"You seem nervous." 

That was the understatement of the century. 

Ruhi was fucking terrified.

"I'm fine, just a bit jittery. You know, nerves and everything." She shrugged.

Kartik eyed her from the shotgun as Ruhi drove them to her parent's house.

"You don't have to lie to me, sweet."

Ruhi just shrugged again and turned on the radio. A 90s hit was playing. She willed her mind to focus on the crisis of the protagonist of the song and not her own life.

Today was Dhanteras and Ruhi and Kartik were going to their parents' houses for a week to celebrate the Diwali festivities.

The Khannas and Ahujas had been celebrating Diwali together even before Ruhi and Kartik were born. Naturally, the tradition continued even after they grew up and went to college.

"You know you don't have to do this right now, right?"

Ruhi just hummed, wishing Kartik would just drop the topic. They were only fifteen minutes away from their joint houses and Ruhi needed those minutes to calm herself down.

Kartik, sensing her clear discomfort, turned the volume of the radio up and started looking out of the window.

"Just know that my parents will have your back, okay?"

She wonders now, how that night would've gone, if they didn't.

***

"I would like to say something."

The quiet around the table was suffocating her.

Kartik was scrolling through his phone beside her, the epitome of calmness if not for his bouncing leg. His parents were looking at the table, knowing Ruhi didn't like being put in a spot. She wished her parents knew too.

They were just staring at her expectantly. Ruhi was reminded again how little her parents knew her. She wondered why she even bothered to do all this, if her parents wouldn't even care if she told them―

"―I want to be a food blogger and I'm bisexual."

It was silent for a few seconds, her parents staring at her as if she'd grown two heads. 

"A food blogger? What does that even mean, Ru?" Her mother asked, looking as though Ruhi had announced she was pregnant.

It was funny how they completely ignored the last part and focused on what they deemed to be important. Ruhi was certain she wasn't on the list.

"It's a type of blogging, mom. I'd be reviewing restaur―"

"No." her father said and resumed eating as though nothing had happened. As though Ruhi hadn't told them the most important detail of her life. 

Ruhi knew it was a lost cause. She didn't understand why she did this to herself. Her parents, they weren't the worst. She knew that. There were people in the world who had physically abusive parents or none at all and Ruhi's heart went out for them. 

But still, in moments like these, a small, dark part in her wondered if somehow, those scenarios were better than what she went through, every single time. 

"I have a girlfriend you know." She said quietly.

She didn't know how she had the courage to do something she should've done ages ago. Maybe it was the sympathetic gazes of Kartik's parents or the hand on her knee or maybe she was just tired. Tired of never being a priority for her parents. 

Her father stopped eating while her mother looked like she couldn't believe what she heard.

"You have a what?" Her father asked with gritted teeth."A girlfriend." Ruhi stood up. She was lying, she didn't have a girlfriend (yet) but she just wanted a reaction out of her parents.

"I'm dating a girl. It's been a few months actually." Her father turned and glared at her, but Ruhi kept her ground. "She's so much better than those perverted sickos you pair me up with." She spat.

Her father stood up too. "What the hell do you think you're talking abou―!"

"Do not raise your voice at me!" She glared at her parents. God, she was angry, frustrated but most of all, so, so tired. 

"I can't believe this! I spend years trying to be the good girl, the perfect daughter that you'd be proud of, only to finally have your attention when you find out I'm not as perfect as you think? Do you even see that you're wrong? You never paid attention to me!"

Her mother started to refute but Ruhi wasn't done. "Tell me, Mom, what is my favorite color?" She had the audacity to look guilty. "Tell me, dad, when was the last time we talked about anything except my grades at college?"

"Beta, we can sort this out later." Her mother pleaded. "You know, when we're alone." Her emphasis on alone and the side glance at the Khannas didn't go unnoticed by Ruhi.It made her even angrier.

"No, mom, there's nothing to sort out in this. You guys are wrong. Have always been wrong. Always so dissolved in work and your business to never notice what your daughter really wants. I―"

"Stop acting like a brat, Ruhi." Her father bellowed. "We always worked to ensure you have everything you need. Your education, your well-being was the only reason we put ourselves through those long hours of work. So, I will not let you try to guilt us when it was all for you. We didn't raise you to be like this―"

A low, bone-chilling laugh resounded through the dining room. Ruhi wanted to control her emotions, her parents were not worth it. But she couldn't, not when they were finally, after years of ignorance, paying attention to her.

"That's the thing na dad. You didn't raise me at all. You just left me to fend off for myself. It was aunty and uncle here who taught me whatever I know of the world today. If you really were working for me to have everything I need, you'd noticed that I didn't have the most important thing of this world and my life. My parents' love.

"You say you were working for my education, my well-being. Well. dad, where were you when I was wrongly accused of cheating because the teacher's daughter didn't like me? Where were you when I kissed a girl for the first time and thought that was the end of the world? Tell me mom, did you hug me that day? Told me you'd accept me the way I was? Did you?

"It's so easy for you to say that all you did was for me but no, dad. It wasn't for me. It was for the Ruhi you wanted, for the Ruhi you thought you deserved what with all those long hours of work you put in. Not this Ruhi that you had and just didn't," She looked at them, her parents for the last time, "want." 

She stormed out of the house after that. Kartik's parents took her to their house. Her parents didn't call her at all. She spent the entire week locked in her room at their house, with only Kartik's mom and occasionally Kartik coming to meet her.

"I really loved them you know." She told Kartik, the Diwali lights gleaming through her window, glittering against the unshed tears in her eyes.

"They never ever paid attention to me; you know that. But I still hoped that one day, they will. One day, they will notice how I'm the best daughter they could ever ask for and start spending more time with me. But then I realized I was bi. I am bi. I was so disappointed in myself, wondering what they'll think of me. But then I thought that if they aren't really paying attention to me now, maybe they will, once they realized that I was different." She tried not to choke on the sob that tore through her. "I can't believe that I was so naïve, so wrong. They'll never love me, Kartik, and I'll never live up to their expectations."

Kartik didn't say anything, just wrapped his arms around her and let her cry. Cry for the loss of the parents who never even wanted her.

UHHhhhhhhhh, haha haha haha 😅 Ik this is too emo for the new year but i've been wanting to gift my readers this for a long time now and what's a better gift than new year's, am i right??? 

This one's for anyone who thought Ruhi had it easier than Priya because as you can see, she didn't. all four of my characters are beautifully broken and I can't wait to write about them again!! 

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love, lavanya <3