I didn't care.

I was just enjoying the ride.

The weather was beautiful. The sun was bright, the sky was clear, and the air was cool. Not too hot, not too cold.

Heaven.

That's the only way to describe what I was seeing and feeling right then.

And Rico only wanted to share that with me.

I couldn't believe it. Everywhere we went, we always traveled together. As a Family. But this time, Rico only wanted to share this experience with me.

It didn't matter where we were going.

I felt like the Queen of the world.

Right next to my King.

Where I belonged.

Rico squeezed my hand tightly and smiled quietly to himself. This place seemed to soothe him. Booth times that we had been to California, first Oakland and now LA, he...relaxed. He was calm. Which, of course meant that I wasn't as on edge either.

I sat back and thought about how much better our life would be out here in sunny California. It was my first time in a convertible. The ride was amazing. Looking at the sky above, with my arms stretched high over my head, it really did feel like we were flying.

Every other car that we rode past was a convertible, too, and every woman in the passenger seat looked like she could either be a movie star or a rock star.

The way Rico kept looking at me made me feel like I was every bit as beautiful as them.

Again, I thought about how much different our lives would be here.

Without all the...craziness.

Without all the women.

Without Ruby.

I looked over at Rico.

He looked back at me and smiled.

The sun gleamed right off his teeth.

He looked like a million bucks.

"Fine as wine," he whispered and kissed my hand again. "All mine..."

His friend had asked when we were moving out there. He said that he had the perfect house for us. Up in "The Hills." They had houses built right in the hills! I couldn't even imagine until Rico rode me up and down Sunset and I saw those houses in the hills with my own eyes.

They were breathtaking.

Huge, sprawling mansions, right there in the hills.

His friend was talking like Rico could afford a house like that with no problem.

I wondered if that was true.

And if it was, why were we still living the way that we were?

Rico hadn't argued with the man. He just hugged me tight and kissed me, like the idea of us living this other life in this surreal place excited him.

Just like it excited me.

I smiled at the possibilities.

About twenty-five minutes later, we pulled up to what looked like another smaller city inside of this great big tinsel town.

"USC University of Southern California," I whispered quietly, reading the sign as Rico drove right past it and through the gates like we belonged there. I looked over at him curiously and took in everything around us all at once.

There was sprawling green with little walkways everywhere that cut through the grass. Beds of red and white flowers bigger than Mother's entire garden lined some of the walkways, while beds of red and yellow flowers lined others.

There were red and yellow flags everywhere, like someone had staked this strange territory and claimed it as their own. I was so confused. The biggest buildings you've ever see were behind these "USC University of Southern California" gates. This small city was bigger than all of Baton Rouge.

It was the strangest thing I had ever seen.

Like Oz.

A real life Oz.

"Rico," I grabbed his hand, a little nervous with the whole top of our car dropped down, not knowing who these people were or what to expect next. "What is this?"

He just flashed a smile out at some passersby and kept driving.

"You'll see, my love. You'll see." He lifted my fingers to his lips, kissed each one, and then pulled into a parking lot that was bigger than The Galleria in Houston. I had only been to The Galleria once, with Ruby, and I was just as nervous when she pulled into that parking lot as I was when Rico slowly pulled to a stop in this one.

Rico left the top down and stepped out of the car like a movie star showing up to his own premier. Everyone paused and did a doubletake, some of the young girls walking by even stopped completely and stared.

Rico grinned at them all, just like he always did, and sauntered around to my side of the car to open the door for me.

When Rico took my hand and helped me out of the car, even more people slowed down to look. I guess they were trying to figure out who we were, and then they kept walking toward yet another large building in the distance. I assumed that it was the same place that we were also headed.

Again, I looked over at Rico, everything that I was worried about showing all over my face.

He just smiled and held my hand tighter. "Easy my love, be easy..."

I took a deep breath and decided not to question Rico about leaving the top down as we walked with what seemed like a hundred white people through the parking lot toward our mysterious destination.

I had never seen so many white people in one place before.

And definitely not smiling at us.

They were all grinning right back at Rico. Like they knew him.

I held Rico's hand tighter.

About ten minutes later, Rico was ushering me through another door and out onto some sort of...patio. But it was huge. I looked around and took note of the electricity in the air. Everyone looked really excited to be there. There was an energy around us, and a sort of buzz, like everyone was talking at once.

Rico slapped a tall white man five as he took his time strolling through the crowd, toward the front of the patio, to our seats. I noticed that when he did, he also slipped the man a bag full of penny caps.

"My man," the white man whispered and went back to sit beside his old lady a little further down the same aisle that Rico had just walked me to. Both he and his lady looked vaguely familiar.

I think they were TV stars.

I took a closer look at the people seated around us, and I jolted when I realized that I had seen several of them before, either on TV or on album covers.

I looked over at Rico again and he was grinning just like a cat. My reaction to recognizing all those people had excited him so much that he could barely sit still.

"All for you, my love. All for you." He kissed my cheek and looked forward toward the stage.

The sun started to set, and everything got quiet at the same time.

When I heard the first few notes of Mother's favorite song, I thought I was dreaming. But when Etta James in the flesh stepped out onto the stage, close enough for me to almost touch, all I could do was stare.

"Aaaat...laaaast..." My wide eyes bounced from the stage to Rico and back to the stage.

I almost pinched myself.

"...I found a dream that I could speak to, a dream that I could call my own..."

"Oh Rico..." I sighed as he wrapped his strong arm around my bare shoulders and held me tight. Until that very moment, I had never realized how dead on that song was. Rico was truly the only one that I was ever able to speak to. I could talk to him about anything. And he remembered it all. The attention that he paid to me was...something that I had never gotten from anywhere else.

He really was a dream...

I briefly wondered if Mother liked that song so much because that was the way she felt about Papa. I suddenly felt like I understood my mother in a whole different way. An unexpected pang of homesickness hit me. I hadn't felt that in a long while.

Rico started humming quietly and kissed my cheek again.

"I love you so much," he whispered in my ear. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

My cheeks turned red at the memory, and suddenly I was...embarrassed.

And self-conscious.

I sat up straighter and Rico released my shoulders.

"Jazz..." he took my hand again. "I know what this song means to you, that it makes you think of home..."

I just stared at him.

"I just..." his gaze was soft, but unyielding. "I just...want...It's just that...I'm your home, now, and you're mine. I want you to stay...baby...please...just..." His voice trailed off and his gaze deepened into mine like he was all of a sudden at a loss for words. "I just..."

"Rico..." I looked away from him and back at the stage. Then I looked back at him.

All of my feelings suddenly seemed to...shut down.

It was the first time that had ever happened to me, but it wouldn't be the last.

"...oh you smiled...and the spell was cast..."

Rico ran his fingers down my cheek while the music moved further and further away from us.

"...and here we are in...heaven..."

Rico kissed my fingers again and looked further into my eyes. I could tell that it was bothering him that he couldn't read me.

The set switched to another song with a faster pace and a tambourine. People jumped up all around us and started dancing.

Rico stood up with them.

I don't think he knew anything else to do.

I stayed in my seat.

"Tell mama what you need, tell mama what you want, and I'll make everything alright..."

I frowned.

The song made me think of Ruby and how she was always fixing everything for him.

Everything.

Including me.

My mind shut down even more.

The next song slowed the audience back down and some people started to sit again.

"Oooh...you never hear me, you never hear me, when I cry at night..."

My whole mood changed when the melody shifted and Rico, as if feeling the storm brewing behind him, sat back down and looked into my eyes again. He was trying so hard to read what I was feeling. He just...couldn't.

"Jazz..." he wiped away a tear that dropped as soon as I saw how hard he was trying to understand me. Nobody but him had ever tried so hard to read me. Nobody. "I'm sorry." He wiped away another tear.

I had quickly pushed that night all the way to the back of my mind after Ruby fixed my face and told me that what had happened was all...just part of "the life". But now, looking into Rico's sad brown eyes, all I could see was him waving a gun in my face twice that night, and then shoving it into my mouth again after everyone else had gone home.

He ripped my panties right off me.

All I could feel was him forcing himself roughly inside of me.

He beat me and made love to me at the same time, just like Ruby said.

Ruby had known exactly what he had done to me as soon as she looked at me.

So did Lola.

Because that was just...part of it.

They both knew what it was.

I was the only one who didn't.

Ruby tried to tell me...

I couldn't hear my mother's favorite songstress singing like an angel, sounding like she had just fallen from heaven and broken both wings. All I could hear was Rico pounding up against me, growling right in my face, "Do that shit again, bitch. I ma' fuggin dare you to ever do that shit again..."

"Every time I tell myself I just can't stand the pain...I can't stand it..."

Tears rolled out of my eyes like they had a mind of their own.

"Jazz...my love...I'm so sorry..." Rico held me in his arms and kissed my tears. I tried to push him away. He held me tighter. "I'm so sorry, Jazz. I really am. I never...thought I would ever do that to you, my love. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry..."

I could hear his heartbeat.

I could feel his body give completely into mine.

I looked up into his face and saw nothing but sincerity.

Neither of us ever talked about it.

It just happened.

And then we moved on.

"But when you hold me in your arms..."

I tuned everything out, including him, and turned back to the stage.

Miss Peaches was singing my whole life back to me.

Beginning to end.

"Rico...I'm ready to go."

I didn't know what I was going to say until I said it.

Anger passed over his face.

Our eyes locked and time stood still.

Then his face changed and something that I had never seen before in him shined right through his eyes.

Remorse.

He dropped his eyes away from mine and dropped his head.

"...Something deep down...in my soul said cryyy, girl..."

Right in that moment, I knew that if I wanted to, I could leave and never look back. Rico wouldn't try to stop me. He wouldn't try to hurt me. It would crush him, but he wouldn't try to crush me if I tried to leave.

If I wanted to...I could do it.

Just that easy.

Just like Christian said.

"...so you see, I love you so much..."

I thought about it.

I really did.

"Rico..."

"...that