No he didn't really say that because only TV people can say cool things like that. I wish he had, it would've been so funny.

What he really said was "Persephone, I have some very sad news for you, I'm afraid your mother has passed away." and he arranged his face in a pained pitying expression.

I didn't say anything, but it occurred to me how weird it is to say that you're afraid something happened. "I'm afraid your mother died". Why? In case she turns into a zombie and eats your brain?

He spoke very slowly and somberly, and put his hand on my hand. "I know this must be very hard for you, we're going to let you go home and be with your Dad ok? You can just come back to school whenever you're ready, and if you need someone to talk to I can sit with you until then and you can call me anytime, and I'll give you these pamphlets about grief ok?" and so I suddenly got all excited, back to school whenever I'm ready? Awesome!

"What if I'm never ready?" I said, and Mrs. Derrick, who had obviously been listening from her desk in the office next door let out a strangled sort of yelpy sob, burst into the sick bay and threw herself on me.

"You poor little thing! It must feel like the pain's never going to go away, but with time, you'll be able to carry on" and then she just dissolved into tears. I was pretty sure the only way I'd ever be able to carry on would be if she stopped crying and got off me, it sure was pretty painful. Then she pulled away and studied me for a second.

"I'll get someone to collect your things from the classroom. Is there anything else you'd like? Anything at all?"

I sat for a bit longer thinking about if I was a big fat guy in a coma somewhere again.

"A mars bar?" I said hopefully, Mrs. Derrick still looked a bit lost, but then straight away nodded her head and bustled out muttering

"Of course, of course you can have a mars bar, poor little thing, so young, so young..."

The psychic psychiatrist was studying me the whole time.

"Would you like me to sit with you? We can talk about anything you'd like."

I did a terrible job of suppressing a snort of laughter. "No thanks."

Then I made origami lotus flowers with the stupid psychic man's stupid pamphlets. It's the only thing I can make out of origami. I always make them out of paper serviettes at restaurants and leave them on the table like a tip, and then I imagine that all the waiters and waitresses marvel at how beautiful they are and pull them apart really carefully to see how I made them and then fold all their paper serviettes like that to make their restaurant look classier and majestic.

If I had a restaurant I'd definitely do that. I'd only serve desserts too because everyone knows that dessert is the only reason you go to the restaurant and the main course is just to distract you so you eat it all and then feel too full for dessert and then you have to go back again another time because when you've been craving something like dessert really badly you just can't stop thinking about it until you have it.

By then that was exactly how I was feeling about the mars bar I was meant to be getting.

I wish I knew someone who'd eaten a deep fried mars bar. They're meant to be the yummiest thing in the whole world, but I want to be able to ask someone who's eaten one so that they can say "You mean you've never tried one!?! Oh my gosh you just have to try a deep fried mars bar, you haven't lived until you've eaten a deep fried mars bar! Let's go get one right now, my treat." Because if you've tried something really nice and your friend hasn't then it's the rules that you have to buy one for them and then be like "See? See? What did I tell you? Isn't it delicious?"

I think I'm going to have to just buy myself a deep fried mars bar. I can't think of anyone who would buy one for me.

Except Mrs. Derrick when she's in a weird spontaneous crying mood. That was so weird! What's her problem? I don't think she was sad that my Mum died, she only met her once at a parent night for about five seconds. I think she might have been sad for me. I don't know why, I mean I can pour my own cereal and milk in the mornings, it's not a big deal, and I'll just see Mum again when I die, so it's pretty pointless missing her until then.

My thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing.

"Hello? Oh hello again Dr. James" Mrs. Derrick said, glancing over at me. "Yes, she's here in the office, yes of course you can talk to her." She held the phone against her chest and gestured for me to go over there. "It's your Dad" she hissed.

"I know" I said, taking the phone, "hi Dad."

"Persephone your school seems to want me to come and get you right now, even though it's not three o'clock yet, I can't possibly leave work right now, there's just so much to be done without your mother, it's a real disaster here." He sounded agitated.

"Well I'll just go home by myself" I looked around to see if Mrs. Derrick was listening, she was writing things "it's really boring here, at least if I'm at home I can watch Ellen DeGeneres."

A blast of yelling exploded out of the phone. "No! Persephone you are not to watch any television until I say so! I mean it Persephone, if you so much as think about touching that television I will disown you and you will be an orphan."

I held the phone away from my ear with my fingertips and didn't say anything. Everything seemed to reverberate with the echoes of Dad's anger. I was shocked, he's been angry at me before, but there was something different in his voice this time. I was tempted to just hang up on him, but I knew that would just make him a hundred times angrier. Mrs. Derrick was looking at me, she looked shocked too, I wondered if she could hear what Dad was saying. She quickly looked back down at whatever she was writing. I eased the phone back towards my ear.

"Sef, sorry, I'm just... look if you can just stay at school until I come and get you, I have to go."

I went back into the sick bay and started again on my lotus folding.

People are so weird when someone dies. Mrs. Derrick crying all over me, Dad yelling, I half expected to walk out of the office and see everyone walking around on their hands, with hats on their feet. I don't understand it at all. Why does everyone always have such a big cry about dead people? No point being nice to them after they die, they're probably too busy playing ping pong with God in heaven to even watch their own funeral. I bet that's what my Mum's doing right now. No, she didn't really like ping pong. I bet she's vacuuming, or going crazy with heavenly Spray and Wipe, I bet it makes everything sparkle like diamonds and smell like the nicest thing you can think of times ten. Then God will have to go do some paperwork or something but Jesus and Buddha and that Indian guy with the elephant trunk will stay and lift furniture out of the way so Mum can vacuum under it. That's what she liked to do. Make everything spotless, she always said that cleanliness is next to Godliness and that a clean house meant a clear and productive mind. Once there was a spot on the kitchen bench that wouldn't come off, she scrubbed so hard at it that there's a dent there now. I never let her near my things in case she cleaned them into oblivion. She'd be too busy cleaning in Heaven to watch me make lotuses in the school sick bay. That's ok though, because if I had a choice I wouldn't watch me making lotuses in the school sick bay either, boring!

So then I ran out of stupid pamphlets and couldn't even make lotuses anymore. Maybe it's not lotuses, maybe its loti, like cactus and cacti. Octopus and octopi. Platypus and platypi. Actually I think two platypi are two platypuses. Sheep and sheep. Two sheep, seventy sheep, infinity sheep.

I was just staring at the wall trying to imagine infinity sheep when Mrs. Derrick came and knocked on the door even though it was open. She had my bag and a whole packet of mars bars! I couldn't believe it! A whole packet! All for me! What a fabulous day it's turning out to be, I thought.