School was never interesting for me. The classes felt like a never ending cycle, the conversation were too repetitive, and the teachers just annoyed me. struggling to focus in classes was just another reason for my mother to hate me. 

Parent teacher nights in middle and elementary school consisted of being told I was 'too argumentative' and 'should put in more effort if I want to succeed more'. By high school I gave up. I stayed quiet, did my work, and found popular, boring friends. 

Somehow that was totally different for both my siblings. Ethan loved school. hated his classes but loved school. Rosie loved learning and writing. She loved it. They would have been good friends. 

I go to my locker after lunch to grab my criminology textbook. My teacher for that class was a true crime fanatic and constantly was telling us about all these stories of killers who made their mark on society. it was interesting to know someone so obsessed with crime but had no real interest in committing one. the real reason she loved it was simply that fact that she liked to scare people and come across as a dangerous person. 

"Anna," Eva called out to me in a sing-songy voice. 

I spin around to face her. Not once this year has she followed me out after lunch. The only thing she does lately is sit and giggle with her boyfriend or text the guy she is cheating on him with.

"Yes Eva," Her face twists. She wants something but first she actually has to pretend she cares. 

"you've been acting strange lately," She sighs, "I just want to see if your alright."

Bullshit. 

I smile, "Just a lot going on with school and everything." I pause for a second. she is smiling so fakely it almost hurts, "What do you need?"

"Well now that you've asked," she displayed a face that looked incredibly similar to a child begging their parents for something. "So there's this guy i've been seeing and he wants to hang out over the weekend," Eva begins to twirl on of the front pieces of her hair around her finger like it going to make me agree with her stupid plan, "I need someone to cover for me from today to monday and you being you would be perfect for the role."

I stare at her blankly, "You want me to lie to your parents, your boyfriend, and everyone else so you can cheat of your boyfriend and have a fun little weekend away?"

she looks at me with hope in her face.

"No thanks."

her mouth gaps open.

"What!" she screeches before lowering her voice, "But you have to. your like the only they would actually believe."

I shake my head and sigh, "I'm all for leaving your boyfriend but you actually have to break up with him first before you go out with someone else and I'm not lying to your mother."

"Why," Eva is whining like she's five.

I scoffed, "Because she like one for the nicest people ever."

"Fine. Sorry for asking." She turned around to walk away but she spun back to face me, "You know your my best friend and your supposed to cover for me and I'm allowed to rely on you for these things."

"Well if thats the job description I'd rather not have it, or be associated with it." I snap back at her. 

Then I look at her face. Her nose scrunches and the tips of her mouth dip down. Eva's eyes go glassy and soft. She's actually sad. 

"I'm glad you don't have it anymore then." She chokes the words out before finally spinning around to leave. 

I'm a horrible person. I always knew it but this solidified it. 

You wanted something that was yours. Someone you never had to share. She should have understood that. She had the Hawthorne's. You told yourself you would never go there for her so she could have her people. Christian wanted her. You were everything but somehow everyone liked her better. Even your own parents. You wish you were her. Even after everything. 

I never thought about how bad things were for anyone else anymore. I've stopped trying. I never thought I would do that. 

I slid my bag on my back and walked the opposite direction. I was not going to class today. No one could make me. 

----------------------------------------------------

I strode my way to the art building and ending up on the roof.  It was windy and cold today. But Nothing mattered other than the fact that I wanted to die. On the way over I realised I didn't actually care that Eva was hurt. She was about to do something stupid and she was an incredibly toxic person. I cared that I was also just as bad of a person. 

When I was 17 I kissed Grayson Hawthorne. I then proceeded to ignore him and pretend it didn't happen until he went right back to chasing Emily. I also kissed him when I was 13 but that was a twisted game of spin that bottle that ended with many people crying so I don't think it counted. 

The day I kissed him I not only hurt him, I broke Jameson's trust, but I also lost trust for myself. I did something that I knew I never should of done. It also made me lose the only place I felt safe in.  It took me two weeks, seven stitches on my shoulder from a glass bottle, and a concerned Jameson till I finally stepped foot in the Hawthorne house again. I knew Grayson knew about everything and why I wasn't going back. He didn't push me that time. I think that hurt me the most. 

Now we both pretend it didn't happen. I don't think he even thinks about it now since he literally drove me to see my psycho mother. Part of me hope there is still that cemented memory of my lips on his in the back of his mind. Just like it is for me. 

I throw my bag down on the roof and sit on the edge. I don't need the thrill that Jameson does. The feeling after you finally won something. I just need quiet. I just want to turn my fucking brain off for once. These days I'll do anything for just quiet.  

I'll take it even if its just a few seconds. 

"Annabelle," a voice call from behind me. Jameson.

"Today is shit." 

he walks over and stands right next to me on the ledge. He doesn't say anything he just stands on the ledge beside me. 

"Did you fix it?"

His jaw tightened telling everything I needed to know. 

"Will you help me with something?" his face looked hopeful.

I groaned and threw my head back. 

Jameson rolled his eyes, "I need your help with the puzzle."

I looked right at him, "Your smart, figure it out yourself."

"Just the Davenport," Jameson begs.

"No."

"Help me or I'll figure out why this day actually sucks for you."

I rolled my eyes at him. 

"Is it something to do with your mother, or maybe people from school."

"Fine, fine I'll help," I agreed to fast. I wanted to win too even if it wasn't my puzzle. "Only cause I feel bad for you."

He laughed as I stood up to face him, "Only because you hate talking about your feelings. "

I jump of the ledge, "Were not talking about it."

Jameson hold up his hands as he also jumps off the ledge back onto the rooftop. 

"How are we getting back to the house?"

Jameson smiled, "I'm glad you asked."

"What do you know?" Jameson had the glint in his eye telling me that whatever he was thinking was not going to be a good idea. 

"I'm surprised you don't know."

I stared at him blankly, "What don't I know?"

"Your brother drove his new car here today didn't he?"

Ethan was supposed to get his car at Christmas and keep up with lesson but his dad caved and gave it to him early. He wanted  to drive me today but I needed to see if Jameson was actually okay.

"We are not taking my brothers new car!" I yell at him. HE doesnt seem phased at all like he had one million and one back up plans.

"I texted him." Jameson tried to explain, "He doesn't feel like school today so he wanted to skip."

"Ethan is not skipping."

Jameson looked bored and compleatly unserious, "He has like one class left."

"Which is Astrophysics," I glare at him, "He needs to be there for that class."

"Oh like you haven't ever skipped a class," Jameson teased. He didn't get it. Ethan had a dad that was away most and let him do whatever and a mother who couldn't care less. I was the only one keeping him from falling off the deep end. If it wasn't for me he wouldn't go to any of his classes, or do any homework. If I let him miss one then he may think it is okay to miss a bunch.

"It's different."

It's hard to explain this to someone who has had a person pushing him his whole life. His Grandfather.

"Just this once," Jameson begged, "I promise I will help you baby your brother through school."

He wasn't lying. Plus one day wouldn't ruin anyone's work ethic.

"Fine. It's not babying, it's making sure he does his work."

Jameson eyed me. No belief. No understanding at all.

"He's in his car. Let's go."

I regret my decision already.