POV: Joe M

It was one of those dates you couldn't avoid. I didn't feel like going to the event at all, where the film industry was celebrating itself and the same people as always came, but there was no escaping it. I had to be seen there. I was already dreading this evening. Endless hours of irrelevant small talk, nodding and smiling until your cheeks hurt. At least there was free food - and alcohol.

My mood was still pretty low since Y/N quit and left LA 4 months ago. I hadn't spoken to her since then. It had been an abrupt and surprising end to our affair, which had continued against my resolutions after we returned from the promotional tour. I just couldn't resist her. The memory of how it had been with her and her attraction to me had made me weak again just a few weeks later.

And even today I still thought about her a lot. Every day. I missed her more than I ever thought possible. It was difficult to keep my depressed mood secret from my family, to whom I could not explain. I had never kept anything secret from my family. Especially not something too serious. First my affair, now the breakup that was still dragging me down.

For a while I tried to convince myself I only miss Y/N as a friend. As a platonic friend. But it was more than that. It was also more than the sex that I was missing. I still wasn't sure if I should have reacted differently retrospectively when she admitted that she had fallen in love with me. At the time, our affair had been going on for a few months. I had known it for a long time. I had seen it in her eyes, in every smile - and the way she touched me, seduced me.

Didn't I want to admit it because I knew it would cause trouble?
Or had I even enjoyed it, even though I knew it could only end badly?
Probably a mix of both.

When she told me she was in love with me, I replied that I wasn't. Of course, as sensitively as possible, but let's not fool ourselves. You can't package something like that nicely. Of course, Y/N had hoped for something else. I had hoped, she would be able to deal with it and everything would go on as before for a while: the secret kisses in the office, the meetings at her apartment, the stolen nights with her.

That had been an illusion. Y/N suffered more and more that not only did she have to share me and was my secret, but that I didn't feel the same for her as she did for me until she ended things and severed all ties. She broke up with me, with her job and with LA. From one day to the next she disappeared from my life. Only then did I realize that I had been fooling myself the whole time. I wanted to see myself as the husband who might be cheating physically (bad enough) but who was "only" having sex with someone else. I persuaded myself to be true to my wife at heart, but the truth was, that even there she had to share me since a while.

Once I realized this, my guilty conscience kept me from contacting Y/N again. I finally wanted to do the right thing, like I had all those years before. But I couldn't forget Y/N. Not her and not how I felt when we had been together. Only now did I really realize how deep our connetion had became in the meantime. How intimate our being together had been and why I just couldn't stay away from her: Because I felt more for her. More than I should, more than I dared to admit.

My depression and bad mood of the last few months was unexpectedly increased immeasurably that evening. Something happened that I never expected: Y/N was at the same event. She was sitting a few tables away, right in my line of sight. Seeing Y/N again threw me completely. She looked wonderful. Breathtaking. The dress she wore was incredibly sexy. Very different from the clothes I'd seen her in before. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I was frozen for a few moments. My heart was beating faster, my mouth was going dry, and I didn't know what to do at all - go to her, reconnect with her? Or pretend I haven't seen her, ignore her for hours and then go home. Inconceivably. I cursed fate for sending Y/N back into my life and making it even harder.

The decision was made for me. I wouldn't do anything to approach her because Y/N wasn't alone. Her companion was Lou Manahan, a successful film producer. Obviously, the two were more than acquaintances, because Lou sat so close to Y/N that no program booklet could have fit between the two. He held her hand all evening and kissed her at every opportunity. When he wasn't, he was looking into her eyes and the smile he wore was clearly that of a man in love.

Seeing Y/N with him like that felt like a bucket of water had been dumped on me. I felt humbled. Furious. And jealous. Still, I couldn't help but watch the two of them.

"Dad, are you even listening to me?" Gia complained. She had accompanied me that evening. "Where are you staring at?" She turned and looked around searchingly. "Oh, there's Y/N." She cheered, raising her arm to wave Y/N halfway across the room. When Y/N waved back, Gia grinned. "Who is the man with her?"
I tried not to look too obviously upset. "Lou Manahan."
"The producer?" Gia looked at me with interest.
I just nodded.
"Let's go to them." Gia almost jumped up. I knew she liked Y/N and felt sorry that she didn't work for me anymore. If she knew the real background, it would have been done very quickly. Luckily no one knew anything about it. But that was the only good thing in this muddled situation. "Maybe this Lou has a project for you?"
I made a face and shook my head. "I don't like him." I excused myself. Long gone were the days when I jumped at every chance to network and maybe land new roles, so my lie wasn't too conspicuous. I hadn't had anything against Lou until I saw him cooing with Y/N.

"But I'll go see them both. I want to talk to Y/N."
Gia was unstoppable. "Give her my regards," I said, so it wouldn't be obvious that I was doing everything I could to avoid talking to her. I was certainly the last person Y/N wanted to see right now.
My daughter looked at me in astonishment. "Won't you greet her?"
I hesitated. What should I say now, why I didn't even want to say hello to Y/N? I knew Gia. She would smell a rat in an instant. Of course she would never guess the truth, but she would suspect we had a fight and dig deeper.

"Yes," I said, and got up. Eyes shut and go for it. This would be as awkward for Y/N as it would be for me, but I had to keep up appearances.

Someone up there seemed to like me at least a little, because as we walked towards Y/N's and Lou's table, he got up, leaving Y/N alone. At least something good. I had no desire to meet Y/N's lover and even put on a good face in front of him.

"Y/N!" Gia exclaimed enthusiastically as soon as we were at her table and fell into Y/N's arms. The two greeted each other warmly and chatted briefly before Y/N looked at me. I played my part. 100 % the boss who meets his former employee. How are you? How do you like the new job? Well, I'm happy for you.

After the most necessary small talk phrases, I pretended to have to go to the toilet and left Gia alone with Y/N.

I took my time before returning to the hall. Time to gather myself and at least digest the last 2 hours a little. The evening was even worse than expected. I would prefered a boring, uneventful evening. A night I didn't have to watch Y/N get ensnared by Lou Manahan.

Halfway back into the room, I saw Y/N walking onto the outside deck, cell phone in hand. It looked like she was typing a text message. Suddenly I couldn't hold back anymore. I was angry and hurt. I spontaneously followed Y/N onto the empty terrace.

POV: Y/N

I turned around when I heard footsteps behind me. My heart stopped for a moment when I saw Joe. I had no desire to be alone with him. In hindsight, I should have realized that he would be here tonight as well. I wish I had stayed at home and hadn't seen him again so unexpectedly. It reopened old wounds. Joe had hurt me incredible. Even if I couldn't blame him for what had happened. You knew how things like that turned out. But like thousands of women before me, I had closed my eyes and hoped that things would be miraculously different for me.

Joe walked right up to me, but I decided not to engage in conversation. I approached him with my head down, but only to go back inside.

Just as I was about to walk past him, Joe grabbed my arm.
I did not expect that.
"Are you doing this on purpose?" he asked agitatedly as I looked at him, unsure of what to do next.
"Excuse me?" I replied calmly.
"You are flirting with this guy in front of me."
"I'm flirting. With my boyfriend." I pointed out and looked Joe in the eye.
He clenched his teeth and nodded slightly, visibly pissed off. "That's the way it is."

I just raised my eyebrows briefly and wondered what he had expected?
"You guys are together?" Joe asked.
"Since a while." I confirmed.
Joe gasped out. "Since a while?" He looked around to see if anyone was nearby who could hear us. Then he leaned forward so only I could hear him. "You said you love me."
I raised an eyebrow and looked at him steadily. "Yes. And you said you don't love me." I reminded him.
Joe's gaze flickered. He couldn't hide the fact that he was hurt. But before he could say anything else, Lou came out to us.
"Oh, hi Joe, you here too? How are you?" he greeted Joe, but then looked straight at me. "Are you ready honey? The car has already pulled up."
I smiled at Lou. "I am ready."
Lou returned my smile and held out his arm for me to link my arm.
Then he turned back to Joe. "It was nice to meet you. Is Arlene here too?"
Joe was struggling not to look too tense. "No she's not. I'm here with Gia."
Lou smiled kindly. "Give her my regards." Then he took my hand in his to kiss it. "Shall we stop at Mathilda's on the way to my place? You love the ice cream from there." he offered I nodded. "I would love that."

Lou really was the most thoughtful man anyone could ask for, always making sure I was okay and happy. It was balm for my soul to be with someone for whom I was No. 1, whose interests I didn't have to share with anyone and for whom I wasn't last – after wife and children.

I looked at Joe, who didn't say anything and had an amazing control over his facial expressions, but I could tell he wanted to stop me from going with Lou. "Good night, Joe." I said. My voice was calm, neutral. Joe nodded, lips pressed together, and before he could reply, I had already turned on Lou's arm to leave the room with him.

POV: Joe M

I looked at Y/N and Lou and wanted to curse out loud. For the first time I got a glimpse of how Y/N must have felt during our affair. Every time I spent time with Arlene, when Y/N had to watch us interact, kiss each other, hug each other. Of course I always had tried to avoid that, but I didn't always succeed.

Just knowing that there was someone else was bad. Worse than I could have imagined. And then having to watch this Schmock strove for Y/N, lusted after her. I could have punched him. The thought of him driving her home now and sleeping with her, touching, conquering and claiming her beautiful body made me nauseous. I knew every inch of Y/N's body, all the beauty, all the places she liked to be touched and kissed most. I could still hear her little sighs and I knew what she looked like when she came. Lou would experience all of that tonight. And he wouldn't get up afterwards, get dressed and go back to his wife. For him there was only Y/N. I swallowed. He certainly made Y/N happy. Why should she even think about me anymore? Of our time together, which I missed more than ever. I screwed up, that was more than obvious. It really was the most humble evening ever.