well, i suppose we have reached that point haven't we?

that unfortunate and pathetic point in anyones story, where they let loose any and all of the remaining emotional baggage and voice of regret that they have wallowing within.

i won't do that though. actually, i probably will. unfortunate for you. unfortunate for anyone who ever actually finds this.

i know that my time is coming now. the plan is in place. the location, the approximate time, the method...

i've got it all figured out now and i am just waiting for that moment. i have had a few moments in the sun, but the darkness draws even closer and i cannot repel it any longer.

i do not want to.

this everlasting battle is awfully exhausting and i, myself, have grown quite tired of it. i am so sick of sobbing every day. i do not enjoy it.

i miss her. i miss all of them. everything that i had not so long ago. i had so much, and i did not even appreciate it when i should have.

this is my ultimate downfall, damning me as an imperfection on the planet. i do not strive for perfection, nor have i ever done so. i just want to be enough. i never have been.

i never will be.

that is why i am finally taking myself out of the equation. all that matters now, is what i choose to do with what time i do have left. it is all down to the second now. it draws closer and closer, like the snowfall approaching around this time of year.

i apologize for all of the nonsensical bullshit up to this point as well as beyond this chapter. if i were anyone else surely this entire document would not exist. i was dealt a bad hand. repeatedly.

now i am dealing with it the only way i know how. it must be this way and i must be allowed to rest. regardless.

but i miss them so.