Laura's eyes opened and she saw a pair peering back down at her. They seemed to shine in the starlight, as if twin flames themselves. Ordinarily, she would've been afraid, but she knew who it was looming over her bed tonight. She was silent; the smile curving on her face said it all. The eyes drew closer, then she felt a weight on her body. The person, the woman, was straddling her. Laura reached up and cold, smooth skin met her palm. Even though her lover's skin was almost icy, heat rose between them, burning brighter than the sun.

Now that her lover was close, Laura felt herself coming undone. Finally, she whispered a single name into the night. "Carmilla."

"My beloved," Carmilla's voice was low, soft, and silky, like her touch. She dragged a finger down Laura's cheek, reveling in the feeling of her.

"Kiss me," Laura instructed, unusually bold tonight. Carmilla even quirked an eyebrow, but rather than chide her sweet little Laura for trying to tell her what to do, she decided to comply, lowering her face until it was inches away from Laura's... centimeters... millimeters...

Hands became more insistent, wrapping around bodies with more gusto than before. Maybe they were crazy to think that this could work, but all Laura could remember was what Carmilla told her only a few nights ago: "I live in you; and you would die for me, I love you so."

"Come on, come on, say that we'll stay together!" Laura pleaded, encouraged, between the kisses. Maybe they could get away with this...

"Shhh," Carmilla whispered against Laura's lips. "Quiet, my love. Let us enjoy the night while it lasts." She may have been a vampire, a damned soul, but in moments like this, she was back in Eden. Laura, of course, was her forbidden fruit. Religion was in her lips and the altar was her hips.

Laura smiled up at her dreamily, reveling in the feeling of Carmilla hanging over her lips like the Gardens of Babylon. She felt the same way Carmilla did. She would worship this love even if it was a false god. She lived for nights like this when Carmilla would fly to and lie with her.

"I'm only half satisfied, and you were so cruel as to keep me waiting all day, even though I told you I didn't want to," she teased.

"I said I would be awake as soon as I could," Carmilla retorted, but even though her words and voice were a little sharp, her kisses were soft. Her dear, sweet Laura could not know the way the sun burned her, and kept Laura untouchable during the day. But at night...?

Laura laughed into Carmilla's kisses. She knew Carmilla said she'd be here anyway, every day, as soon as possible. And she knew her strange, dearest love had the most peculiar of habits when it came to sleep. She was a night person. But that was fine, so long as Laura got to enjoy her eventually. Now that Carmilla was finally close, Laura was coming undone. As if in poetic contrast, though, Laura was a day person, rising with the sun even though it was seldom planned. She woke from her pleasant dream, regretful that Carmilla was no longer by her side, lying next to her. But she knew Carmilla was tired from the long night, wonderful though it had been.

ooo

Then Laura woke from another dream, tired, almost sickly. She wasn't sure when untouchable became unreachable, unbearable, but it did. Carmilla was gone, lost to the night, fled after her treachery and true nature were revealed. But even though she was gone, she still haunted Laura's dreams, just like before, but they were no longer so sweet.

Laura hated them because she couldn't talk to Carmilla when she was like this, just a phantom staring out the window, but she wouldn't look at Laura anymore. She wanted to dare Carmilla to leave, just to try to scare some life into her, but because it was just a dream, the hazy vision of Carmilla remained unresponsive. That scared Laura more than anything.

Sometimes Carmilla even haunted Laura's waking hours. She saw Carmilla's face in her mind as she walked away; Carmilla had run away. None of them expected it to end that way. It was killing Laura to see Carmilla go after all this time, even though it was killing Laura to have her stay. They said the road got hard and people got lost when led by blind faith. They were right, but Laura was too blind and too faithful to realize it.

A small part of Laura was glad Carmilla was gone. Now Carmilla couldn't see her like this, Laura didn't want her to. But now she didn't know who to be without such a big, important part of her life around. Carmilla was the only thing Laura knew. Of course, she'd heard her father say life, the real world, was never simple, never easy, but this felt like too much. There was no one here to save Laura anymore, even though the threat was gone. But what other choice did Laura have except to live on? Even though time felt frozen, she had to keep on moving.

"I never wanted to see your hurt," Laura whispered to the night. There were no more eyes smiling down at her from above. Her guardian angel had actually been a demon all along, but then again, even Satan disguised himself as an angel of light. But even so... "Every little bump in the road I would've swerved." Laura just couldn't bring herself to imagine Carmilla as evil, even if she was a vampire.

But just like the bump on the road that swerved Carmilla's carriage into Laura's schloss, only destruction and pain followed their midnight meeting. Unlike the carriage, though, there was no one to save them from this fall out. If Heaven was when Carmilla touched her, Hell was when they fought and split apart like this. Laura still could only see Carmilla as a lover, not a monster. Now it was 2 AM and she felt like she'd just lost a friend forever. Even if Carmilla came back, something in their relationship was permanently altered, broken.

"I hope you know this isn't easy for me, Carmilla. You broke my heart after building it up so carefully, so sweetly!" Laura glared upward, tears blurring her vision and making the stars look like they were moving and blinking, as if they were eyes... "I... I... I'm sorry... I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She made confessions, begged for forgiveness, felt like she had the communion wine ready. Carmilla, it seemed, was just another false god.

ooo

Laura was still so tired all the time, even though the vampire was long gone. Her energy had not yet fully replenished itself, but at this point, she wasn't sure it ever would. Perhaps simply thinking about a vampire was enough to drain a person. Heaven knew Carmilla was still on Laura's mind more often than she cared to admit. She couldn't help but flashback to when they said, "forever and always." It was just too easy to go back to every laugh, even if she didn't want to go there anymore. She still heard all the steps Carmilla took to the drawing room door.

Sometimes, Laura would still cry out to the night, talking to the wind as if it could carry her voice to Carmilla, or Carmilla's to her. She'd talk to the moon and the stars as they spelled out Carmilla's name. Sometimes she even prayed to God, just like her father told her to. She wondered if he ever got more answers than she did, because at least in her experience, God was as silent, absent, and false as Carmilla. Hmm, love, Carmilla, and God, what an unholy trinity of falsehood.

This night, though, Laura was too tired to stay awake, too tired to talk to Carmilla or God, so she left her window open, a silent invitation to the vampire should she ever choose to return. It had been years, so it didn't seem likely, but then again, Carmilla had left her waiting years already. Laura's father said Carmilla was dead, killed properly this time, but Laura wasn't so sure. What else would explain the light steps of Carmilla at the drawing room door? What else would explain her lethargy even though their town was, supposedly, finally rid of the fiendish vampire?

Unfortunately, this night, just like so many others before, the only thing that came into Laura's room was rain. It remained when Carmilla was "near" and when she was gone, flooding Laura's room. But even so, she left her window open, one last attempt to reach out across space and time back to the nights when Carmilla was beside her. But before Laura turned in for the night, she did pause to at least stare out the window, letting the rain fall on her face as if it was tears helping her tired heart mourn for the loss of her first, and only, love. This wasn't her favorite town anymore.

I could stand here, sing you a song, Laura thought to herself, but she made no sound. I don't wanna have to go that far. I've got you down, I still know you by heart, but do you even know where I start? You left me with no choice but to stay here forever. I'm not just still stuck in the schloss, father's control tighter than ever, you left me frozen in time, too. While you're out wherever, doing whatever, I'm still haunting this corner of the room just like you used to. I'm standing right where you stood. Did your tomb ever feel like this?

Laura thought she was too tired to talk to Carmilla tonight, she still found herself at least thinking. She didn't want to wait for the sky to clear, but she felt powerless to do anything else. She tried again to ask God for the reasons why. Why he took Carmilla away. Why he gave her in the first place. Laura knew "He who giveth can taketh away", she just wanted to know why. Why did their love happen? Why was it considered an abomination? Why did Carmilla have to be a vampire? Why couldn't she and Laura have been normal? Why did she have to worship a false god?

She still received no answer, just like when she talked to Carmilla, or tried to look within her own heart. Finally, she produced her own tears, no longer needing to rely on the rain to help her pretend she was still in mourning.

I've watched you so long, spelled out your name in the stars, I don't know what else I can say... Was she talking to or about God, Carmilla, or herself. Even she didn't know. All she knew was that it was 2 AM and she was cursing someone's name. Thinking was just too hard, too painful, right now. Besides, as she just noted, it wasn't as if her screaming, crying, calling, or reaching out ever changed anything. So at last, she was left in silent, painful defeat again. She hung her head; the tears had stopped but the rain carried on.

She finally turned away from the window and made her way to bed, soaking the sheets and pillow. She was too tired for all of this, because of all of this. But she was still right there, hoping that God would answer her prayers, send her a miracle, and she would see Carmilla climbing through her bedroom window once more, coming in with the rain. The soft pitter patter eventually lulled her into an uneasy sleep. Her dreams were muddled and full of the enigmatic and charismatic vampire woman, just like they'd always been.

AN: Just due to timing, when I was slowly making my way through Taylor's entire discography, I got into Fearless around the time I got into the Carmilla novel and, for some reason, "Come In With The Rain" always made me think of them, so then I just added two more similar songs from the same album and here we are, LOL.