I was in the forest on a rainy day. The day Ezra had discovered I knew all about them. I was pressed to the ground, tears streaming down my face, the blurry figure over me choking me to death.

It was going to happen, and no one would stop him this time.

Then the woods melted into a dark room. Searing pain. Fangs deep in my neck. Hands pinning me down.

My magic hissed and tried to pour out. But chains held it back. Blood trickled down my neck. I screamed and cried and twisted, but I couldn't get away. My hands burned and glowed. The darkness receded to reveal a pale face, red eyes and a sickly grin.

"Orla!"

My eyes shot open. I gasped, breathing heavily past the tightness in my chest. My gaze locked with Ezra's glowing eyes, brimming with fear and concern. His face seemed lit up in the dark room.

"Orla..." he mumbled. He was holding my shoulders, leaning over me, but his eyes were focused on my hands.

They were on fire.

I shot up, holding my hands away from him. "Oh my God, what's happening?"

My hands were barely visible under twin flames swallowing them. Ezra snatched one of my hands. I choked out a cry and tugged at it.

"It won't hurt me," he said, holding my hand firmly. After he didn't jerk his hand away in pain, I stopped struggling. We both stared at the fire. It never went past my hands, and it didn't hurt Ezra. The orange glow reflected in Ezra's dark eyes.

"Um... How do I turn it off?" I asked Ezra. He smiled, and the sight set my heart at ease. The tremors of the nightmare faded.

"I have no idea." He narrowed his eyes and took my other hand. I had to fight the instinctive urge to pull my blazing hands away from him.

Ezra rubbed his thumbs against my knuckles. Butterflies erupted in my stomach, and my magic settled down, content and safe. The fire died down.

"There," he whispered.

We laid back down, the sound of our breathing the only thing that disturbed the silence of the night.

"You were screaming and trashing around," Ezra said, his arms tightening around me. "What was it?"

"Just a bad dream." I shivered and snuggled into his warmth.

"About?"

I sighed. I had felt better earlier, but apparently what had happened affected me more than I thought.

"Memories. About that day in the woods, and about yesterday," I said in a quiet voice. It felt as though speaking out loud about it would bring forth the memories.

Ezra didn't say anything, just held me as he always did. The motion of his fingers rubbing my scalp lulled me to a deep sleep. No nightmares haunted it this time.

***

"Orla?"

A touch on my cheek. I turned my face away. The touch persisted. I grumbled something unintelligible.

"Orla, baby wake up. You have training."

The words barely made sense. "Mhm... I know."

Training... Training! Vlad's words echoed in my head, and my eyes cracked open. The half-light of dawn streamed in through the window. We were asleep in his room in his parents' place, because we still hadn't bought a bed for our own cabin.

"Training will be in half an hour," Ezra mumbled against my neck. "Are you still up to it? We can leave it for another day if you're still tired."

"No," I said, blinking hard. I had to go.

Ezra's breath tickled my neck, and I was suddenly aware of his proximity and warmth. Yesterday I'd said I was ready. But I had basically passed out from exhaustion right there on the porch while we were talking. I didn't even remember how I got here.

Ezra pressed a kiss to my forehead and stood up. He was freshly showered and already dressed for the day. "Get ready. I'll make you some breakfast."

*** **** ***

"Come on, kid. Focus."

I gritted my teeth. I strained to keep my arms up, my palms open out toward two glowing white blobs the size of basketballs. I had to split each one into two.

It had barely been an hour since we started training, but I was sweating buckets already. My heavy breathing filled the woods in the quiet hours after dawn. We were in a secluded part of the woods that Hale had spelled to keep anyone from coming upon us.

The air sizzled and crackled as I tried to will the energy out of my body and into shape. At first, it was fairly easy. But the longer I held the magic out of my body, the more difficult it became.

With a grunt of effort, my hands jerked as the two balls split like water droplets. With four balls, holding it was more difficult. I had to focus on all of them at the same time.

"Okay, good." Vlad nodded as he stood there with his hands on his hips. "Keep holding."

Easy for you to say.

The tremors in my arms increased and sweat beads trickled down my temple. Ezra, standing stiffly next to Hale aside, watched everything through pale eyes.

A few times Hale had to hold him back when Vlad pushed me too far. He looked almost ready to throw me over his shoulder and take me home ever since I started struggling. Which was ten minutes after we arrived. But he held back, and I appreciated it.

I focused on my magic, tugging deeper and deeper in order to keep it stable. Vlad had said that this exercise would teach me more control over my magic and increase my stamina. It was challenging, but I pushed through.

The world span around me. My ears rang. The ground disappeared from under my feet. The next thing I knew, my back hit the ground and I was looking at the sky. Ow.

"Orla!" Ezra hovered over me a second later.

I groaned as he helped me sit up. "I'm fine."

But my entire body was shaking. I felt like I'd been carrying a boulder and I just put it down. The magic was sucked into me again, whining back in its cage. Sorry, but that's where you're going to stay for now.

I let out a weary breath. Vlad crouched in front of me, Hale standing behind him. "You okay, kid?"

I attempted a weak smile and nodded. Hale looked at me like I was a mystery. In a way, I guess I was.

"You have good control over your magic already," Vlad said.

"But I can't hold it out for long," I said.

"It's probably because of the Lock," Hale said. "Even though the magic slips away, the spell is still working in some way. That's what's holding you back from being able to keep the energy out of your body for an extended period of time."

Ezra rubbed my back and looked at Vlad. "You don't know if or when the spell would lose its effect, do you?"

"No. Only her father knows. He's the one who cast the Lock."

Vlad stood up. "Tomorrow, we'll move on to your elemental abilities. Since we already know you're a fire elemental, it's going to be easier."

I doubted that. But I just nodded. I couldn't even bring myself to speak. Vlad and Hale left, and after I caught my breath, Ezra and I went back to our campus cabin so we could get ready for school.

I kept yawning all the way there. Ezra threw me a worried look. "How about we skip today?"

I rubbed my eyes. "No. I've been skipping a lot lately. I have to go."

He sighed. The world turned for a moment as Ezra picked me up. "Sleep. I'll wake you when we get home."

I couldn't keep my eyelids open long enough to argue.

***

Another session of torture began early the next morning.

I had passed out the night before while doing my homework on the couch. I had never been so exhausted, but I sucked it up this morning and dragged my feet to the training session.

Using my elemental abilities was more difficult than using normal magic. I struggled to even produce a small flame on my palm, and holding it was another issue.

Vlad said that it was normal, and that the other time I had been able to use it easily because of the gravity of the situation.

By the end of the hour, I had barely managed to maintain a flame the size of my palm.

"I guess we'll have to rely on your magic, then," Vlad said, frowning at my results.

"I guess the spell has more of a hold on your elemental abilities compared to your magic," Hale said. "Do you feel them differently? Your normal and elemental magic, that is."

I flexed my hands and the flame died down. "Not really. It's one thing. I guess my magic just knows what kind I want?"

I gave Hale an apologetic look. I couldn't really put it into words.

"Tomorrow we'll move on to the fight training," Vlad added, and Hale grinned at Ezra.

My mate opened my water bottle and handed it to me. He scowled at Hale. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself."

Hale laughed, the twinkle of mischief in his eyes reminiscent of Hayden. "Oh, I am."

"Damn witches," Ezra grumbled.

Vlad and I shared an amused look. I guess Ezra would enjoy the fight training much less than I would.

The following morning, we reached our training spot to find Sam waiting for us with Vlad and Hale.

Sam grinned when he caught my eyes, wiggling his eyebrows. It took me a moment to realize what he was insinuating. Remembering his remarks the other day when he'd interrupted me and Ezra. Ugh. I totally forgot, but of course he didn't. Stupid Sam.

My face turned beet red. I grumbled under my breath as we walked up to them, avoiding his eyes.

Fortunately, Sam couldn't do any teasing since Vlad got right into it. "Alright, first you'll go against Sam. I would've gone against you but I wanted to observe from a distance first."

I finally realized that I was actually going to fight someone. My heart stuttered. Ezra pressed his lips to my temple before moving aside with the others, leaving Sam and I in the centre of the clearing.

"Um...What exactly do you mean by fighting Sam?" I asked, already dreading the answer.

Vlad leaned against a tree and crossed his arms. "Attack him using your magic."

Right. That was what we were here for. So why did I feel a sudden panic?

I rubbed my hands down my thighs, my eyes flickering everywhere but at Sam.

"He won't hurt you," Vlad said. "For now we'll work on your offense. We'll leave defense for later."

"Just try to direct your magic at Sam with the intent to hurt him," Hale said.

That almost stopped my heart. "But what if he got hurt?" I squeaked.

"That's kind of the point here, Little Red," Sam said, his grin cheeky. When my wide-eyed horrified look didn't disappear, he sighed. "Don't worry. I'm fast. And even if your attack lands, I'll heal in no time at all."

"And I'm here. I'll heal him if he gets badly hurt." Hale grinned at Sam. "If I'm in the mood for it."

Sam snickered. "That's reassuring."

I felt frozen. Memories of the last time I had hurt someone I cared about flashed in my head. Doubt and panic bubbled up in my chest.

It's okay. It's not the same.

I gulped down the knot in my throat. I held up a hand, palm outward. My heart hammered, but I pulled my magic forward. It felt like trying to pull a mountain. It was reluctant to come.

A dot of white flickered to life, growing until it was the size of a baseball. I fired it towards Sam. It floated in a slow, wobbly path. But it vanished not even a few feet away from me. My magic tucked itself back in.

Sam blinked at me with a raised brow.

"Again," Vlad ordered.

I did it again. But my magic faded before reaching Sam. It felt like it was quivering as it flowed through my veins.

"Again."

I set my teeth and tried. In vain. It never even reached Sam.

"Orla," Hale said after my fifth failed attempt. "Your magic can feel your reluctance to attack Sam, that's why it's reacting that way. He's going to be fine, it's not like he's going to die."

It's not like he's going to die.

...Like he's going to die.

...He's going to die.

The words were a punch to the chest. Air left my body as I stared down at my palm. Suddenly, the glowing white that enveloped it turned red. A blood red. Everything around me faded to the background.

Blood stained my palms, and I was again a little girl kneeling next to her father's bleeding body.

I blinked, and my palms were back to normal. The glowing white slowly faded as my magic retreated back deep inside my chest. Whimpering, as if feeling my turbulent emotions.

"Orla."

I looked up at the soft voice of Ezra. I hadn't even noticed him getting closer. My vision was blurry, and I realized my eyes were brimming with tears.

His arms came around me, wrapping me tightly in him. I shut my eyes, a tear sliding down my cheek. I heard the sound of hushed whispers then retreating steps. And the water works began.

This was ridiculous and unreasonable! Why couldn't I let go of that past already? I hated the hold it still had on me. I hated how weak it made me. And why in the world was I crying. Ugh.

With everything going on, I had very little time to think about my life before college. Of the guilt that I carried around with me. But it was always there, waiting for a moment of weakness to sink its claws in my heart again.

"It's okay, baby," Ezra whispered, rubbing my back.

His t-shirt dampened with tears. "What if-if I hurt someone?"

"You won't," he said in a firm tone.

"How can you be so sure?"

Ezra cupped my face so that I looked up at him. He smiled, his eyes soft.

"Because first, we're not easy to harm. We heal quickly, and other than silver, there isn't much that could really hurt us." He smiled. "I won't let you hurt anyone you care about. Because I know that would hurt you. And I can't have that, now can I?"

I sniffed, my heart swelling with warmth. His words pulled a smile to my face.

"There it is," he said, poking my dimples. He leaned down and kissed me. "Do you trust me?"

"I do," I replied without batting an eye. I probably trusted him more than I trusted myself.

"Good. I won't let what happened once in the past happen again," he said. Of course he knew the reason for my little breakdown. He always knew.

"Where are they?" I asked, looking around.

"Giving us some space," he said, his thumb tracing my bottom lip. "You want to try again?"

I really didn't. But I sucked it up and nodded.

It wouldn't be as simple as that, I knew that much. But Ezra's presence gave me some confidence. He wouldn't let me hurt anyone.

Sam, Vlad and Hale appeared again. Sam rubbed his hands together, looking excited. "Ready?"

With a deep breath, I took a second to remind myself that I was no longer that little girl. I held my hand up, willing my magic out.

Don't overthink it. Quick. Like pulling a bandaid. I pushed the magic out and into a small ball. It floated straight towards Sam.

Sam just stepped out of its path and watched it melt into thin air. He dodged it with such ease that it made me annoyed.

"Oh come on, Little Red," he said with a taunting grin. "That's all you got?"

I scowled and made sure the next one was as fast as possible. But Sam had super quick reflexes.

He stretched his arms up with a groan. Oh, you're so on, Sam.

A plan formed in my head as I watched Sam. By now he had let his guards down a little. He yawned in an exaggerated manner.

I let the magic flow. Instead of a small ball, a glowing white rope spilled from my palm, one end attached to it while the other zipped through the air straight toward Sam. The vampire's eyes widened. He dodged the rope. But I was holding onto it, and I moved it like a whip to follow Sam.

He leapt away, jumping over my attacks and ducking under with ease. He really was fast.

And he was also distracted. So even though it required focus, I strained and discreetly directed a small ball of magic towards Sam from my left hand as my right continued to manoeuvre the glowing whip.

I didn't know if it was because he was distracted by the whip, or because he didn't expect me to do something like that, but Sam didn't spot the ball heading for him until it was too late. He tried to sidestep, but the ball managed to hit him square in the arm. He flew backward upon contact, skidding to a halt before he could hit a tree.

He smiled, an excited gleam in his eyes. But the sight of his burnt arm made my stomach roil.

The short sleeve of his t-shirt was charred, and the burnt red skin made me wince. But my worry was soon quenched. He started to heal as I watched, and the skin was back to normal in five seconds.

"Come on, kid. Again," Vlad called. And I was back at it.

A deep relieved breath escaped my lungs as I focused on Sam again. Okay. I guess Sam would be fine.

Squaring my shoulders, a new burst of determination and confidence trampled on my earlier doubts. I could do this.