:: it's so loud inside my head // with words that i should have said // and as i drown in my regrets // i can't take back the words I never said // i never said // i can't take back the words I never said ::
.
I sit on my bed, my back up against the headboard with my hands on my face wiping away furiously at the hot tears that dare to fall down my cheeks. My room is pitch black except for the bright screen of my iPhone that lays on the side of my bed connected to its phone charger. My mom and siblings are in the room which is located next to mine, scared of them hearing me crying I grab one of my pillows and cover my mouth with it. I sob into the pillow, trying my hardest to stop crying. The harder I try, the more tears fall down my cheeks. I press the pillow harder to my mouth trying to stifle the sobs.
:: it's so loud inside my head // with words that i should have said // and as i drown in my regrets // i can't take back the words ::
.

'Stop, stop crying you fucking idiot. You're crying over nothing' I think to myself. I look up at my ceiling where the ceiling fan slowly turns over and over again. I start to fan my face with my hand.
'calm down, calm down, calm down, cALM DOWN, CALM DOWN' I scream at myself, my throat clenched. The feeling of guilt rises up from my throat as fresh new tears start to cascade down my cheeks.
'Other people have it worser than you! Why are you crying?!' My minds screams at me, oh god I want that voice to leave me, to leave me alone.
' i'm sorry, i'm so sorry ' I repeatedly whisper to myself. I bring my knees up to chest and hug them.
:: it's so loud inside my head // with words that i should have said // and as i drown in my regrets // i can't take back the words i never said // i never said ::
.