I took Delaney to a place that I go when I need to get away from everything. I know what you're thinking, I'm suppose to me tough. I am but that doesn't mean that I can't have a place for peace and quiet. I didn't want to take her home right away, plus she didn't oppose to not going home. We laid on the hood of my car watching the stars in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, but I wanted to know what she was thinking. I wanted to know if she felt the same way about me. I knew she had to, because she wouldn't be here right now. I know she won't come crawling back to me but I had to give it a shot.
"A penny for your thoughts?" Delaney looked at me and then back at the stars.
"Come on Delaney. The stars are pretty but you've got to take to me at some point". I was getting nervous. She has been silent since we've been here.
"What is your deepest fear Chance?" Delaney whispered. I wouldn't have heard her if I wasn't laying right next to her. I was tired of hearing that question. I don't even know what it means.
"I don't know". I said slowly. I was nervous about what Delaney might do if I gave the wrong answer. Delaney slowly turned her head to look at me. She was staring at me intently. Her eyes were boring into mine. I thought she was going to lash out at me, but she just moved to get more comfortable.
"What are you afraid of?" What is this gang up on Chance day? Why do I have to hear these questions again. Has Delaney and Cameo been talking to each other lately.
"I don't know". Delaney chuckled lightly.
"Why not?" I took a deep breath, not wanting to let this get to me.
"I don't know. I never thought of it". Delaney sat up and leaned against my windshield.
"Why not?" I groaned. She was one question away from me blowing up on her.
"What is this 20 questions? I don't know!" Delaney stared at me some more and continued to watch the stars.
"You have a temper. You should work on that". Delaney said. She was telling me something that I already know.
"Why all the questions?" Delaney got off my car. She was walking towards the pond that was close by.
"I'm trying to figure out why you broke up with me and then just magically wanted me back. I did nothing but wanted to make sure you were safe. I did nothing to you but in return you hurt me". She said over her shoulder. I got up to follow her but decided to stay put.
"I did it out of anger and fear. I was nervous about everything". I realized that I couldn't fully give her a reason for breaking up with her. The only reason I could give her was because I was angry.
"Let me ask you again. What are you afraid of?" I was into my thoughts so much that I didn't realize that Delaney had come back to the car and was now standing right in front of me. We were inches away.
"I don't know". Delaney sighed in frustration. She started pacing back and forth. She was mumbling to herself and running her hands through her hair.
"Chance, seriously?! Why don't you just admit that you're afraid of having someone care about you? You say you love me, but you don't show it! Those words mean nothing without the actions to go along with it. Why is letting someone care about you so hard for you? What happened? Do you think I'm going to go away? Are you afraid of being seen as a vulnerable person? Help me to understand what you're afraid of". Delaney pleaded. I felt some type of way about what she said.
She was right. I did have a problem with having people care about me. I couldn't help her understand because I didn't know myself. I wasn't afraid of being vulnerable, ok maybe I was. I didn't want to seem like I didn't have my life under control.
"I can't help you understand, because I don't understand myself. Delaney I do love you, but every time someone tells me they care about me, they end up leaving me. I'm just...I don't know. I just want you to believe me". I was trying to avoid eye contact, but Delaney wasn't having that.
"I want to believe you Chance. I really do, but you can't love me until you love yourself". I was shocked about what she said.
"I do love myself". I said through gritted teeth. She was trying to help, but I was getting angry now. My grandma said the same thing to me countless times. I always thought I loved myself, but I guess I was wrong.
"Hmm...if you say so Chance. Just don't through out phrases without having practiced what you preach. I'm ready to go home now. I'll call a cab". Delaney got her phone out and started calling for a cab.
"You don't have to do that. I'll take you home". She raised her hand for me to stop talking.
"I don't need you to take me home. I'm fine. You sit here and think about what I said. I'm not trying to sound cold, but I don't believe that you love me". I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't going to sit here and let this girl tell me that I don't love her or care about her.
"Fine! I'm afraid of having someone care about me because I don't want someone to get close to me. I don't want to become so dependent on them that they end up walking out on me. Having someone care about me means that I have to return the gesture and I don't know how. My grandma was the last one to tell me that she cared about me and then she died. She was the only person that I was able to return the gesture to and now she's gone. So there it is Delaney! That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of being left or forgotten!" I didn't know that I was crying until Delaney put on my head on her chest. I cried and wasn't ashamed. We sat there for what seemed like hours, but I pulled away from her. I noticed that Delaney was smiling.
'What are you smiling about?" I hissed. I didn't mean it sound nasty, but it came out that way.
"I'm smiling at the fact that I know what you're afraid of. I'm also smiling because you've finally come to realization that you're just like everyone else and you're capable of caring. I'm proud of you". Delaney said while she hugged me. There was something seriously wrong with this girl, but I didn't care. She started to wipe the remaining tears from my eyes, then she kissed my cheek.
"Thank you Delaney". She looked at me with a confused expression
"For what?"
"For seeing through my crap and not being afraid to dig deep down". Delaney laughed. Now it was my turn to look confused.
"You're welcome. It's time to go home now. I was suppose to be home hours ago". I nodded my head and we got into my car. I drove Delaney home and couldn't get what I said out of my mind. I couldn't believe I actually let myself be vulnerable. It wasn't a bad feeling, but I don't want to get use to it.
*************
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GabLashaun
*Excuse Mistakes
P.S. this is not my favorite chapter but it is just a filler
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