Yujin's POV

23 years. 23 whole fucking years, I was beside Wonyoung. We met when we were around 6-7 years old. I was born a year older, but we studied at the same time. We met when I was playing in the playground. Suddenly, this young and childish Wonyoung came up to me. I remember how she was crying just to get me off the swing since she wanted to ride them. I was just judging her at that time. Rest assured, we became best friends as soon as we shared our first laugh after I drop a corny joke.

In 23 years, I tried to shower her with so much love and affection. Whenever there she was bullied, I would fight for her. Whenever she forgets her lunch, I would willingly offer mine to her. It was automatic for me. I needed to see her happy, even if I suffer.

"Jang Wonyoung! You wouldn't be an actress! Quit dreaming!"

"Yah Kim Wang-Gwan! Leave her alone, will you?" I shouted as I see her push Wonyoung in the hallway.

"Who are you?" Gwan replied and looked at me. All I can see was annoyance and hatred in her eyes.

"I'm her best friend. I am the elected Vice President of the Supreme Student Government. Do you want me to report this to the head directors and principal, Miss Wang-Gwan?" I confidently said as I help Wonyoung get up.

Poor Wonyoung. She was sobbing. Please don't cry. You deserve all happiness in this world, Wonyoung.

After that, I started guarding her at all cost. At that very moment, I felt that this once childish Wonyoung is very precious. Too precious to be hurt by anyone even. But the saddest thing there is that aside from the emotions I feel, aside from the numerous times I've punched and slap someone, aside from the moments I felt butterflies in my stomach when I am with her, I still refused to believe I like her.

"You totally like her, Yujin," Chaewon said and hit the top of my head slightly.

"Ouch! But what do you mean I like her? I just feel obligated to protect her. She is my best friend." I complained.

"I don't usually believe at the people saying we are the dumb duo, but Yujin, you are too dumb," Yena said as she places her palm on her forehead, shaking her head.

"I don't like her! I just wanted to protect her. I wanted to make her happy. I wanted to keep her in my life forever. What if she dies? What if she started to hate herself because of the unnecessary words dumb people say to her? You both know I can't take that!"

Pretty dumb for me to say, right? Believe it or not, my denial lasted for 18 years. I was doubting myself that I like girls. She already came out to me and I accepted her for who she was. That was also the moment I realized I like her.

"Yujinnie, I am... not straight."

"Huh? Aren't we all not straight? I mean, we all have curbs in our bodies."

"Not that type! I mean, I like girls. I like this girl, no, I love her. The same thing with Yena Unnie?"

"Oh! No worries, Wonnie. I accept you for who you are. Just please stay happy. You deserve all happiness."

The moment she said she already liked somebody tore me into pieces. Then I realized I like her. I love her. The jealousy inside me suddenly came up at that time. As we hugged, I felt my heartbeat. It was so fast that I even worried my heart would get out of my body at any time.

A few months later, she revealed that she was dating her colleague. I started drinking and distancing myself away from her. I tried to forget these feelings. I tried to forget that I once wanted us to be the end game. I even started going back to church just to pray for them to realize they are not the ones for each other.

Which was answered as, after 7 months of dating, Wonyoung and her colleague broke up.

This time, I knew I should make the move. I knew that I should just show her that I like her. However, I chickened out. The thoughts of rejection and probably the end of our friendship hunted me. I thought that when I confess and get rejected, that was the end of our friendship.

I tried to fight my fear and face it. When I got enough courage to do so, bad news came.

'Okay, Yujin. Just tell her you like her.' I said to myself.

Wonyoung came to our cafe spot with a smile on her face. It made me weak. Her smile and her happiness radiate the vibe to the people around her.

'Do it now, Yujin.' a voice in my head said.

"I need to tell you something!" We both said at the same time. I got my hopes high.

"You first," I said.

"I'm dating Mi Sun again!"

"Oh..."

I swear I thought the whole world stopped. I thought it would be my end. I felt my legs weakened. I suddenly felt numb.

"I am happy for you."

"How about you? What was that you were about to say?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Not important. Totally not." I looked at my phone trying to find an excuse to leave that place.

"Oh, Wonyoung! I am very sorry, but my boss suddenly called an emergency meeting!" I lied and fixed my things quickly.

"Aw. I hope we can bond soon. I would just call Mi Sun here. You better get going, Yujin! See ya!"

I remembered how I was so drunk that night Chaeyeon Unnie needed to carry me upside down as what I saw with Yena's video. The world was against me at this point.

But it didn't stop there. After 3 years of dating, Mi Sun decided to propose to Wonyoung and got married. I told you from the start as long as Wonyoung is happy, then I am happy. I am still happy even if I die as somebody who never dated before.

"You still like her don't you?" Yena whispered as she saw me look at the notebook filled with my letters for her.

I released a heavy sigh. I still do and it seems impossible for me to ever not like her.

"Sorry to break this to you, but she is now married. You better move on from her. To be honest, it was half your fault as well, Yuj." Chaewon said.

"Huh?"

"The world gave you so much time, Yujin. The world gave you so many chances, but you refused to take those chances. You never listened to your heart, Yujin. You never did."

I left that place with tears rolling down my cheeks.

Well, maybe Chaeyeon Unnie was right. I never did. Maybe they were right, it was also my fault. No, cross that, it is my fault.

It's me who decided to keep this as a secret from Wonyoung. It's me who was too scared to risk our friendship. I was the one who wouldn't listen to what my heart says.

(I made this less painful but it's still painful😭)