"Hey," Jun Pyo greeted, as he walked towards his best friend. Ji Hoo was crouched on the ground, holding a bag of sliced bread. He was feeding the fish in the pond in front of him. The fish nibbled hungrily at the pieces of bread, and in less than five minutes the bag he was holding was empty. Ji Hoo stood up, brushed the crumbs off his pants, and sat on a nearby bench.

"Sorry about my mom." Jun Pyo continued. "I wasn't expecting her to actually come after you."

Ji Hoo stayed silent. His eyes were closed, his head tilted back.

"Why didn't you come visit?"

Jun Pyo was taken aback. "Huh?"

"Why didn't you come visit her, even once?" Ji Hoo did not beat around the bush.

Jun Pyo sat there, unable to speak. He was contemplating how to answer. Finally, he lowered his head. "I was afraid."

Ji Hoo opened his eyes. "Afraid?"

Jun Pyo nodded. "I was afraid." He turned away, unable to meet his friend's eyes. "I had made the decision to leave for four years. I was afraid that if I went back and saw her, even once, that I wouldn't want to leave. That I would lose my resolve. Then I wouldn't have been able to stick to my plan." He stared at a woman struggling to push a stroller through the grass across the pond. "I asked her to visit several times but she never did." They both sat silent for a few minutes. Finally, he turned to his friend. "Tell me, Ji Hoo...did anything happen between the two of you while I was gone?"

"No." Ji Hoo's answer was quick. Certain. "Why do you ask?"

"Jan Di seems different...."

"You're just not used to her."

"I should be."

"Yes, you should." Ji Hoo placed a gentle arm on his shoulder. "You will. Give it time."

Jun Pyo cracked a smile, then his face turned serious. "I know you still have feelings for her, and yet you're always helping us get back together. Don't you think it would be a lot easier for you to win her over if you just let us fight?"

"I don't want to win her that way." Ji Hoo's gaze was far away. "I don't want her to go to me just because she's mad at you, or because she can't have you." He paused. "If she comes to me, I want it to be because she wanted to, because she fully and completely loved me and not because she had no choice."

Jun Pyo nodded slowly. In a way, he understood. He had always wondered why Ji Hoo never took advantage of their situation. "Don't you want to fight for her?"

Ji Hoo ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "It's ok to fight for someone who loves you. It's not ok to fight for someone to love you. There's a huge difference." His words were filled with sadness. "Jan Di loves you. I never really stood a chance." He said the last words almost in a whisper. His fingers went to the ring around his neck.

Jun Pyo thought about how Jan Di had been acting lately. Somewhere deep inside of him stirred restlessly, as if warning him. Somehow, he wasn't sure that Jan Di loved him completely. If she ever did. She wasn't much for expressing or telling her feelings out loud. He picked up a rock and started skipping it across the pond. "I think I'll ask her to move to New York with me."

Ji Hoo glanced at him, but he didn't say anything.

"I like it there, you know? I like the people, the pace of life, everything."

"Do you think she'd like it there too?" Ji Hoo asked.

Jun Pyo sighed. "I don't know. Eventually, she might." He put an arm around Ji Hoo.

"Just promise me you'll take good care of her." Ji Hoo said, softly.

Jun Pyo could see the pain in his friend's eyes. He swallowed hard. He thought of Jan Di – of her looking happy and content whenever she was with Ji Hoo. He thought of her awkwardness around him. A stab of pain went through his heart. Maybe he made a mistake leaving her. He took a deep breath. He couldn't give up now. Maybe she was just nervous. She would get used to him again, wouldn't she? He knew that technically she hadn't said yes to his proposal, but she hadn't said no either.

"I will." Jun Pyo patted his friend on the back. "Thanks, my friend. For everything."

I'm sorry, Ji Hoo, he thought, inwardly. I can't give her up.

...

"Hurry up," Jun Pyo called impatiently. "We're going to be late for our own dinner." He looked at his watch. Another half an hour and the dinner was going to start.

Jan Di frowned at him. "How many dinners do we have to go to?" She raised up her left hand and started counting with her fingers. "I mean, we've been to what? 7 or 8 the last 2 weeks alone!"

Jun Pyo grabbed her hand and was practically dragging her to the car. "But this one is special. My friends are going to be there!"

At this, he seemed to have caught Jan Di's attention. She looked at him questioningly. "Really?" She knew he didn't really have many friends. "All of them?" She was specifically looking forward to seeing one. Since Madam Kang's scare, Ji Hoo had kept his distance (even more so than usual). She had tried calling and texting him several times, but his replies had been quick. Brief, but still polite. She had tried sneaking in to see him perform at the art centre, but all she's seen of him the last 2 weeks was the back of his head as he headed out the door.

She looked at her outfit. "Wait, Jun Pyo", she called out. "Just 5 minutes."

Jun Pyo rolled his eyes. "5 minutes is never 5 minutes."

She ignored his remark and ran back inside her house. She looked for something nicer to wear and decided on a cute white sweater dress with a gigantic black ribbon near the hem. She put on black leggings and black ankle boots. She ran a hand through her hair and checked her reflection in the mirror.

Okay, I look..nice.

She threw on her coat and grabbed the pair of gloves that Ji Hoo had given her. She smelled it fondly before she put it on.

When she came out, Jun Pyo was leaning against the car checking out his watch. He didn't even notice she had changed. He kept chatting about all the changes going through with Shinhwa – which were all good for the company. The JK Group's help a few years ago had had a huge positive impact on their reputation. She thought about her Jae Kyung unnie and couldn't help but smile. Jae Kyung had called her a few times the last few years – mostly just to ask how she was doing. She had also told her stories about Jun Pyo when they were in New York together. Jan Di frowned. She wasn't sure why, but she never felt jealous that the two of them spent a bit of time in New York together, considering their history. Maybe she trusted Jun Pyo. Or maybe she trusted Jae Kyung. She wasn't sure. She shrugged it off.

"...so, when we move to New York..." Jun Pyo chatted on.

This brought Jan Di's attention back to Jun Pyo. "Umm...what?"

Jun Pyo gave her an I-knew-you-weren't-listening-to-a-word-I-said look.

Jan Di glared at him. "We're moving to New York? As in, me?"

Jun Pyo rolled his eyes. "Yes. I've been talking about it for the last 10 minutes!"

Jan Di was silent for a moment. Everything she had known and loved was in Korea. She wasn't sure she was ready to move...yet. She didn't mind when she visited other countries. But to actually leave for good...

They arrived at Jun Pyo's house before she could say any more. She saw the F3's cars parked outside the house and she wondered if maybe Yi Jung had brought Ga Eul too. She hoped he did. Ga Eul and Yi Jung had been spending a lot of time lately and between work and school, Ga Eul had been ridiculously busy also so they hadn't seen each other in a while.

Jun Pyo grabbed her hand and held it as they walked towards the dining hall. She could hear voices as they approached.

They all stood up as she and Jun Pyo entered. She scanned the room until she found the face she was looking for. He sat on the right side of the table beside Woo Bin. He had cut his hair shorter since she last saw him – now it fell a little past his ears instead of his chin. He wore a muti-colored plaid shirt with the top two buttons undone so she could see his black shirt inside, and a deep navy coat on top. He smiled at her when they walked in, that smile that she missed so much.

Madam Kang sat at the head of the table, and Jun Pyo's dad was nowhere to be seen. Even though he had awakened from his coma, he still hadn't spoken much, and got tired easily so he rested most of the day. Jun Hee was nowhere to be seen either – Jun Pyo had told her she was busy with Shinhwa matters and that this dinner was just for them and their friends.

And apparently, Madam Kang.

Jan Di smiled widely when she saw Ga Eul sitting beside Yi Jung, across from Woo Bin and Ji Hoo. She sat beside Ga Eul so she could talk to her friend up close, and also so she could see her sunbae across from her.

They ate their dinner quietly (which was something called a filet mignon with mashed potatoes, gravy slathered all over it, braised carrots and a cream of broccoli and cheese soup). It was delicious. Jan Di ate happily, a little more comfortable now that she was eating with friends.

"So, Ji Hoo," Madam Kang spoke between bites, her gaze focused on Ji Hoo, "where were you planning on doing your residency again?"

Ji Hoo waited until he had finished chewing before he answered. "Canada."

Jan Di almost dropped her fork. Did he just say Canada? She tried to pretend she was uninterested, but the whole table had gone quiet so it was quite hard.

"Really, our Ji Hoo leaving Korea for Canada!" Yi Jung exclaimed. "Why Canada, Ji Hoo?"

Ji Hoo shrugged. "I have friends there. It seems a good place to go to."

Jan Di couldn't keep quiet anymore. "What about Grandfather?"

Ji Hoo looked at her. "He's coming with me."

"Oh", was all Jan Di could say. She was speechless. His residency would take a few years to complete and though she had never been there, she had heard of Canada. It was really far away from Korea.

"Hey Ji Hoo, you could come visit me and Jan Di in New York!" Jun Pyo piped in excitedly.

Ji Hoo just smiled and then he nodded.

Jan Di's eyes widened. She didn't know if she was going to New York yet.

No, no, no, her mind was screaming. You can't leave. You just can't. I'd be so lost without you. She had to bite her tongue so she wouldn't say those words out loud. She pretended to be really interested in the dessert in front of her. They had called it tiramisu. She ate it painfully slowly. Her mind was reeling; her heart was racing fast.

"What do you say, Jan Di?" Jun Pyo elbowed her. "You want to see Canada also? We can fly there too anytime we want."

Jan Di bit her lower lip. Ga Eul nudged her to answer. "Mmhmm...", she muttered.

"Of course," Madam Kang spoke again, this time, her eyes focused on Jan Di. "You can't leave before the wedding. You are the best man, after all."

Ji Hoo forced a smile. "I'll be there."

It felt like 100 years had passed until they finished dinner. She wanted to talk to her sunbae in private, but it proved almost impossible with Jun Pyo around and Madam Kang's watchful eyes on her. She was quiet on the way home as Jun Pyo dropped her off.

"What's wrong this time?" Jun Pyo asked, his brows furrowed.

She swallowed hard, gathering her courage to speak. She had been thinking a lot lately. "Jun Pyo," she began nervously, "I need some time to think."

"Wasn't that what you were doing this whole time?" He sounded annoyed.

"No," she continued, shaking her head. "I mean, I need some time for myself. By myself." They had been seeing each other every day for the last 2 weeks, and she hadn't had a chance to really sort out her feelings.

He frowned. "How long do you need?"

"Maybe a week?" she asked, uncertainly. Then she nodded. "A week. That's all I ask."

Jun Pyo's frown deepened. "And then what?"

And then I'll know, she thought. "I just need to know...if this is what I want." She said it so quietly, she wasn't sure he had heard her.

Jun Pyo arched an eyebrow. "If this is what you want? What the heck does that mean?"

"That's what I want to figure out." She said, even quieter than the last. "Please?" She looked at him with pleading eyes. He looked upset. Angry even.

Finally, he sighed.

"Whatever." He said, dryly. Then he raised his chin and looked into her eyes. "In exactly one week's time, I want you to meet me at the Namsan tower at 5pm. Did you get that?"

Jan Di nodded. Her eyes were brimming with tears. She couldn't believe she was doing this.

"That's when I'll know where I stand in this relationship," he demanded. "If you don't show up, then I'll know for sure." His voice had a warning tone in it that made Jan Di swallow hard, sniffing back her tears. "You better show up," he murmured, more to himself than to her.

...

After seeing Ga Eul at the Gu's dinner party the other day, Ga Eul had insisted she come for a sleep over on the weekend. They were much in need of a girl's night, and to catch up. She agreed, only because she missed hanging out with her friend, and because she was hoping to get her mind off thinking about her relationship issues. Or maybe because she hoped she could confide in Ga Eul somehow. Maybe an answer will pop out of the woodwork and her life can continue as usual.

That Saturday she sat on Ga Eul's bed, hugging a huge stuffed animal, a huge frown plastered on her face.

"Are you ok?" Ga Eul asked, worriedly.

She nodded automatically.

Ga Eul went to sit beside her and wrapped an arm around her. She leaned her head on Jan Di's shoulder. "Are you having second thoughts about the wedding?"

Jan Di decided it was time to talk to someone. She sighed heavily. "I don't think I'm ready to get married yet, Ga Eul."

"Why is that?"

"I'm too young...no wait, I still need to finish medical school." She thought for a moment. "I can't leave mother and Kang San by themselves." She paused. "I haven't really said yes. I..."

Ga Eul turned to face her. "You know, they say if you don't want to do something, you'll find excuses. But if you really want to do something, you'll find a reason."

Jan Di thought about this for a moment. She had been thinking a lot about why she was so conflicted about marrying Jun Pyo.

She looked back at Ga Eul. "Ga Eul, how did you and Yi Jung sunbae survive your long-distance relationship?"

Ga Eul was silent for a few minutes. Then she smiled, and her eyes lit up as she spoke. "I heard somewhere that when a man loves a woman, she becomes his weakness. When a woman loves a man, he becomes her strength." She sighed dreamily as she continued. "I don't know if I am his weakness, but I know for sure he gives me strength."

Jan Di looked away from Ga Eul. Her strength...she thought about who her strength was.

One image popped up in her mind. Sunbae, her heart whispered. It was him. It had always been him, all these years. He had given her strength over and over again.

Could it be? Could she still have feelings for him? He was her first love, after all. But what about Jun Pyo? How did she feel about him? She loved him too, didn't she? She clutched at her head, dizzy and confused.

Ga Eul decided to play the movie they were supposed to watch that night. It was "A Walk to Remember", a classic. It was girls' night, after all. Jan Di was never a hopeless romantic, but she loved the movie nonetheless. After the movie ended, one scene kept playing over and over in her head. It was when Landon Carter was reading from Jamie's mother's book:

Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful.

She swallowed hard. Patient. Kind. Never jealous. Never boastful or conceited. Unselfish. Every word she heard reminded her of one person and one person alone.

Ji Hoo, her heart whispered.

Jan Di sat up straight, panting, as though she had been drowning and had just come up for air.

Ga Eul looked quizzingly at her. She stood up quickly and grabbed her coat.

"I have to go," she said to a perplexed Ga Eul. "I'll be back in a bit."

....

Jan Di ran most of the way to Ji Hoo's house, which would have been dangerous since it was winter, but for some reason, she made it there in one peace. She kept thinking about him as she ran, as if a light bulb had been switched on in her head.

You stupid, stupid girl, she scolded herself. She couldn't believe it took her this long to figure it out. She just hoped she wasn't too late.

She arrived at his house to find him sitting on the front porch playing his violin. His eyes were closed and he looked so calm she was almost sorry she had to interrupt him. He opened his eyes as she drew closer. She stopped to catch her breath. He cocked his head to the side, a baffled expression on his face.

"Jan Di?" he asked, uncertainly. Maybe he was hallucinating again?

Before Jan Di could respond (she was still gasping for air), he told her to come inside so she could have a hot cup of tea. She sat down, shaking nervously while holding her teacup, and kept stealing glances at Ji Hoo while he wrapped a fleece blanket around her shoulders.

"Everything ok?", he asked, his forehead creased with worry.

She just looked at him, noting every small detail of his face. He was so beautiful. He was wearing his glasses, and Jan Di figured he must have been studying earlier.

I think I love you, she wanted to tell him. I love your smile, the way you care about me, the feeling I get when I'm with you. How you always appear when I need you. With you, I don't have to work so hard to be happy – it just happens effortlessly. Her mind raced. But she couldn't put it into words. She was never much for expressing her feelings, much less pouring her heart out in confession.

Does he still love me? She wondered. I have to know. I need to know.

"Did something happen?" he asked, analysing her face. "Did you two fight?"

Jan Di shook her head. She had to know.

"I don't know if I should marry Jun Pyo." She said it so softly she almost couldn't believe she had spoken them.

He stared at her, shock registered on his face. She turned to face him.

"Sunbae..." she began, gathering her courage to say the words, "is there... a reason why I shouldn't marry Jun Pyo?"

Ji Hoo's mouth formed a straight line. She could tell he was thinking of what to say.

Please give me a reason, her eyes pleaded. Just one. Just give me one reason and I'll hold on to it and never let it go.

Ji Hoo put both hands on either side of her face, stroking her cheeks tenderly. It sent electric currents all over her body. She gazed at him and felt herself tremble. I love you, her heart screamed. I'm pretty sure I do. I think I always have. His face was inches away from her. She bit her lower lip for fear that she might lean forward and kiss him then and there.

It felt like forever before he answered.

"No." The word was like a knife through her heart. "Jun Pyo loves you, and will make you very happy," he continued on, while Jan Di wanted to crumple up and die. "You won't find a better man than him."

But I did, her mind protested. He's sitting in front of me right now. She turned away, unable to look at his face. Was she too