i have had so many meltdowns today i do not know how i am still standing

and in all honesty i wish i wasn't

because reader, i can't do this

anymore.

i read the birthday card i had received for my 19th from my love today. it broke me. every single

word.

because i now know that none of it was true.

not a word.

would you like to hear it? welcome to my suffering, o' lucky reader you.

"My 🐝... _____...

It sucks to be away from you on the first birthday we're sharing together! I'd really love to take you out for a meal and a movie or something, but come September I know we will do that regardless. I can't even begin to describe how much I miss you and love you. I know you have had a lot of rough times this year, both before and after we met, but I'm really proud of you for staying positive and sticking through it. Now that you're a year older I hope you look back and recognize how much you are capable of handling because no matter what happens in your 19th year, you are capable of making the best of it!! I'm so ready to face it with you. Happy birthday Love!! Counting down the days till I get to see your 19-year-old-ass in person.

xoxo, ____"

it's funny. truly. almost as though she knew she would break me. that it was only a matter of time until she would leave. until she would take everything with her.

i suppose i should have known. maybe i did. i could never turn away from her, the love of my life. i would do

anything

just to remember what she was like.