Trigger Topic - Suicide

Chuuya squirmed on the oak bar stool prompting it to rock back and forth as he was only a few cms apart from his enemy that could at any time recognise him and deprive him of his existence in minutes while being economical at the same time not to mention the front row seats for all the drunkards. Every feasible scenario was enumerated even if there was no real possibility or science behind it.

"Was this God's doing, have I  been betrayed by him for what I did to the Mafia"? "Could this situation have been prevented, of course, it could of if only I had listened Dazai, he is always right"." Is luck running out, it can't, not now". 

Elaborate questions ran through his head in a loop causing to doubt everything from his beliefs all the way to believing in superstitions to increase his luck just a bit more. Jumbling altogether to create noxious thoughts; ending in either accidentally giving away his cover or starting a fight to cover his anxiety. 

The once serene bar was now a battlefield between two soldiers one without weaponry compared to the other hiding possible threats under that coat of his all capable of forcing him to feel his wrath.

Quaking with terror that was on track to the nearest summit each time Ryunosuke stared at him with the dead eyes of someone who had been corrupted by evil. The bar stool slight shifted; screeching across the aged flooring that gave the bar a Tudor vibe.Giving the hint to the raven-haired man that he seems uncomfortable sitting next to him just like any other woman would.Paranoia proceeded to spread havoc within him like; destroying any sense of logic in its way. 

Eyes observed from the corners; inspecting every move he made. Akutagawa is the type of person to only see the obvious, if two dogs were sat in front of him, he would only see them as only dogs not what breed it is or size. It's just a dog. 

A mindset that worked favours in the hatrack's books as long as he doesn't look, speak, dress and act like Nakahara Chuuya then he isn't him.A counterfeit, A knock-off called Sei. Hitting a woman was something Akutagawa would have the guts do; if they had wronged him in any way. They are only people, both the same.But not everyone is like Akutagawa in the mafia. There are others that could outsmart him in seconds.

" Would you like another drink". The bartender announced with a nod in return. 

Once more a glass of ruby liquid was placed in front; drinking it like a shot in one go. The pain had been numbed once more but not by the alcohol but the intense focus on the man next to him.

" Could you stop looking at me, it's annoying". The hatrack choked whilst spilling most of it down himself. A loud cough erupted; disturbing the calm atmosphere in the bar.

"What are you talking about, I came here for a drink not to looking smelly men". Akutagawa chucked with a straight expression without any creases forming.

"I know when someone is lying, I have dealt with many people like you".

 A certain someone popped into his head.Akutagawa had been through the same thing as everyone else did in the mafia because of Dazai. But the hatrack came here to forget about him not to be reminded. 

"Well, I only came here for a drink and not another argument". 

No eye contact was made during the whole conversation in fear that he would notice. 

"Drinking away your problems is not going to work so quit while you're still sober". " You're right but it makes me forget them for awhile so in a way you're wrong". The raven-haired man sighed at the lack of intellect from the hat rack.

  "What are you doing". Akutagawa bends forward towards the former mafioso and swiped his finger against his coat 

" Blood". 

Sapphire eyes met with grey. Chuuya was stunned with fear. 

"He is going to find out". Pain had made itself known again; alcohol had lied to him promising him the numbness he needed but only on a set timer. 

Red began staining the coat; soaking the coat in seconds and dripping on the floor. Ryunosuke tried to look under the coat at the bleeding wound but his hand was slapped away.Everyone looked at the Hatrack. Giving him the attention he didn't want.

"I-I have to go". Chuuya puts several bills on the counter before making an attempt to break.As he was halfway down the stairs a hand gripped on his wrist jerking him back. 

" Do I know you ? ". Akutagawa said. 

The chibi stuttered to get his words out. " No, I don't think so, I haven't seen you before so goodbye". 

Chuuya tried to walk off but he his grip was too tight. Both wrists were grabbed and jerked; pulling him against the wall. 

" What are you doing-ah". Hands were pinned to the wall; with the other's finger's digging into his wrists.

 " No you look familiar, you definitely look like someone I used to know".  

Chuuya's head tilted towards the ground before being jerked toward Akutagawa. " I am not letting you go till you give me answers". Playing dumb and stupid is for the best. 

" How can I give you any answers if I don't know any so please let me go". Akutagawa dropped the Chibi hands; thinking that he was onto something but maybe not. 

" You can go". Chuuya brushed passed the raven-haired man running despite his injury. He tried to run as far as way as possible. His head turned around many times to check if Akutagawa was following him. As soon as he turned his head; he bumped into someone.

 A grey-haired boy turned around with a pained expression like he was hurt before displaying a surprise expression instead. 

" Sei, everyone is looking for you, I am calling Dazai". 

 "No". Chuuya grabbed Atsushi's phone before standing on it with his high heels; causing it damage. More blood continues to seep through the coat. Atsushi looks at it feeling faint and feeling some of Chuuya's pain. Atsushi bends his knees signalling for the Hatrack to jump on for a piggyback.

. . .

They both arrive at a park that was deprived of human life instead raging with plant life from just looking at moss-covered benches. Atsushi dropped Chuuya of his back next to a bench so that they could rest.

" You should really go to the hospital, do you want me to call Dazai ?". The hatrack shifted away automatically from impulse as that name was said.

 " N-NO please don't do that". Chuuya prepared himself to run if the grey-haired boy was to betray him. 

" Why not, what happened Sei". 

His skin continued to drop paler and paler as his wound caused him to lose body heat.

" Me and Dazai got into a fight and the rest is a blur".  He muttered as he wrapped himself in Dazai coat that smelt of him. 

Sapphire eyes avoid contact with purple. " Do you think was an accident or do you think that he was meant to do". 

Chuuya sighed. " I know it was an accident it was because of my own stupidity that caused all this.I can't do anything right ".  He rested his head in his palms.

" Do you think Dazai is a bad person"? Chuuya said without any warning. 

" Well Dazai sure is a colourful person and as his partner, I have seen many sides of him but also speaking as his partner I don't really know who he is, even though I am aware of his past I personally idolise him". A red flush paints upon the purple-eyed boy as he wasted his words of praise on a man he hardly knew. 

"Sei, it's really upto you on what you think about Dazai, not other people because they have might got the wrong impression of him at the wrong place at the wrong time from what I seen you seem to have Dazai wrapped around your finger, he really loves you anyone can tell". 

But was all that true or just pure bullshit. Purple eyes were directed to the bruises sat on the bruised canvas that sat in front of him. " Where did you get those". 

" Akuta- I mean a man claiming to know me had me pinned again a wall, threatening me".

Before Atsushi could respond a hand was placed on his shoulder. He turned around seeing a man in a black trench.Chuuya's eyes move away from the floor and toward the man who Atsushi was speaking too. Sapphire eyes widened as saw Akutagawa for the 2nd time in a row. 

" You again !". Akutagawa said. 

"What are doing here Akutagawa and what do you mean by "you again" ?". Atsushi said while staring at Chuuya who seemed uncomfortable. 

"Well, I need to talk to you about something". The raven-haired man said without even acknowledging Atsushi's questions. Akutagawa forcibly tugged at the purple-eyed boy; urging him to hurry up.

He stood and said to Chuuya. " Do you want me to call Dazai for you".Chuuya just wanted to leave as quickly as possible away from Akutagawa before he started noticing.

" No, I'll do it, thank you for everything". Throwing on masking to hide his fear. Atsushi smiled before following Akutagawa. The hatrack sighed with relief that he had gone.

" What did you do to Sei?". Atsushi said with his arms crossed.

 Akutagawa stood there confused. " Sei? , that's her name".  A name that didn't sound familiar to his ears.

"Yes, she is Dazai's girlfriend". 

"Dazai has a girlfriend, since when?".  Grey eyes widened as he remembers that Chuuya was missing as that person could possibly be him.

 " I don't know".  But that would be stupid, he wouldn't do that Akutagawa thought.

" Well, whatever it is, it's none of my business". 

 "What was it you wanted to talk about". 

" Erm . . . it doesn't matter anymore". Akutagawa said while looking in the direction Chuuya went.

In the corner of his eyes, he caught the notorious port mafia glare of death; scrutinizing him intently with every movement like a cat watching a mouse.It could decide to strike and kill it in an instant or leave it unharmed with a chance to live.But who said life is that easy

.You're already dead once he has his eyes fixed on you with no intentions of letting you go till your 16 feet under the ground where he will dance on your grave spitefully trapping you in purgatory; telling you every moment you have gone wrong in your life even if it wasn't your fault. It was just the fact that you fucking existed.Now that he was away from Dazai, he was stuck with no plan.

" Why do I have to be the catalyst now, everything is my fault". 

All this had happened due to an impulse strike that had rotted his brain with freedom but this wasn't freedom. It was a constant game of hide and seek that he knew that would have to be played at some time. Chances of winning were decreasing at a rapid rate as drifted away further away from home.

"Home?".  Was Dazai home or was it just the confusion from the amount of blood loss. 

Chuuya viewed his surrounds he had no clue of where he was or how far he was from Dazai. Not only was he stuck in a labyrinth but also with the silent rabid dog waiting for him to fall into a trap. He had nothing left.

 As he sat on a bench that was conveniently placed on of a bridge with a busy man road underneath that cargo trucks came under frequently.Giving the impression that this was probably a place of suicide.The bridge was a mess of steel and cables. Spanning over six lanes of busy traffic that were always busy no matter what time of day it was. 

With death waiting to snatch its new prey at any time whether it was intentionally or unintentionally for the victim. Death didn't care how young or old or how rich or poor you.It was the only non-hypocritical process in life.The sky above obscured into something vicious as well as his mind, did with thoughts of taking his own life. 

Suicide had come across his mind many times with decisions of suicide set in place many times but chickening out at the last minute.

" Is this something I really want to do". Legs that had wills of their own conveyed him to the metal rails; enticing him into the decision that this is for the best for not only himself but for everyone else. Life had no more tickets left for him to carry on, it was times up. 

" This is what is best for everyone". 

" Have you seen a short black haired girl wearing a sandy trench coat".

" All this is my fault, I am sorry Dazai for blaming everything on you".

" Chuuya please come back I am sorry for hurting you, I swear I won't do it again"

" I am so weak, what has happened to me".

" Where ever you are I hope you are okay".

 Asphalt drove him closer to the breaking point like two magnets that were apart.Wanting to feel the floor underneath him as he felt every bone crush in him.

"I feel like I can relate to you now Dazai from how the craving of death feels like". 

Sapphire eyes close as he imagines how Dazai would feel about. But nothing came to mind just the urge to commit the sin then and now.

"Is this because I just want it so much or is just that he simply doesn't care". Head tilts as selfishness began to settle in. 

" I am tired, I just wanted it to end". Chuuya climbed up and sits on the railings while looking down on the incoming traffic that was going to be dragged into an accident. Legs prepare to jump as they dangle off. Hands let go off the railings causing him to lunge forward.

"Goodbye Dazai"

"Keep safe chibi"

☞Note ☜  

All I am going to saying is I am sorry *evil laugh*.