I didn’t respond. In all honesty, I didn’t know how to. She wiped a tear off her cheek and rolled her eyes, shaking her head. As if crying was absurd to her. “I’ve never been in love, okay? Sounds stupid, I know, but I never felt that kind of connection with anyone. Except you…”
“Nina-“
“I was never the type of girl to have a boyfriend for a week and a half and declare I was in love. Hell, I never had a boyfriend for long enough that I could fall in love. Ed-“ She paused, sighing. “I just feel so much love for you, which I can’t help but say, ‘Damn, I’m in love.’”
I tried again to stop her. I didn’t want to know how she felt because it only freaked me out more. Nina ignored me and continued, “I had this sudden freak out about a week before I met you. The agency I worked for called me fat – along with everyone on the fucking internet!”
She paused, sucked in another deep breath to keep her from crying, and went on, “Along with the tiny girls I used to model with. All of them were jerks and their job was to point out every flaw on my body. One time I walked in on them snickering at my singing videos I posted to YouTube. By then, I was ready to just give up on everything. All my hopes and dreams; singing and modeling, were wasted. Idiotically, I was prepared for death…” Nina gave a small, half smile. “Until my friend Racheal dragged me to one of your shows and I saw you perform. My life changed because of you.”
Her body looked so small, so fragile, from where I stood, so I sat down on the ripped cushion across from her. She sat on the couch across from me, eyes red and puffy. Her legs bent and held against her chest. She sighs, “I used to have these ‘skeletons’ in my closet that would come out at night. They’d haunt me. Telling me I’d never win, how fat I was … everything that hurt me. They controlled my life. My mind would never completely shut off at night because the ridicule I was showed by my peers during the day. They would continue to rule my life … I hated going to bed.”
“You told me I had talent, and that I was beautiful, and I believed you. And finally, the skeletons went away.” She says. “I don’t give a damn if we only just met Ed Sheeran, I’m terribly in love with you. My love with always be yours.”
I remember the day we met. The day we went out to eat after I had met her mum. I remember what I said – and that’s what I really felt, you know? But there was no romance there. I was saying it out of honesty.
The lamp next to me was the only light still on, except the sink light in the kitchen. I switched it off. Leaving Nina and I in the dark. “You changed my life.” I said. Feeling more confident after the lights went out. “For the better, I think.”
She gave a breathless, sarcastic laugh.
An hour passed of watching the clock. I laid there and studied the ceiling of the dark living room. The two of us still completely silent. Situations ran through my head as I replayed the entire day in my mind. Half of it tending to be a huge, drunken mess of thoughts and memories of the long and tiring day of no sleep.
I was still wired.
I couldn’t seem to work the day out. Thinking of every word that I had said. Every action I showed. Every dumbass thing I did today coming back to hit me in the chest.
I decided to go back to two days ago. Lying in bed together, fingers intertwined, the perfect scenario. She’d giggle at something I’d say and I would return the laugh. My face cracked as the thought popped into my head. The corners of my lips slightly turning up.
If she could see me smiling right now, through the incredible darkness, I could predict what she’d say. “Why are you smiling like that? You little freak.” And even if she didn’t really say it, I felt like laughing at the thought because it sounded just like her.
I turned onto my side. If I squinted my eyes, I could just make out her figure. She resembled me; lying on her side, facing me. I couldn’t tell if her eyes were closed or not, but I had a feeling they were.
I just wanted to hold her. Wrap my arms around her waist. Our hearts beating together. She was the girl I envisioned myself laying with every night. At this point, I don’t care how confused I was about who I loved these past few days, I just wanted her at this point.
Nina cut the silence after an hour of it. I thought she was asleep. My heart thumped loudly in my chest as she said, “I still love you.” Her accent seemed thinker, then. Her voice raspy. “No matter the shit you did.”
And I believed her.
Shortly after, I heard her snoring lightly. She had finally fallen asleep after the shit I put her through. Something I wish I could do. But my head was on fire and sleeping would be impossible.
I stood and paced the floor in the dark. If I stayed, I’d only screw up things more. Our relationship would be nothing by tomorrow. My thoughts still cloudy, I ended up grabbing the blanket from my room and covering her up. Gently laying it on top of her with shaky hands.
I needed a cigarette.
I moved through the trashed flat and into my untouched room. Gripping the black duffel bag in one hand, I threw some clothes in and my plane ticket. Passport. Keys. Headphones. Leaving a hundred dollars and the keys to my old clunker on the coffee table, I slipped on my shoes and threw the bag over my shoulder.
The cab I had called was already waiting downstairs as I tried to hurry. No matter how tired or slightly buzzed I was, with one last glance at her, I walked out of the ruined flat. Leaving Nina alone and left for the airport.
*A/N, I updated quickly if I do say so myself. It was a freaking crazy chapter. To be honest, Photograph and this one kind of made me sad. I just love Nina so much and seeing Ed be a huge douche is upsetting.
But no worries, he can't be a jerk forever. Am I right?
haha.
So school has been fun, I guess. Obviously I can write when I have free time in my classes, so be prepared for much, much quicker updates.
So I had a sudden epiphany today. Nina's Apple Tree EP (where some songs for Ed are, also) and then Boy EP came out in late 2011 and 2012...which had to be a little later after they dated. You Need Me EP(with So and Be Like You) and Songs I Wrote With Amy came out in 2011. What if some of those songs are about Nina. I doubt it but i was just thinking about it.
Share your thoughts.
Also comment and vote for a chapter twice or three times a week. Hope you liked it.
love you all.
-Maddie
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