Niall's POV

"Niall..." I heard Zayn's voice whisper to me through my sleep. I opened my eyes but closed them again when sleep tried to pull me back into its arms. I felt Zayn's fingers brush over my cheek and forehead so I opened my eyes to look at him.

"You've been asleep for an hour and I got worried you were over worked or hurt something. Are you feeling okay?" He asked me softly. I giggled at his worrying self and stretching my body out. Zayn kissed my forehead then got out of bed. I saw he was in some sweats already and watched him as he went to get a t-shirt on. I sat up in his bed, but sat a little sideways because my one thigh was sore and my bum.

I didn't expect us to have sex at all, let alone it be the way it was. I knew he brought me here to talk and I knew now was going to be the time we talk because we got our horny teenager feelings out of the way for us to talk like adults. I didn't want to because I had a feeling about where this was heading and it wasn't going somewhere I would like it to. It had to be done though.

Zayn gave me some of his boxers and clothes to borrow, then left the room for me to get dressed. I got all his clothes on and wandered down the hall to where I found Zayn in his kitchen getting some water. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. My nose couldn't help itself but to inhale his smell. It was such a warm smell that it made me shiver.

"Can I have more of that drink?" I asked him. Zayn scoot over to the refrigerator with me still holding his back. He huffed when he needed to get some of his mixes for the drink then hunched down a little. I got the message and jumped up so I was on his back.

"My little monkey." Zayn sighed to me. I giggled and rest my head on his shoulders so he could continue to make us both that beverage he had made earlier. When he finished he carried me and the drinks into the living room. I got dropped off on the couch and he went over to his speaker on his table he had by the window. Zayn connected his phone to it and some soft R&B started playing.

"Do you mind this?" Zayn asked me as he came to sit next to me. I shook my head and drank my drink he had made. Neither of us looked at each other and I'm sure it was just because of earlier. It's messed up that we literally don't talk about everything that needs to be talked about, but we can fuck like no one's business. There's ways that we both use our bodies to communicate. For Zayn, he's an open book.

I can feel the way he wants to make me his completely. I feel the way he holds on to things that don't matter in the end. Those things are the way he touches me to make sure I'm okay or the way I look at him. I feel how he feels because he puts it all out there for the taking even if he didn't mean to. For me, I hope he doesn't see that I'm depending on his attention, but he's a smart man and I know he sees it. Our kisses always tell the most though and there's no changing that.

I looked around his flat a little to change the topic my mind was going to, but instead I started thinking about how in the hell someone could live in the same place for so long doing the same thing every single day. Even before I was in One Direction, I always had to change up the way I did things. It was either how I did my hair or the music I listened to, but I was constantly changing something. The band only pulled that out for me that I truly had no home and truly didn't give a fuck if I did or not. Ireland is my home that will always be there, but I don't want this house I have to go back to when I'm not working and responsibilities there. I like to go with things the way they come, not force myself to be restricted.

"How can you do the same thing every fucking day?" I asked Zayn. He snorted and rolled his eyes at me. I know this is the exact conversation we had in the beginning, but this time I know a little more about the man and I can tell he's even bord with his own life. He just won't admit it and that's a little sad.

"It's just an original way of living. I hope that once I'm out of school, I can be a little more successful, but I'll never need allot of money. It's just going to be for myself anyway. There's nothing wrong with the way I live though. You judge it like there is." Zayn told me with a sound in his voice like he didn't understand how I was thinking, but just took it as an insult.

"I wasn't judging it. I just think it's horrible to tie yourself down to things. If you do that it's taking away the chance that you could have something better or you could be so much more creative. You should know this, you're an artist in a way." I shot back to him. He took a long drink of his beverage so I did the same just so we could both be drunk together and not make sense together if that was where this is going.

"Some people don't need to go farther than where they are to be creative or successful. You can do anything you want from anywhere, you just need to let your mind do it for you." I shook my head and drank the rest of what was in my glass. Zayn finished his too then took both our glasses to the kitchen. I followed him and watched him make some more of his amazing concoction.

"I hate what you just said more than I hate my management team. People let themselves get tired down for security purposes. They want to know that there's something there incase the risk they take back fires. Being creative is to go outside of what makes you comfortable or you're normal so you can do different things. It's like getting a dog. People like to get dogs so they can stay in one place and have an excuse of not going anywhere else. That dog tied them down because they don't want to leave it to go on an exotic vacation. They couldn't leave town because they didn't know who would take care of the dog. People like to be tied down and I hate that." I told Zayn. He handed me my drink and looked at me like I had just grown four heads. I'm only a little buzzed and still a little tired from our earlier activities, but I know what I'm saying makes sense.

"Niall, maybe people get dogs because they just want a dog. You think that there's this calculated way of normal life outside of being a celebrity. There isn't. Things just happen the way they happen. It's a natural human thing to want to settle down or to have something to hold on to like a dog." I groaned and followed Zayn back into his living room after that comment.

"Why does everyone want to settle down and go move to the suburbs or get kids? Why is that the big goal at the end of your life? 'We bought a house and have ten snot faced kids, we're so happy.' That sounds like hell to me. On an average person's salary you wouldn't be able to take ten kids to Disneyland, therefor you're stuck at home giving the dog a bath and saying your married to someone that you probably hate by the end of the day." Zayn laughed and shook his head at me. I was ready to tell him more about how the whole settling down thing is fucking fake, but he cut me off.

"The best thing in life is to be in love. You might hate the person by the end of the day, but you obviously loved them enough to say they wanted to spend the rest of their life with you. It could be their smile that reminds you of that love. The kids, I agree with you and say there is no reward there, but I'm gay and will never have kids so don't even go there. As for marriage and a dog and a nice house, that sounds like a nice way to say, 'look what we did together and we have many years to come.' It's rewarding in a non-materialistic way." Zayn said. I looked at him wandering if he was really thinking that or if that's just what society had taught him over the years.

"Marriage is stupid. It's just a fake thing that people do to tie themselves down. It's just like the dog." I said. Zayn's brown eyes looked a mixture of hurt and like he was really wanting to see my point of view as well so he could understand. He also looked at me like he didn't know if I was real or not, but in at way that made me look stupid.

"Oh my god, you're obsessed with dogs." He finally decided to say. I laughed and we both took a minute to just drink what we had before I turned to see Zayn still looked a little hurt from my latter comment.

"There's no such thing as loving someone for the rest of your life, Zayn. Don't try to tell me otherwise. I saw my own parents fall out of love and get divorced. I know that things don't work out the way people plan them to. Marriage is to keep you in place and to give you a reason to never change things, it's not about love. Nothing is about love anymore. It's about what you're supposed to do in life and what's expected of you. If you're gay, you're already on the outside of that and open yourself for even more criticism." The bitter words left my mouth and seemed to hit Zayn in a way that made him look so vulnerable and so naive.

"Just because you saw a marriage fall apart doesn't mean good ones don't exist. You can still have everything you want in your life even if you are gay. It's even more powerful for two men or two women to stand up and say, 'I want to be with you for the rest of my life because I love you and fuck what the world thinks.' People fought for the right to be married to someone that they love even if they were the same gender. There is love behind marriage. You're views are obscured, but love is there for everyone." Zayn snapped at me. I bit my tongue because he was right about one thing. I didn't believe in marriage because of my parents. Other than that, I knew he hadn't been in the real world to see how things are from the outside looking in.

"Putting marriage aside, it's a relationship in general. You have to like someone enough to be in a relationship. You could even love them, but people don't look at someone and think of them being a nice anchor to keep around for a while. They look at them because they like them and want them in their life." Zayn pointed out to me. I finished off my drink and felt my head getting a little overcome with alcohol, but I still was okay enough to understand where this was heading.

"Relationships hold you down just as much. You can't go across the world and feel free because your tether is back home reminding you that you better call them or there will be a falling out. I don't see the point in them. It's not like if two gay guys wanted to be in a committed relationship they would be judged any less than normal, but they both needed that label so they could feel secure. That's why I don't do relationships. I didn't need to feel secure about shit because it's more exciting to take a free fall. I don't need extra judgment in my life either. With a gay relationship, I wouldn't never win." The room fell silent and Zayn's golden brown eyes looked at me in a way that hurt my heart.

"You can't be happy being alone. Louis fucking came to me and got his arse tattooed just to tell me you weren't happy being alone. There could be one good relationship for you, but you wouldn't know because you were too busy being afraid of feeling something that could end the way it did for your parents. It could hurt you and you're afraid." Zayn said softly but held a whole degree of anger in his voice. He tried to get up off the couch, but I grabbed his wrist to keep him in place and to get him to look in my eyes.

"I can't have and I don't need a boyfriend. It has nothing to do with my past or my fears or anything Louis told you. I can't have a boyfriend because I'm not able to have one in more ways than one. I don't need a boyfriend, Zayn. I don't want to fight with you about this. We needed to talk and we did. I don't want it to be this way, please understand that." I said slowly and seriously so he could see my point here. His vulnerable brown eyes looked down to where my hand was on his wrist then back up to my face.

"I need to go to the bathroom." He whispered. I let him go and watched him walk out of the room to his bathroom. I took a second to close my eyes and calm my anger then got up to go over to open a window.

I looked out over the night covered streets of Bradford and knew in a way that I had learned something from Zayn tonight. I was afraid of what I couldn't control yet didn't want to be controlled. It made no sense and made me look so twisted, but it's the way I lived. I also learned Zayn and I are too different to make adjustments for each other to fit in the puzzle of our lives.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed them actually taking things through haha What does your bedroom look like?!?!?!? Comment / Vote!
- Bri;)