I walked downstairs from my bathroom in a mood. 

I had been sleeping quite peacefully when Nick and Quackity pounced on my stomach, yelling at me to get up for our big day. I could see Clay in the background looking mildly nervous and he pulled them off of me so that I could breathe. 

Apparentally, Karl had let them inside while I was sleeping so that we could 'start the fun' early today. 

They were all eating at the counter when I walked in. Except for Clay who was preparing a small bow of cereal for Eve. 

Though the sight of Clay ruffling the short girl's hair  and sending her on her way made my heart flutter, I continued to keep up the facade of anger. 

I walked into the kitchen as my friends finished their breakfast. 

Clay turned to me, holding up the Captain Crunch cereal. "Hey, come get some cereal before we have to leave." he said. 

I shake my head, waving him down. "It's fine, we have to be there in 15 minutes, the movie starts at 9. I'll eat there."

The blonde looks skeptical, but eventually shrugs and puts the food back on its shelf. 

20 minutes later, we're at the theatre and arguing about what snacks to get. 

All of the options made my stomach churn with discomfort, and forced guilt, but I continued to participate in the discussion. 

Eventually, we decided that Nick and I would share a large popcorn while Karl and Quackity would share a large nacho and Clay got a Sprite and chip bag for himself. 

We walked into the theatre, me sitting in between Clay and Nick and Quackity sitting between Clay and Karl. 

We were about 20 minutes into the movie when Nick offered me some of the popcorn. 

"No, I'm good. It's still early and I'm not hungry." I hoped that that could be the end of it, but he pressed me to eat something. 

"Nick, I'm not hungry, please don't try and force me to eat something. Please don't. It makes me uncomfortable." I say, practically begging him at this point. 

"It makes you uncomfortable? How does me asking you to have something to eat when you didnt have breakfast make you uncomfortable? It makes no sense. You're being over dramatic, eat the goddamn popcorn." he says, watching the screen and still snacking. 

My face contorts into an expression of hurt and anger before its lost to an unreadable mask. I'd practiced this face in my mirror many times in the last month. I hadn't eaten in two weeks, but I managed to lie my way through meals and deny the growling of my stomach. 

I fought with the voice in my head as it whispered at me to purge and to binge. I had control over this. This was my choice and I would not listen to the voice. 

I wondered, though, how long it would be before I stopped listening to myself. To my morals. 

I got up from my seat, pushing through the row of people to the only place I felt I was safe. 

I was so confused. 

I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall, starting to hyperventilate. 

I felt safe in Clay's embrace and I felt safe when I was at home with my family, but the bathroom lock provided a different sense of security. 

It was secure to insure that no one would know what happened inside. I knew I was in danger of the voice and of my own hands, but I couldn't seem to realize that. As soon as the lock clicked, I went into a trance, unable to escape or call out for help. 

Because when you feel safe, you don't call out for help. 

When you feel safe you don't look for danger. 

You bask in the security. 

So I sat there, basking in the fact that my friends couldnt hear me. Happy in the sense that I was alone and didnt have to hide. Content with the fact that I could finally cry. 

Because I needed to.

I needed to cry. 

I just knew I couldnt do it around other people. 

I was lost in my head and I knew it. I couldnt get out. I wanted to hurt myself. 

I moved to to dig my nails into my forearms, but forced my hands to my sides, spreading my fingers out so I couldnt dig them into my palms. 

I moved to bite my tongue until it bled, but resorted to opening my mouth wide so I couldn't do that either, letting my cries loose to the world around me. 

Almost immediately, someone knocked on the stall door. 

"Hello?" they called, but I couldnt answer. I continued to cry and protect myself from my own actions. 

"Okay, I think you're having a panic attack. I can hear your breathing is too quick and shallow. I need you to focus on my voice and listen to my questions."

I tried to answer, send conformation, but all that came out was a broken sob. 

"Alright, can you tell me one thing you can see?"

It took a moment for me to stutter out a response, not used to talking while going through an attack like this. 

"D-do-or" I muttered. 

"Very good. Can you tell me two things you hear?" 

"Y-your v-v-vo-ice... T-tap-ing on t-the d-door." I responded, noticing that he was making white noise to distract me. 

"Awesome. Three things you feel?"

"T-toi-let, phone i-in p-p-pocket... hand in h-hair."

"You're doing great. Can you tell me your name?"

"George." I say.

"Cool. I'm Zak. I'm 16, can you tell me how old you are?" 

"15.' I say, glad he wasn't much older than me. 

"Can you come out here now? Are you feeling better?" 

"Y-yeah." I get up and walk to the stall door and open it, being met with a boy who's not much taller than I am with deep brown eyes and black, messy hair. 

His eyes were kind, and so dark that they seemed to be black. 

"Who are you here with?" Zak asked. 

"My four friends." I say, still shaken up. Zak seemed to notice this as he kept talking to me. 

"What are their names?"

"Clay, Karl, Nick, Q - Alex." I say. "Karl, Nick, and Alex are boyfriends."

"That's really cool. Are you okay going back to them?" he asked. 

I nodded hesitantly. 

"Want me to walk you back?" he asks. 

"Yeah, that'd be nice." I say. 

As we arrive at the theatre, he hands me a piece of paper with his number on it. I look at him wierdly. 

"No, no, no. I have a boyfriend. It's just in case you have another episode. I'm here for you, and I can tell you have people who care about you." Zak says, smiling kindly. 

I smile back, nodding and walking back into the theatre. 

I walk back to my seat next to my friends, Nick not noticing me, nearly done with the popcorn, but Clay looks at me with worry. 

"Where were you? I was worried." he says. 

"Bathroom." I say, looking at my hands in shame. 

He nods, somehow seeming to know what happened. 

He hands me his small chip bag. I look at him, preparing a rebuttal, but he shakes his head with a smile. 

"It's only got 45 calories in it and I've eaten half the bag. Dont worry, but it would make me really happy if you ate." he says with a calm and understanding tone. 

I smile and begin to eat, leaning my head tentatively on his shoulder for the rest of the movie. 

After the movie, it was around 1'o clock in the evening. Karl insisted that we go to the downtown shops. 

When we got there, everyone seemed to want to buy me things. 

"Guys, I'm moving in a couple days and everything's already packed up. I can't take stuff like that with me," I say when Karl tried to buy me a giant stuffed Minecraft fish. (Reference?)

"Fine, we'll just buy you small stuff." Alex concluded. 

Karl nodded frantically, throwing the fish back onto the rack and latching himself onto Nick. "Yeah, tiny things like keepsakes and souvenirs."

The three boyfriends ran off before I had time to argue. Clay sauntered ahead of me, seemingly at ease with the world like he always was. 

I muttered under my breath, finishing my argument in hushed tones so that only I could hear. 

"Not like I deserve this stuff anyway."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could've sworn I saw Clay frown. 

It was the end of the day and we were on the backyard porch of my house, watching the sunset. It was getting cold again, but we didnt care. 

Karl was sitting next to me, cornrowing my the right side of my head and I was leaning my head on Clay's shoulder again to the left. 

Nick and Quackity were making their usual banter, making us all giggle every now and then. 

This was the closure we needed, and god, did I wish it could stay this way. 

Because this way, I felt safe...

From everything.