Before I went into the venue, which was a multifunction hall, I could already hear the music that jingles the youth in me. It was wide enough to fit two basketball courts. I came in late, and I arrived just after the opening program. I could tell because a thank you was presented on the monitor on the left side of the stage. 

Above a banner that read, "Reunion Party: Batch 2017-2018," was hung rigidly. 

The stage was decorated with red and yellow streamers. The sound system and large speakers boomed on the right below. The high school theme and attire were so nostalgic. They said it was a jolly theme of what we used to call jejemon. 

But I never expected they would be so dedicated with the attire that for a second I thought they were actual teenagers. I saw some wearing denim jumpers,black and green jersey jackets, and oversized caps! The caps with wide visors, supra shoes too, blings of silver, and chain necklaces.

I might have been the party pooper for not wearing proper attire, That's alright, Arvin said, "Here." putting his cap on my head

"Glad you came," Van said. He's wearing a jersey and I saw he has a dragon tattoo on his left arm. He then took a sip of wine, excused himself, and looked for his wife. They made me sit on the chair next to Blinkey and her girlfriend. White tablecloth and silver chairs

It didn't surprise me that many people came. They must've been waiting for something like this to happen. Maybe we all needed it. A ripple in the stagnant water of our lives.

"Blue lemonade?" a waiter asked. I waved my hands. "Champagne?"

"No, I'm good, I'll just have water."

People were talking, all at the same time that I had to shout what I say. After how are you's and how have you been's and me saying I just arrived from Tokyo this morning, I looked around. 

They only replied, "Bigatin. Fancy." 

The meetups of old people and new people, the adrenaline, talking about their kids, their cars, their significant others almost carried my attention away. In a corner, I saw Marcus dabbing, taking a picture in the photo booth. He put on some weight. Jerome was fully bearded, I barely recognized him. On the right wing, there was a door that led to the balcony, it seemed locked.

It's funny how people would ask you how you've been but when you start talking they won't look at you as if they're not listening. And you know to yourself they really don't care so I said, "I'm pretty good."

"Yeah? Good for you."

See, I was right and even if I did tell what I've been through, it won't matter. Sometimes we only believe what we want to believe. We see what we want to see. But some people would just pretend and turn their backs, so they don't see what's in front of them and they'd think it wasn't happening. As if I didn't turn a blind eye to what I'm seeing.

A lot has changed, for one Romeo was unrecognizable now and he goes by Juliet now. Almost everyone has become someone they want to be. But our lives have happened without every one of us present in each other's lives. 

Reminiscing those memories, some we know, some we heard, and some we're not a part of. But here we were, chatting and laughing as if no time had passed. Recapturing misspent youth while the world advances. With wars in resources and humans living on other planets, we're lucky to be celebrating like this. 

In the end, we're all the same old people.

Marcus came back to our table and put a hand on my shoulder as he said, "I haven't seen you in like forever!"

We stayed in touch, so I knew Blinkey was a recording artist now. Van just recently got married. Arvin got his own company. I heard Crimson has his own tricycle and has a Toda in San Rosario

Chivvy landed on our table. She was wearing a business suit that showed her cleavage. Her features were incredibly matured now, she used to laugh like a witch. Now her voice was almost seductive, "Good to see you," she said.

"It's been so long," said Marcus, gruffly polite but obviously not remembering.

We told more stories like not a pinch of time has passed. These moments will one day disappear, all these people. They had so much to tell while I only recall this morning finding my wife's necklace in the drawer and giving it to my daughter.

"Just after I graduated college, I courted her for four months and after a year we got married."

"I'm sure you miss her so much."

I almost said she's still here.

But looking back, I sometimes ask myself, "Are those memories or did I just imagine them?"

The more I recall the recent ones, the more it seemed like glimpses of someone else's life. While the older ones were still seemingly more recent as they say, "like it was yesterday." But maybe the older ones are the only ones I remember because maybe those were the only times when I was happy.

"Did you ever consider remarrying?" Marcus asked. "I've already remarried five times."

"I don't think I'll ever fall in love again," I said, "I still love her more than ever like when I first saw her wearing this necklace at the covered court back when we're in high school."

"You're still young, you still can-"

"Time to eat!" one of our batchmates, a bald man, yelled. We secretly poke each other's heads and said, "Pendong peace," making a peace sign.

That being so we fell in line to get the food on the cater. Pork and beef dishes were served and for some reason lots of lettuce. Canapes, fruit salads, brownies, I took one of each.

While we ate, we had more conversations that made nostalgia so addicting.

"We were practicing the role play under the mango tree right?"

"What's the title of that role play again?" asked Van.

"Super dead man!" I answered.

"Speaking of," Blinkey said.

I heard a name that could ring in my ears. The comical name of a person I know who might be the one I've been waiting to see.

The door opened and in was a man with a well-built body and almond skin.

"Crimson," I said and raised my hand up, but he rushed towards us and hugged each one of us.

"Late as always," Blinkey said, clicking her tongue.

Because I was dragging those bad boys, Crimson said as he flicked his thumb over his shoulder. By the door were three cases of beer, "We're all drinking!"

"I'm six years sober," I said, "but I could use a few sips."

"Is dinner over?"

"You just missed it," Arvin said.

"I'll just get take-home food then," Crimson said and winked. After all these years, his jokes were still funny.

Once the food went down in our tummies, a performance from the generation of miracles commenced. It was a serenade that turned into a concert. The DJ flared the disco lights and put on some upbeat music. Interacting with people whom I barely remember their names was like seeing a celebrity in an advertisement that you know you know them, but you can't just put out the name.

Tonight, I was like being hardwired to look around, to look for something. Still.

The crimson room bloomed with dancing lights. As the music prelude filled the room and only grew a touch louder, my mind drifted elsewhere. As it always does in crowded places and blinking lights.

Popular dance crazes in our time were played. On the dance floor, everyone was punching the air, rolling their hands, and twerking. Someone did a backflip! For the first time in a while, I was having fun. But like a spirit calling to me, I glanced at the door leading to the balcony.

Then someone asked, "Have you seen Mix?" I wanted to say, Is he here? But I said, "I could barely remember that guy's face now." A lie. I bet if I sit in front of a blank canvas and let my hand scribble for a minute, I could still probably draw his face. His slanted eyes, his smug smile, his nose and cheekbones. The scar on his chin and the way his hair fell down on his forehead.

Avi has visited me many times before but this longing for him was not like anything tonight.

A longing? Perhaps, a wish.

To meet him again.

"I have to check something," I said but then as I turned around I bumped into something. Cold liquid splashed at me. Glasses clinked, utensils clattered, a waiter was already apologizing, and my clothes were dripping wet. But my eyes were still over the heads of the guests. Blinkey assisted me and said I should change my clothes, "There's a room over the counter, I'll go with you."

The room was painted white, and clothes hung on an aluminum rod.

"I can handle myself, Blank, Thank you."

"You can borrow any clothes there," she said, "You sure you'll be fine here?"

"Yeah," I nodded and looked around to pick a shirt.

As I was changing my clothes, there it was again. But it was different. I went to the bathroom and met the smell of freshly mopped tiles.

I was looking for nothing.

When I came back, the crowd was dispersing, but not going back to their tables as someone was speaking on the stage announcing, "Get your partners."

Solemn music played, the lights dimmed and suddenly the air was full of love.

If only you were still here.

I set myself aside, watching the couples race to the center, men asking women, women asking men, men asking men, women asking women. Savoring the music, I felt my hands embracing my arms. Then she was there.

Avi tented her eyebrows and tilted her head, smiling as she said, "Come to me."

I ambled towards the center where she was waiting. In her yellow dress, her skin was as pale as moonlight, her eyes glittering, alive, and she's still wearing her glowing moon necklace. She's as beautiful as the day I danced with her at school. I took her hand and I was surprised I could touch her as if she had actually materialized.

I put her hands on my shoulder and mine on her waist. 

"May I have this dance?" I said, lower than a whisper. 

She responded with a nod and smiled. Then she put her hands around my neck and ruffled the back of my hair. We swayed like two leaves falling from a tree. Her warmth, no, radiance, left a mark wherever she touched me. As if she's really here.

But then someone touched my shoulder. It was Blinkey – dancing with me and everyone was leaning toward me. Amidst the dimming lights, I didn't feel alone. Then there it was again.

I kept looking at the door of the balcony. It gave me a feeling that behind that door is a different lifetime, I should be born anew or a life I would come back to.

I looked back at Avi. She's still there and suddenly her hand moved, lifting, pointing to the door behind me. Then she tilted her head and smiled as if she's letting me go for the last time. I smiled back and let my eyes drift elsewhere, as they always had when I was in the airport, in the carnival, in school.

And now I know where it is.

I took one last look at Avi but she was gone, maybe swallowed by the crowd or finally in peace.

I let my feet step forward.

Then I opened the door to the balcony and feel the breeze of the frigid air.